BFIG Nation,
The dust has settled. We're staring into a new BFIG frontier.
The Browns are winning. The Bills are not the Browns. The Pats are losing.
Wait a minute...
Maybe we need a few more weeks. Will the carnage continue? Will we see another run like last year, when suddenly everything got easy for a long stretch?
All Commish knows is there are still 675 people left, and NO ONE said "BORTLEMANIA!!!" in their pick comment. If the Jaguars lose and the carnage continues, this is indisputably the reason why.
Don't anger the survivor gods. Live the BORTLEMANIA!!!
WEEK 4 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
Every damn pick (spreadsheet view) >>
Group pages show picks for just your group
FAST FACTS:
- The Chargers (33%) are our top pick, taking on the no-Jimmys at home. The Chargers are 1-2. The no-Jimmys are 1-2.
- I know the no-Jimmys no longer have Jimmy, but please remember one of the Golden Survivor Rules: Records matter more than perception.
- The Jags were our second-most picked team at 29%, and there are absolutely no record or perception issues with Jacksonville.
- No issues, because Bobby Bottle Service has the best record of any quarterback ever, and the Jaguars are led by Bobby Bottle Service and thus could not possibly have any perception issue.
- Also: BORTLEMANIA!!!
- Also: The Jaguars are still the second-least picked team in BFIG history. There were a lot of lean years there.
- The second-most picked team in BFIG history (Green Bay) is our third pick, at 20%. The Pack is home to the Bills.
- So, 20% of the pool is hoping the Packers don't pull a Vikings.
- Too soon? Nah.
- Overall, just 21 teams in play this week - by far our lowest total of the year.
- And three lovely humans picked the Browns to win their second straight game. You're the loveliest.
WEEK 4 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
The SZN's third most prestigious award, behind the BFIG Title Belt and the Haynesworth Hustle Award. You can't win BFIG without showing a little Moxie!
@James_hunter (Texans): "This pick is based entirely upon one play from this past week. When the game was on the line, the Colts benched Luck, and had Brissett attempt the 50 yard Hail Mary. That tells us, and more importantly the Texans defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel, that Luck can't hit the long bomb any more. With that information the game plan practically writes itself. Send that defensive front straight through the five turnstiles that makeup the Colts offensive line, and sack Luck 15 times in the first half. It's not like the Colts are going to run the ball."
Commish says: First, 0-3 team on the road. Boom. Second, this got me thinking about the equivalent in other sports. Does the golfer pull the dude double fisting IPAs from the crowd to hit the driver? Does the basketball player stop on a breakaway to allow someone who can dunk to catch up? Poor, Andrew...
Commish Communication Award
Quite simply, this is BFIG's best weekly comment (or three)
@ryankempsoos (Chargers): "We're under 10% of the pool left alive? Thanks to my Vikings who never cease to amaze or do exactly what I've come to expect. However, no matter how bleak things may seem, we will be perfectly fine! for much like the lifecycle of the beautiful Monarch Butterfly (Danaus plexippusus) vikings fans will go from the larvae stage of a completely panicked Caterpillar, we will feed on optimism like the little fat green worm feeds on Milkweed. And reinforce ourselves into a cocoon of hope... ultimately emerging from our chrysalis as a beautiful Butterfly with a 10+ win season and a crushing loss in the playoffs. Only to start the lifecycle again.... ahhh isn't nature so beautiful and indescribable?... but for now I'm just going to root for the Chargers "
Commish says: Can you please set this to dramatic music and make a video next week? ... And then we will FEED on optimism like the little FAT GREEN WORM feeds on MILKWEED. ALL THE MILKWEED, KIRK. ALL OF IT!
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL. Can you convince anyone that your pick is the right pick? Then I bet you could sell Bengals tickets, too!
@shannonmbrody (Jaguars): "Colts or Jags are my only logical choice this week. So I think I am going with Jaguars because I like the way it sounds when I say Jag....uar. It sounds nice. Although I am not a big cat fan. And I like the Colts colors more..... So now I am confused. I reserve the right to change my pick. But for now, it's the JAGGGGGG uars. Shannon "
Commish says: I'd like more people to sign their pick comments. These are works of art. Not things to be cast aside, like NKotB posters and half drank BLLs. Thank you, Shannon. May your work one day hang in the Museum of SZN.
Definitely Not Concussed Award
Can you teach us something new? No, there are no rules. Just teach us something. Anything. Please?
@jet (Chargers): "Fun fact: I had a brief stint as an intern with the 49ers in their scouting department after I got my masters in applied stats- they wanted to look at how to predict who would be a good leader in the NFL- sadly they didn't have enough data to do much more than that, and I had to go get a job with a real paycheck. one might think this background would give me an edge in fantasy or pick em leagues (or a survivor pool) but my math skills are completely useless in the face of this rapidly diminishing field, and omg the stress- every time the pool gets smaller my stress increases exponentially, part of me almost wants to go out just so i can enjoy thursdays without stressing every morning when i wake up to my text message reminder that i haven't picked yet! but the other part of me is thinking- [sorry Kwesi- my boss from the 9ers]- please survivor gods make rivers come through for me this week; GO CHARGERS!"
Commish says: I love the idea of an NFL exec being like, "Yo, analytics department, I have an idea!! Run the stats - that's what you do, right? - and predict which guys will be LEADERS. Can you have it by next week? We need it by next week."
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@Scutts (Saints): "Just because the Giants beat the shitty Texans doesn’t make them any good. Here is to Manning going full Eliface this week."
Commish says: Shaking my head. The ELIFACE isn't just the face of despair or ineptitude. It's also the face of wrath, absurd comeback victories, and sheer nightmare terror. The ELIFACE isn't a face as much as it is a survivor philosophy. But make no bones about it, the ELIFACE can belong to only one man. Stay away from that man. Far, far away.
@sjcohen96 (Chargers): "I feel like this is going to be another majority pick. It's going to be a long season. Tell me your favorite clean joke to help pass the time. And throw in a dirty one for good measure."
Commish says: In 2009, I attended the ESPY's pre party in downtown Los Angeles with BFIG Original @joshuapasch. We walked in, and Matt Stafford was playing Madden, by himself, in plain sight to everyone entering the party. 20 minutes later, we built the courage to talk to Aaron Rodgers, who was standing in the middle of the party, beer in hand. Aaron proceeded to tell us loses sleep over only one game - No. 7 Cal's 2004 loss to No. 1 USC, when Rodgers had his team at first-and-goal with under two minutes left and a chance to win the game. He walked through the entire final series, through gritted teeth. I feel like this story properly summarizes Matt Stafford and Aaron Rodgers. Thank you.
@bradf10 (Rams): "Last week I found out that I have a morbid facination of watching the Vikings sh;t the bed. Rams by 17. "
Commish says: This was my third life learning, right after "I can see," and "I love Brett Favre"
@BradyBrown48 (Jaguars): "Threw a party this weekend. Commish would've been invited, but he's a Packer's fan, and anything that is associated with Green Bay is a perpetual choking hazard. "
Commish says: I was there. The BLL is buried in your backyard, next to the porch steps. Don't ever underestimate me.
@Cupcake95 (Jaguars): "I choose you Bortles"
Commish says: No. NO ... YES! NO!!!! BORTLEMANIA!!!!!!!!!
@robbobobbo (Jaguars): "I'm the guy who always takes the 5:20 pm flight to Buffalo on Thursdays for work. I know all the flight attendants. I even know the other commuters, the regulars sit in the back and we drink our BLL and Clamatos and the attendants only charge us half the time. I'm a regular. But last week... last week I decided that the Cardinals are so hapless I could save the Vikings for later and get rid of a risky Chicago trip. All my friends would be there waiting for me next week, but, but... they're not. As we all know by now, the pilot, a seasoned veteran named K. Cousins, was tragically drunk at the helm and overthrew, excuse me, overshot the landing strip and crashed. Tragically all 1793 passengers of SKOL flight 008, plus the severely penalized flight crew, were knocked out. I'm still trying to make sense of all of this, when I could have so easily been on that plane, and when it was supposed to be such an easy landing that Joe Flacco did it just 2 weeks earlier with a pilot rating of 121.7. So now, I ask for a moment of silent reflection while I copy and paste all 1793 names into this text box, partially so us survivors can count our blessings, and partially to see if Peter and Kyle put in a limit on this submission box:"
Commish says: I deleted all the names. We mustn't ever speak of this tragedy again. Plus, only like 100 of them fit in the box.
@acaceres (Jaguars): "I originally chose cincinnati on a gut feeling. I was then talked out of choosing them by absolutely everyone. If cincinnati wins and the jaguars lose, I will never trust anyone else ever again."
Commish says: You resisted the Moxie. May survivalgods be with you.
@SaltyDalty (Jaguars): "RIP your season, Commish. We hardly knew ye"
Commish says: But see, you did. I'm only ever alive for three weeks. You must get to know me really well in those three weeks. And, if you're wise, you must study my Week 3 pick every year to understand how (not) to win a survivor pool.
@Wedge1011 (Lions): "I live in Arkansas. I've seen Baker Mayfield run from the cops. So it was no surprise to me to see him run from D linemen like he didn't want to go to the drunk tank on a Thursday night. Believeland Mayfields for the win! Edit: AND I STILL CHANGED FOR THE LIONS BECAUSE I LIVE IN ARKANSAS AND THE TEARS OF COWBOY FANS SUSTAIN MY LIFE FORCE!"
Commish says: Keep this up and we'll have a weekly "Most Arkansas pick comment". Also, next week you're telling the Mayfield story, right? Right.
@itsmeLC (Chargers): "Week 4: How did I get here? Did I ever think in 2018 I would be turning off the Vikings to watch Dad Bod Tiger in his pleated trousers win a tournament and just miss the FedEx Cup? Dad Bod Tiger is more likable than Clay Matthews bitching though less likable than Patrick Mahomes, who is precisely why I am still here... or would that be Kirk Cousins?? **Your Dad Bods are just fine. Good Form. "
Commish says: Thank you for calming the anxiety of all 2,487 Dad Bods competing with us this year.
@jesanfafon (Chiefs): "I make the easy picks while the moxyists get eliminated"
Commish says: Do not denounce the Moxieists, and DO NOT MISSPELL THEIR NAME!
@briansbiceps (Packers): "Go Pack Go! As a shareholder, I feel its my duty."
Commish says: Do your triceps ever make picks?
@ebultman01 (Seahawks): "Nosen on Rosen"
Commish says: Actually it's Jonesin on Rosen. Also, we're getting close...
@Joebro (Falcons): "No bunghole is safe with Matty Ice in the house: Falcons 37 Bungholes 17"
Commish says: Annnnd that'll do it for this week. Good luck, everyone!