Rookies - The Sunday PICKS email is arguably the best part of BFIG. Read the pick comments to understand why!

Gang of Goff Goggles Apologists,

Circa year 4 of BFIG, Commish started talking like he knew how this survivor thing goes. He'd seen the patterns. He'd crunched the numbers.

Now, in our ninth year, fresh off a 2015 season that saw 96 percent of the pool drop out in a Week 2 survivorpocalypse, and a 2016 season that saw 80 people go 17-0 (and two people start 38-0, including tiebreakers), Commish has a new approach...

WATCH FOOTBALL EAT NACHOS DRINK BUD LIGHT LIME. And let the survivor-induced craziness wash over me.

I'm honored to have you onboard. Buckle up. Tell your spouse to buckle up. Go buy a doggy buckle. Maybe buckle up the TV in protective padding. BFIG SEASON 9. ONWARD!

WEEK 1 PICKS AND FAST FACTS

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WEEK 1 AWARDS

"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award

The SZN's third most prestigious award, behind the BFIG Title Belt and the Haynesworth Hustle Award. You can't win BFIG without showing a little Moxie!

The Moxies are already 1-0 this year with the Chiefs' victory Thursday. And this, THIS, would be an incredible 2-0 start...

@JamarcusLamar (Browns): "Some might not believe in the Survival Gods, but still make their pick as if they are afraid of them. Well, I believe in the Survival Gods and the only thing that scares me is DeShone Kizer. Because the greatest trick the Browns ever pulled was convincing the world that an injury-free QB savior didn't exist."

Commish says: This is everything BFIG should be in one glorious pick comment. Survival Gods! Moxie! Browns!!!

Commish Communication Award

Quite simply, this is BFIG's best weekly comment (or two)

@amandalaurenross (Bills): "My boyfriend recently informed me about the Bills Mafia. I like these guys. I've seen their antics featured on Barstool, and I like them even more. What I'm saying is that the Bills Mafia deserves some f***ing respect. Like, the Bills are basically the east coast version of the Bengals, getting so little respect from outside their local market that its legit inexplicable. They DO it. No plastic fold out table is going to survive a Bills Mafia tailgate body slam. Going against the Jets in Game 1 is even better. There is no Jets Mafia and that fact just speaks for itself. The only Jets Mafia is the real mafia and in all honesty, the real mafia hasn't been cool since 1990 (godfather part 3). Imagine the Bills Mafia vs. the real Mafia, in a tailgate parking lot. For fairness, no guns or those pipe things that I always picture mafia guys hitting people over the head with. Who wins? THE BILLS MAFIA WINS. EVERY TIME. They will f***ing body slam Joe Mantegna and Andy Garcia INTO THE PLASTIC TABLE. And then they will crush 100 full beers on their forehead while shotgunning 100 more. It just doesn't get any better than this matchup. Honestly, I think my love affair has just begun. "

Commish says: So we're clear, Commish is organizing a massive pilgrimmage to a Bills tailgate (see below). Amanda, can you please invite the real mafia? This is a brilliant idea. Do you think they enjoy BLL? I can't wait

@dinosarducci (Bills): "Well I have to say considering there are always HUGE upsets in week 1, THIS WILL NOT BE ONE OF THEM! Although the Bills beating the Jets is almost like a 3 legged dog beating a blind dog in a race down a freshly oiled bowling lane with the bumpers up! Bills 24 Jets 12 "

Commish says: Please tell me you came up with that analogy on your own. Please do another one next week.

"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award

When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL. Can you convince anyone that your pick is the right pick? Then I bet you could sell Bengals tickets, too!

@cwledwards (Steelers): "Another year, another week one, another self-reminder that the name of the game is "Survival" not "Die Without Eating the Black and Yellow Powerbar in Your Pack Because You Thought it Might Come in Handy Later On." Per Tim Abel of STATS, LLC (Yes, I actually know someone who works as STATS and yes I asked him to look this up for me solely so I could use it in this comment), this is Hue Jackson's record against Mike Tomlin as Steelers HC: 1-7 when HC or OC; 4-12 total. I believe they call that "Having One's Number." Add in the whole "Holy talent discrepancy, Batman!" thing, and I believe I will live to die on the sword of a mediocre quarterback another day."

Commish says: Yo, does anyone know Hue Jackson? Can someone get Hue a paper bag? Hue's struggling over here. SOMEONE HELP HUE!!

Definitely Not Concussed Award

Can you teach us something new? No, there are no rules. Just teach us something. Anything. Please?

@LeviLeo (Texans): "I am going with a new strategy this year. I'm going to look at ticket prices for all the games each week. Which ever game has the lowest price that's the game I am picking AND I am picking the favorite in that game. Record doesn't matter. Home team doesn't matter. It goes against the Survival Pool rules, I know. I could buy tickets to the Jacksonville-Houston game for $29....it's no $6 like the Browns last year but still. Floyd Mayweather could buy every seat in the their stadium and have $97,905,620. left over from the McGregor fight alone. BTW that's more than the Nominal GDP of 84 countries economies. Anyway I'll probably be out week 1. Blake Bortles will probably turn into God, and Fournette will probably run for 200 yards and 3 touchdowns in his NFL career and I'll cry and make excuses and wonder why I didn't just pick an easy game, and quietly wait for the second chance pool which is the place I feel most at home anyway. "

Commish says: There's a lot of wisdom in this comment, Levi. "Blake Bortles will probably turn into God" is not part of that wisdom. Looking forward to future ticket price reports! If you make it to Week 12, you'll need to start attending each of these games.

THIS WEEK AT THE NORWOODS'

Rob and Paige have long been the First Family of BFIG Commenting. They're flag bearers for what this place is all about: Adding laughter and levity to our lives with the people we most enjoy.

So it's fitting that Paige suggested we dedicate this week's space to hurricane relief. There are a lot of people out there - I'm sure several BFIGers among them - in quite a bit of hurt right now.

You can donate to the Red Cross' relief efforts here: Hurricane Harvey and Hurricane Irma. Commish's best thoughts go out to everyone in Houston and South Florida.

MORE PICK COMMENTS

@bryanpcorrigan (Bills): "It's table-slamming SZN"

Commish says: EXCELLENT use of SZN, my man! Who wants to get a table-slamming SZN party together in Buffalo? If you think I'm kidding, you're so, so wrong. Someone here HAS to have a great tailgating spot. Let's goooooo.

@ctspaldin (Texans): "No way Texans lose at home in Houston to Blake and the two-toned Jags after Harvey. Fun fact: Blake Bortles, Tom Savage, and Tom Brady have combined for 5 Super Bowls, 4 Super Bowl MVPS, 12 Pro Bowls, and 2 NFL MVPs. Anytime you have a single game with 2 of those 3 qbs starting you are guaranteed a game for the ages. "

Commish says: My god. We need Jim Nantz. Jim is calling this game, right?

@mvessling (Falcons): "Although it's a brand-new year for my Chicago Bears and the hype around "The Three-Headed Quarterback Dragon" known as Glennon/Trubisky/Sanchez couldn't have me more excited about the future of the organization, the fact remains that they are still the Bears. Even though we have 3 legitimate franchise quarterbacks on the roster, if the Jay Cutler Era in Chicago taught us anything, it's that even the most elite quarterbacks cannot carry an entire team to greatness. Frankly I think the Bears are doomed. The Falcons are coming off the most embarrassing Super Bowl choke of all time and they're going to be looking for blood this year. Things could get ugly, fast. My prediction: Falcons 78 - Bears 6 (Victor Cruz rec. TD with a Roberto Aguayo missed Extra Point) "

Commish says: I have no idea where to start. Actually, yes, I do: @mvessling, the last person on Earth who still believes in the Sanchize. You are a good man.

@James_hunter (Falcons): "I've been pretty hungover before throughout my life. Countless times. One might say that I have extensive experience on the topic. You know what it's like, everything hurts, the slightest annoyances are world shattering, and things just go sideways for no apparent reason. Despite all this, no degree of hangover, not even a "Super Bowl Hangover" could cause the Falcons to lose to the Bears. The same Falcons team from the very end of the Super Bowl could show up to play, and they would STILL beat the Bears 35-10. Sure the Bears o-line is pretty good, and Jordan Howard is a more than capable running back, but at some point John Fox is going to realize they're down by more than 3 scores and they need to actually throw the ball. And when that happens the ball will be thrown by at least one, maybe all 3, of the following people; Mike Glennon, the man who is so bad that Tampa was able to draft Captain Crablegs. Mitch Trubisky, the rookie who will probably be the starter by week 4. And Sir Butt-Fumble himself, the Sanchize. QED"

Commish says: James, have you met @mvessling?

@Jimbo (Bills): "I have witnessed Sam Darnold play football live on eight occasions. His team won all eight. During those games he threw 22 touchdowns, rushed for 2 more, and threw only 8 picks. I saw him in person absolutely dismantle four different PAC 12 teams by 20 points or more and Notre Dame by 18. In the lowest scoring game of his career, he beat eventual PAC 12 South Champ Colorado 21-17 and he threw for 358 yards, and all three of his team's touchdowns for an adjusted QB rating of 87.2. That was against a team that ranked 7 in the nation in the final Football Outsiders' Defensive FEI ratings. I also saw him basically turn into Football Jordan against Penn State at the Rose Bowl, completing his final 10 straight passes for two TDs and a game winning field goal. His grandpa was a Marlboro Man. Also his name was Dick Hammer. ...What I'm saying is, if the Jets saw what I saw, then they are going to lose every game they can for this dude. EVERY GAME. We're flying FIRST CLASS on Suck For Sam Airlines! Matt "2013" Forte and Billal "Career High 4 TDs and 176 carries" Powell are going to be our flight attendants and Captain Todd "Somehow Worse than Rex" Bowles will be handling things up front with copilot Josh "Better fit than Kaepernick, but also 18-42 as a starter" McCown. They are the Football Sixers."

Commish says: His GREAT grandpa was Abraham Lincoln. And his GREAT GREAT grandpa was Brett Favre. It all makes sense! Suck for Sam!!

@Sleuth (Falcons): "Rule #1 - Always pick a road team. Or was it never pick a road team? I can't ever remember. I should probably look into this before I lock in my pick. But I should also probably know that a squirt of lemon juice in a regular Bud Light will not taste the same as an actual BLL. Lemon, lime, they're both citrus, right? Well maybe, but they definitely don't taste the same in your beer. Although despite how wrong it tasted, it was still markedly better than this Oatmeal IPA I had the other night. I'm pretty sure that Oatmeal IPA was just a normal IPA that someone swished around with a dirty sock. It's been a long time since I've had a beer that I didn't want to finish, but this one was horrible. It's time to restock the beer fridge with good brews and finish watching the Super Bowl from last year. I never did get to see the end, but I know the Falcons won. They were up 28-3, right? Super Bowl champs won't let me down in week 1. Let's go Dirty Birds!"

Commish says: That's f***ing right, @Sleuth! Any person worth a damn NEVER supplants BLL with BL+L(emon). Never.

@lrjohnson1013 (Bills): "Every year. Every god damn year. I was 8 years old the last time the Bills made the playoffs, but as a native of upstate New York I'm required by birth (and CBS viewership rules) to be a Bills fan. I don't have the stats to prove it, but I guarantee no one sits in the last spot of the "in the hunt" graphic on TV just to finish 7-9 more than the god damn Bills. Whatever. The division sucks this year, Richie Incognito is still the scariest dude in the league, and Bills Mafia smashes LBL limes (that's Labbatt Blue Light for the non-Canada adjacent). CIRCLE THE WAGONS!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Commish says: LBL!!! OK, seriously, who is organizing the Bills tailgate party? And who's making the BLL <3 LBL signs?!?

@ryankempsoos (Rams): "FACT - This is my 3rd year of the BFIG... FACT - I have been eliminated in the 2nd week of every year i have played... FACT - Most people would take this to mean i have horrible picks and or luck and I should cut my losses, go take a deep look into the mirror and and start contributing this 25 (or so) dollars a year into my 401k so i can retire at a healthy age and stop gambling away what equates to 1.5 snickers bars a month worth of money every September... FACT - I take my yearly 2nd week eliminations to mean that I can never be eliminated in week one no matter how stupid the pick.... FACT- this is a glass half full outlook from someone who is clearly a slow learner... FOOTBALL FACT- Jared Goff has spent this off-season training in the bowels of Mt.Olympus, he has drank the nectar of the gods, fortified is throwing arm with fire forged steel and purified his body with sage (its a fact...look it up) ... 2nd FOOTBALL FACT- the Rams will win... BONUS FACT- a Tarantula spider can survive more than 2 years without food.... "

Commish says: FACT: You have a Bud Light Lime deck chair. FOOTBALL FACT: A team never loses when its fans are sitting in BLL deck chairs. QUESTION: Why the f*** do you stop sitting in your BLL chair in Week 2?!

@amvic24 (Steelers): "There's a book I've always wanted to write called "101 ways to say: "I gotta go #2." Basically, if you put the words "i gotta go" in-front of any of the books entries, then you've officially announced your intentions to anyone within earshot. The book will be split into different chapters based on the appropriate #2-related entendre category, with the relevant one for this diatribe being Sports. Some of the sports related examples include: "Split the Uprights," "Crush a 2-Bagger," & "Butt Fumble." Pretty heady stuff I know, especially for a first time email. But I think my favorite one is "Lead the Browns to the Super Bowl." I'll take the Steelers."

Commish says: OH HE DID IT. HE DID IT!!

@Sfrantz (Bills): "I'm picking the Bills over the Jets because I've always wanted to take a dump in a Jersey Mike's Sub Shop, and feel like this is the next best thing."

Commish says: If you win the BFIG Title Belt this year, can you please make #1 happen? You'll have the bail money for it now.

@ktenney12 (Steelers): "Commish, I know one of your tried and true rules is that no one wins BFIG without a little moxie,but who needs moxie when you have the Browns. This is a franchise that aspires to mediocrity. They're as likely to make the playoffs, as Kendall Jenner and Pepsi are to end racism. Since they returned to the league in '99 what would you say is there greatest achievement, a Kelly Holcomb/Butch Davis led playoff appearance? That time Derek Anderson looked liked he might be above average? Peyton Hillis being chosen for the cover of Madden? The best player they've had over the last 15 years is Joe Thomas, an offensive lineman, who've Browns fans have had the pleasure to watch pancake pass rushers while his 4 counterparts protect the QB with all the efficiency of a Trump border wall. Things are maybe even bleaker on the other side of the ball. Commish, last year their safeties combined for just 2 more interceptions than you and me. Tony Jefferson of the Cardinals had 13 tackles for a loss last season from the safety position. While the Browns safeties managed to again combine for just 2 the entire year. However, all hope may not yet be lost Browns fans. It probably is, and if you're hopeful of a winning year please contact the Commish for my email as I would love to discuss with you the great deal I can get you on beachfront property in Iowa. But if there is any reason for optimism it should probably come from their front office embracing a specific analytical based strategy, that's somewhat outside the box, that they hope will eventually pay dividend. It's included things such as acquiring Brock Osweiler in a trade in order to pick up extra draft picks, then letting him and his millions walk, so as not to let rookies think that they too can one day be overpaid on the basis of a random performance on national TV. My question though, why not take the strategy even further outside the box? I've combed the NFL rule book and have found no rule whatsoever that demands that players be human. Why not a front 7 that's a mixture of gorillas and bears? I doubt even the Dallas line is blocking that pass rush. If they really want to embrace the dawg pound I suspect a pit bull at running back would go over great. Perhaps he could ride on the back of his new fullback a horse with even more personality than Mr. Ed. There's no way a chimpanzee wouldn't make a better QB than Johnny Football? Can we get a change.org petition going to make this happen? As it would certainly be one league that Brett Favre wouldn't survive. "

Commish says: BEACHFRONT PROPERTY IN IOWA!!!

@georgiatrakinat (Steelers): "In case you forgot from last year....Bryan Harris still killed Harambe."

Commish says: Bryan pleaded his innocence last year, Georgia. His dad defended him, and maybe blamed Peyton Manning in the process. Has new evidence been entered? LET'S HEAR THE NEW EVIDENCE!

@bharris315 (Texans): "Uh hey JJ, can you please remind BFIG that I've been wrongly accused of killing Harambe. A % of this season's winnings will go to The Gorilla Organization is his honor: http://www.gorillas.org/"

Commish says: You have to state the %, Bryan. STATE IT. Georgia and everyone on Team Bryan-Killed-Harambe: We need some GOOD evidence. And soon.

@Dsiewko (Steelers): "Sadly I don't trust the suck-ass Bills to even beat the suck-balls last-place-0-16-likely JETS!"

Commish says: First, excellent use of the hyphen. Second, is there a category below suck-balls? Feels like there should be. Can you report back next week?

@Pulpsnotbad (Bills): "Josh McCown is 2-20 over the last 3 seasons. Yikes..."

Commish says: Yeah but steady veteran presence duh

@CurtainwallEinstein (Falcons): "Chicago: Home of the spaceship monstrosity that once was Soldier Field. In the All Time NFL Ginger Quarterback Power Rankings, Glennon squeezes just between Andy Dalton and Brandon Weeden. Since that ranking is still almost certainly better than Smokin' Jay Cutler, I hesitate to make this pick and will probably reneg before the week is up. On the other hand, Chicago seems to be a trashcan fire on the verge of blossoming into a full-on dumpster fire every year. Atlanta wins on the road. "

Commish says: Next week, can you please unveil the full All-Time Ginger Quarterback Power Rankings, please? Only two twists: Jay Cutler and Mike Singletary must both be on the list. (Just go with it, OK?)

@chadlalonde (Bills): "I'm not going to lie to the masses..this pick was made on a PED..I drank around 15-18 BLL losing all hope and consciousness around drink 12..whether it was the patriots losing or the sweet nectar of that always satisfying BLL we stand here at week 1..so I'm going balls deep, and taking the bills in the Rex Ryan special..hopefully Rex Ryan meets me at the Venetian sportsbook Sunday, maps out a game plan for the bills vs the jets and still has time to partake in a spur of the moment barfight with myself and other BFIG members. That said, BILLS #lockit"

Commish says: If Rex meets you, text me, then promptly distract him with various delicacies for a few hours. I'M FLYING IN!

@Chris_Hebert (Steelers): "The Cleveland Browns are 1-18 in season openers since 1999. The 1 win came in 2004 against the Ravens. The 2016 Cleveland Browns went 1-15, with their sole win at home against the Chargers, who had a chance to tie the game with a 44 yard field goal that missed as time expired. Prior to that win, the Browns were on a 17 game losing streak. At the time of my writing this, the Browns just announced DeShone Kizer as their week 1 starting quarterback. So he will be starting his first NFL game with a historically bad team (especially in season opener's) and somehow I am still nervous about this pick. I can't stand another early exit to the BFIG (out before week 5 last two years). I need BFIG to last longer than my optimism about the Bears playoff chances... UGH"

Commish says: I thought this was going in a totally different direction... but then I remembered this is Week 1. Also known as the "Survivor Week of Irrational-Butt-Actually-Maybe-Rational Terror"

@Frenchie16 (Bills): "It's time to stock up on Bud Light Lime! Moved over the summer to Florida and found BLL right next to TAB. Now my 2 favorite drinks are on the same aisle! Had to buy a couple cases of BLL to replace the Miller High Life that my daughter's boy friend left me when he headed back to school. What the heck! Well it is free beer so I going to drink it anyway. Need to see if they have some Busch Light next time so I can think back to my college days! $1.50 a six pack back then. Man am I old. But so is Tom Brady. What is he, like 50 something! Anyway. New strategy this year. Going to ride whom ever plays the big Green machine (Jets) to victory. Unless they play the Browns, I figure to make it to at least week 10. $50,000 can buy 2,707 cases of BLL or pay for 2 years of college for my daughter. Damn! Could also buy 2018 dozen of Pro V1 knock offs. Getting a headache now. Too much pressure."

Commish says: Why are Pro V1 knock-offs so damn expensive?! They're knock-offs! BLL is CLEARLY the better value.

@douglaseweldermil (Steelers): "Breaking all rules (division game on the road) but in the end, if last year taught me anything, it's much safer betting against crappiness then it is betting on greatness. Here's to riding Brownsiness to week 2. "

Commish says: Except when it's... wait for it... BROWNSY BROWNS GREATNESS!! That's a whole level of greatness the rest of us have never known.

@esducey (Rams): "Because my grandfather always said "When you get a chance bet against Scott Tolzien."Which is weird because he passed away in 1990. "

Commish says: Crazy. Didn't FDR also say the same thing?

@GTdaLEGEND (Rams): "A few weeks ago I saw the Crown Jewels on display at the Tower of London. This incredible array includes a jeweled crown, which features a ruby worn by Henry V in the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. Suffice it to say Jared Goff's helmet from Sept. 10, 2017, will not have the same historic significance in about 600 years. Rams over Colts."

Commish says: I mean, how do you know, Grant? Anything is possible, man. Goff unveils throwing mechanics the world has never seen en route to 600 yards passing, 7 TDs, AND a chucked football + wind resistance discovery that leads to solving global warming. Why didn't you consider this, Grant? Why?

@PlumdogMillionaire24 (Falcons): "MAN this is rough - a semi-concussed Tyrod vs. the Jets mess, which swept them last year? Break the cardinal rule and take Steelers @ CLE?! A struggling Cam vs. Hoyer the Destroyer (of my BFIG dreams)? Nah, I think it has to be Matty Ice Ice Baby over Glennon. Oh man now that's stuck in my head... Alright now STOP Make your picks and LISTEN BFIG is back with a brand new SEASON Matty Ice grabs ahold of me tightly Then he throws like a harpoon daily and nightly Will the Bears lose? Yo, I hope so Turn on the Ice, and he'll Throw To Julio burnin the end zone like a candle Freeman makin' Glennon look like a chump, it's a scandal"

Commish says: More! More! BTW, does anyone know Vanilla Ice? Seriously. Someone has to know him. GET HIM IN THE POOL!!!

@mcieslak2389 (Bills): "As a diehard Bills fan this is an extremely difficult pick to make. I truly believe it is the smart pick, but the level of depression that would ensue following a Bills loss is unfathomable. On a scale of the 25 Bud Light Limes to two handles of Jameson, it wouldn’t even register in terms of drinking this one away. Here's to my liver!"

Commish says: Hey, is anyone here friends with @mcieslak? Can we make sure he's got proper emotional support during this one? Like, bring at least twice as many BLLs.

@mikehenderson55 (Texans): "Oh the trials and tribulations of week 1, Divisional games, uncertainties, the unknown, and general ignorance. Here I am thinking this will be the first Rams game in Los Angeles and the place will be rocking against an (Andrew) Luck-less Colts, cue the thumbs down and fart noises, I'm a year late on that one. The Jets stink, but hell they always find a way to beat Bills Mafia at least once. Do I dare take a road Steelers team against the 2017-18 cinderella Browns team, yes you heard it hear first Commish the Browns will make the playoffs this season and like the Kizer chiefs "I Predict a (non Lebron James Invoked) Riot" in believe-land this year, but more on that in another week. I was thinking about riding the Hard Knocks wave and going with the Bucs, but I'm sure i already ruined my fantasy team by doing that one. So week 1 I put my faith in the Houston Texans in a divisional game (Fart Noises) against what will most likely be the Henne led Jags. No I am not asking a natural disaster to propel the Texans to a a Super Bowl victory like the Saints did with Hurricane Katrina, but a week 1 victory would be nice. Also to quote a friend of mine who just so happens to be a poor man's version of a doctor, "do you see who is on that defense???""

Commish says: Wait, a poor man's version of a doctor? What the hell is that? And why am I thinking Andy Reid is the flag-bearer for poor man's doctors??

@nedairanpour (Chargers): "They left me but I still love them and no I'm not a sucker for abuse! I would love nothing more than the universe to recognize the Chargers as a real team and not just abandon-ers of America's Finest City. I know, I know, some "loyal" fans hate our team now but I will never put down my homeys. It's not the actual players' fault they moved North. The owners? Well, the Spanos can go down with the Broncos!! BOOYAH!! (With 3 O's!) "

Commish says: One of my favorite BFIG traditions: Neda has picked the Chargers in the first game every year she's been in the pool - a run that's included games at the Cardinals, at the Chiefs, and now at the Broncos. True fandom!

@ngranuz1 (Bills): "Bills over the Jets and I have 10 (not necessarily supporting) reasons why... 1) The Bills signed Anquan Boldin this off season 2) Anquan Boldin retired 3 weeks into his Bills tenure 3) The Jets are currently 1000-1 odds to win the SB 4) The Bills are currently 200-1 odds to win the SB 5) The Bills are 5 times better than the Jets, Source: Vegas 6) Vegas has the Bills as the biggest home team favorite this Sunday. 7) Last time I used this logic, I was knocked out of BFIG. 8) Fool me once, shame on you. 9) Fool me twice, shame on my coworker who told me this was a lock. 10) I am not accountable "

Commish says: Your coworker understands what this means, right? Like, "better have had a solid conversation with you over a beer during Friday happy hour because it's possible you will never speak to them again" level shit?

@robbobobbo (Steelers): "I'm astounded at some of the week 1 picks that happen. People playing Survivor like it's a pickem - if you don't pick a crazy contrarian pick now, you'll never win it all! You need to save the Seahawks for week 15, when they play the Rams! Sure picking the Steelers this week will get you into week 2, but you can't win it all playing it safe! No, Week 1 is for conservative picks. Maybe Christian Hackeysack had some unreported arm surgery, and he's Thomas Ian Nicholas to McCown's Gary Busey. Maybe all the Charger's needed was to breathe in the LA smog - now they're metabolizing nitric oxide into nitroglycerin, unleashing explosive power on the field and also reducing the effects of hypoxemia. Maybe Alex Smith, notable Hustler fan (the movie not the magazine), has been playing the longest of cons and he'll be able to go toe to toe with Mr. Brady - or maybe Brady has been joining Eddie Lacy for all-you-can-eat lunches. Point is, in Week 1, anything can happen. Now is not the time for taking risks, but the time for seeing how the world has changed. Week 1 is for betting on the one thing that's true year after year after year - the Browns suck, now and forever."

Commish says: I read this whole thing in Morgan Freeman voice. "Now is not the time for taking risks, but the time for seeing how the world has changed." If we had a MANIFESTO award, you'd have it, man.

@rozansky86 (Bills): "A long season for my Jetsies launches with me picking against them...Green is the new Brown."

Commish says: 1. Jetsies; 2. Is survivor Jets' fans' sanity maintainer this year?; and 3. Green might be the new Brown, but the Jets will never be BROWNSY

@stursiegel (Bills): "So going against the cardinal rule of picking a divisional game, and the taking Bills nonetheless! I don't know if this is because I consumed too many BLLs over Labor Day, or because I drafted Tyrod Taylor, or because I hate the Jets so much for dumping the ghost of Mark Sanchez on my Bears (like they had a shot anyways). Bills in a nailbiter."

Commish says: You know who I bet pounds BLLs? Mark Sanchez!

@insurance (Bills): "Last year was my first survivor pool ever, what a time to be alive! Here's how my road began and ended. I picked the LA Rams to beat the SF Niners since Gurley was projected to beast out and the Niners organized crumpled faster than you can say apple crumple. Now you're probably saying "oh ya that's not a bad choice" and it wasn't a bad choice. UNTIL THEY LOST THE GAME 0-26. That's right. Couldn't score a damn point. End of the road in the main pool SO, here I am again picking 2 of the worst teams in the NFL. Bills vs Jets. ROUND 2 HERE WE GO. Can't happen again....right? "

Commish says: There's something amazing about this comment coming from someone with your username. Definitely can't happen again. NO WAY!!

@Booze_Bag_Jones (Bills): "My friend snaked the referral bonuses for our other friends so I'm starting the szn with a chip on my shoulder. Does that make them better salesmen or me a worse friend for not sealing the deal and getting them in here sooner, Commish?"

Commish says: You should probably start telling incredibly embarrassing stories about your friend, or posting videos if the videos exist. Classic SZN tactic, and it works SO WELL.

@The_Great_Corn_Julio (Bills): "I'm going to be honest: I was drinking and writing a lengthy manifesto on why the Browns were going to beat the Steelers in a NFL Survivor market correction, why BLL should be considered a craft beer and an official BFIG Sponsor (make it happen, Commish), and how Tyrod Taylor / Lesean McCoy and 51 BFIG members could beat the Jets... BUT, those crispy-cool bud light fiestas starting piling up and, before I knew it, I was drunk. They go down so smooth but they punch so hard... I could not think of a more appropriate way to start this BFIG season... Bills by 12. "

Commish says: Someone here has to work at Budweiser, right? I'm nearly certain BLL sales are up, like 200% from 2015, and SZN accounts for at least 199% of that. F*** them sponsoring us... PUT US ON THE CAN!!!

@Thecanadianhero (Steelers): "It feels good to be back! But what a shit hole of first week games we have here. Every game feels like a trap. We have division games and a bunch of heavy weights going on the road. - The Pats always seem to be a safe pick, but the Chiefs destroyed the Pats just three years ago in Foxboro. So normally I would feel good about it, but Andy Reid and friends feel 2spooky4me. - Normally I would also feel good about taking whoever is playing the Jaguars. But this Texans team is still a question mark for me. Hurricane Harvey took its toll on the area and the team will be playing with some passion. Nonetheless, I don't like emotion in my football - Im staying away. - Then there's the good ole' Browns. Sure, they're on the way up (some would say - verdict is still out though) but they're not going to beat the Steelers. Am I 100% confident? No. But the first week is about picking a sure fire winner and just making it to the next round. See you guys week 2. "

Commish says: Please tell me you always write 2spooky4me that way. Is that a Canadian thing? Or just a hero thing? BA-BAM!

@jfink100 (Steelers): "12-year old kid: The New England Patriots in Week 1, is the best survivor league pick ever. Me: I disagree, it's a very good pick, but I think The Steelers is the best survivor league pick ever. 12-year old kid: Pittsburgh Steelers suck! Me: You know something? YOU SUCK! (Continue eating my banana)"

Commish says: KID 0, JFINK 1 ... or maybe the Browns will make it KID 0, JFINK 0? ... AH, or KID 0, JFINK 0, BANANA 1

@BrownsSuperBowl2018 (Bills): "I can't recall my brilliant strategy that got me all the way to week 5 last year, so I've got that going for me. I've also met the Daila Lama. Really. Didn't use that last year but figure it makes me pretty much invulnerable this year. So I am going with Bills on theory the Jets really are going 0-16 Go Browns!"

Commish says: Picture or it doesn't count, Hugh. Also, can we get a Browns Super Bowl prediction out of you? Or are you just gonna change your username each year?

@Steigerwald (Panthers): "As I splash cold water in my face I stare in the mirror and think to myslef "Don't be an idiot buddy, just take the Steelers, survive week 1 for the first time ever, and act like you have a shot at this thing" I dry my face with my orange Cleveland Browns towel "the true terrible towel" and suddenly I feel the shame wash over my head like a Derek Anderson screen pass. Any dignity a browns fan is even allowed to claim slips right through my hands like a Braylon Edwards touchdown. I can slowly feel my integrity getting packed up in the middle of the night and shipped off to Maryland where it will enjoy the spoils of eternal glory not once but twice all while biannually bitch slapping me in the process. How can I call myself a fan when I openly root against my beloved browns. Here's how They have lost 200 games since 1999 and average more turnovers than touchdowns on a consistent basis. Management's only requirement for being a head coach is having been fired from your previous job. The continual sick feeling I get when I watch these no talent misfits come stumbling out of the tunnel like the little giants, fighting their hardest to break through the banner to no avail. The counteless times where the chain gang is forced to disconnect the links to compensate for second and 44. The insufferable picture online of all the browns quarterbacks on one jersey that looks like princess di's bridal train. The fact that every browns fan knows how Gordon Bombay felt when he first saw district 5 except for there are no ducks, just browns. It's for these reasons I can pick the steelers and finally enjoy there bandwagon fans waiving their canary hankies. To my fellow browns fans, I suggest you pardon yourself this one time and do the same. To those who picked as wisely as I already have, I will see you in week 2. "

Commish says: This WAS going to be the best Hedge of Happiness pick comment ever penned... until you changed your pick to Carolina at the last minute! You're killing me, @Steigerwald! You were almost the disgraced fan to lead all disgraced fans.

@Pharaohspicks (Falcons): "I always lose within the 1st month of the season. I'm going with the Bengals. I'm not sure who the QB for the Ravens is right now. Week 1 is always tough I was going to go against the Dolphins and Cutler but I will save that for week 2 if I am not eliminated week 1. Here is to another season of Football and gambling. I changed my pick to the Bucs. I changed again to Patriots. I changed to Falcons now."

Commish says: Raise your hand if this was you. Not NEARLY enough of you are raising your hands right now.

@kbanaian (Steelers): "I really hate picking this game. My head says yes, my brother and his tattered Mike Webster jersey say yes, Cleveland says "isn't bad enough you gave us Isaiah's hip?" And yet I hear Simmons' Boston accent "Mike Tomlin, are we sure he's good?" No, we're not. We're not at all. And yet here I am, offering to hack up a SZN furball for Pittsburgh. One way or another, I will not have to think about them for the rest of 2017. That's the best part of this pick, and it happens as soon as I press "Submit Pick!" "

Commish says: The Steelers are absolutely the "Are we sure X is good?" team. Tomlin. Roethlisberger. Any of their non-Antonio receivers. People even say it about LeVeon (it's their O line!). Noteworthy: The Browns would LOVE to be tthe "Are we sure X is good?" team.

@Kobe (Falcons): "Will probably only take a couple weeks for everyone to see that Lonzo Ball is the best QB in Los Angeles."

Commish says: You've clearly forgotten that the Chargers now play in Los Angeles. If a QB contest ever happened, Philip Rivers would be so enraged that such a spectacle was taking place, he'd just eat Lonzo straight up.

@aperdill (Bengals): "I have no idea what I'm doing here. Seriously. I haven't watched a whole football game since I was in the marching band in high school. I liked how you rolled on twitter and sure, maybe I was a little drunk at the time. So I threw down $19.99, and here I am choosing some damn tiger team to beat up on a bird team. That should do it, right? My boyfriend definitely did not go to ESPN and then tell me what to pick because he's probably worst at this than I am. I made this choice all on my own. "

Commish says: No matter what we do for the rest of history on Twitter, our tweeting was a success because of this pick comment. I see this unfolding as a glorious narrative the longer you survive @aperdill!

@ebolle (Bills): "thanks for the best entertainment a grown man can ask for. "

Commish says: *Sniffle* I do it for the people, @ebolle. I do it for the people.

@TheGM (Rams): "So in classic GM style, I'm getting cute with my god damn pick. Only Sunday will tell me how much of an idiot I am. I just want to make it to week 3!"

Commish says: WHAT ARE YOU DOING KYLE

@phowell9 (Steelers): "Well, well - Props on all of the new additons to the website. This thing is going to HUGE"

Commish says: Appreciated, @phowell! For real, though - send me suggestions, everyone. It's still just @TheGM and I running this thing. Tell us how to make it more FUNFUEGO

@Jmc951 (Falcons): "For sure pick!"

Commish says: I wanted to acknowledge the very first pick of BFIG 2017. Somehow @Jmc951 picked, like, 2 minutes after we opened picking and several days before we announced it. How many times per day do you refresh The SZN, @Jmc? HOW MANY?!?

@rhettbollinger (Bills): "The Jets might as well start Tunkel at QB. "

Commish says: Hey, Tunkel, did you hear that? THROW IN THE TOWEL FOR TUNKEL!!!

@tstrack1 (Steelers): "During the course of the offseason, I lost a fantasy league. It was a MTV The Challenge fantasy league (yes, that exists and yes, it's as awesome as you'd expect it to be). This particular league has no prize for the winner, but the loser must consume 24 BLL in 24 hours. I arose to this daunting task and came out the other side with a clear head and a BLL spirit guide to carry me to BFIG glory. Spirit guide told me the browns still blow this season. "

Commish says: I confimed that 1) This league actually exists, 2) There are 4 members, 3) All members are in BFIG, and 4) They actually punish the loser with copious BLL drinking. I'VE SEEN THE FUTURE!!! (In other news, we're getting close...)

@thegregcollier (Rams): "More like Scott LOLZien."

Commish says: Getting closer...

@Turner019 (Steelers): "Bro, I'm a new dad, covered head to toe in many bodily fluids. I needed a safe pick and this one seems to the best. "

Commish says: Annnd that'll do it for this week! Good luck, everyone!

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