Brave BRANDO-Loving Football Souls,
You picked all 28 active teams in Third Chance Survivor. Has Commish told you lately he loves you?
I know what you're thinking. "Someone picked the Browns?!" Lol. No, no, no. Of course not...
EIGHT people picked the Browns.
And someone picked Eli and the McAdoos. Someone picked Ryan Fitzpatrick, and Jay Cutler, in a game involving Ryan Fitzpatrick and Jay Cutler.
Someone picked Nathan Peterman, who A) Yes, is actually an NFL quarterback, and B) Would be way cooler if he was Peter Nathanman.
BFIG has just 277 title belt combatants remaining, and 17 teams are in play. SZN life is good, friends. Welcome (back) to the party.
WEEK 11 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
Your group pages show you picks for just that group
FAST FACTS:
- Heading into Week 11, the Chiefs, who were the NFL's last undefeated team, somehow were available to 91 percent of BFIG title belt hopefuls
- They're now available to just 12 percent, as 79 percent of the pool made Kansas City (at the Giants) one of their two picks
- The Chiefs' real pick rate (total picks / possible picks) was 86 percent. Not quite as high as last week's Lions-over-Browns avalanche, but pretty damn close.
- Speaking of an anti-Browns avalanche, the Jaguars - owners of the league's fourth-best point differential - still have games left against the Colts, Niners, Cardinals, and Texans.
- Those teams are all pretty bad, but none of them are named the Browns, and apparently that's enough for 63 percent of BFIG to exhaust the Jags this week.
- Watch for "Have they picked the Jags yet?" to become BFIG's second most crucial storyline, behind "Will the Browns actually win a game?" If Jacksonville keeps up its play, it'll be one of the most favored teams in over half the remaining weeks.
- 28 teams are in play this week, and 28 teams were picked in BRANDO!!!
- Commish doesn't know many things, but Commish KNOWS we made Brando Weeden proud this week
- BTW, does anyone know Brando? Seriously. Can we make this our collective mission? Say it with me now...
- GET HIM IN THE POOL!!!
WEEK 11 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
Jay Cutler and the NFL-worst (by advanced statistics) Dolphins are underdogs. Andy Dalton and the "why aren't they playing McCarron?" Bengals are underdogs. NO MATTER!!!
@Tjeffries96 (Dolphins, Bengals - Second Chance): "If this doesn't have some moxie then moxie does not exist. Jags will lose, Steelers will lose and I probably will be knocked out. But you have to show a little moxie at times! BLL's to all and all a good Week 11."
Commish says: THANK YOU FOR SAVING THE UNIVERSE.
Commish Communication Award
@austenmontero (Jaguars, Chiefs): "I have a hunch that I'm picking with the majority again today, and obviously that's a really harrowing feeling. Especially because the phrase "Fortune favors the bold" keeps ringing in my head. But I suppose for this week, I am 10-point Times New Roman, the flimsiest, most flaccid of the fonts. I don't care. I'm trying to stay safe. I buy - and unfortunately store :( - condoms by the crate. I wear my bike helmet. I overcook my chicken. There aren't even outlets within a 10-foot radius of my bathtub. This is not my week to be bold. Maybe next week, if I can make it there."
Commish says: You understand how to make a dent in that crate, right? Hint: Starts with an "M", ends with an "E", and contains part of Biloxi in the middle. It's also endorsed by Brett Favre. And your mother.
@Itsmikesebringyo (Buccaneers - BRANDO): "I'm a proud Bucs fan. Embarrassed.. but proud. It all started when I was about 7 years old playing NFL Blitz 2000 on my N64. I was casually scrolling through all the teams and that's when I saw my beacon of light... the Bucs logo. That pirate sword hoisting the flag with the skull and bones but instead the bones are replaced by a football with two more pirate swords. At the ripe age of 7 I thought it was so clever.. creative.. chic.. that I just had to be a fan. Three years later we won the Super Bowl. Our defense was considered the best in the NFL and a top 5 defense of all time and I thought to myself.. "this is a good arrangement". In the 14 years since we have been awful. All of the free agents we have signed get paid top dollar to produce nothing like they did the year before and we go through head coaches so often that you'd think the position is part of the Midterm Elections. This season has been an exceptionally tough one given expectations. I've seen our entire defense get hurt. I've seen Jameis Winston overthrow Desean Jackson for a touchdown at least 37 times (with Jameis now sidelined we're relying on Fitzmagic). And I've seen Nick Folk kick the ball everywhere except for between the uprights (he has since been replaced). On top of all this, I've been Bortled twice by picking Houston week 1 and Steelers week 5. Commish, when you talk about the Hedge of Happiness I envision a white picket fence and on one side is a desolate desert, on the other side is a prairie with luscious grass, butterflies flying, and unicorns prancing (and BLLs?). When one takes the road to the Hedge of Happiness, they are never truly happy. You see, because they are stuck on that white picket fence, unable to experience the full happiness of the prairie. This week I say to hell with the Hedge of Happiness.. Bucs over Dolphins.. meet me in the prairie with the unicorns and full happiness. Super Bowl LII: Bucs - 26, Patriots - 23"
Commish says: This is one of the more perfect SZN comments ever penned. You are an ambassador and an inspiration to us all.
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
@KHiles (Dolphins, Seahawks): "My picks so far have made this a TOUGH week to choose. Picking these two, purely based on the rules: These are both home teams, non-division games, with the better record, and Eli Manning is not participating in either game. Please, Commish, let the rules work for me. "
Commish says: This woman could sell you Bengals tickets! All the Bengals tickets! She can sell you passes to survivor godfavretopia, too!!!
Definitely Not Concussed Award
@DahnWitDHByeahYinzKnowMe (Cardinals - BRANDO): "On October 11, 2009, the Arizona Cardinals defeated the Houston Texans 28-21. The Cardinals were led by Kurt Warner, who went 26/38 for 302 yards, 2 TDs and 1 pick, for a 109.8 QB rating. The Texans were led by Matt Schaub, who went 35/50 for 371 yards, 2 TDs and 1 pick, for a 96.3 QB rating. On November 19, 2017, the Arizona Cardinals, led by either Drew Stanton (career QB rating: 66.7) or Blaine Gabbert (career QB rating: 71.5), will play the Houston Texans, led by Tom Savage (career QB rating: 68.5). Even now at ages 46 and 36, respectively, it is indisputable that Kurt Warner and Matt Schaub would be better options at QB this week. Anyway, I'm picking the Cardinals, because Bill O'Brien started Tom Savage over DeShaun Watson earlier this season, and that is unforgivable."
Commish says: Amazing game. "Current QB, or old QB who is now literally old?" Cards and Texans? Old QB. Browns? Old (Jeff Garcia). Packers? Old (Brett Favre). Jets? C'mon; you know they want Vinny Testaverde.
@jessetow (Saints - BRANDO): "As the progenitor of BRANDO!!! Weeden, it’s fitting I’m here for the initial round of picks. "
Commish says: This man speaks the truth! Let's go back... 2014, Week 10:
Jesse Tow (Ravens & Cardinals, Second Chance): "If there's a will, Brando Weeden will find a way to lose in London."
Commish says: That might have been a typo, but we're rolling with it. BRANDO WEEDEN, everyone!!
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@pmenchini (Jaguars, Chiefs): "I legally changed my name to "consummate anti-Brownser" 10 minutes after reading the week 11 update email."
Commish says: Can you actually do this? Please? How much?
@stursiegel (Jaguars, Chiefs): "Rule 10 - don't pick against Eli... shit."
Commish says: Remember a few weeks ago, when @cwledwards and Commish were like, "The Giants winning this week would be the most Eli shit of all time"? Well, we might need to rescind that, because winning this week and taking out 79 percent of BFIG would be the most Eli shit of all time.
@codered707 (Jaguars, Patriots): "I've never made it this far commish, it's an exciting time for my personal BFIG history! While I'm tempted to cash in on the dumpster fire that is the Giants season, I need to adhere to the league rules of avoiding ELI at all costs. You never know with that guy...let's not forget when Alex Smith was on the 49ers and the Giants eked out an NFC championship win before going to the Super Bowl. That being said, I've got two road teams in the mix so who the hell knows. I'm rambling and am super tired. I think there's a girlfriend I had somewhere who I forgot about. Who has time to eat or work or figure out their life when BFIG is here. There are 276 other people still alive. Let's make like a tree and WIN THIS SHIT!"
Commish says: If Eli does indeed do the most Eli shit of all time, are you gonna be the one who makes the t-shirts? You're kind of obligated at that point, right?
@tjmack017 (Chiefs, Saints): "Never thought I'd make it this far, and probably wont make it past this week, but in the event I do, SHOW ME SOME LOVE!! Got some heavy hitters still left and have used some scrubs. Heck if I don't win, let me be famous..... for a week.....in an e-mail.... that a handful of people read. "
Commish says: ON THIS DAY - the 19th of November, 2017 - one, @tjmack017, was famous. So very famous. So incredibly FavreRodgersBLL famous. WE LOVE HIM!!! (And by "a handful" you mean "thousands of loving admirers", right?)
@mick (Saints - BRANDO): "I'm Back!!!!! Yes so hyped right now!!! I've missed picking so much and am happy to be back... And yes I did see all the shots taken at me and my Bears while I couldn't respond in my pick comment... You know because I was eliminated from everything... Yeah I saw y'all tbinns and CJ... Anyway before I get to my pick this week is huge for me. I'm spending turkey day in Sacramento and I get into town Saturday night. We planned to go see the redwoods Sunday morning but then realized the games start at 10 out here and it's the most important game of the year for my family!!! So redwoods canceled for today because Bears v. Lions!!!!!! So hyped right now. Believe that when the Bears win I will remind all my in-laws all week about how the Bears won!!! I almost went nuts again and took the Bears but I'd like to make a comment next week.... Just kidding I'm saving the Bears for when I really need them and playing it safe this week and going with the Saints. Side note I may or may not have reminded my wife about the third chance pool... Ok in all honesty I did not remind her so if she didn't pick I'm definitely counting that as a win. Hey I gotta take what I can. She crushed me in the BFIG last longer and is up by 9 picks in out pickem pool... Go Me!"
Commish says: First, you're in the (kind of) Bay Area AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? WTF, man?! Second, the single-most Mick sentence ever: "Believe that when the Bears win I will remind all my in-laws all week about how the Bears won!!"
@ndkay (Raiders - BRANDO): "I think this is a terrible idea but what the f*** do I have to lose. The Raiders season is likely lost with the only turning point being this game. Im hoping the modelos I drink help push the Raiders to an upset. "
Commish says: You have nothing to lose because YOU, my friiend, have Moxie. With Moxie there is no fear in life. There is no worry. There is no sadness. Only glory. And mode... WTF?!? Bud Light Lime!!!
@Mrrd45 (Jaguars - BRANDO): "First-Chance Survivor I lost because I actually bet ON the Browns. The first week of Second-Chance Survivor, I STILL thought the Steelers vs. [INSERT RANDOM NON-BROWNS OPPONENT] was a better matchup than the Browns vs. [INSERT LITERALLY ANY NFL TEAM]. But this isn't just Third-Chance Survivor. This is Final-Chance Survivor. And I'll be damned if I'm not riding the [INSERT NEXT BROWNS' OPPONENT]s to the finish line."
Commish says: My god. If the Browns win, this would be the most incredible, unbelievable, inspirational (?), 0-3 survivor season ever. "Do I want this to happen?" is like asking if you dig the apocalypse.
@GRAVYTRAIN89 (Cowboys - BRANDO): "Eagles fans are known for breaking an opposing mascot’s leg in the parking lot, throwing snow ball covered batteries at Santa Clause, and vociferously cheering when Michael Irvin was carted off the field with a career ending neck injury. F*** THE EAGLES. Today is November 8th, and I’m picking The Dallas Cowboys, which means I don’t know if Zeke will play week 11. And you know what, I don’t give a flying Eagles f*** if he plays or not. America’s Team for the win "
Commish says: NEW IDEA: The "Flying Eagles F*** Award"! Yes!!!
@rnorwood (Eagles - BRANDO): "So I've been keeping busy since being unceremoniously bounced from BFIG twice. I've had time for introspection and to focus on ME. More specifically, I've been working on a marketable replacement for gas station rotisserie hot dog rollers. I call it, the Meat Terrarium. If this third chance pool doesn't work, I've got my financial fallback all dialed in."
Commish says: You sure that shouldn't also be a TV show? Or maybe a band? Norwood and the Meat Terrarium.
@crashfu14 (Patriots - BRANDO): "I'm prolly off on the date, but in 403 BC, philosopher Socrates said the following: If you try to knock me you'll get mocked I'll stir fry you in my wok Your knees'll start shaking and your fingers pop Like a pinch on the neck of Mr. Spock"
Commish says: **Bows down**
@23champ (Jaguars - BRANDO): "Damn dude, did I really just pick the Jags? Fun fact: they still roster Arrelious Benn. F*** man, is there a cooler name than Arrelious Benn? If I was friends with him I’d be like “Arrrrrrreliouuuuus” every time I saw him. Yeah I’m that friend. Bobby Bottle Service please deliver us some glorious BLLs."
Commish says: Bobby Bottle Service!!!
@judigregry (Jaguars, Saints): "I’m breaking my #1 rule that I swore to never do again... pick my Saints when money is on the line. However, I didn’t expect to find myself in week 11 sweating bullets as I pour over NFL rankings. I didn’t expect to find my Saints in beast mode on a 7 game winning streak looking like an episode of Death Battles where Hulk is facing PeeWee Herman. And honestly I never imagined writing this note sharing my deepest fear, that I don’t have 100% faith in my boys to catapult me into week 12 and put my superstitious weakness to bed once and for all. Ok, pressing “Submit Pick” ....now!"
Commish says: This is the most accurate description of the October/November 2017 New Orleans Saints that's ever been penned.
@SkoalDaddy (Jaguars, Chiefs): "I can't tell if Commish was implying last week that I didn't have any "friends" or if he genuinely liked my comment, but I'm thrilled to be continually selected for comments all the same.It's gotten to the point of the SZN where you can no longer try to play by the rules, you simply need to decide which rules are less important to you. Pick 1, I'm going with Jacksonville because.... Browns dumpster fire continues to burn. This is the no-brainer pick that inevitably ruins me. Pick 2 is a lot harder. I thought about going with San Diego over the Bills but then I remembered the don't get too cute with it, just survive and advance rule. Also something just scares me about the Bills mafia and anyone who would willingly jump through a table on fire. I thought about going with Big Ben over Tennessee but if you need OT to beat the ghost of Andrew Luck, this Titian team will give you problems. I wound up breaking the Eli rule taking Kansas City over the Giants. One of my "friends" promised to pierce his nipple if the Chiefs lose so I feel like my hedge is sufficiently in place."
Commish says: Next week, can you please describe your friends in terms of "The one who'd pierce his nipple if the Giants beat the Chiefs", "The one who'd..."? Thanks.
@GroverMcc (Jaguars, Chiefs - Second Chance): "Because my dog said so"
Commish says: Your dog needs to life live more on the edge. Does you dog fear walks? Does your dog slump when the doorbell rings? Please read your dog the book, "Moxie for Dummies... and Dogs"
@chapmattman (Bears - BRANDO): "F it. I'm so tired of losing. At least if I win I'll be double happy that my Bears won. If not its as expected. "
Commish says: I'm so conflicted. On one hand, I want you to feel the warmth and love and glory of BFIG. On the other hand, your strategy is quite questionable. On my third hand, I applaud your true fandom. NO, I DON'T HAVE FOUR HANDS.
@James_hunter (Chargers - BRANDO): "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Seriously though, you would be hard pressed to find a bigger Bills fan than me. I'm 29 years old, and I still have a Bills blanket on my computer chair and my most prized possession is the framed, autographed, Jim Kelly jersey hanging on my bedroom wall. But I was 12 the last time we made the playoffs. This is the 3rd season during the playoff drought that they started 5-2. The previous two times this happened we finished the seasons 7-9 and 6-10. I've seen enough early season Bills hype throughout my life to know how this season is going to end. It doesn't matter that the Chargers are 3-6, could be playing Kellen Clemens at QB due to a Rivers concussion, and that there will almost certainly be more Bills fans than Chargers fans at Stub Hub Center on Sunday. No one circles the drain like my Buffalo Bills."
Commish says: The Week 11 Hedge of Happiness, brought to you by James Hunter! (Wait... can we even call this a HoH? Dude seems legitimately depressed. But it's the Bills, right. And the AFC sucks this year. He's definitely running naked around his block if the Bills win.)
@quicksilver87 (Broncos - BRANDO): "This is my first hate pick ever. F*** the Bengals. Should have stuck with my guns last week and picked against the Bengals...AGAIN. Instead, I tried to get cute and pick the Giants to beat the shitty 49ers. What happened? Trick question - you know what f***ing happened! The F***ING 49ERS decided they didn't want to be the second non-expansion team to go winless in a full season (8+ games) since World War II. So I lay here, as shamefaced and disappointed as the 2008 Detroit Lions were at the end of their 0-16 season, lying in a pile of smoldering ashes, trying to rise up like the phoenix and claim that $5k redemption prize. All it takes is moxie, intellect, and luck to win picking 2, 3, 3, 3, 3, and 5 teams after this week, right? Call me Leeroy Jennnnnkinssssss."
Commish says: BEGIN THE HEALING PROCESS. YOU WILL PULL THROUGH. DEEP BREATHS!
@suhhhmarder88 (Bears - BRANDO): "Fool me one time, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me three times, i'm going to ride the king of moxie #10gawd and pray that picking the shitty bears will prevent me from having difficult times in the future. Grabbing a BLL and sitting back and praying. "
Commish says: This was cool until you called Mitchell Trubisky the "king of moxie." Dude. That's not cool. Dude.
@welchiz (Browns - BRANDO): "Oof"
Commish says: Yes.
@BrownsSuperBowl2018 (Browns - BRANDO): "This is my all in Browns Year. It is time for Browns fans to stand with DeShone and the three year plan. It starts this. Recall Samuel Jackson speech in The Deep Blue Sea, well Browns fans are different, Browns fans don’t panic, Browns fans never, ever...."
Commish says: YES.
@b3neficial (Browns - BRANDO): "CR>9k"
Commish says: YES!
@connorpwhalen (Browns - BRANDO): "Cuz it's third f*ckin' chance survivor and I'm embarrassed to be here"
Commish says: YES!!!
@LeviLeo (Browns - BRANDO): "Because I hate the anti-browns strategy and I want the 80+% of the main pool who will pick this game to know I'm rooting against them and have been all SZN and always will be for eternity. (Except for @Alamb (if she picks them) then I hope they win for her) And yes, I know... logic. Browns win 19-17."
Commish says: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That'll do it for this week, everyone. Good luck!)