Bastion of Ballers Not Ballin' Enough to Back the Browns,
Commish has never seen a set of pick comments like this week's comments. It was like you all stared at the slate of Week 5 games, blinked a few times, stared for another minute to make sure you understood, and collectively said, "Commish, what the f*** are you doing to me here?!"
I've told you about Moxie. I've told you about majority picks. I've told you about the Hedge of Happiness. It's time for another BFIG truism: The necessity pick.
Necessity picks happen because Jets-Browns and Colts-Niners. Necessity picks happen because "who's actually good?" Necessity picks happen because 3-point favorites terrify you.
Commish searched high and low for impassioned arguments as to why Philly and Pittsburgh will win today. I looked for the stats. I looked for the conviction.
Instead, I found only necessity. Should be a wild Sunday. Let's do this thing.
WEEK 5 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
Your group pages show you picks for just that group
FAST FACTS:
- 73 percent of our title pool picks are on the Steelers and Eagles, split almost equally between them (38% vs. 35%). Those squads are the only two meaningful Vegas favorites this week.
- The Giants (7%) and Pats (5%) rounded out our top four, and while Commish doesn't have exact stats on this, I have to imagine that's by far the largest percentage of picks we've ever placed on teams no more than one game better than their opponent.
- To illustrate... Steelers (3-1) vs. Jags (2-2), Eagles (3-1) vs. Cardinals (2-2), Giants (0-4) vs. Chargers (0-4), Pats (2-2) vs. Bucs (2-1).
- Records matter more than perception... but what do you do when everyone's records are so close together? Welcome to maybe the toughest picking week in BFIG history.
- Title poolers placed 155 picks on the Giants, which, at this juncture, blows away our record for most picks on a winless team.
- 462 (60%) of the people on the Eagles had already picked Pittsburgh. That gives you a true indication of where our collective confidence sits.
- Only 68 (8%) of Steelers backers had selected the Eagles thus far.
- The Second Chance Pool also provides an awesome way to gut check title pool picks. Since Second Chancers have more teams available, their pick distro reflects more of a "I can pick any team" scenario. (And this week, it's literally any team.)
- In Second Chance, it was 40 percent Pittsburgh but only 18 percent Eagles.
- Commish isn't saying to doubt Philly (I picked them, after all). I'm just here to deliver you the facts.
- ... and the mail, and the BLL, and the terror, and the FUN.
- 1.2 percent of the Second Chance Pool picked the 0-4 Browns to beat the 2-2 Jets. 0.4 percent of the title pool did the same. And you wonder why Commish has so much love for Second Chance.
WEEK 5 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
The SZN's third most prestigious award, behind the BFIG Title Belt and the Haynesworth Hustle Award. You can't win BFIG without showing a little Moxie!
@ccbwu (49ers): "Montana is good for at least 4TDs over the Colts this week! "
Commish says: This has been a theme of late - people making absolute bombshell picks and casually throwing in a nothingburger comment like they do this shit weekly. You just picked the Niners... 1-19 in their last 20 games... quarterbacked by Brian AXEL Hoyer... on the road! ... !!!!!
Commish Communication Award
Quite simply, this is BFIG's best weekly comment (or two)
@jay (Eagles): "Very rarified air up here in the Week Five Still Alive Club (WooFSAC) I'm pretty proud! And not brave enough to go Brownsing like some will this week. I looked hard at the Raiders and my extensive medical education reminded me that Carr's broken back might break the Raiders' backs this week, even vs the Ravens. I don't like trusting Wentz with my hard-earned WoofSAC membership, but here I go."
Commish says: WooFSAC is the greatest acronym since BFIG. This is most excellent work, Jay.
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL. Can you convince anyone that your pick is the right pick? Then I bet you could sell Bengals tickets, too!
@charleshqian (Giants): "Coming into BFIG week five, I viewed it with the same level of trepidation that I did for USC football's week five - obvious tough week, no easy choices. I've struggled the past few days with who the pick should be, and initially was going to settle for Minnesota against one Mitchell Trubisky going into his first start on MNF. HOWEVER, the fates did smile upon my predicament. Less than five hours before the Thursday night game was due to kick off and our picks were locked, the Los Angeles Chargers of San Diego - already the least beloved team in the league, as evidenced by their "home" attendance - made the fatal error of waiving rookie kicker (and pride of the Asian American NFL fan community) Younghoe Koo. Not only did I roster him on my fantasy team, Younghoes Everywhere, giving up the opportunity to utilize Harrison Butker and the great team name My Kicker's Harry But(t), but I stuck with him in spite of multiple terrible fantasy performances (Greg Zuerlein was sitting right there in free agency!). I guess in my mind, I hoped that if I continued to give Younghoe a chance, the Chargers would too. Well, lo and behold, the Chargers cut bait just as he was rounding into shape. Now, the Chargers have lost yet another fan at a time they could ill afford to (I mean, not really, I'm a Falcons fan, but...whatever). But I'd like to think that they, and we all, have lost much more than that. Hopefully another team capitalizes on the Chargers' second biggest mistake since they chose to leave San Diego, but for now one silver lining is that I have never felt more clearly about who I should pick in this survivor pool. So...I have pretty much no confidence in the Giants, but if I'm going to go down in the BFIG, I want to go down because I supported Younghoe to the end. Go Big Blue!"
Commish says: It's never been so clear that a team will win. Charles, can you make a Younghoe shirt? I don't care what you put on it, just make it EMOTIONAL. I will wear it every day for a week... in complete anonymity... because no one cares about the Chargers... and no one car... EVERYONE LOVES YOUNGHOE!!!
Definitely Not Concussed Award
Can you teach us something new? No, there are no rules. Just teach us something. Anything. Please?
@Schonday (Browns, Second Chance): "Hello, my name is Chuck and I am originally from Cleveland. I was there to witness the initial coaching genius that was Coach Belichick. I was a student at the school where Coach would do his daily run. On several occasions I would drive by him as he was jogging in his hoodie, yes the hoodie pre-dates New England. He was just as focused then as he is now, although with about 1/2 the talent. In 1994, he led the Browns to the playoffs and I actually got to meet him at the Cleveland International Film Festival. He was very kind and gracious to head I politely asked for his autograph. Fast forward 6 years later and we are both in New England, places where we both got a second chance. Oh, and in that playoff season for Cleveland, you know who his only playoff win cane against? NEW ENGLAND. That is why my first 2nd chance pick is Cleveland. "
Commish says: The image of 1994 Cleveland Belichick jogging in his hoodie is priceless. I imagine he NEVER looks up when running. If you get in his way, he'll just stiffarm you in the face.
THIS WEEK AT THE NORWOODS'
Long the First Family of BFIG Commenting, Rob and Paige have never met a laughably absurd and questionably relevant analogy they didn't love.
@rnorwood (Eagles, Second Chance): "When one floats an air biscuit in an elevator or similar confined space, does etiquette demand the perpetrator to admit responsibility? Asking for a friend. Picking the Eagles because Vegas likes them, and Vegas could use some love right about now."
Commish says: But how do the Eagles feel about air biscuits? Isn't that the pertinent question here?
@crashfu14 (Rams, Second Chance): "You and I will meet again, When we're least expecting it, One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face, I won't say goodbye my friend, For you and I will meet again. - Tom Petty BTW, Seattle is 0-5 in their last five road games with the Rams."
Commish says: A MoxieBengalsPetty tribute!!!
DAVID MICK'S IRRATIONAL AND INEVITABLE MARCH TOWARD THE (SECOND CHANCE) TITLE
@mick's logic is awful. His enthusiasm is fantastic. His rationality is poor. His charisma is off the charts. David Mick is a walking paradox. David Mick will also, inevitably, be our (Second Chance) champion.
@mick (Bears, Second Chance): "I told myself I would behave this year and not just go nuts on some rant, you know since my family and some co-workers are in the pool but I just cant anymore. Seriously I'm tilting so hard right now. I just dont even understand this sometimes. I am 100% sure I am the best survivor playing person in this league and prolly the country!!! And that's just crazy because I just started last year! I even give yall absolute dfs locks some weeks (gurley last week with 7 catches 215 total yards and td). I mean come on every week mass amounts of people put there hopes into games and get bailed out in the last minute after i say yall crazy for making the pick. Look at the New England or Packers week 3 or ATL week one. then the one time I need a bailout the Falcons without there number 1 and 2 receivers cant score on fourth and goal. Man look at last season when I got knocked out. Rams up on SF by 21 with 6 minutes to go and 6 minutes later I'm out!?!?!? Its like the NFL is out to get me! Come on NFL show me some love! Even outside this league I am steadily getting crushed by the NFL. I mean how many Hail Marys to I have to watch Rodgers throw against the bears and even if he doesn't throw a hail mary to win he just goes a head and has the best game of his life... which just so happened to out do his previous best game of his life which was against the bears the last time the played.... Ugh Ugh Ugh. So anyway someone has to take down the second chance pool and this looks to be a tough week to start. Because the NFL hates me I'm going to go ahead and say screw it strategy it does no good. I'm just picking to pick and what better time to pick the BEARS than right night! Because why not! Trubisky winning the World Series because that makes just as much sense as the NFL has so far this year... Family update - I'm out... Mother in law out. Wife in and Father in law still in. Whats worse is I owe my wife and father in law a 1$ side bet and I'm expected to mail it to them. It pains me to lose this 1$. Also my wife already has a 4 game lead on me in our pickem pool."
Commish says: I thought you picking the Bears was the best silver lining in all of this... until I saw that you're literally mailing $1 to your wife and father-in-law. YOU DO YOU, MICK!
@Kelmick (Patriots): "In my first year, I have surpassed all my goals and beat @mick. Although he likes to try to “lawyer” everyone with all his talking when it comes down to getting it done, I’m the champ:)"
Commish says: "When it comes down to getting it done, I'm the champ." BOOM, @MICK! BOOM.
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@07petersonj (Titans): "This pool is by far the best thing to ever happen to me"
Commish says: *Sniffle* Me, too. Me, too.
@cglick16 (Browns): "This is getting really weird. "
Commish says: YEAH BUT YOU'RE A STAR
@James_hunter (Patriots): "I'm heavily considering getting a prescription for blood pressure medication at this point. Evidently it doesn't matter who I choose, or how much I sacrifice to the Football Gods, my games will come down to the last seconds of the 4th quarter or overtime. There's not enough BLL in the world to keep me sane watching these games, so I'm changing it up. This time I'm going with the classic Hedge of Happiness. Either I survive yet again (most likely due to a 50+ yard field goal from Gostkowski with no time left on the clock) or the Patriots fall to 2-3. Either way I'll have a good time Thursday night. P.S. There's a certain bent appeal in picking against the team that pulled me through last week."
Commish says: YES!!! THE STREAK IS ALIVE!!! (In all seriousness, people, go look at James' games: ATL-ARI-GB-TB-NE)
@TyrannosaurusFlex (Steelers): "This feels like a trap game where "the new Jags" show up and trounce the Steelers in an insane upset that makes us all question the validity of the universe. But shit....it's either this or the Eagles against Arizona which doesn't feel great either. FML here we go, don't let me down Ben!"
Commish says: The "necessity pick," in a nutshell. Also, your username.
@grahamgarland (Jets): "Grab yourself a glass of milk and get ready to wash down this hot take - I think the Jets were criminally undervalued going into the season because all anyone cares about these days are a team's fantasy players and the Jets had NONE. Are they a playoff team? God no. But they've played quite well in 3 of their 4 games this season, and it does not take too much to beat a Browns team that is so allergic to winning at home that they've only mustered two(!) wins in Cleveland in their last 17 games there. "
Commish says: I LOVE MILK THAT MILK TASTED GOOD
@Hack_Golfer (Eagles): "I really wanted to pick the Jets..."
Commish says: COOL STORY DO BETTER NEXT TIME
@ATL_Dave (Eagles): "In an attempt to win the Moxie award this week I was going to pick the winless Chargers to beat the winless Giants in a road game on the other side of the country. I know, it’s not really moxie to pick between Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, but what is moxie would be going to the local sports bar early Sunday and getting them to put that game on the big screen and then complaining “I was here first!” when no one else in the Atlanta wants to watch two teams from a combined 2,726 miles away with a combined 0-8 record pretend to play football even if the Falcons do have a bye. Sure, there might be some transplant from NYC who hated living there, but still loves the Giants, but is he going to admit it with this Giants team? (Only if he went to Ole Miss but that’s another subject all together.) And I’ve lived in ATL all my life, and I’ve never met a Chargers fan. I’m sure there is one (somewhere), but when has he ever had a reason to put on that Dan Fouts jersey he’s never worn outside the house since moving to the ATL. But in the end I decided to pick a game I not only could watch, but a game that had at least one team that has a better than 50% chance of winning, even if that team is from Philly. "
Commish says: Dave... you know it, right? Yeah, you know you made the wrong decision. Ever since picks locked, you've been thinking about that moment, in the sports bar, saying, "Yeah. Chargers-Giants. That's the one," followed by, "Yeah. Make it a double," followed by, "No, I've never met anyone as boss as me."
@Alamb (Eagles): "Last week I got super excited because my first ever pick comment was featured, so naturally I texted my mom to tell her excitedly. She responded with "is the Commish Peyton Manning?""
Commish says: ... (thinking)... (thinking)... YES, YES I AM! HI, MOM!
@c0mmodore (Eagles): "I don't like commenting on my picks, I feel like it invites bad juju. What I can comment on is the BLL thing you've got going on. Does Budweiser pay you to shill that shit or what? If not I don't get it? Must be a California thing. I'm Canadian , and up here we like beer flavoured beer. I was going to chirp you that BLL is for 16 year old girls, but I don't even think they drink it. "But Commodore it's so easy to crush like 20 of them at the tailgate" you say. Ya, so is regular bud light. Anyway Commish, hell of pool you run, so you just do you. "
Commish says: Some people think the most existential question is "What is life?" They're wrong. The most existential question is, "Does Commish actually drink BLL?"
@alexmace4 (Bears, Second Chance): "Power move by the Bears, they knew that roughly 16 people would watch this game with the Cubs playing in the NLDS the same night. The only way any self-respecting Chicago fan would tune in is to see Mitch God. Get ready for Trubisky to ride the momentum from the greatest preseason of all time, and lead the Bears to a 13-3 record. I see you sweating @commish. ps the Bears are +25000 to win the super bowl....just sayin"
Commish says: Alex, have you met @mick?
>@ajbender9 (Giants): "i can pop my finger out and in similar to odell. feel like that is fate, the giants will win by 3. also philip rivers has more children than i have friends. "
Commish says: How many times have you tweeted a video of you doing the finger thing to Odell? If it's anything less than 174, you aren't trying hard enough.
@codered707 (Eagles): "Last week I gave you my heart, but the very next day you threw it away. Give me some love commish! Get me in the shoutouts!"
Commish says: I LOVE CHRISTMAS!
@evcook (Jets): "The best part about this competition is making a pick and knowing that I'm either going to look like a genius or an absolute moron in 4 days. J-E-T-S. "
Commish says: Note: That only happens with the BEST of picks.
@kensofer (Vikings): "Really unexcited about picking the Vikings on the road in a divisional game after losing their star running back, but playing against a rookie in his first game behind a shaky O-line is what I’m banking on. I can’t believe I seriously considered picking the 0-4 Giants this week."
Commish says: Everyone on the 0-4 Giants :"I can't believe you seriously picked the Vikings this week."
@lamondin (Giants): "This is my first swing at the Moxie Award - so here's a rare comment. During my 3 years of BFIG, I've learned a few things that I've liked to share. 1) Road teams that travel cross country to not fare well* 2) Divisional games are dicey 3) The Chargers have knocked me out of both the regular and second chance pool 4) I'm picking an 0-4 team against the Chargers 5) I have no idea what I'm doing 6) I feel like I might throw up 7) Screw it I'm hitting submit. Pray for me. *Official statistics pending"
Commish says: 8) An 0-4 team is our third largest pick; 9) Commish ALWAYS appreciates Moxie attempts; 10) ELI FACE ELI FACE ELI FACE
@k10rowe (Steelers): "Alas, the only part of my Aaron Rodgers story I know to be true is that the booze hit Aaron and I at the same time, and we shared a glorious piss, a head nod, and some awkward eye contact in the La Salles men’s room. What I can imagine happed after cannot be proven without a heated discussion with the legend himself, #12. But I figure it is safe to say he pulled the hottest woman in the bar that night. If that was the case on that magical evening, and based on how smooth and attractive I was back then (not very), I am sure I was second place in her mind, and she may have even thought of me while she was back at his mom's house. All my new friends in BFIG may doubt me, but I think that Rodgers' late TD to force overtime and keep me alive is pretty clear proof that he knows what he stole from me, and now I’m at peace with all of it. This is the magic that you have brought to all of us, Commish. A chance to let our past demons become just a thing of the past. A reminder to live life to the fullest, because next week isn’t guaranteed."
Commish says: I CRIED. I CRIED SO MUCH.
@CJPILAM25 (Eagles): "So we all have seen the new addition to the commish's weekly board: DAVID MICK'S IRRATIONAL AND INEVITABLE MARCH TOWARD THE TITLE BELT Let's just start this post off with "THAT DREAM HAS BEEN CRUSHED".... Falcons over the Bills, come on Dave!!!! So Dave Mick and I have been friends for nearly 20 years, and I have never seen someone so enthused over the BFIG and DA' BEARS! His rants are real, my phone call Monday afternoon with him was uncanny..... I can only hope that his post this week will cover it better than I can even begin to explain it!! @mick's logic is awful (I am hoping his wife Kelly will begin posting for him and make up for the ungodly off the chart nonsense). His enthusiasm is fantastic (he must be the ONLY Bears fan in existence within BFIG). His rationality is poor (I agree but he was nearly spot on two weeks ago, which would have taken the pool down to nearly 400... got to give him that). His charisma is off the charts (his posts leave you questioning whether your pick was correct). David Mick is a walking paradox (the guys a lawyer for cryin' out loud, what would you expect). David Mick will also, inevitably, be our champion (better luck next year, pal)."
Commish says: I contemplated whether I should pour one out for @mick last week. Then I realized I'd need to pour out 43 BLLs to reach the proper level of ABV salute. So, instead, I walked up to a stranger on the streets of San Francisco and uttered my best run-on sentence.
@marcpezzicara (Steelers): "Imagine the AB temper tantrum if they lose to the Jags?? More imporantly, how many pumps if they win? Over under set at 4.5"
Commish says: I WANT THE OVER!!
@TheLumberjack (Steelers): "The Jaguars are my team. I remember the day like it was yesterday, the date, September 3, 1995. I was 10 years old and my dad had bought season tickets to Jacksonville's new NFL team, the Jaguars!!! Man was I excited. We got up early, drove the 45 minutes to the stadium and tailgated our asses off. I had like 4 Cokes that day.... it was EPIC! I'd watch the jaguars, lead by greats like Mark Brunell, James Stewart, Jimmy Smith and Tony Boselli, lose that game to the Houston Oilers 10-3.... Heartbreak. Since then all the Jaguars have done is get my hopes up and then let me down in amazing fashion. BORTLEMANIA IS REAL! I BELIEVE! Just not this week. So I'm picking the Steelers this week.... I hate it, but it made the most sense in my path to $50,000. Go Jags."
Commish says: I'm not sure you believe. The BORTLEMANIA!!! bandwagon is almost at full capacity. We'll be empty after his next pick six but HEY, BESIDE THE POINT. ARE YOU IN?!?!
@Mgarz013 (Jets): "Let us read from Psalm 23 for this week's pick: "The Browns are my shepherd, I have all that I need, They let me rest in green meadows, they lead me beside quiet waters, they refresh my soul. They guide me along the right paths to survival. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death [and pick the Jets], I will fear no evil, for the Browns are with me; their lack of a competent quarterback or respectable defense, they protect and comfort me.""
Commish says: We really need to start making SZN t-shirts. "THE BROWNS: They protect and comfort me."
@vxk5018 (Eagles): "At work, I typically go to the cafeteria to buy lunch everyday. Some days the food options are bangin and I don’t know what I want because there are so many good options. Other days, it completely sucks. Every looks and smells like they found it in a dumpster. This is how I feel about this week’s survivor. I’m begrudgingly down to my team the Eagles vs. Arizona or Pittsburgh vs. Jax. Frankly I don’t like either option because as an Eagles fan, I’m not a believer in my team, they have always struggled against Arizona, and they are due for a loss. Pittsburgh has played like dogshit all year and is playing a team that every odd game so far has destroyed the other team and then followed it up with a clunker the next week. What do I do? Before I tell you, I have to tell you about some crazy nonsense that I don’t deserve. ................................................................. I found myself having KC -6.5 on MNF. I’m in this pool where you pick 5 teams with the spread and if you go 5-0, you win the pot of money. So I’m 4-0 with KC. Washington literally covered +6.5 for all 60 minutes of that game until their nonsense last desperation play where they fumbled and KC recovered and returned it for 6 points with time expiring, thus covering -6.5. I now feel like I’m invisible and I have to buy a Kareem Hunt jersey because I told the football gods I would if they allowed a broken play for a TD. They answered my prayer and I won $800. .................................................................. That random story that has nothing to do anything said, I’m going Eagles because screw it, I’m on a hot streak. Let it roll."
Commish says: *Changes (Eagles) to (Browns)* THERE I FIXED IT. Get your "goin' with the risky pick" nonsense all the way out of here. HOT STREAK MOXIETOWN: POPULATION NOT YOU. (In all seriousness, that's an incredible win. I'm sure they all despite you for it.)
@aweinfield (Giants): "Week 2: Arizona (0 Wins), Week 3: Green Bay (1 Win), Week 4: Cincinnati (0 Wins).....Naturally I feel the need to pick another 0 win team. As a life long Chargers fan this is hard to do but I think I am rooting for them to lose every game at this point so here goes nothing!"
Commish says: You realize that if Trubisky looks competent today, you're picking Bears over Ravens next week, right? Good. Just want to make sure we're on the same page.
@MikeMamula (Steelers): "How crazy is it that some Oliver Twist type in London went to his first NFL game two weeks ago and walked out thinking Blake Bortles is a living GOD? Bortles shot his load in the UK so hard he had nothing left for the dumpsterfire in North Jersey. No way he wins in Shitsburgh. Side note-- in what sort of bizarro world are we living where the Jets are the best team in the greater NYC area? And the Rams are relevant again? And Keith Richards outlived Tom Petty? 2017 is a strange year indeed, need me some more BLL's to come to terms with all this. Alas, I digress. Steelers by 90"
Commish says: I may start giving out a new award - "The Alien Time Capsule Award" - for the comment most likely to make the aliens say, "Seriously, who the f*** are these people?" You won this week, Mike!
@mlyman (Steelers): "Every match up this week makes me want to vomit. I don't feel good about this at all. Roethlisberger doesn't even fall into my QIWB category (QBs I Would Bone). If you need me, I'll be hiding under something, waiting for it all to be over."
Commish says: I think QBIWB ("Q-bib") is a better acronym. Better marketability, you know?
@JFeld127 (Steelers): "I should not fear Blake Bortles. This is totally and completely irrational. Outside BFIG there is no need to sweat about the Steelers and Jaguars. But when you've made it 1/4 through the season, your mind races with every little reason as to why that doesn't make sense. And yet, I assume 40% of the league will load up on Pittsburgh against a Jacksonville team that is a 8.5-point road dog. What's not to like when we aren't even picking against the spread, right? Right? Wrong. Give it two more weeks, and I'll be throwing darts at a board while blindfolded. When it comes to the NFL, the only thing we really know is that the Chargers will not play a home game this season."
Commish says: I mean, I totally fear Blake Bortles. Like, who is Blake Bortles? WHO IS HE?
@NICKBROWNEMFERS (Eagles): "While my name boasts confidence, I've been looking at this week all year. More than half the pool is gone, and this is the week that we'll see the largest spread of picks across the games thus far. You can book it. Choas is bound to ensue. KC might be the safe pick here...but why take the (arguably) best team in football on the road against a red hot team when their schedule has many chip-ins later on? So, here I am. Taking Doug Pederson and the Eagles who can't possibly maintain this level of play over the season. Full of doubt, and already with regret, give me the Eagles. "
Commish says: I'm imagining a world where BFIG started in 1972. Half the pick letters I receive in the mail end with, "Full of doubt, and already with regret, NAME"
@Theonlymaltbie (Eagles): "From 2012 to 2015 I lived in Phoenix, AZ. Yes, it was hot as fu**, yes, spring training is as dope as you think it would be, yes, it is a "dry heat," yes, they have giant cacti everywhere, yes, that is the plural form of cactus, yes, it was too damn hot and I moved back to the Bay Area. Anyways, I went to a few Cardinals games while I lived there (mostly when they were playing the 49ers as I'm a Bay Area sports fan, R.I.P. Harbaugh era 49ers) and let me tell you what...the collection of douchebaggery that is on display on Sunday's in Arizona is next level. In short, their fans really suck and I mean, they realllllyyyyy fu**ing suck. I'm not talking like "hey, I just took a shower and now I have to poop" level suck, I'm talking like 2017 Chicago Bulls level suck or Jim Tomsula in a bikini level suck. For example, at one of the games a friend's sober girlfriend got sucker punched in the back of the head by a dude. Said dude was subsequently arrested, but jesus what kind of a sh** bag does that? Because of this, and the fact that David Johnson is sinking a couple of my fantasy teams, I'm going fulll Phil Hellmuth level tilt against the Cards for the rest of this season. Go Eagles. P.S. Have you banned @jjhauser11 yet? Dude is probably a Cardinals fan as well. Ammmiiiiright or ammmiiiiright? "
Commish says: The best part about this comment is that your "second-to-worst-level suck" is the roommate who hogs the bathroom. Should we talk about your college experience? No, no we shouldn't. Let's talk about puppies instead.
@Jfrain99 (Steelers): "This is my first year doing a Survivor pool. I've done my best to avoid trap games. The past two weeks I've picked on the Thursday night game. Easy wins. I can root against the Patriots on Sunday. Perfect. But I have been very disappointed. I watched 2600 people survive based on Brady and Rodgers late-game bullshit. I saw 250 people stay alive on Carson Palmer pulling the game out of his ass. Even the Colts had 1500 people nervous with their 15-10 lead. I'm sick of it. I'm going with the Steelers. AB has 180 yards and 2 TDs guaranteed. "
Commish says: Classic survivor rule: Every game other than the one your picked is a massive trap game. MASSIVE!
@BeefyDiesel (Jets): "I'm so drunk right now. 🍺"
Commish says: YEAH!
@IamTheCaptianNow (Jets): "BEAT GUTS!"
Commish says: YEAH!
@Stupidjerk (Vikings): "Imagine a Viking warlord encountering a mighty bear on the shore of some long forgotten Nordic stream. The warrior readies his axe, preparing to take this bear with him to the afterlife. The bear turns, distracted from the flopping salmon to stare down this curious human covered in furs. The Viking wonders what murderous thoughts fill the bear's head. The bear, in reality, is a f***ing bear incapable of higher level thought that just wants to eat all of the fleshy things around it. They both ready themselves, and then charge headlong at each other. This game will be nothing like that, the purple fellas are going to poop on the bears."
Commish says: ... YEAH!!! (That'll do it for this week, everyone. Good luck!)