BFIG Nation,
How surprised would we really be if another 50 percent dropped out today?
The Chargers and Saints are in our top three. That's like setting up a fireworks show in the forest because open fields got boring.
In recent memory, the Chargers are most famous for handing the 2016 Browns their only win (and preventing BFIG from ending in a massive, 80-something-person pickoff for the Belt).
In recent memory, the Saints are most famous for... sorry. Too soon.
That's survivor, though. Thread the needle. Know when to trust and when not to bust. Avoid the Romocoaster. Shield from the ELIFACE. And always, always accept tickets to GRONKPARTYSHIP.
No, I don't care that Romo isn't in the league anymore. You do understand what BFIG means, right?
And can someone please discover who's heir to the ELIFACE throne? Commish needs this. We all need this.
WEEK 2. IT'S ON. GOOD LUCK, EVERYONE!
WEEK 2 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
Every damn pick (spreadsheet view) >>
Group pages show picks for just your group
FAST FACTS:
- Our top pick (Rams, hosting the Cardinals) garnered the same percentage (31%) as last week.
- We once again have two teams not in play. This week it's the Vikings (playing Rodgersgod) and Browns (that didn't take long).
- Commish will admit he's surprised no one backed Minnesota. We have a bunch of Vikings fans in BFIG, and Rodgers' health is iffy.
- Maybe they asked Bears fans for advice.
- Our top three picks (Rams-Chargers-Saints) make up 78% of all picks. Our top four (add Washington) make up 85%.
- The "top three" and "top four" stats tell us how top heavy the week is. The more top heavy, the more boom or bust it'll be.
- If you study BFIG history, you'll find that our gross picks winning % averages 75%. So, as a loose rule, one out of every four popular picks should lose (on average). That generally holds over the course of a full season.
- Just 110 Pats picks over the first two weeks. Give us another 7-8 weeks until we commence the annual "who's saved the Pats?" watch.
- Famously, last year's champ, @footballnovice, saved the Pats till Week 17 (her 24th and 25th picks of the year).
WEEK 2 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
The SZN's third most prestigious award, behind the BFIG Title Belt and the Haynesworth Hustle Award. You can't win BFIG without showing a little Moxie!
@buhgersh (Giants): "Gotta go run out and buy a jar...for my tears."
Commish says: What... Did you... I mean... ELIFACE ON THE ROAD IN A DIVISIONAL GAME? A MOXIE WAVE IS RISING ABOVE AMERICA, THREATENING TO WASH AWAY ALL FOOTBALL HUMANS NOT AS BOLD AS YOU. Elispeed, my friend. Elispeed.
Commish Communication Award
Quite simply, this is BFIG's best weekly comment (or three)
@amacgill (Chargers): "We survivors are huddled in the basement, hiding from the masked psychopath who just killed our friends. Being blonde, I'm freaking out! With this pick, I'm making a break for it, running up the stairs wielding a box cutter I found in a toolbox. It's woefully inadequate, but it's all I got. Save me, Philip Rivers! Unless, of course, he's the one wearing the mask..."
Commish says: I'M RIVETED. Chargers 2018: Is Philip Wearing The Mask?
@Gleggo (Chargers): "So what do you do when you survive the 51.4% slaughter of week one?? Analyze the stats like hell, watch every games highlights to try to make the best informed decision possible?? or just say, "Shit" if it weren't for Roger's 21 points in the fourth, you would have been in the 60% that didn't make week two,....so what the hell, go with the team that you've followed since you were 10, that every single week finds some new way to win the stats column but lose the game.... Go Bolts!!!!! Make me proud (by defeating a horrible team), or end my misery quickly (by getting a punt and two field goals blocked, a pick six in the first and forth quarter, give up a 109 yard punt return, and after surviving all that, and being up 24-21 by making an incredible 68 yard field goal with only 2 seconds left to play.... Sturgis' plant foot gives out on the kickoff, shanks it, inexplicably pings his gunner in the side of his helmet, sending the ball backwards, and 9 unblocked Bills carry it in for winds up being the 17th most tragic Chargers loss in the past decade. I can then sit back, relax, and wait for the Second Chance round, not having to worry about when or if I pick my beloved Bolts this season. "
Commish says: When this started, I thought it was just another homer pick comment. Then it got going. And then it got GOING! I wish you happiness, love, Bud Light Lime 30-racks, and shelter from the 17th most tragic Chargers loss in the past decade. Riverspeed.
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL. Can you convince anyone that your pick is the right pick? Then I bet you could sell Bengals tickets, too!
@ngranuz1 (Redskins): "Since 2011 Alex Smith is averaging 242 yards per game, has over a 3:1 TD:Interception ratio, and is 3 rushing yards shy of 2000. He is 70-31-1 over that time frame, yet has been essentially discarded by two teams for talent with a "higher ceiling"....A HIGHER CEILING!!!...in a league where Nate Peterman can throw 5 interceptions in one half and then be named next season's opening day starter. Alex Smith's isn't setting up shop in a cathedral ballroom, but I'll be damned if anyone can convince me he doesn't live in a structurally sound cast-a-way cabin just outside of Washington DC. With Tampa's recent victory over New Orleans re-hashing 2015 Survivorpocalypse nightmares, give me the Anti-Jamarcus, Sir Alex Smith. "
Commish says: Alex Smith: STRUCTURALLY SOUND!! I want my t-shirt! Who's making the t-shirt?!?
Definitely Not Concussed Award
Can you teach us something new? No, there are no rules. Just teach us something. Anything. Please?
@Rockapotamus9 (Chargers): ""Party in the city where the heat is on" "All night on the beach till the break of dawn" "Welcome to buffalo" "Bienvenidos a buffalo" - Bills Mafia Rap Troupe"
Commish says: Please tell me this is a thing. Is there video? I'll pay for video.
THIS WEEK AT THE NORWOODS'
Long the First Family of BFIG Commenting, Rob and Paige have never met a laughably absurd and questionably relevant analogy they didn't love.
@crashfu14 (Chargers): "I’ve been thinking about karma, proper decorum and etiquette in a survivor pool setting. It’s not unlike floating an air-biscuit in an elevator. Are you supposed to pump your fist and boldly claim responsibility? Should you keep your head down and say nothing? Cast blame on others? Yank a nose hair and summon tears? Remark on the quality and substance of the offending deed? Are the survivor gods rewarding the intrepid and punishing the foolhardy who cast aspersions on the fallen, or against specific teams? I get that we’re not operating heavy machinery here, nor performing neurosurgery. But, I firmly believe that there are dark forces hard at work against us, so perhaps it’s best to stay vigilant. Wear your foil hat. Phyllis Rivers should be able to beat Buffalo, right? "
Commish says: Which of this, if any, is about Rob (other than the fact he often floats air biscuits)? I want to know about etiquette in a Norwood setting when one of you goes down in BFIG. Separately, the survivor gods reward few and punish many. The passes that look fine only to begin wobbling mid-air and fall into the hands of a defender? Influenced by a survivor god air biscuit.
Paige's partner in commenting crime, Rob, lost in the Saints massacre. He'll be back in Week 5, when BFIG Second Chance kicks off. (Get in if you haven't already!)
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@pneylan11 (Saints): "Are the Saints going to screw everyone over two weeks in a row? I'm guessing not. If they do, it would have to be a pool record for most people knocked out in a season."
Commish says: Back in 2012, the 0-2 Saints hosted the lowly Chiefs in Week 3. Commish featured a deluge of "The Saints can't go 0-3, right?" pick comments, including one made by Bill Plaschke (yep, that Bill Plaschke). 27-24 Chiefs. Even Plaschke fell for it.
@andrewkleinhenz (Rams): "Important question: did the Commish ever end up friending Giorgio Tavecchio?"
Commish says: YES. I absolutely did. And it's STILL pending. I was promised Giorgio's friendship, and all I got was a BLL 30-rack to pour out over the Italian candles I bought in his honor.
@robbobobbo (Chargers): "Last week was a classic Hedge of Happiness. I wanted Buffalo to win. I would have happily joined the 50% of the pool that went out last week because Winston is suspended, or because they bet their season on Week 1 Lions. I would have been proud of my noble sacrifice. But there's no nobility in this. It took one week to descend into savagery. There's blood in the water, and 1k+ people this week are going to hope Buffalo starts Nathan Petermen, to revel in Bill Simmons writing the Bills off in week 1. McDermott said "We’re still finding out who we are as a football team", but I feel like we all found out on Sunday, and that we're all going to make BFIG hay while the football gods' sun shines. Anyway: "Go Bills!""
Commish says: Hold up... do we have a SZN-LONG HEDGE OF HAPPINESS happening here? What should we call it? Do we have any Browns fans who did this in 2016 or 2017? I don't know if I idolize you or am embarrassed to know you, Rob. But I love that I'm asking the question.
@coreyjanoff (Saints): "I was going to take the Rams over the Cardinals, but I'm sticking with your advice about not picking divisional games. If the Rams win and the Saints blow this one to the Browns, I demand a case of BLL delivered to my house!"
Commish says: Delivered to your house? F*** that. I send BLL via Brett Favre private jet cargo drop.
@dgsaites (Chargers): "So this was a tough one. I looked at tons of data. So, after running a few algorith--DID YOU SEE AARON RODGERS RISE FROM THE DEAD AND REMIND THE BEARS WHO THEY ARE AND WHO WE ARE?? HE BEAT THEM ON ONE LEG COMMISH! GPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPG!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Commish says: YAS YAS YASSSSSSSS!!!
@Sleuth (Rams): "Me talking to myself while debating which pick to make: "The key to this game is don't lose." My wife: "Gee, you're so insightful." Me: "I feel like you're mocking me." Wife: "Again...so insightful.""
Commish says: After you have this conversation 17 times in one season, she'll never mock you again. Keep this in mind. Forever.
@meghantbrandonisio (Rams): "IDK. I'm very stressed about this week 2 pick. Need to get to Thursday happy hour ASAP. My husband (Mike Preuss) lost in week 1 so he is not interested in discussing BFIG picks with me. My gut tells me the Bears (and I always try to go with my gut) but as a Bears fan I just can't put myself through that stress. I can't handle BFIG (and have a track record for crying every time I lose each year). I need some sauvignon blanc immediately."
Commish says: What do you mean you can't handle it? You already beat your husband. The two of you are BFIG legends. You have no option. Pound the Sav Blanc, crush some BLL, and get out there and make your picks, Meghan. The fate of the football world rests on your shoulders.
@mnwildfan79 (Rams): "Division game, mcschmiven game. Rams gonna eat. "
Commish says: The survivor gods eat dinner under a neon bar sign that reads "Mcshmiven game"
@Jets (Saints): "Drew Brees losing to the Bucaneers AND Browns back to back? There’s a better chance of Tim Tebow converting to Islam than that coming remotely close to happening. "
Commish says: If this was 2010, I'd immediately register IslamicTebowBingo.blogspot.com
@behan (Saints): "Drew Brees saying that Baker Mayfield "can be better than me" is (1) an absolutely hilarious joke and (2) such a sly/unintentional slap in the face to Tyrod Taylor. Saints by 100. (also I only didn't pick the Saints last week because I was part of their last disaster against Tampa Bay... so they'll probably fck me again - sorry everyone else!)"
Commish says: I believe you mean "Saints by a billion"
@Sal_Minella (Saints): "Incredibly, I once won a trip to Jazzfest, in New Orleans. If you aren't aware, Jazzfest occurs during the Kentucky Derby. With a friend joining me on the trek, we nearly missed our plane to New Orleans (since we were at the airport bar a bit too long that...morning), which should have been a sign of impending knuckleheadedness to come. On that Saturday, the morning after (another) drunken evening, we decided on our race picks, while having breakfast in some funky bakery. After a bunch of wagers, we decided against making one final bet - AFTER choosing the horses. This, of course, was a fateful decision. Although Jazzfest takes place AT a racetrack, we were later unsuccessful in our attempts to view the race live. After another day of incredible music, and toasted or not (ummm, we were!), once we realized we could/should have hit the Superfecta, no amount of additional beer (even if they were Bud Lime Lights) made us forget our stupidity - then, or now. The Superfecta is normally well over $10K, and to this day I refuse to look for the actual winning price. Of course, having that much $$$ on hand in 'Nawlins could have presented additional problems, but that's beside the point. Anyway, New Orleans can assist in helping me recoup some of this "lost" swampy cash, by making amends themselves for last week's debacle. Although being 2-0 obviously gets me no $$$, a win would help me forget the fact that I recalled this story while looking for something to say about the Saints..."
Commish says: If you had drank more Bud Light Lime, you'd have been sober enough to place the bet. You do understand this, right?
@phillipsjtim (Rams): "Larry Fitzgerald does not practice hard."
Commish says: Larry Fitzgerald does not know who you are.
@finallytheRAMShavecomebacktoLA (Jets): "October 2012, @chamack0, @JayJay1888, @kaybthai, and I take a trip to New York, with plans to attend our first NFL game. Our options boiled down to either taking a train to Philly to watch Falcons vs Eagles or hop on over to the Meadowlands for Dolphins vs Jets on 10/28. The sane members of the group wanted to see action between Matty Ice and Michael Vick, but Alex insisted we MUST go see the Mr.Butt Fumble and the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets, so we acquiesce. As you may recall, about a week before game day, Hurricane Sandy rolls into town...everybody freaks out, homes are flooded, cars are stuck, planes are grounded, etc, etc., but not before @chamack0 manages to sneak onto the very last available flight back to CA, leaving us stranded with nothing but a 6-pack of BLL and 4 Dolphins vs Jets tickets he imposed on us in the first place. Alas, we try to make the best of the situation, head on out to Secaucus morning of, sell the extra ticket so we can purchase half a beer, and climb our way up to the nosebleeds. By the time we get to our seats in the 2nd quarter, Miami was already up 20-0, and never looked back. Final score: Dolphins 30 - Jets 9 (Back in Philly, Falcons 30 - Eagles 17). Many tears shed, many curses thrown, many bottles downed that fateful night 6 years ago, but 2018 is the year we undo all that bad juju!! 1. Eagles already defeated the Falcons last week 18-12. CHECK!! 2. @chamack0 goes to shitty game by himself Monday night as the Rams picked apart the Raiders 33-13. CHECK!! 3. The J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets exact sweet, sweet revenge on the Dolphins, easily winning by a score of 27-13. Goddammit, for your sake @chamack0, this better be a CHECK!! 2018...LET'S GO!!"
Commish says: I feel like one thing is missing from this glorious story: The Sanchize attending this game with you. Does anyone know Mark, btw? Anyone? GET HIM IN THE POOL!!!
@scottgmcmullan (Broncos): "Even if this pick loses, it will have cost me 5 million times less than Jon Gruden is costing the Raiders for the next ten years. On an unrelated note, does anyone have Mark Davis's email address? I know a Nigerian prince who's very interested in making his acquaintance."
Commish says: Does the Nigerian prince have a $100 million haircut to offer Mr. Davis?
@Mgarz013 (Saints): "This pick is in honor of Pete Menchini (@pmenchini). Pede hadn't lost in over two years when picking the team playing the Browns. For almost all of those two years, I was right by Pede's side picking against the Browns. Last week I abandoned Pede and went with the Ravens. The Browns didn't lose. Pede is eliminated. I feel like I'm responsible for Pede going out week 1. In honor of Pede I HAVE TO PICK THE SAINTS. This one is for you Petey! "
Commish says: My seventh grade basketball team called me Petey. It was a dark year in my life. (In other news, this is a mostly true story. Pete is famous for going Anti-Browns for all of 2016 until he... accidentally picked the Browns instead of their opponent in Week 15. Bills 33, Browns 13.)
@Lubyland (Rams): "(In Morgan Freeman voice) I wish I could tell you that Lubyland fought the good fight, and the Pick 'em Gods let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but SZN is no fairy-tale world. He never wanted to pick the Rams this early, but we knew why he did. Things will go on like that for a while - SZN life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every year, Lubyland would make it further but not far enough. The Pick 'em Gods keep at him - sometimes he's able to fight 'em off for a week, sometimes not. And that's how it is for Lubyland - that is his routine. I do believe the first two years were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things go on that way, SZN will get the best of him. "
Commish says: I have no idea what you're really saying here, but imagining Morgan Freeman saying "Lubyland" a bunch of times is mesmerizing.
@Thecanadianhero (Rams): "This is the first time that the Browns have scared me out of a pick. I don't know what to do with myself. "
Commish says: Answer: Ask TheRealCanadianHero if the Browns would have scared them.
@SkoalDaddy (Rams): "I really wanted to save my Rams pick, but I talked myself into it by process of elimination. Predictions that will turn out to be completely wrong come Monday morning: 1) Josh Allen and his big hands make Buffalo a scary team at home. After last week’s dumpster fire, Bills Mafia makes a heroic home stand this week by upsetting the Chargers. 2) The Browns are actually a good team and the Saints habitually lose their first few games. The Browns upset the Saints knocking out another 50% of BFIG. 3) The Raiders were just one good half of football away from upsetting the Rams, and if I think the Rams are good, then I have to believe Oakland has upset potential against Denver."
Commish says: Predictions that will turn out to be completely wrong come Monday morning: Good teams often lose to division rivals. OH SHIT.
@LogPeezy (Saints): "I have to be honest- I changed my pick more times than my sister changed outfits before school in 8th grade. It's an absolute must-win for the Saints at home, especially with the tough schedule ahead. Don't overthink it... don't overthink it... LogPeezy <3 DrewBreesy "
Commish says: LemonSqueezy BLLeezy
@23champ (Chargers): "People ask why Phillip Rivers keeps having kids. Most folks say religion, but I'm here to tell you that's not true. Phillip Rivers grows stronger after each child he consummates. He will not stop until he has first, won a Super Bowl, and second, fielded a team of his offspring in which he is the quarterback and leads that team to a Super Bowl. Third is world domination. #SendPhillipRiversToTheDaySpa2k18"
Commish says: "and leads that team to a Super Bowl... at which point he becomes known, forever, as Old Man Rivers" there I fixed it for you.
@mlyman (49ers): "I don't feel like a one-game suck streak by the Lions is enough to assure a 9er victory this week, but here we are. Betting against Detroit worked in week 1, so why not week 2? Answer: Because it just won't, but I'm still going to do it. Also, did @bbroeker6 ever find a girlfriend?"
Commish says: Where did this Detroit hatred come from, MML? Also, did you know MML rhymes with BLL? How much is in your fridge? As for @bbroeker6, I believe he needs to answer for himself... in the Second Chance Pool.
@SaltyDalty (Rams): "Hey Commish! It was a Jets butt tattoo (ended up being a temp because I’m broke and wanted to save money to enter into this year’s pool!) @OJ4MVP keeps promising me that he’s going to go farther than you in the pool this year. Penalty for the loser should be to take up LARPing as a full time career."
Commish says: Than me? Does he actually think someone would take the other side of that bet? Commish's wins in every BFIG season (starting with 2009): 10, 7, 0, 1, 2, 0, 1, 2, 2. AIM HIGHER, OJ.
@jahnyb (Rams): "Sam Bradford... enough said. sorry commish.... can't text and drive AND drink bud light limes at the same time. "
Commish says: "Can't text" implies that you chose to stop writing your comment to maintain focus. And that would mean you were driving while BFIG picking and BLL'ing. I don't know whether to report you to the authorities or to the SZN Hall of Fame.
@jaquizzinmypants (Rams): "Sam Bradford....my friend in BFIG"
Commish says: Featuring this for your username
@thereal_tpain (Chargers): "Peterman is the worst player in NFL history"
Commish says: From here forward, can your pick comment be a new version of you singing "Nathan Peterman" on autotune?
@tweeter11 (Chargers): "My toothbrush > Buffalo Bills"
Commish says: What made you pick your toothbrush for this comparison?
@Jasinators (Saints): "Ah.. commish commish commish. There I was, scrolling through your superbly-written email this past Sunday, when I saw my profession of love to you out in the open for all to see. I will admit, I was surprised. For a studly commish like yourself, how do you have time to read all of these comments? I often find myself wondering this very question. Here is my blatant attempt and catching your eye once again and making my weekend, once again. Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got FINE written all over you."
Commish says: Let's move along. Nothing to see here.
@sjcohen96 (Saints): "Hey commish. I hate how much i love you. Also this is the most nervous i have ever been picking a team playing the browns. I just have a bad feeling, but there are too many unknowns right now to do anything else. Saints wont drop two in a row, right? Tell me i did good!"
Commish says: "Don't hate me because you love me." - Survivor gods. JK I said that.
@Joebro (Saints): "Bingy.BAGUNGY!
Commish says: We're getting close...
@andyfrancis (Saints): "i like turtles"
Commish says: Closer...
@MyTaylorTouchedMyBalls (Rams): "I'm a Gurley boy."
Commish says: Annnnd that'll do it for this week. Good luck, everyone!