Friends in Madness,

The year's best sporting day is here. Live it. Cherish it. What's that? Can you cry ugly Adam Morrison tears?

YES YOU CAN. And you can also ask Commish for a hug. But let's upgrade to a group hug with Sister Jean. BE GENTLE SHE'S OLD.

 

Round 1 PICKS

• Big Bracket: Summary | Standings
• Survivor: Summary | Standings | Golden Spreadsheet
• Pick'em: Summary | Standings
• Bracket #2: Pick summary | Standings
• Bracket #3: Pick summary | Standings
• Your group picks (get in a group with friends!)

 

BRACKETS ARE LOCKED AND PUBLISHED. Know these things:

• Seeing friends' brackets: Cick any username on a standings page.
• Score updating: This will happen shortly after games conclude. If 30 seconds after a game you're like "I should have one more point!", chill for a bit, drink a Bud Light Lime, and we'll have it updated soon.
• Round 2 picking for Survivor & Pick'em: This opens Friday night and locks at Saturday's first game. It's TIGHT. Pay attention to emails and opt in to text reminders.

DEEP BREATH. You're here for some commentary and hilarious pick comments? You know Commish has some commentary. You KNOW we bring your best comments.

We're heaviest on Alabama as our Bracket champ, but the Crimson Tide was NOT the champ in our most commonly picked title game matchup. (Hint: We like a good hometown story.)

We're HEAVY on the 3-seeds in Survivor, as is the classical March Madness Survivor strategy in Round 1. But... BUT... what do those 3-seed picks REALLY tell us?

Scroll on, my friends. And enjoy the Madness.

 

PICK STATS

 

Bracket

• Alabama - the BASKETBALL team, mind you - is our most popular champion pick in the Big Bracket, in 22% of our brackets
• Houston comes in second - our champ in 17% of brackets
• The most popular title game pick? Houston over 'Bama, in 163 brackets
• That was a distant first over the flip result - Bama over Houston (122 brackets)
• We love a good hometown story (Houston hosts the Final Four)
• Other teams to get at least 100 champion picks: Kansas, Texas, UCLA, Arizona, Purdue, and Gonzaga
• Purdue was our least picked 1-seed, as they were just our 7th most picked champion
• Gonzaga (144 champion picks) was the only 3-seed to get more than 25 such picks
• LONE CHAMPION PICKS: West Virginia (9-seed), Charleston (12-seed), Kent State (13-seed), Howard (16-seed), Saint Mary's (5-seed), Michigan State (7-seed), Maryland (8-seed), Penn State (10-seed)
• That's GREAT value on St. Mary's! And Tom Izzo getting just 1 pick?
• Also, can the person who picked Howard please reply to this email? I WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
• Our most popular 12-seed pick: VCU, which got 46% of our picks vs. 5-seed St. Mary's
• Our champion distribution in Bracket #2 and Bracket #3 wasn't THAT different, but it's clear we took more chances (relatively speaking) in both, and especially in Bracket #3

Survivor

• Our clear top pick for Round 1 is Baylor (3-seed vs. UC Santa Barbara)
• Translation: We're very confident Baylor will win, but many of us don't see them making the Final Four
• In general, it was a 3-seed party. The 3-seeds were our top pick (Baylor), #2 pick (Xavier), #4 pick (Kansas State), and #6 pick (Gonzaga)
• This is classical March Madness Survivor strategy: Pick the teams that are the "safest but without a great shot at making it much further"
• No one feels THAT good about 4- or 5-seeds in the first round (and upset stats back this up), hence the flocking to 3-seeds
• This means we feel best about Gonzaga making noise as a 3-seed (322 picks, vs. 451 on Baylor), but it also says we don't have much confidence in ANY of the 3-seeds
• 322 picks is still a ton of picks! And many people went with three 3-seeds for their Round 1 picks
• Other big picks: 4-seed Tennessee (397 picks), 1-seed Purdue (366), 4-seed Virginia (271), and 5-seed Duke (247)
• The lack of faith in Purdue!!
• But every 1-seed got at least 168 picks. We also just want to survive to see another day (round)
• The least picked higher seed: Iowa (8-seed), with just 19 picks vs. 9-seed Auburn (who got 30 picks)
• Our least picked game: 8-seed Arkansas vs. 9-seed Illinois (45 total picks)
• Shout-out to TWO people picking UCSB vs. our top pick Baylor, and SIX people picking 13-seed Furman over Virginia
• Raise your hand if you forgot Virginia lost to a 16-seed only a few years ago. I SEE THOSE HANDS

Pick'em

• At least 2 of us picked the 16-seed in every region
• But it was just 2 or 3 people in each case. It's happened before!
• 16 of us like Colgate over Texas - the most of any 15-seed
• 494 of us like 12-seed VCU over 5-seed St. Mary's - the most of any 12-seed
• Every 13-seed got triple digit picks except Iona (93 picks vs. 1,058 for UConn)

 

WEEKLY AWARDS

 

Valpo Inbounds Play Moxie Award
You can't win SZN pools without a little Moxie! (And yeah, that legendary Valpo inbounds play had MOXIE.)

@Antz707 (Survivor: Iowa St, St Mary's, TCU): "Shhhh! Why does dad just stare us! Hurry Hide!"
Commish says: I have no idea what your comment means, but I DO KNOW that picking nothing higher than a 5-seed is MOXILICIOUS.

 

The Wood Award
The best weekly comment (or three), because good luck ever beating John Wooden

@lil_baby_soph (Big Bracket Champ: Crimson Tide): "Like last year, I filled out this bracket with my 10 year old cousin by picking which mascot would win. Last year she finished 2,463rd out of 2,596 entries. Having the 12 seed UAB Dragons win the whole bracket was not a winning strategy, in hindsight. This year feels different. Lot of good mascots, and good differentiation by having the Boise State Broncos and the Memphis Tigers in the Final 4. If my cousin and I win, we promise to put all the money to college funds. And by that we mean unlimited BLL's freshman year."
Commish says: WILL BUD LIGHT LIME MATCH THE CHARITY DONATION? WHO HAS A CONTACT?!

 

Bracketology Award
Can you convince us that your pick is bulletproof?

@DoTheDizzle (MM Round-by-Round Pick'em): "I heard that Grand Canyon has a big hole in their defense"
Commish says: This is so bad it's good

 

Sister Jean Swag Award
Spiciest/wildest take, because no one has as much swag as 102-year-old Sister Jean (March Madness' unofficial hypewoman).

@Pddunning (Big Bracket Champ: Jayhawks): "Aaron Rodgers flies to Kansas because he hears Bill Self is also unvaccinated. They hang out in the hot tub however Aaron gets a cough and goes to Walgreen's and tests positive. He cancels his Delta Comfort Ticket and watches the game from home. Bill Self also has Covid but he fakes that he already was tested. NCAA Final Four is a super spread event."
Commish says:  This is ridic... well, I mean... actually does Vegas offer betting lines on this? I WANT ACTION

 

 

MORE COMMENTS

@OliviaMason1 (Big Bracket Champ: Crimson Tide): "First ever March Madness Bracket!!!!"
Commish says: SAY HELLO TO OUR FUTURE CHAMPION

 

@ZachAllen4DPOY (Survivor: Tigers, Bulldogs, Musketeers): "Combined seeds of 23. 2+3=5 What can go wrong?"
Commish says: This is some college campus logic right here. I'M ON BOARD.

 

@teslatheminiaussie (Big Bracket Champ: Tigers): "I'm literally a dog. I hope you did better than me! Follow me on IG: @teslatheminiaussie"
Commish says: For those of you scoffing at this, Tesla (named after the SCIENTIST, not the car) is actually a dog and actually made these picks. Last year, Tesla finished dead last. I'm not making this up.

 

@aboedeker (Survivor: Bears, Boilermakers, Bruins): "1-2-3 (4-5), channeling my inner Lou Vega for good luck and going with one of the each top 3 seeds."
Commish says: MAMBO NO. 5 IN THE HOUSE!

 

@dgsaites (Big Bracket Champ: Bulldogs): "March madness haiku
“Flying blind with picks,
A A ROD WHY ARE YOU GONE,
GOES THE WAY OF FAVRE”
Favre is one syllable ps"
Commish says: We're trying to get away from Favre. LET US GET AWAY

 

@tmacsmitty (Big Bracket Champ: Cougars): "Momma needs a new pair of bras!"
Commish says: The fact that this is your comment and you picked the Cougars to win it all is really... something

 

@BigDaddy (MM Round-by-Round Pick'em): "@BigDaddy is fond of any and all humans with the given name, nickname, moniker, and/or other label of MOOKIE! Great pick for this brand new competition, Team SZN!!"
Commish says: Let's be honest: You almost named me Mookie didn't you?

 

@RVNoon (Big Bracket Champ: Crimson Tide): "I know it's not a golf pool but I will share some nicknames for Bryson Dechambeau:
Bryson Dechamosaurus, Bryson Deshamoo, Bryson Dechamalamadingdong, Bryson Dechammysosa, Bryson Deslambo, Bryson Dechamslam.
Please use one of these in the next funny golf emails if you wish. You have my permission. Thanks."
Commish says: How many BLLs does it take before you forget what sport you just picked to comment on?

 

@Mcheavens13 (MM Bracket #2: Longhorns): "In his post game interview after cutting down the net, Rodney Terry thanks Chris Beard for being an idiot and dating a high school volleyball coach with crazy eyes. Texas wins 63-59"
Commish says: I'd just like to use this comment as an opportunity to let everyone know that Rodney Terry's middle name is Urkel.

 

@jjjenkins (Big Bracket Champ: Crimson Tide): "Bama hasn't won a natty in football since 2020! Just imagine the heartbreak their fans are experiencing. There are full on 3-year-olds walking around who haven't witnessed an Alabama national title. They need this one."
Commish says: Bama wins a national title in basketball before another in football and Nick Saban is on the hot seat. You guys probably think I'm joking, I'm not, Nick is probably out there hoping they get upset in the first round to avoid the Crimson Tide football fanatics.

 

@tomstacy25 (Big Bracket Champ: Longhorns): "Spicy Take - MSU will be the furthest advancing team, with the rest of the BigTen NOT making it to the second weekend. #1 seed Purdue goes down in the second round, and favorite IU goes down in the first round."
Commish says: WHAT DID THE BIG TEN DO TO YOU

 

@Erikmagyar (Big Bracket Champ: Wildcats): "Filled this out with my twin 4-year olds by choosing which mascot would win a fight. Some very questionable decisions but that's what I get for letting them pick. For the record, they had the Nevada Wolfpack in the National Championship (#moxie) but had to pivot when they went down last night. Let's hope it works out!"
Commish says: What was the tiebreaker for when the twins were in disagreement over which mascot would win? Can we film a documentary? WHO WANTS TO MAKE SOME MONEY?!

 

@zachewing (Big Bracket Champ: Bulldogs): "All of these years, Gonzaga has been the favorite and fallen short every time. Now everyone forgets about a good team? Sounds like a good time for them for MARCH ZAGNESS (I'm going to lose just for that line)"
Commish says: This is what you do with the $100K you win as the NFL Survivor champ? Drop these lines? Zach. ZACH.

 

@Sportsfan90 (Big Bracket Champ: Cougars): "I’ve shown some moxie with this bracket"
Commish says: AND IT FEELS GOOD, RIGHT

 

@RobbieRuss (Big Bracket Champ: Cougars): "This should be good… I’ve watched over 200 minutes of CBB this year. Definitely prepared & expecting fantastic results."
Commish says: [Thinks] [Thinks harder] [Oh god did I watch at least 200 minutes?]

 

@Jgoz (Big Bracket Champ: Crimson Tide): "You use chalk your whole life.. why stop when it comes to March."
Commish says: So you, like, used chalk last week? What for? Also, how old are you? Also, should I be using chalk more?

 

@Salroc_ (Big Bracket Champ: Boilermakers): "Salroc's crystal globe is here. I'm going to put the 10k towards a house. GGz"
Commish says: Would you buy beachfront property in Purdue with the winnings?

 

@Clodney (Big Bracket Champ: Razorbacks): "My girl said Is this the sport that no matter who is winning, the whole game is decided by a buzzer shot at the end? Why do you watch the whole game?"
Commish says: And ummm how did you reply?????

 

@BigFurryWookiee (Survivor: Aztecs, Golden Eagles, Gaels): "West Coast! I mean except Marquette. But my wife went there, so I can blame her if I lose."
Commish says: BEWARE THE WRATH OF MRS. WOOKIEE!!!

 

@parrothead40 (Big Bracket Champ: Cougars): "“March Madness brings April sadness” ~probably the Commish"
Commish says: I take credit for Shakespeare's shit ALL THE TIME

 

@jhctr (Big Bracket Champ: Wildcats): "i love bracket"
Commish says: WHICH DO YOU LOVE MORE: BRACKET OR LAMP

 

@sabal23 (Big Bracket Champ: Cougars): "These picks may as well be a Deez Nutz joke, because they are definitely worth a laugh."
Commish says: If you win will you also run for president? CAN WE FUND THE CAMPAIGN?

 

@MONSTERXXX (MM Bracket #3: Jayhawks): "I do get tired of WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHING !!!!"
Commish says: NO YOU DON'T NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN

 

 

Yours in Hooptopia,
The Commish