Friends in fore,

There's been a devilish rumor circulating on The SZN in recent weeks.

Where it came from is anybody's guess. Gossip about what one of the world's best golfers did to the source has the tabloids in a dizzy.

The rumor? Rory "sucks at golfing the ball".

We chuckled at the rumor and showed how we felt about its veracity by making Rory our overwhelming top pick this week.

Rory has practically owned the Arnold Palmer Invitational for YEARS. The field is as weak as its ever been given LIV defections and inconsistent play from many of the top PGA Tour golfers.

Naturally, Rory came out of the gates with a 1-over round that was tied for 13th worst on Thursday.

Related: Only ONE of us picked leader Shane Lowry. If you don't know how Commish feels about Shane Lowry, read the Update email I sent a few days ago. It's a doozy.

FUN PICK STATS

These are highlights - cool/fun/interesting things I see in our pick data.

For the first time this Golf SZN, we have just ONE guy with more than 10% of our YEYPO picks.

Of course, that guy is Rory (17.5%).

Commish thinks this stat says, more than anything, that beyond picking the guy who has dominated this tournament in the past, we're looking to the sky and shrugging our shoulders as to "obvious" picks.

Cantlay has been shaky. Hovland seems to be chilling in the afterglow of his late season rampage last year. Aberg has been good but is still too green to trust. Is Cam Young actually back? Which Matty FitzTestTube will show up?

Even Rory isn't a "safe" pick. If Rory was playing better of late, he might have approached a 30% pick rate for an event that pays $4M to the champ.

And yet... Shane Lowry got just ONE pick!

In the Top 10s pool, Scheff towered over Rory.

Again, the key here is that you can reuse golfers as much as you want in the Top 10s pool.

We had a clear top 3: Scheff at 43%, Rory at 28%, and Cam Young at 21%.

With Rahm going to LIV and Rory seemingly floundering (perhaps amid deep reflections about also going to LIV?), it's more like we have a World Top 1 (Scheff) and then everyone else.

We picked all 30 available golfers in the "All 30" One-and-Done pool.

Three guys got just one pick: Henley, Denny, and SEPPY.

Naturally, Henley and SEPPY - the latter of which has been atrocious so far this Golf SZN - are both T8 after Thursday's round.

Also, I'd most definitely give all my money to the law firm of Henley Denny SEPPY.

Let's look at our weekly YEYPO skin opportunities.

• Full skin opportunities: Adam Hadwin, Adam Schenk, Adam Svensson, Brendon Todd, Brian Harman, C.T. Pan, Eric Cole, J.T. Poston, Luke List, Patrick Rodgers, Shane Lowry, Si Woo Kim, Stephan Jaeger.
• Half skin oppos: Byeong Hun An, Min Woo Lee, Rickie Fowler.

Honestly, Lowry (the first round leader) and Min Woo Lee (T8) had no business being skin picks. Lowry is always in the mix and almost won last week. Min Woo Lee has been in great form all year.

Commish bets our Lowry picker and two Lee pickers did NOT expect they'd have a skin opportunity from those picks.

COMMENT AWARDS (THEME OF THE WEEK: FAV GOLFER)

The 1-iron Moxie Award

Boldest pick (with a comment). You can't win a SZN competition without a little Moxie!

@tracesheehan (Rory McIlroy): "Rich Beem. The Beemer. Held off Tiger in his prime. Unreal."
Commish says: I know Trace picked Rory, which is not a Moxie pick. But. BUT! I did NOT see a Rich Beem comment coming this week or ANY week. Rich Beem in the comments, y'all! BEEM US UP!!

John Daly's Pants Award

The best weekly comment (or three), because John Daly's pants always win.

@Mcheavens13 (Rory and Aberg, All 30 OAD): "Gotta go Scottie Scheffler as my favorite golfer. Went on a bender in Vegas for a bachelor party / March madness trip in 2022 and lost my ass. Threw a hundo on scheff to win the masters while dying in an Uber on the way to the airport. A month later Scottie slipped on that green jacket. Didn’t bring me all the way back but definitely soothed some anxiety. Thanks you old looking young son of a bitch!"
Commish says: CUE COUNTRY MUSIC INTRO. "Went to Vegas and lost that cash / Hundo on Scottie to save my ass / While hurtin' ... in a Uber (CUE CHORUS) Green Jackeeeettttttt."

"Bryson Approves This Pick" Award

Most convincing. (There's logic, and then there's Bryson-level logic)

@AldoRaine (Jason Day): "Favorite Golfer ever has gotta be Jack Hamm - no, not the prolific Pittsburgh Steelers HoF Linebacker, but rather the creator of the greatest Driver and infomercial of all time. Check the tape - the man hit a golf ball OVER A MOUNTAIN."
Commish says: If anyone watches this video (BOOM!) and doesn't make (BLAMMAH!) Jack Hamm their favorite golfer (ABOOMYEAH!), then Commish has no words for you.

Spieth's 89-degree Lob Wedge

Wildest take (like Spieth's wild short game)

@Eannarelli (Emiliano Grillo): "The theme feels personal this week. Tommy Fleetwood, aka Fairway Jesus, aka Top Ten Tommy is my favorite golfer. I've been following Tommy since my degenerate days where a small wager was placed on him weekly at incredible odds and he would flirt with winning, but ultimately fall a few strokes short. It became a drug. It became my mission to be there when Tommy wins his first tournament on U.S soil. I will be there. I will be there financially and spiritually. I'm going to be on that green welcoming him off of it. Might even get a little peck on the cheek before his wife gets to him. I'll bring the beers, Tommy... I'll bring the beers. He's so handsome too, Jesus... Fairway Jesus. I'm out of space. "
Commish says: How much money have you lost on "Tommy to win" wagers. HOW MUCH?

MORE COMMENTS (THEME OF THE WEEK: FAV GOLFER)

@jrcondon (Ludvig Aberg): "Source 1: Rory not good at golfing the ball. Source 2: Source 1 is not a real source. I'm confused. I'm picking Ludvig."
Commish says: THE TABLOIDS ARE CIRCLING!!!

@hockey3430 (Ludvig Aberg): "You’re crazy if you’re alive and don’t pick Tiger as your favorite golfer, so I’m trying to dig deep here. Who else changed the game for me in a meaningful way? [brb] ... nope. It’s Tiger. He’s the only reason you or I tuned it. He helped us all pick up a club and try golf, then fall in love with the game (while cursing it regularly #truelove). What did you think? I was gonna pick David Duval? Vijay? Phil? GTFO. It’s Tiger, it will always be Tiger and anyone trying to say anything different is trying too hard to be aggressively unique."
Commish says: NO NOTES.

@webb19bme (Viktor Hovland): "John Daly, because it is pretty obvious that he just doesn't GAF what anyone else thinks about him or how he handles his business."
@Jts5522 (Max Homa): "Daly..I’ve lived in Arkansas my entire life. He’s actually a good dude. We all have our vices but most would be surprised at how much he gives back especially to the community. "
@Tee_Box_Tanner (Sungjae Im): "John Daly, enough said."
Commish says: NO NOTES!!!

@whiteyaustin (Cantlay and Aberg, All 30 OAD): "Tiger Woods… guy loves Perkins as much as I do!"
Commish says: Tiger Woods - Perkins. John Daly - Waffle House. This explains so much. Nay. This explains EVERYTHING.

@Jevans4 (Ludvig Aberg): "Turns out I’m still right on Rory sucking at golf balling but we are expanding the group to all Irishmen with Lowry shitting the bed last week. Fav: Bieber haired, dirt biker Rickie Fowler. Absolute killer. "
Commish says: Oh so now you're trying to turn the lone scorching rumor into an entire rumor mill encompassing all countries with "Ireland" in their name? COME BACK TO EARTH, EVANS. Also, is "Bieber haired, dirt biker Rickie Fowler. Absolute killer." a haiku? Probably not BUT IT SHOULD BE.

@Ficus (Cameron Young): "Jake Eannarelli is my favorite golfer because I’ve never seen such perfect 4 hybrids off the tee (3rd shot)"
Commish says: So... you're saying... that Jake is your Fairway Jesus? (Just, you know, rarely from the fairway?)

@mahatma19 (Christiaan Bezuidenhout): "My favorite golfer is named Kenny Pigman because his last name combines the word "pig" with the word "man" and I giggle every time I see it. (Unfortunately, he's not playing this week so I will choose the guy whose name is the sound a pig makes in Afrikaans.) "
Commish says: Someone send this to Kenny Pigman. Do you think he signs memorabilia "-The Pig Man"? @Mahatma needs a SIGNED GOLF BALL.

@Jsun13 (Rory and Spieth, All 30 OAD): "Max Homa seems like he would crush a few beers with the boys on the course but also shoot 59 at the same time. A lot of talent but also seems like a great guy all around."
Commish says: Yeah but if he's ever caught dead with a Heineken instead of a Bud Light Lime while casually sitting 10-under on his round, he's out. You hear me, @Jsun?

@Shredder_CL (Jason Day, Survivor): "Favorite Golfer is Rickie Fowler. The only way you'd know that though is if you saw me when I rock my bright orange Pumas on the course. Golf favorites are weird because it's not like you can just throw on a jersey of your favorite player and rep them everywhere you go. You end up just becoming a billboard sponsoring the same brand as the player does. "
Commish says: But if Rickie had a jersey number we all know what it would be. Right? Right.

@YikesVikes (Jordan Spieth): "Fuzzy Zoeller. With quotes like 'I'm not a great player, but I'm a damn good one' ... 'Every shot makes someone happy' ... 'The key factor in the vodka category is smoothness, and smoothness is what our vodka has, not me'. At Arnie's Place, Jordan Spieth is coming off of two straight 4th-place finishes here. But he was a bit lucky each time, as he struggled to find fairways at Bay Hill and still managed to score from spots no one else could. This year, more fairways and better scoring. He is coming off of a frustrating DQ at the Genesis Invitational and would probably like to get some revenge this week. So get your revenge and get me a win. "
Commish says: I imagine guys named Fuzzy either are the quiet types you never want to piss off OR drop hilarious soundbites every other sentence. I can't test this theory because Fuzzy Zoeller is the only Fuzzy I've ever known.

@bowser48 (Ludvig Aberg): "Hall of Fame, Betsy King! I followed her for 18 holes at a tournament in Hawaii and at the 18th, she pulled out a ball from her bag, autographed it, handed it to me. Wow, what a surprise for being a loyal follower. Woohoo!"
Commish says: Bowser, what sporting event HAVEN'T you been to? You have Super Bowl stories, LPGA stories, college football stories... you're headed to Europe this summer for some F1 aren't you?

@TSuthe88 (Jordan Spieth, 100 Tier): "Randolph Junah, guy had moxie!"
Commish says: Matt Damon's character in The Legend of Bagger Vance, y'all! Also, low key entrant into the Hall of Fame for "sports movies that are maybe not sports movies". (Have fun Googling around.)

@ContrarianDFS (Sam Burns): "Favourite golfer = Chi Chi Rodriguez. No explanation required. "
Commish says: Yeah but you have to explain your "u" in favourite.

@Oneball18hos (Matt Fitzpatrick): "Cuz he will win next week… after I picked him to win this week good grief!!"
Commish says: Matty FitzTestTubeGolfer has been so inconsistent this year (your scenario is quite possible) that he's threatening to make us give him another nickname. AND WE DON'T WANT TO DO THAT MATTY TEST TUBES.

@Jmoodz (Xander Schauffele): "As the songbird of our generation, Lil Xan, once said, 'Holy son, I was the chosen one, I'm sippin' out the grail, She don't kiss and tell'. Well our own Xan will be sippin out the grail this week."
Commish says: So you're saying Lil Xan golfs?!

@Nova_nation (Rory McIlroy, Survivor): "Miguel Ángel Jiménez. Stretching, stogies and sweet, sweet hair. "
Commish says: SZN T-SHIRT ALERT! "Stretching, stogies and sweet, sweet hair."

@Irishkelly22 (Cameron Young): "Josh Allen for President!!!! Go Bills"
Commish says: Something tells me that Josh hits big drives off the tee with varying degrees of accuracy depending on the round. Can't put my finger on exactly what tells me this.

@schm0869 (Burns and English, All 30 OAD): "I don’t have a favorite golfer, but now Eric Cole is my least favorite golfer."
Commish says: Most of the time The SZN makes friendships. Sometimes it makes enemies.

@MintBagpipe (Rory McIlroy): "My friend Jerry because he is very good."
Commish says: We want Jerry. WE WANT JERRY. WE WANT JERRY!!!

@kbanaian (Keegan Bradley, Survivor): "Last time Keegs missed a cut here was… (Oh, he’s screwed now.)"
Commish says: REVERSE JINX ATTEMPT. WELL PLAYED.

@HaveYouCheckedYourButthole (Jordan Spieth): "Al Czervik... why? "Cause we're all getting laid!!""
Commish says: Annnnd just like in Caddyshack, I think that line is a good sign to wrap things up. Roll the credits.

 

Yours in metal stick swinging,
The Commish