Friends in fight songs,

It’s JUNGLE JUICE SZN.

Back in MY day, we spiked vats of Arnold Palmers with cheap-ass rum (or was it unleaded-87?) to concoct CARSON Palmers. I’m sure we could create a Caleb Soda with Evan Williams bourbon to honor our latest Hesiman winner.

But BEFORE you make that drink, we have 14 Bowl games to pick, with first prize taking home $1,500.

BOWL GAME PICKS

• Jungle Juice Bowl Pick'em >>
• In SZN Groups, the Bowls are the final week in "College Football Pick'em" competitions
• Pick deadline: 12/28 @ 5pm PT

So fire chest passes at your touch screen from 5 yards away. Or study up like your diploma depends on it.

We chose the 14 best games between Dec. 28 and Jan. 2. They include the first round of the College Football Playoff, the New Year’s Day-ish Bowls and that game where they dunk the winning coach with a keg of mayo.

Because we know what you want.

We won’t be picking any games involving Colorado. The Buffs were SNUBBED after going 1-11. But newly minted Coach Prime dropped us a tip as he simultaneously encouraged all his current players to hit the transfer portal.

Coach Prime is bringing his OWN luggage to Boulder. And in case you didn’t know, it’s Louis Vuitton.

Do you know what luggage YOUR teams are bringing to their Bowl games?

Is USC packing Gucci, or will they wrap their hampered Heisman winner in bubble wrap?

Can Notre Dame still run an L.L. Bean-level offense without their transferring quarterback and draft-prepping tight end, or are we talking Amazon Basics?

Even Utah’s leading rusher is prioritizing the Shrine Game over the Eddie Bauer of Them All.

See you at baggage claim. If you don’t see your luggage, Moxie picks are dropped off at the Oversized door.

TROMPLED TRAMBONE RECAP

The Trampled Trombone Survivor title came down to a Conference Championships pickoff.

In the six-game pickoff - @rvarealestate vs. @dsackett - the only winner our two finalists differed on was USC-Utah.

That made it simple: Whoever won that pick won the title.

@rvarealestate took USC, who would clinch a berth in the College Football Playoff with a win.

@dsackett shotgunned the Moxie and took Utah, who had already bagged a gutsy one-point win over USC earlier this year.

The winner of this stare down would bank $10K. The loser, a nothing-to-sneeze-at $3K.

@rvarealestate must have been feeling FANTASTIC when USC raced out to a 17-3 lead in the first half. Caleb Williams was looking like Virginia Tech QB #7 from NCAA Football 2001. The offense was on the verge of taking a three-score lead.

But then, Williams pulled up lame. And so did USC.

The one-man team swiftly reverted to last year’s 4-8 version. And Utah flicked the truck stick for three pummeling quarters, steamrolling USC 44-7 the rest of the way.

It was a vindicating win for @dsackett, who Survived the entire SEC-vivor SZN before finishing runner-up in a pick-off. A fitting CHAMPION.

And while I was crushed watching Caleb helplessly swarmed like an injured antelope in the savannah, your bad beat puts USC’s ahead-of-schedule loss into perspective. Condolences, my friend.

BLUE TURF RANK & BANK RECAP

Forecast 1 Standings | Forecast 2 Standings

Turns out forecasting the final Top 10 is hard.How hard was this? Our Overall winner from the first forecast put Oklahoma No. 3. The Sooners finished 6-6!

How hard? Our Overall winner from the first forecast put Oklahoma No. 3. The Sooners finished 6-6!

But @ZOD is still banking $1K after correctly ranking eight of the final 10 teams, only missing the unrankable/ineligible Kansas State and TCU. (Because they weren’t even receiving votes yet!) Ironically, both teams trashed Oklahoma in the ensuing weeks.

@ZOD nailed No. 1 Georgia and No. 2 Michigan, didn’t give up on Utah, was an early Tennessee backer and penciled in Clemson for a loss somewhere. Prettay, prettay, prettay good.

In our second forecast, which was submitted after Week 7, NOT A SINGLE ONE OF US picked all four College Football Playoff teams. We went 0-652.

Five of us tied for first, but only @ianhubbard included TCU in the Top 4. (@ianhubbard had Alabama fourth, Michigan fifth.) Only two of us in the Top 25 were frisky enough to pick the Frogs.

Conversely, no one better than 89th place picked USC to finish in the Top 4, a position they held going into the final weekend. A win there would have shaken our final leaderboard up like a snowglobe.

JUNGLE JUICE SCOUTING REPORT

• DraftKings has a running list of players who have opted out of Bowl games, either to transfer or prepare for the NFL draft. It’s over 150 players long. Not all these players factor into the games we pick, but it’s a good idea to reference a list like this.
• Spreads will bake this info into their numbers, but it’s never fun to learn about the starting quarterback who isn’t playing as you flip on the game.
• Like make sure quarterback Bo Nix is good to go (ankle) before clicking two-touchdown favorite Oregon over UNC.
• No. 16 Tulane opened as a slight favorite over No. 10 USC. Will Tulane’s motivation be stronger? They don’t have a single player on the portal/draft prep list.
• Both Georgia (vs. Ohio State) and Michigan (vs. TCU) are favored by a touchdown in the College Football Playoff.
• Clemson is favored by a touchdown over the Hendon Hooker-less Volunteers. But Tennessee coach Josh Heupel touted their latest win over VANDY as “culture building.” From doormat to foundational culture builder. Hell yeah, VANDY!
• Notre Dame is favored by two points - down two QBs and an All American tight end - over the South Carolina SOULJA BOYS. You know Bulletin Board Beamer is fired up for his Super Bowl after rolling Tennessee and Clemson.
• You KNEW Texas would be favored against whoever had to play them. It’s Washington (a 5-point dawg) in the Sark Bowl.
• My favorite game on the board: Big 12 champ Kansas State against field goal favorite Alabama. I’m sensing some Utah-Alabama 2009 Sugar Bowl vibes.

Yours in baggy khakis and bubble gum,
Merf