Anti-Browns Bravistas,
This week marks the fourth time this season that at least 25 percent of BFIG is picking against the Browns. In three of the weeks we didn't, they played the Colts, Jets, and Bengals.
A year after picking against Cleveland produced 4,448 victories - more than our TOTAL in any BFIG season prior - we're marching to the same Brownsy beat.
Through seven weeks, we're 2,792-0 when going anti-Browns. And 35 percent of the title pool is at it again, picking the Vikings to extend Cleveland's misery across the pond.
Commish is pretty sure we should make BFIG shirts to commemorate our... unique... love of the Cleveland Browns. Reply with your idea. Next Bud Light Lime is on me.
WEEK 8 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
Your group pages show you picks for just that group
FAST FACTS:
- Minnesota is our top pick in both pools: 35 percent in BFIG and 28 percent in Second Chance.
- Cincy (29%), Philly (16%), and New Orleans (16%) round out our big BFIG picks.
- Second Chance's pick rate - lower on the Vikings, and 25 percent on both the Bengals and Eagles - suggests more of the title pool would have picked Philly were the Eagles available.
- Sure enough, BFIG's "true" pick rate on the Eagles was 61 percent. Of the 103 survivors who had the Eagles left, 63 picked them.
- We're getting close to "Golden Survival Spreadsheet" time, where Commish reveals how many title belt hopefuls have each team remaining.
- Just 10 percent have the Eagles available. 24 percent have Seattle. The Patriots are still at 46 percent, which might be an all-time high at this juncture. The Chiefs are at 90 percent, which reflects how difficult their schedule has been so far.
- Only 8 games picked in BFIG this week - by far a season low.
- Most common pick lines: PIT-OAK-GB-SEA-PHI-HOU-TEN-MIN (14 people), and PIT-OAK-NE-SEA-PHI-HOU-TEN-CIN (5 people).
- Most Brownsy pick line: @pmenchini, who has gone anti-Browns in seven of eight weeks. He chickened out in Week 3 by not picking the Colts.
- Two other Brownsy souls have done it in six weeks: @Mgarz013 and @jkeller11.
WEEK 8 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
Moxie Drumstick to the brave soul who picked the Dolphins on Thursday (@Keilbachy), but, more importantly, for the second time in three weeks, NO MOXIE.
Allow Commish to remind you that a BFIG season without Moxie is a season without glory, honor, fame, Bud Light Lime, happiness, love, or self-worth. Be the Moxie.
Commish Communication Award
@stevejaklic (Bengals): "January 9, 2016. Reservoir Bar, NYC. Black and Gold faithful fill the room that smells like wings and beer. Steelers down 16-15 to the Bengals in AFC Wild Card game. Big Ben is out. Landry Jones throws a pick deep in own end under 2 min left. We chug our beers and ask for the check in disbelief. Then the unthinkable happens. Shazier strips Hill. Big Ben comes back in. 4th down and Burfict called for helmet to helmet on Brown. Pacman flagged because Joey Porter comes on the field. Steelers win 18-16. Icing on the cake is I was dating a Bengals fan and planning our slow break up. My friends and I spray her with beer and rejoice. We break up months later after her finding my phone and seeing I may have faked an orgasm. So sue me. Fast forward a year when she becomes social media manager for a large company and is getting a half a million views for memes at my expense. Such as on a 100 degree day, “Today’s weather is hotter than my ex boyfriend”. Wouldn’t that be a better joke if made in February? I digress. Here’s the brass tacks Commish: the London game scares me and I picked the Eagles already. So I promise if the Bungals win on Sunday I’ll never ghost orgasm again."
Commish says: If this comment was submitted anonymously, with an ending prompt, "Who in BFIG would be the most likely victim (hero?) of this story," my answer would immediately be "JAKLIC." In related news: Send the social media link or this doesn't count.
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
@Ebotts12 (Eagles, Second Chance): "I’d pick the Browns over the 49ers at this point. "
Commish says: My dream: Week 17. Two people left in BFIG. With a total lack of playoff positioning suspense and a league wrecked by injury, the only game of meaning is the 0-15 Browns vs. the 0-15 Niners. Immortality - and the No. 1 pick - on the line. Our two brave title belt combatants pick opposite sides of Browns-Niners, and submit 900-word pick comments in support of their selection. We organize a viewing party that fills a giant bar, demanding every damn TV is put on a matchup between teams 3-59 in their last 62 games. Bud Light parks its Lime truck outside the bar. Beautiful chaos ensues.
Definitely Not Concussed Award
@austenmontero (Patriots): "I've been clutching to this pick like the elderly women clutch their pearls as I streak through the old folks home, but it's time to let it go. The Pats are not the powerhouse they were a year ago, but they certainly aren't a bad team, so here we go. Gronk and his two touchdowns will carry me well, I just feel it."
Commish says: What we learned: Austen steals jewelry from elderly women. Austen is a terrible person. Austen losing on the Pats would be poetic justice. WE LOVE AUSTEN!!!
MICK IS OUT. THE NORWOODS ARE OUT. C'MONNNN THIRD CHANCE!
BRANDO!!! (Third Chance) Survivor starts in Week 11. It's free for you - your NFL SZN payment covers everything we do through the Super Bowl. $5K to the champ. JOIN HERE >>
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@cdpetross (Bengals): "Last week, I tortured myself over who to pick. Minnesota at home vs. Flacco? Buffalo at home vs. a potentially Winston-less Bucs? The Chiefs to right the ship vs. the disappointing Raidahs? Tennessee not to get Brownsed? Could I depend on my Cowboys to finally show last years dominance against a team they should beat? I kid you not, I woke up on Tuesday morning and the first word that popped into my mind was Minnesota. I was *this close* to changing my pick to the Chiefs last minute on Thursday, but I stuck with the voices in my head. And I was repaid with a ticket to Week 8 of BFIG. So this week, the voices are giving me more sage advice, right? WRONG! The voices have abandoned me so far. And right now my leaning is to go with a 2-4 team against another team with 2 wins. Everything about it feels so wrong.... and yet so right."
Commish says: I will pay $25 to the first person to send me a "The BFIG Voices In My Head" music video. Only three requirements: 1) The chorus must include "The BFIG voices in my head", 2) There must be actual music, and 3) It must be at least one slot above the worst video I've ever watched. GO GO GO!
@zgodfrey (Vikings): "Browns international disgrace Sad! "
Commish says: For real - people would like Trump way more if he tweeted random shit about NFL teams instead of the protests. "I LIKE HOW JIM IRSAY ROLLS. ANDREW LUCK'S BEARD IS REAL AMERICA! #MALBGA!"
@CharlesFellis8 (Saints, Second Chance): "NO"
Commish says: YES YES YES
@jkeller11 (Vikings): "I mean, 0-16 really is possible "
Commish says: Am I in the minority in thinking that, even if the Browns do go 0-16 - meaning they'd be 1-31 over the past two seasons - Hue Jackson should keep his job? Isn't this exactly like the 76ers with Brett Brown? The team is SUPPOSED to lose. That's the whole idea. The only thing Hue could do better is coach games while sitting in a lawn chair and pounding BLLs.
@judigregry (Vikings): "You need to add another truism to your stats, never bet either side of a saints game. I realize that every year during the last four seasons either me or a family member has been knocked out by a Saint game. My mom was in the top 40 and knocked out by picking Colts over Saints in 2015. Earlier that season, week 2? The Saints knocked out BFIG completely or was that 2014? Hmmmm. Last year my beloved Saints knocked me out and earlier this year my brother in law picked against them and they started their winning streak. I also think my dad was knocked out in 2013/14 picking them. Saints will win and lose when you least expect it. While nothing would make me happier than the Saints extending their streak to five wins this week, I'm predicting that Chicago will show up and TKO a chunk of our remaining pool!"
Commish says: AHEM
@pmenchini (Vikings): "It's starting to feel eerily reminiscent to week 15 of last year's BFIG main event. The vast majority of the pool had been eliminated, but I was still going strong due to a methodically followed anti-Browns picking strategy. Then everything came crashing down. My heart sunk as I realized I had accidentally picked the Browns and was now locked in. I reached out to the Commish, pointing to the anti-Browns intentions I felt I had clearly displayed in my pick comment as justification for an ex post pick correction. Commish held strong, though, swiftly telling me that it would go beyond all BFIG morals to do such a thing. But, in crushing my dreams, Commish told me something else that day -- he told me that some good would come from this unfortunate act of carelessness. That this would be a learning experience moving forward. And so here am I again today, with less than 400 participants remaining after a couple of bloodbath weeks. I double check my picks now to make sure I didn't pick the Browns."
Commish says: Confirming this actually happened. I'd prefer "Commish felt awful but had to bow to 100% transparency in service of running the best damn survivor pool ever" over "Commish held strong", but alas, for one fateful Sunday in December, @pmenchini had an out-of-body experience known only to those who have picked an 0-13 team to win with $25,000 on the line.
@sommerszg (Saints): "Six people didn't even make picks last week? What is this, Tom Brady amateur hour? Anyway, I believe it was Albert Einstein who said: "Never take Poops in England for granted," so I'll take the San Antonio Interceptions over the BS Earmuffs. JACOBY."
Commish says: This week's, "Comment we'd send to the aliens to make them utterly confused and terrified of us" winner!!
@Hoosier_Daddy (Bengals): "I'd feel better about this pick if Marvin Lewis wasn't the coach. Or they were playing the Browns. Hell, just give me a bud light lime and it'll be all good, right Commish?"
Commish says: Yeah but how would you feel if Marvin Lewis was DRINKING a Bud Light Lime on the sidelines? Way better, right? RIGHT?!
@KHiles (Saints): "Hope I don't regret straying from the "just pick against the Browns" plan."
Commish says: BFIG 2016 & 2017: Did you stop picking against the Browns on the right week?
@cthompy (Vikings): "Lifelong Vikings fan here, SKOL. If they lose to the Browns this week, thereby knocking me out of the BFIG Survivor Pool, Packer Nation will have gained one more follower "
Commish says: BFIG Rule #3: If it's published, it MUST happen. You realize what you've just done, right?
@phatony17 (Vikings): "First time picking a team playing against Cleveland and first time posting a comment. I’m not setting myself up for disappointment. I’m not."
Commish says: Are you "Phat Ony" or are you "phaTony"? This question brought to you by "BFIG pick comment identity crises."
@bbroeker6 (Vikings): "I haven't picked against the Browns every week but when I have I haven't lost. Kizer is likely to prove himself as the best defensive player on the Vikings and England should be bracing themselves for the new Viking Age of Invasion where a dude named Case Keenum finishes what Harald Hardrada could not."
Commish says: Legitimate question: Who goes to Vikings-Browns games in London? Drunk teenagers? Degenerate gamblers? Literal dogs? I can't imagine paying money to attend this game.
@Theonlymaltbie (Vikings): "Browns can't win in Cleveland, let alone London. Lock it in, Haas. Anyways, back to Jury Duty (Don't know about jury duty? C'monnn, you gotta follow...go check your week 7 email from last week and then come join the rest of us), the judge comes in to speak to all of the jurors who might be lucky enough to get stuck on his jury. He announces that this trial will be 13 days, 13 god damned days long. Audible groans and sighs roll out from the 150 or so people in the jury rooms as we prepare to fight for our lives. Who in the hell has time to go to jury duty for 13 days? Worst part, it wasn't even 13 consecutive days, this mofo was going to stretch out to Thanksgiving. And god knows the Pilgrims didn't envision you sitting in jury duty when they invented those six legged turkeys John Madden used when broadcasting Lions games on t-day. So, I had to find a way out. I follow Baja Woman (still not following? go read the week 7 email ya bozo) to fill out these forms and say ayoooo I can't come here for 13 days, I gotta get paid yo, $15 a day from the courts aint gonna pay my Bay Area rent. On this, Baja Woman and I agree. As I'm filling out these forms, the judge begins to talk about the case, someone is suing Pep Boys (yeah, those Pep Boys, Manny, Moe & Jack) and I want no part of it. After waiting around for a while, I get called into the judges chambers and tell him that my company doesn't pay me for jury duty and that this would be a burden on me financially. He begrudgingly agrees and I am freed from the shackles of jury duty for another year. Whew, that was a close one. Baja Woman is released just before me, didn't get to hear what her excuse was. Go Viks!"
Commish says: WHERE IS THE PHOTO WITH BAJA WOMAN YOU SLACKER?
@dmagrude (Vikings, Second Chance): "Vikings, after this outing, have perhaps the toughest schedule. If ever there was a "take care of business" game, it is this. If ever there was a more "Vikings will lose" game, it is this."
Commish says: By next year, I think we'll have enough people to do a weekly "Most Vikings Fan Comment" award. This week's winner!
@jrock08 (Bengals, Second Chance): "I was all set up to go anti-browns-pick, after all, the Vikings are 1st in the NFC north with only a single loss. But every. single. game. that the Vikings have won has been too close. How did they almost lose to the Bears on Trubisky's first game? Because they are actually bad. Are they bad enough to lose to the Browns? Probably not. But I'm going to feel much better picking the Bengals, who proved that they know how to blow out a bad team."
Commish says: And our winner for "Most Vikings Fan Comment For a Non-Vikings Pick"!!!
@Tbinns (Saints, Second Chance): "I was going to pick the Vikings this week, but strange things happen across the pond, and I’d hate if not only my favorite team lost to the lowely Cleveland Browns, but I’d be even more upset if it also cost me the chance to advance in the 2nd chance pool. So, I’m taking the Saints, at home against Da Bears. The Saints have been hot. The Bears are hot garbage. Seriously...FOUR completions last week?!? Trubisky may end up with seven completions this week, but the Saints will still score more than 20 (and certainly more than THREE...c’mon Panthers). Also, it lets me take a dig at @mick, who I’m sure is still getting crushed by his wife and in-laws! Though I do miss his “irrational and inevitable march toward the title belt.” Good luck in the 3rd chance pool, buddy!"
Commish says: WHO AM I KIDDING? WE HAVE ENOUGH VOLUME TO DO THE WEEKLY VIKINGS AWARD NOW!!!
@ktenney12 (Saints, Second Chance): "In his first start Chicago Bears rookie Mitchell Trubisky threw for 7 first downs in a loss, the following week he somehow was able to win despite passing for just 5 first downs in an overtime game, and then next week he continued playing a style of football that has to be a John Fox wet dream by winning a game with only 2 passing first downs. Not since the days of Timothy Richard Tebow under center in Denver has a Quarterback been so effective through being dreadful. At the current rate of play for Trubisky we can expect him to pass for -1 first downs this week, and something tells me that won’t be enough offensive fire power to beat Drew Brees and the Saints at home. However, that doesn’t mean this pick is made without fear. There’s a non-zero chance that Tebow’s wins were the result of spiritual intervention. Seriously, how else could you explain Tebowmania in the NFL? The dude was making Skip Bayless look correct, if that’s not a sign of the apocalypse, I don’t know what is. With the game taken place in America’s most haunted city on the weekend before Halloween I fear that spiritual interventional could again come into play. As I’m not sure there could be a more fitting way for me to get knocked out of this pool, then by having the ghost of Walter Payton possess Bears running back Jordan Howard, and him running for 250 yards and 4 TDs, and if I get to see that, well I suppose it’s worth getting knocked out over. "
Commish says: The NFL needs to bring back Tebow, JaMarcus, Favre, Kaepernick, and Bubby Brister and mandate they start at quarterback for five boring teams. And the NFL can't figure out its ratings issues... HIRE COMMISH!
@b_b_b_booker (Chiefs, Second Chance): "As a member of The Nation, I find my selection deplorable... but, I will find a way to explain it to Raiderdom AFTER I CASH THE CHECK! let's go Chefs! Good googliemooglie!"
Commish says: Does Raider Nation actually refer to itself as The Nation?!
@NICKBROWNEMFERS (Falcons): "i aint afraid of the freakin Jets. Moxie be damned!! How's that for Moxie!"
Commish says: IT'S BAD, NICK. BAD MOXIE. DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
@mflixx (Vikings): "The browns ahould just change their names to the byes. Or the BuckeYES. Better yet, the Bullseyes. Sponsored by Target. Brought to you by... Expansion teams. Cleveland wants Art back and his trophy. No way they win this week, especially since the Vikings just beat the original (respectable) Browns last week. Viking ROLL"
Commish says: Are you drunk?
@bparkin1 (Vikings, Second Chance): "Browns eat ass"
Commish says: We're getting close...
@kydshock (Eagles, Second Chance): "Carson Wentz is undefeated in parking lot limbo. Look it up. Eagles by 100"
Commish says: That'll do it for this week. Good luck, everyone!