BFIG 2015 Season Recap: We Witnessed the Survivorpocalypse

by TheCommish

JAMEIS through the smoke

Commish is a "never say never" kind of guy, but we'll never see another survivor year like 2015.

When last year's pool lasted a full 19 weeks, and you add more than 1,000 people to the mix, what do you expect? The pool ending in Week 11?

Lol, seriously now.

(No, the pool actually ended in Week 11.) Well, then...

Week 2 will forever be remembered as The Survivorpocalypse. Six of our top seven picks lost. The Bucs, Raiders, Jags, Browns, and Dumpster Fire won IN THE SAME WEEK.

Scores of pools around the nation actually ended in Week 2.

Think about that. You get a bunch of people together with the sole goal of picking one NFL team to win its game each week, and not a single person can start with two correct picks.

I imagine our collective exasperation being similar to what Packers fans feel every time its 4th and short and the camera pans to McCarthy.

"AGAIN?!" ... "JUST ONE TIME!" ... "My god he's gonna kick, isn't he" ... "THIS ISN'T HOW FOOTBALL WORKS!!!"

After 1,897 of the 1,995 remaining people dropped out - 95 percent! - Commish was left to find a fitting descriptor. I mean, this was clearly the darkest day in NFL survival history.

Nothing was good enough, massive enough, destructive enough... until something was.

Week 2, 2015 was JaMarcus.

The one, the only, JaMarcus Russell

He may never have produced anything of value for the NFL, but bless his heart (with astronomical potential), JaMarcus gave BFIG the proper word to describe that week.

And if Week 2 was JaMarcus, than the entire 2015 season was Jameis. The Bucs and their rookie quarterback wreaked absolute, unprecedented havoc on the pool thoughout the year.

After losing by 28 to the league's worst team (Tennessee) in Week 1, knocking out 46 people, Tampa became the first team to knock out more than 1,000 people in one game when the Bucs won at New Orleans in Week 2. That would have been enough, but no. No, no, no. In Week 8, the Bucs knocked out 27% of the remaining title pool by beating Atlanta, and they wrapped things up by knocking out one of our final three title belt combatants in Week 11.

And yet, amid a season of heart-pounding survival darkness, one man rode the damn kiddie coaster for three months.

In Week 1, Flacco was picked off in the end zone to preserve Denver's 6-point win over Baltimore. This image coincided with the last drop of sweat Phil Dorjath produced for 11 weeks.

Denver's Week 1 escape

Phil did not trail in the fourth quarter all season. After Week 1, he didn't even face a potential threat in the fourth quarter.

Phil won his next 10 games by an average of 19.7 points.

Dude was Tom Brady at your second grader's dodgeball game. Just killing kids while they attempt terror-filled retorts.

(You KNOW he'd do that, by the way. Tom's a maniac.)

2,271 of us may have been scarred by BFIG 2015, but Phil Dorjath stands as proof that survivor glory and a shiny title belt is always just one unconscionable hot streak away.

Season Ending Fast Facts

  • Our unique picks record was 76-50 - the lowest winning percentage, by far, in BFIG history (60.3%).
  • The previous low, in 2013, was 66.4% - a massive difference when you're dealing with a sample size like we have.
  • Our total picks record was 2,434-2,271. Lol. History suggests a pool this size should post 4,500+ wins.
  • The Dumpster Fire made the playoffs. So... does this fact force change? Brett Favre is this pool's namesake. We give awards to people who can sell Bengals tickets. Washington is the Dumpster Fire. WE DON'T LIVE IN THE PAST, WE HONOR IT. (Related: We'll stop calling them the Dumpster Fire once they figure out a new name.)

Season Awards

The "Coach Arians' Foot" Survival Slaughter Award: Phil Dorjath

This was so far out of hand that I didn't even bother publishing margin-of-victory standings like I have in previous years. After his Week 1 close call, Phil's next 10 wins came by an average of 19.7 points. His +203 total margin of victory doesn't hold a candle to our record (Anthony Walker's 290 in 2014), but Phil's 11-game pace would have put him over 300 for the season.

The "4th Quarter New York Giants" Survival Surrender Award: The 46 people on the Bucs in Week 1

Cheering for Jameis when his team is getting smoked is most definitely not fun, but taking home a BFIG award is! The Titans (!!) destroyed the Bucs by 28 in Week 1, giving Jameis-backers the distinction of having BFIG's most below-water total. In other news, Lovie, c'mon man.

The "Johnny Manziel vs. Making Curfew" Biggest Blowout Award: Brad Foster, Dat Tran, Natalie Crosby and Tyler Perleberg

Somehow, only four people picked Arizona, at home, over the 49ers in Week 3. If that game happened in Week 16, the line would be Cardinals by 17. Fittingly, Arizona won by 40, making it the biggest survival blowout of the year.

The "Riverboat Ron" Gutsiest Win Award: Dale Lancaster

In Week 2, 1,037 people picked New Orleans to beat Tampa. One man picked the Bucs; his name is Dale Lancaster. There are only three options here: 1) Dale lives in the future; 2) Dale is Ryan Thurlow's twin, separated at birth; or 3) Dale lets it ride way longer than any of us are willing to stomach. The answer is likely No. 3, because Dale Lancaster takes mammoth risks and WINS. Never change, Dale. Never change.

The Moxie Awards roundup: Kyle Murphy & Carleigh Graves (Week 1), Dale Lancaster (Wk 2), Erin McCluskey (Wk 3), Andrew Leff (Wk 7), Suzie Smelyansky (Wk 8), Jason Miller (Wk 10)

The Moxies finished 4-2 this year. (Yawn.) The Moxies ALMOST ALWAYS finish above .500. This was our second-straight .667 winning clip after last year's 6-3 performance. Only in 2011 did we finish without a winning record (1-4).

Best Survival Team: New England Patriots

A perfect 8-0 in games picked - the best 1.000 slate in BFIG history. Ugh. I need a shower now.

Worst Survival Team: Tampa bay Jameiseers

The Bucs were downright inhumane to BFIGers this season. After looking like a complete trainwreck in Week 1, losing by 28 to the league's worst team (Tennessee) and knocking out 46 people, more than 1,000 BFIGers picked Tampa to lose at New Orleans in Week 2. We know how that went. Then, in Week 8, Jameis and Co. knocked out 27% of the remaining title poolers by beating Atlanta. The Bucs finished their fine, fine season by beating Philly in Week 11, knocking out one of our final three title belt combatants.

On The SZN, we roll like this every day. Join us and have more fun than you've ever had watching sports.

Already a member? Log in