Brigade of OG BORTLEMANIA!!! Believers,
It's happening. It's all happening. If Bobby Bottle Service takes (OK, rides with?) his team to the Super Bowl, how are we celebrating?
Are we printing custom SZN "BORTLEMANIA!!!" t-shirts? Are we defining BORTLEMANIA!!!, with exactly three exclamation points, on Urban Dictionary?
Are a bunch of you putting together the oral history of BORTLEMANIA!!! and submitting to The Ringer?
We were OG. This isn't some bandwagon shit. You always knew you were part of something special when you joined The SZN (or, way back, just BFIG). But with a few more Jaguars wins, our transcendence will be upon us.
HASSELBRACKET ROUND 3: GO MAKE YOUR PICKS!
With the Jags and Eagles upsets, exactly zero people are left undefeated. 25 people are at 7-1, which means a 9-2 champion is definitely in play.
The picks spreadsheet also duals as a scoreboard.Check it out and consider how bold you want to be with your picks.
Make your HasselBracket Conference Championships picks >>
Picks are due 10 minutes before the first game - 11:55am on Sunday.
YOUR HOT FIRE DIVISIONAL ROUND COMMENTS
@kbanaian (Eagles, Patriots, Steelers, Saints): "Brees spelled sideways is beers, and beers beats a BeerKegnum every time."
Commish says: You know what actually beats a BeerKegnum? Some say "nothing." Some say "Bardy." Some say "BLL." We might find out soon.
@Jsusla (Eagles, Patriots, Jaguars, Vikings): "I'm hoping that Big Ben has to consider retirement after his season interception total against the Jags reaches double digits..."
Commish says: You nailed this in all aspects except realizing that losing to BORTLEMANIA!!! twice in one season is the single strongest reason to come back and do it again. You can't go out that way. You just can't.
@Rockapotamus9 (Falcons, Titans, Jaguars, Vikings): ""Huh, Certainly not, that first year we took it to the limit. And I was in Miami in my new beach house. Well it was a couple minutes from the beach but... oh we've been strong, we're just playing by the rules. You can't just have a new comer come in and...steal the show." -Random Jags fan lady Her random, yet spot on, ramblings are the inspiration for my picks this week. "
Commish says: This is incredible. Please inform us where and when this conversation happened... and more importantly, how.
@Jmkahn (Eagles, Patriots, Steelers, Saints): "Fly, Eagles, Fly. We've heard this chanted countless times. But what does it mean to fly? To quote the late, great Buzz Lightyear, flying is nothing more than falling with style. You must fall in order to fly. The Philadelphia Eagles have fallen, but will they fly? Did Buzz give up when Andy packed all his things for the move? Did Buzz give up when RC ran out of battery while chasing the moving truck? NO. Buzz strapped a freaking rocket to his back in order to get shit done. That moving truck to the super bowl is on the move. Will the Eagles strap up and light the spark under their asses? Will the Eagles fly on the road to victory? Will I get aggressively drunk before 5 p.m. today? Only time will tell."
Commish says: As the Eagles made their final goal line stand, did you jump up and yell, "YOU MUST FALL IN ORDER TO FLY!!!!" ... ?
@quicksilver87 (Eagles, Patriots, Steelers, Saints): "Shout out to Commish for running this thing week in and week out. We appreciate you! And for the love of all that is holy in the name of the BLL Temple, please tell me what "BFIG" stands for!!!"
Commish says: I love you, but... c'monnnnnnn. Read the history page! Everyone read the history page!!!
@mwilliams7018 (Falcons, Patriots, Steelers, Saints): "No explanation. This will happen & I will continue to to not drink BLL."
Commish says: You went 1-3. You know why, right?
@manixa (Eagles, Patriots, Jaguars, Saints): "All aboard the Bortles Train! Express service to Minnesota with quick stops in Pittsburgh and New England! "
Commish says: If this actually happens, who's designing our shirts? I'm serious. Who's doing it? Should we have a competition? Should we just make 15 different shirts? What % of the 6,500 of us here this SZN will buy one? That was a joke. It's 100%. Because BORTLEMANIA!!! ... !!!!!!!!!!!!
@stephenestes (Falcons, Patriots, Steelers, Saints): "There's winners and there's losers. Gotta drown out the noise and go with experience. "
Commish says: Let me fix it for you: "Gotta drown out the water and go with Bud Light Lime. Then there's only winners." There I did it.
@trigger125 (Eagles, Patriots, Jaguars, Vikings): "Boldness!!!! Because commish says so"
Commish says: MOXIE WINS TITLES
@Tbinns (Falcons, Patriots, Steelers, Vikings): "I want to pick the Eagles on the off chance they win and I can make up a game from last week, but let’s be honest, they don’t have much chance with the Falcons clicking.i think if the Pats were favored by 25 they’d cover this weekend. No chance the same Jags that showed up to Pittsburgh in October show up again this weekend, as Bortles is gonna Bortles. Finally, the rematch of one of the most heartbreaking moments of my Vikings fandom (I put it 2nd behind Gary Anderson missing TWO field goals in a game after being perfect on the entire season leading up to the NFC Championship game, but ahead of Blair Walsh missing a chip shot in Seattle). Neither team is the “same team” that played when the Vikings beat up the Saints in week 1, but the Vikings defense is legit, and since Dalvin Cook went down, the Vikings have the number 2 rushing tandem (behind the Saints and I’m ok with that since the Vikings rush defense is far superior to the Saints in this matchup). Vikings, in a landslide...🤞"
Commish says: The most incorrect 2-2 pick comment ever!! BUT... you know what boldness gets you? Email features. And gusto. And stronger bones and longer lives. Be bold, football friends. Be bold.
@CutlerWillDisappointMe (Eagles, Patriots, Jaguars, Saints): "Commish, I'm going full on f'ing moxie on this one--but you know what, these picks aren't for the faint of heart"
Commish says: And I'm going full on WAY TO F***ING GO. You almost completed the quadrifecta Jay Cutler has never given you.
@uscbizman (Falcons, Patriots, Steelers, Saints): "Downed a couple BLLs this time before the picks, still think I go 2-2. But boy has my thirst been quenched. "
Commish says: You went 1-3 on paper, but I imagine, after you crushed that final BLL, you sat back and thought, "Life has become so clear. I cannot lose. Peace be with you, and BLLs be with the world." Right? Right.
@Bill (Falcons, Patriots, Steelers, Saints): "The Falcons are probably going to kill me. Why do I like them??"
Commish says: Hey @Bill, you do realize football teams can't kill you, right? Only the survivor gods can kill you.
@YesThereIsAnS (Falcons, Patriots, Steelers, Saints): "For once things seem obvious. I mean in my heart last week it was obvious that mariota would throw a td to himself but my brain wouldn’t let it be a game-decider. Fuck you, brain. "
Commish says: I'm feeling a new weekly award. Do you feel it? The "F*** YOU, BRAIN" Award!! (Also, nice punctuation, S.)
@A_Team_That_Jane_Likes (Falcons, Patriots, Steelers, Vikings): "Win or lose, these pools are worth the $20 about ten times over. So much fun. "
Commish says: Commish_Likes_Jane_Comments_More_Plz
@Jessicahoff (Falcons, Patriots, Steelers, Vikings): "My husband is a f****** idiot"
Commish says: This is your safe space, Jessica. Let it all air out. I know he told you to pick the Falcons. Let it all air out.
@mcgive_it_to_me (Eagles, Patriots, Jaguars, Vikings): "Teal Curtain > Steal Curtain"
Commish says: The Teal Curtain!!!
@Bruce_Arians_Driving_Cap (Eagles, Patriots, Steelers, Vikings): "Nick Foles is a faun, right? Drew Brees is not. Coincidence?! Ugh so I've switched the Saints and Vikings at least 4x now and I'm sure this will be wrong. But it's 1:30am and I'm sitting here eating cereal thinking about HasselBracket so my life is generally in winning mode I suppose."
Commish says: Cereal and HasselBracket!!!!!!
HOUSEKEEPING
- HasselBracket Conference Championships picks lock SUNDAY at 11:55am PT - 10 minutes before the first game.
- HasselBracket is NON-elimination. You pick all 11 playoff games. Most wins is the champ.
- No Bachelor or Golf SZNs this year. Commish and GM are sticking to football so we can make the thing you enjoy most as awesome as possible.
- Every competition page always shows winners in the gray "Competition summary" sidebar (bottom of screen on mobile). Commish updates these summaries as the season goes.
- Your profile now shows your pick history. Check it out!
- Commish and GM play in all SZN competitions, but we can't win any money. This isn't DraftKings amateur hour.
- Commish loves you. Way more than he loves Mike McCarthy.