Friends in football,
Commish attended his first University of Iowa home football game yesterday. The Hawkeyes won, 23 donut. Their victory song is about drinking beer. The most famous tailgating human is the Big Ass Turkey Leg guy. The bars have BLL on tap.
So, clearly, Commish is considering a move to Iowa. But this isn't nearly the biggest news coming out of Iowa City yesterday. The type of news that gave Commish teary eyes and a full football heart.
Iowa's honorary captain was none other than the greatest football coach (non-Vince Lombardi edition) to ever walk this Earth. The greatest football coach to ever prowl this Earth. The greatest football coach to ever remain completely motionless when massively important touchdowns rocked his team and fanbase.
Jim Caldwell - Iowa alum, Detroit legend, @BigDaddy's ultimate hero, and The SZN's godfather and Grand Poobah - was the honorary captain.
Yes, the Caldwell Choo Choo rolled through Iowa City yesterday. And it made Commish reflect on the legends of BFIG lore who are no longer with us on Sundays.
The Romocoaster, The Curse of Leon Hall, BRANDO Weeden (with us in spirit for Third Chance Survivor), the Caldwell Choo Choo, the Washington Dumpster Fire...
Thank God we still have BORTLEMANIA!!!
WEEK 7 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
Spreadsheet view: BFIG | SC
Group pages show picks for just your group
FAST FACTS:
- This is the first week with major differences between BFIG and Second Chance
- Indy (home to the Derek Anderson Buffalo Bills) is BFIG's big pick at 38%. The Colts are also atop Second Chance, but just barely, at 21%.
- BFIG then goes Falcons (19%, vs. Elis), Rams (12%, at No-Jimmys), Chiefs (7%, vs. Bengals), Chargers (7%, vs. Titans)
- Second Chance has the Rams (21%) nearly at the top, along with the Chargers (20%).
- What's happening here, more than anything, is the first real evidence of teams being unavailable for large swaths of BFIG.
- Headed into this week, 73% of BFIG's survivors had already won with the Chargers. 39% had used the Rams, 30% for the Chiefs, and... 0% for the Colts.
- Add in the perceived value of "saving" the Rams and Chargers, and you get what BFIG's pick distribution looks like this week.
- Reminder that last year's champ, @footballnovice, somehow saved the Patriots till Week 17.
- Reminder that BFIG might not see Week 17 this year. Commish is good at predicting many things. BFIG season length is not one of them.
- Reminder that records matter more than perception. (Oh, shit.)
WEEK 7 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
The SZN's third most prestigious award, behind the BFIG Title Belt and the Haynesworth Hustle Award. You can't win BFIG without showing a little Moxie!
@rocco1707 (Cardinals): "Did I really just pick Rosen to beat the Broncos defense? Pray for me"
Commish says: The Moxies aren't doing so hot this year. Someone please get the Moxies some oxygen. The Moxies will come back. They always do.
Commish Communication Award
Quite simply, this is BFIG's best weekly comment (or three)
@jschlesinger79 (Colts): "I'm not scared picking a 1-5 team. I'm not scared, I'm not scared...you're scared."
Commish says: Records matter more than perception. You're damn right I'm scared.
@nomorr42 (Colts): "I won't get knocked out by Derek Anderson....right?...RIGHT?.....OH GOD, I AM GOING TO GET KNOCKED OUT BY DEREK ANDERSON, AREN'T I?"
Commish says: SO, SO SCARED!!
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL. Can you convince anyone that your pick is the right pick? Then I bet you could sell Bengals tickets, too!
@owenkinsky (Falcons): "I hate this pick, because stupid EliFace is going to find a way to win. Even though he is terrible and will go down as the most worthless Hall of Famer in Canton. Seriously. Look at his numbers. If it weren't for the ridiculous random runs to the Super Bowl he had and his last name, he wouldn't even be close to Canton. By the time the season is done, he won't even be a .500 career QB. Regardless, he will find a way to beat the Falcons on the road, probably because Eli has a better chance of throwing a TD to Julio Jones than Matt Ryan does."
Commish says: Thoroughly enjoying the "Postgame mirror speech" before it even happens. I really hope it doesn't happen. But you Eli'd yourself if it does, Owen. Godelispeed, my man.
Definitely Not Concussed Award
Can you teach us something new? No, there are no rules. Just teach us something. Anything. Please?
@MikeBosco58 (Chargers): "I keep thinking LAC is the Clippers.... Remember Michael Olowokandi?"
Commish says: I have this thought every single week. It paralyzes me. The Clippers part. RIP, Michael Olowokandi's NBA career.
THIS WEEK AT THE NORWOODS'
Long the First Family of BFIG Commenting, Rob and Paige have never met a laughably absurd and questionably relevant analogy they didn't love.
@rnorwood (Chiefs): "So how does the gang on Scooby Doo make money? They roll around in the Mystery Machine, and magically happen upon mysteries needing solving. Apparently there's no firm financials in place for payment. Do they carry professional liability insurance? What are the tax implications of being paid in Scooby Snacks? Did Velma put her big ol' nerd brain into filing as a 501 (c) non-profit? Old Man Dithers wouldn't get caught if weren't for "those pesky kids." He gets unmasked as a fraud every damn time, and the Gang rolls on with $2.44 worth of gas in the tank. Whatever. The Bengals are a fraud too. The Chiefs are going to drop 50 on Old Man Dalton."
Commish says: Does anyone have a Chiefs press pass? I'd pay good money to see Norwood ask Andy Reid about the Scooby Gang's financial livelihood.
@crashfu14 (Rams): "I see that Taco Bell is giving away limited edition platinum X-Box One consoles. All one has to do is survive eating a $5 Chalupa Box and they'll be given an entry code. Seems pretty dodgy. I suppose getting the secondary squirts is its own reward, but in the grand scheme of risk there's not much of a value proposition in play. BFIG should do a giveaway. A game console stained with the tears of the fallen, and the light aroma of abject failure. Just when it is operating as expected, it will crash spectacularly and choke off the light of all hope and dreams. Give me the Rams por favor."
Commish says: I'm concerned for you. Has BFIG success become too much a burden to bear? Are you having dreams ending with spectacular crashes, darkness, and Rams tears?
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@brianbarson (Chargers): "SAN DIEGO CHARGERS FOR THE WIN. F*** YOU LOS ANGELES."
Commish says: WHY ARE WE SO ANGRY LESS SCOTCH MORE BUD LIGHT LIME
@sjcohen96 (Rams): "Another week another nailbiter for me with the Packers. This is getting ridiculous. You're going to give me a heart attack. Week 2: Saints manage to come back after the Browns can't kick a field goal and blow it late Week 3: Bears down 14-0 against the Cards and manage to come back with some late turnovers Week 4: Chargers down 14-0 and come back with a couple huge second half picks Week 5: Bengals down 14-0 and come back with a pick 6 and fumble 6 in the fourth Week 6: Packers give up the lead late and look like they might blow it before Beathard throws a pick and Aaron Rodgers does Aaron Rodgers things. Has anyone else has a more butt-clenching stretch of picks? I'd love to hear."
Commish says: How is your hair? Your fingernails? How about your swagger? Are you finding your work enhanced by a swell of "f*** it, why not?" How's your partner doing? Do you have a partner? If not, do you have a new Tinder bio? Should you?
@misterfurnace (Colts): "BFIG Survivor-1st chance: Go lucky Colts!"
Commish says: You need to work on your pick comments, sir, but you have picked Cleveland, Indy, and the Jets so far. And for that, you might be the most moxilicious BFIG survivor of them all.
@Jsusla (Cardinals): "The Broncos defense has holes bigger than Peyton Manning’s forehead, and DaJohn is all hyped up all BLL for a breakout game."
Commish says: You'll be forever revered for your Moxie. Please get Peyton in the Pool.
@joshjablonski15 (Colts): "I feel like the Colts will be a popular pick this week, but it's a little nerve-wracking pick them. After the Bills accomplished the Great Viking Pillage of 2018, anything can happen especially against a very mediocre Colts team. You can't win the BFIG without a little moxie though, right? "
Commish says: RIGHT JOSH RIGHT. Also, how about that GVP? Can't wait for GVP 2019!
@kenziehaygood (Colts): "Hopefully everyone picks the Rams over the no-Jimmys and then mini-Jimmy comes in and hands the Rams their first loss of the season. A stretch? Sure, but after a strong game against the Packers, I'm not willing to risk it. So fingers crossed they pull it off for me while Indy cruises over no-name-#3 on the Bills. "
Commish says: "Luck, mini-Jimmy, and the Title Belt: A football life well lived" - I can't wait to read your autobiography!
@TheGMs_Wife (Falcons): "The GM's new wife is going for 37 Commish. Do I officially win the award for the most BFIG wins without actually winning?! "
Commish says: Actually, maybe. Pretty soon you're gonna stand atop the BFIG all-time wins list. What will this mean for your marriage and your future?
@Tijani (Rams): "A road divisional game breaks all the rules..."
Commish says: SO THEN Y U DO IT
@npaliga (Rams): "Because I dont have the balls to pick the Browns."
Commish says: FIND THEM... err, GROW THEM... buy them?
@BigFurryWookiee (Lions): "My first away pick... Save me Stafford!! "
Commish says: ... said no reasonable human ever.
@JGrrr (Rams): "What a week it’s been. My washer/dryer gave up on life but my tv still works so there’s no real issues here especially not the 49s trying to stop the rams "
Commish says: I feel like you'd be an excellent podcast guest. "Well, I lost my job and my kid got beat up but man what a GREAT Thursday night football game we had this week!"
@TebowPlaysBaseballNow (Chargers): "Q: What do the Los Angeles Police Department and the Chargers have in common? A: Neither one can stop a Bronco. This doesn't apply at all to my pick (since I need the Chargers to win and they aren't even playing the Broncos). However, I did chuckle, and with the state of the world, couldn't we all use a little chuckle?"
Commish says: Yes thank you but where the hell is UCKFUB? I get 742 emails a week asking about it.
@jkeller11 (Lions): "What do you do when Peterman is off the table? Dare Brocketship to win 2 in a row. If he does, he'll have ruined two straight Sundays for this Bears fan. "
Commish says: It's Brockweiler. Brockweiler.
@SundayStormTrooper (Broncos): "When Von Miller says he’s gonna kicker your ass, I believe him. Although I once believed that the number on the gas tanks was the year of the gas not the octane."
Commish says: At what age did you stop believing in Santa?
@aweinfield (Falcons): "Saquon could feed a family of 10 for 3 weeks with his thighs but instead has chosen to play professional football. Seems sort of selfish, Falcons by 7!"
Commish says: Can someone send this to Saquon? No, don't include @aweinfield's name. No. Seriously, this is dangerous. STOP!
@jakejscsu (Falcons): "I'm calling it. Tim Dwight starts the game with a kickoff return TD. Then Chris Chandler to Terance Mathis for 2 scores. Jamal Anderson for 120 and 2 TD's. Falcons claw the Giants to death. #dirtybirdfordays"
Commish says: ... and you're just ignoring LT and Strahan getting buckets, and Amani Toomer going deep?
@Cdekranis (Chargers): "As the Almighty Zeus once stood upon Mount Olympus, slinging bolts of lightning at the Titans attempting to takeover, so shall Sir Philip of Los Angeles this weekend. It’s going to take more than the powers of the wicked Hades to release these Titans from the Chargers vicious grasp. Chargers by a million. "
Commish says: Sir Philip of Los Angeles! Also known as SPLA!
@WHISKEYONSUNDAY (Dolphins): "Brick oswieler, oh you very tall quarterback. That's all I got. He's tall and playing against the Lions defense"
Commish says: More whiskey on Wednesday before your next pick comment plz
@MadTommy (Rams): "Commish doesn’t really read this stuff, if he did he would know I called him a Gurley-man!"
Commish says: WANNA BET TOMMY
@Tjeffries96 (Colts): "If im going down in this big pool, im going down with my team. DONT FAIL ME NOW COLTS! Thanks Commish for everything you do and Congratulations GM on the wedding. Tap a keg of Bud Light Lime and enjoy this action packed week 7. DILLY DILLY!!! "
Commish says: DILLY DILLY, GM AND @THEGMS_WIFE!
@saltzjared (Colts): "I need to get Andrew Lucky "
Commish says: We're getting close...
@sholper85 (Colts): "Giddy Up Horsies!"
Commish says: Closer...
@antoinewb (Rams): "Ram it, slam it, and cram it dammit!"
Commish says: Annnnd that'll do it for this week. Good luck, everyone!