The weekly "You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award is BFIG's oldest tradition, given to the person with the boldest pick. Commish takes an early shot at ranking Week 1's games by Moxie level.
A CSA (Commish Service Announcement) for BFIG rookies: You cannot wear the BFIG Title Belt without demonstrating a little Moxie.
That's not a rule in the way "Yo, you can't pick the Patriots every week" is a rule. If you don't follow it, however, you will end the year with laughter, memories, and Bud Light Lime hangovers... BUT NO TITLE BELT.
Given that the Moxie winner A) Must be the only person picking that team, and B) Must be going against the prevailing logic grain, you'd think the award was a death sentence, right? NAY. The Moxies are above .500 all-time at 40-37.
Moxies win. Hilariously, inexplicably, they win. Keep that in mind when you're burning the Pats in Week 1... (If you pick a big underdog in any game, well, there's another chart for beautiful people like you.)
1/5 MOXIES: YOU AND TOM BRADY EAT CHALK TOGETHER, DON'T YOU?
Games: Chiefs at Patriots (-9)
Brady and Belichick are the Anti-Moxie. The Chiefs finished 12-4 last year, with the league's fourth best point differential. In 2015, they were 11-5 with the sixth best point differential. They have the same coach and quarterback. They have a good defense and an elite special teams unit.
They're also a nine point underdog in the season opener and it doesn't feel weird.
The Patriots are BFIG's winningest team ever (48 wins), and also hold BFIG's best winning percentage.
Chalk if you must, chalk face. Just know you won't be able to chalk again till next year.
2/5 MOXIES: AT LEAST YOU RIDE THE KIDDIE COASTER
Games: Steelers (-9) at Browns, Jags at Texans (-4), Panthers (-6) at Niners, Falcons (-7) at Bears
This is a photo of Brock Osweiler shaking hands with the third-string quarterback who beat him 27-0.
The Cleveland Browns went 1-15 last year and were outscored by 188 points.
Brock Osweiler might be the starting quarterback for your 2017 Cleveland Browns.
Brownsy woes aside, no divisional matchup can be a 1/5 Moxie game. One of BFIG's primary truisms is "Avoid divisional games when possible." Weird things happen in divisional games. Just ask the Seahawks and Rams.
Commish also has a long enough memory to know the Browns have beaten the Steelers in highly picked BFIG games before.
That's mostly an empty threat, but hey, SUSPENSE AND INTRIGUE!
On a different note, either Vegas oddsmakers are sleeping on the fact that CHAD HENNE might be the Jaguars' quarterback, or Vegas oddsmakers have a far deeper appreciation than the rest of us for the tragedy of BORTLEMANIA!!!
3/5 MOXIES: WHEN STADIUM GUY ASKS YOU, "BUD LIGHT OR BUD LIGHT LIME," YOU SAY, "SURPRISE ME"
Games: Jets at Bills (-7), Colts (-3) at Rams, Saints at Vikings (-3.5), Chargers at Broncos (-3.5)
The Chargers can win any game. The Chargers can lose any game (see: Browns).
The Saints can win any game. The Saints can lose any game.
The Colts can win any game. The Colts can lose any game. Bonus: The Rams play like Super Bowl contenders a few times every solar eclipse cycle and are no longer coached by Jeff Fisher.
The Jets can... lol, no they can't. But are you REALLY picking the Bills in a divisional game they're absolutely supposed to win?
The Bills' last playoff game was the Music City Miracle. Yup. There are probably kids in BFIG this year who have no idea what that means.
4/5 MOXIES: PRETTY SURE YOU THREW DOWN $100 ON THE SUPER BOWL COIN TOSS
Games: Raiders (-1) at Titans, Ravens at Bengals (-2.5), Seahawks at Packers (-3)
As we enter year 39 of the Andy Dalton era, do we actually know anything about Andy Dalton?
Seriously, when's the last time you placed a bet on a game involving Andy Dalton?
No, the "AUBURN OR BURNT ORANGE?!?" drinking game doesn't count.
The Bengals will forever hold a special place in BFIG lore, as they were the first "Just Don't" team. As in, just don't pick a game involving them... any other game will do.
The Curse of Leon Hall was born in the first week of our first season (2009), when Hall, then a Bengals cornerback, produced just about the worst pass tip imaginable. The Bengals have been torpedoing survival dreams ever since.
These three games feature six possible playoff teams. You could make strong arguments for each team winning.
You cannot make strong arguments for "most Andy Dalton."
5/5 MOXIES: THE HERO WE DON'T DESERVE
Games: Eagles at Dumpster Fire* (-1.5), Bucs (-1.5) at Dolphins, Cardinals at Lions (-1), Giants at Cowboys (-3.5)
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? Also... COMMISH LOVES YOU!!!
*Four years ago, after receiving seven different photos of seven different heaping piles of garbage accompanying picks against Washington, the Redskins were BFIG-renamed the Washington Dumpster Fire. If you think we did this for political reasons, you haven't been here long enough. They shall be BFIG-renamed again once they A) win a playoff game, or B) get an actual new name.
If you haven't joined the NFL SZN yet, GET IN! Play in BFIG Survivor Pool and be part of this ridiculousness all season long.