Viewers of the Great Jimmy G Joust,
Our top BFIG pick is under .500. Our third pick is under .500. Our fourth pick is 3-8. Our fifth pick is 1-5 in its last six games.
The survivor gods called me this morning. It went something like this...
Survivor gods: "Sup?"
Commish: "Sup?"
Survivor gods: "We seeing what we think we're seeing?"
Commish: "Yup"
Survivor gods: "Sup"
A lot at stake today. Let's do this.
WEEK 13 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
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Your friends' BFIG picks >>
Your friends' Second Chance picks >>
Your friends' BRANDO!!! picks >>
FAST FACTS:
- 25 BFIG survivors had the Chargers (home to the Browns) available. 25 picked them.
- Along with Jacksonville (3 picks) and Philly (1 pick), there are now three teams fully picked out in BFIG
- Two of the previously unpicked teams (Chicago and San Francisco) were picked
- The Bears and Niners are also playing each other, and Commish thinks this is the latest BFIG's ever seen people on both sides of the same game
- "In Jimmy we trust" vs. "In the Niners we lol"
- The biggest cross-pool discrepancy was Oakland. Only 10 BFIGers had the Raiders available, and eight picked 'em (24 percent pick rate). In Second Chance it was 60 percent and in BRANDO it was 58 percent.
- The other three teams BRANDO feasted on whom were scarcely available in BFIG: Jags (9% BFIG vs. 34% BRANDO), Rams (6% vs. 27%), and Steelers (0% vs. 9%).
- No one has responded to me and said they know Brando. Commish isn't happy about this. So, again, does anyone know Brando? Does anyone know someone who knows Brando? Does Brando have a dog?
- GET HIM IN THE POOL!!!
WEEK 13 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
Sure, he already picked the Chargers and the Titans... and the Raiders, Jags, Pats, Eagles, Chiefs, and Rams... but @rrbarton just picked the Bears and Packers in BFIG. The 3-8 Bears, and the 1-5 NoRodgers, whose only win was against the Bears. You might not have great odds today, but you have Moxie. And that's what REALLY counts.
Commish Communication Award
@patbrown08 (Jaguars, Chargers - BFIG): "Commish, you're a regular Dr. Phil. This run in the survival pool has been a family bonding moment. All the kids are suddenly interested in what dad is doing. I'm going to tell myself it just took the a while to work through their angsty pre-teen/teenage phase and now they just think I'm cool. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that they learned there is 50k riding on this and that we are weeks away from Christmas. If I win, maybe the stockings will be filled with BLLs. If I lose, well, I guess they'll just have to settle for empty BLL cans in the stockings. I recognize there is some danger in picking the Chargers over the Browns and making Christmas references, but lightning never strikes the same place twice right?, RIGHT? Crap, I'm screwed!"
Commish says: I often speak to SZN's power as a relationship strengthening service. (We've been mentioned in wedding speeches.) But I should speak more often to SZN's power as a "Yo, Dad/Mom, I never realized you were cool!" service. Do I have the branding all wrong?!
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
@cameronlochte (Jaguars, Chargers - BFIG): "Half of my entry is riding the chalk with the Chargers, as I'm sure the 25 of us who have them left will be using them. Saving them for Washington doesn't really seem like a +EV play. It feels surreal that I am putting my hopes for $50k in the hands of Blake Bortles, and even more surreal that I am STOKED about it and see this as my best leverage opportunity for the remainder of the season. Only two other entries still have Jacksonville, so holding out hope that Bortles can stay out of his own way and let Fournette and that savage defense win the game, and the following three not impossible scenarios play out: 1) we get bad Mariota and angry Clowney and "you can tear my jersey in half but it won't stop me from catching this football" Nuk, and the Texans take down the Titans. 2) The Crabtree and Cooper-less Raiders, coming off an emotional division win but still with a bottom-3 DVOA, have a letdown game at home vs. a Giants team getting back their best weapon in Sterling Shepard. Eli strikes again. 3) The Niners hand the reins to Italian Stallion Jimmy G and the offense becomes competent. Reuben Foster and Eric Reid are enough to contain Jordan Howard and force Trubisky to attempt to throw the ball to someone named Adam Shaheen, a 5'6" running back, or the guy who was the 4th-5th best receiver on the Chargers a couple weeks ago (depending on how you classify Hunter Henry) In my estimation, that would give us a three-horse race (or close to it) headed into week 14. I'll be more than happy to shoot my shot knowing that I've got $5k in the bank, with the possibility for more if I get lucky. If we have another "favorites go 14-2" week and head into week 14 with 25+ entries remaining, my week 14 options are sketch AF and I may have to start coming to terms with telling all of the people I've been bragging to about this run that "at least I got my money back." -----Addendum: I forgot that somehow 11 people have still saved the Patriots until this point. At least they're on the road and the Bills coaching staff has seemingly recovered from the momentary brain aneurysm that manifested itself in Nathan Peterman starting an NFL football game. -----Addendum #2: Geno Smith was just announced as the starter for the Giants this week. Can't decide if this helps or hurts the chances of an upset. Is this the ultimate Eli moment, willing his team to victory and busting survivor pools everywhere by quasi-benching himself?! (apparently he was given the option to ceremonially "start" the game by taking the first snap, which he declined). Will the NY Post cover Monday read "Eli Leads Giants to Huge Road Win... From the Bench!"?? I'm strangely optimistic. "
Commish says: Addendum #3: BORTLEMANIA!!!!!!!!!
Definitely Not Concussed Award
@grahamgarland (Redskins, Eagles - Second Chance): "The Wentz Fence: A metaphorical mental wall that needs to be climbed in order to believe that a 2nd year QB from a FCS school could really be leading the best team/offense in football en route to an MVP award. Many others have willingly hopped this fence, but my skepticism has gotten the better of me. That changes this week. With a running start, I'm leaping the Wentz Fence and hoping not to meet Earl Thomas mid-air. "
Commish says: The Wentz Fence!! Wait, did you come up with this yourself? It's pretty damn good.
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@Itsmikesebringyo (Jaguars, Chargers, Raiders - BRANDO): "the following can be found in Merriam-Webster... Bortled (verb): picking against Blake Bortles in survivor league and subsequently losing to Blake Bortles. reverse-Bortled (verb): picking Blake Bortles (against every moral fiber in your body) in survivor league and losing with Blake Bortles. Let's hope the latter doesn't happen. Once again picking against the Browns. And now that Geno Smith is starting over Eli Manning i feel somewhat safe picking a game involving the Giants"
Commish says: Also found in M-W: BORTLEMANIA!!!: Ignoring all of the above shit because science.
@Lubyland (Jaguars, Chargers, Raiders - BRANDO): "I’m so affraid to write anything. Like a kid in the backseat who really has to go to the bathroom but you just stopped a few miles ago and Dad’s pissed off. So you hold it and look out the window, hoping that the Giants, Browns and Colts are that bad. I’ve made it in the BRANDO for two weeks, surely I can hold it a little longer..."
Commish says: This is one of the most angst-riddled, existential picks ever. (Thinking...) I LIKE IT. MORE PLZ.
@Tjeffries96 (Broncos, 49ers, Packers - BRANDO): "Moxie is the word of the day, I am using my three picks this week with only underdogs. Either the ALMIGHTY Survivor Gods will show me mercy for the great balls I am showing, or smite me like they did in Week 2 Of BFIG when i took the Bengals who couldnt score a touchdown at home or Week 11 in the Second Chance when I put my faith in the Cutler and came up short with his three interceptions and him riding off to the locker room in a cart smoking a cigarette. Never less all the Moxie I have showed this year and it biting me in the ass, I shall continue to show it. The Browns will win, my Colts will win, and the Jets will fly by the Chiefs. Hail to the BFIG, Hail to Brando Weeden, Hail to the Survivor Gods, Hail to MOXIE, AND HAIL TO THE COLD REFRESHING TASTE OF BUD LIGHT LIME!!!!! "
Commish says: You have taken Moxie to another level, my friend. I haven't even considered what it'd take to go from BRANDO to the SZN Hall of Fame... but KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
@leedles (Lions, 49ers, Browns - BRANDO): "JOSH GORDON! JIMMY GARAPPOLO (FUTURE GOAT)! THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS 0-16! All three of these away teams are surefire locks that will help me stroll into week 14"
Commish says: YOU ALSO KEEP DOING YOU!!!
@jcaf210 (Bears, Chargers, Raiders - BRANDO): "Commish, last week I said "Cousins is hotter than a Brazilian dancer" but what I really meant is that he is hot at the moment, as in he is playing extremely well. The kid is slinging the ball around the field like Uncle Rico would've if coach would've put him in for the 4th quarter. But to honor your request, here is my hotness ranking: Alessandra Ambrosio, a Brazilian dancer, Bill Belichik in his cutoff hoodie, OBJ when his hair is looking the most like ramen noodles, and then Kirk Cousins."
Commish says: Belichick was +10000 to snag the tthird spot. This might be the most monumental upset of all time.
@jcpadams (Titans, Raiders - BFIG): "How bad are QBs in the NFL this season? I am picking against Savage and Geno, and yet I am still somehow terrified I'm going to lose. If Geno beats me, football is dumb."
Commish says: (Furiously nods head)
@Rhoadhouse (Chargers, Eagles - BFIG): "Well majority of my strategy has been betting against the Browns. I mean, it can't possibly back fire, right? After all, it's not like the Chargers were the only team the Browns beat last year......oh wait."
Commish says: (Furiously nods head)
@RotoJeff (Chargers, Raiders - Second Chance): "So how many remaining participants that have the Chargers remaining will use them? 99%? And yet ... how many times have they gruesomely slain us? I'd fade them but ... it's hard to find two other winners."
Commish says: (Furiously nods head)
@nferdon (Titans, Chargers - BFIG): "Does anyone else think about from last year that Bryan Harris killed harambe?"
Commish says: (FURIOUSLY NODS HEAD)
@Mshkreli15 (Patriots, Chargers, Raiders): "Yeeeeeeehaw cowboy!"
Commish says: We're getting close...
@Lootsdoolb (Patriots, Packers, Jaguars): "Jag-U-aaaaars.....never thought I'd see the day."
Commish says: Closer...
@Sneezybeansme (Titans, Chargers, Steelers): "mariota-lay HEE hooooooooo"
Commish says: And that'll do it for this week. Good luck, everyone!