Friends in football,
Commish is currently in Mexico, where everyone seems to think Pacifico plus lime is the same thing as Bud Light Lime. It's infuriating.
That's like saying s'mores roasted over a campfire is the same thing as a S'mores Pop-Tart. What's that? I'm on the wrong side of these comparisons? Shit.
In other news, Day of the Dead-esque skulls painted in NFL team colors is a popular tourist shop item. Proud to report the Packers are in every damn shop. Weirdly, the Dolphins and 49ers seem to be Nos. 2 and 3.
Sad to report not a single Jags helmet. I think BORTLEMANIA!!! is dead. Do we need to organize a SZN bonfire to pour one out for BORTLEMANIA!!!? Does Jim Caldwell play acoustic guitar?
SEMANA DIEZ. VAMOS!!
WEEK 10 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
Spreadsheet view: BFIG | SC
Group pages show picks for just your group
FAST FACTS:
- BFIG's top pick is... wait for it... the Jets! In the first two-pick week, 42% are backing the no-Darnolds at home vs. the no-Petermans.
- In case you're wondering, this matchup is officially Josh McCown (Jets) vs. MATT BARKLEY (Bills). Matt Barkley!
- These teams' 5 combined wins might be the lowest ever for a top pick beyond Week 10. Anyone who bets on this game is loony.
- Second Chance isn't nearly as high on the Jets, with just 22% backing them. The top SC pick is the Chargers (44%, at the Grinders).
- If the Chargers and Grinders play in Oakland, which team draws more fans? (Trick question! The answer is the Packers, followed by the Jags, Niners, and San Jose State Spartans.)
- BFIG's next highest picks: Philly (27%, vs. Dallas), Kansas City (25%, vs. Arizona), Atlanta (23%, at Cleveland), and Green Bay (23%, vs. Miami)
- 40% of BFIG's remaining 296 comtabants chose not to pick the Chiefs (massive 17-point favorites at home to Arizona), clearly planning to save them for a later date.
- As the numbers drop and we get closer to the Belt, Commish will illuminate some of this season's highest leverage decisions. Today's Jets picks and non-Chiefs picks are two easy candidates.
WEEK 10 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
The SZN's third most prestigious award, behind the BFIG Title Belt and the Haynesworth Hustle Award. You can't win BFIG without showing a little Moxie!
Remember, Moxies don't just flow like water. You have to be bold AND you have to submit a comment. Shout-out to @jvkelly353 who picked the Bengals over the Saints in BFIG. If you survive, the people demand to hear your logic next week!
Commish Communication Award
Quite simply, this is BFIG's best weekly comment (or three)
@LAhomer88 (Falcons, Eagles): "For some reason, the people in this group seem to enjoy the vile concoction known as Bud Light Lime. As a gift, my father-in-law gave my wife and I a neon sign to put over the bar in our house from the actual bar he operated in Florida. It happened to be a Bud Light Lime sign. I assumed he was willing to part with it specifically because no one was buying any of that noxious potion so there was no need to have the sign. I, in turn, refused to put it on our wall based on my abhorrence of the beverage. This was back in 2010. It has been boxed and stored in unseen corners of my living spaces through 2 moves and now resides in my basement beneath a mound of unimpressive pictures my 5-yr old presents to me after each day of school. In truth, I would much rather wallpaper my house with his pictures then place one BLL sign up and be judged by visitors. All this is to ask if someone wants to take this sign off my hands, please let me know. All birds this week - Falcons and Eagles. Hopefully, none of them drink any BLL before (or after for their sakes) they play. "
Commish says: SEND ME THE SIGN. How much is shipping? How much is overnight shipping? I'll pay the damn difference. Send it to me before you understand that BLL sign's value (both intrinsic and monetary). And send it to me before you lose this week, because the survivor gods don't tolerate this nonsense. (Seriously: commish@theszn.com; thx tty soon)
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL. Can you convince anyone that your pick is the right pick? Then I bet you could sell Bengals tickets, too!
@JETaylor21 (Saints, Chargers): "I’m not here to sell you on my picks. Not much to see. Chargers are like the tornado 10 miles north of me right now. (Seriously, stop the sirens!). And the Raiders are the empty corn field that’s run by a guy who literally still thinks it’s 2008. (Also, it just feels appropriate to bolt up with tornado sirens in the background). And if a greenless red rocket can stop the saints from marching...well again, I’m not here to tell you about my boring picks. I’m here to tell you why your picks are wrong. After seeing Dallas as a top pick last week, I could smell the Moxie cooking. No, Dallas wasn’t moxalcious or anything, but they didn’t belong as the top pick. And neither do the Jets this week. I’d like to be clear that the Peterman nor the Anderson scare me. I’m not sure either could scare a youth football defense. I had a nice thing wrote up about how Sam Darnold is actually Mark Sanchez and he will pull the mask off during the forth quarter this week when he gives up a late interception deep in Jets territory to set up a game winning Field goal for a 9-6 win for the Bills (maybe he still is and this isn’t a “new” leg injury.) But now Darnold has been declared out. So now there is 0 excuse for you to chose the Jets. As now you’d be betting on Josh McCown. As a man who lived in northeast Ohio for my entire life up to a few months ago (which at minimum meant I cheered for the Browns..idk about calling muself a fan, as that’d mean emotional distress. But when you grew up being stuck watching the Browns every Sunday....some kind of fandom occurs). And also, being a life long Jets fan (rough football fandom for...my entire life, I know) I can not imagine a situation where it is wise to be on Josh McClown. If Darnold were playing, I guess maybe I understand your thinking that this is the week Sam finally comes out. But here’s another thing...the Bills D...not horrible. Maybe even good? Also, this is a divisional game. Isn’t that suppose to be a rule or something? Have we not learned? My expectation is no. Somehow there will be an unexplainable number of people picking the Jets. Oh, one last thing, beware of the Browns this week too. The Browns are 11-3 all time against the falcons. Which I still can’t believe that’s true even though I’m staring at the stat. And they’ve outscored them by over 100 points 330-215. So just beware. "
Commish says: THIS MAN CAN SELL YOU BENGALS TICKETS EVERY WEEK FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!!!
Definitely Not Concussed Award
Can you teach us something new? No, there are no rules. Just teach us something. Anything. Please?
@mnwildfan79 (Chiefs, Jets): "I understand that you can get messages to Gruden, and I'm here to help. Dear Chucky, In the early Madden videogames that included franchise mode you could make any trade you wanted, then they introduced a "fair trade" feature which added an algorithm to judge if a trade was fair or not. Someone figured out that the algorithm had a position scarcity mulitplier built into the code. I figured out the perfect recipe to build a dynasty and I thought you should at least consider using it to build da raidas. Now I had the advantage of choosing a draft of all players so you'll have to adapt a bit but I think you can do it! 1) draft the highest rated player with your first pick 2) draft every single center in the league with the rest of your picks 3) when the rest of the league realizes they don't have a center, they panic 4) you offer them your shittiest center for their best player and a good collection of draft picks 5) they accept because position scarcity 6) repeat 4 until you only have 1-2 center left and 30 or so rally good players And a ton of picks next year 7) use other teams bravado against them by trading the draft picks you own from superior teams for the bad teams' picks, they accept because they believe in themselves and you profit. So what I'm saying is keep trading for draft picks and take all the centers for 5 years in a row and then engage the plan. Good luck!"
Commish says: How many hours of gameplay did it take you to discover this? You can level with us here. This is a safe space. Kind of. We supply BLL 30-racks along with tissue boxes.
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@kenziehaygood (Chiefs, Jets): "This is terrifying. TWO. TWO! Between the Browns and the Bills... why do I have a feeling one of them has to over perform and knock me out? Seems too likely. Am I doing it anyway? Ya, probably. I really want to pick my no-Jimmys with this new-baby-Jimmy (thank goodness fake-mini-Jimmy is good), but probably worth seeing him play against a team that has an actual offense unlike the Raiders before I start pining my hopes and dreams on him. Note: this will probably come back to bite me in the a** at some point. "
Commish says: FAKE MINI JIMMY!!!
@jbarton (Jets, 49ers): "East Coast meets West Coast and I got lost somewhere in-between. Thanks a lot Oregon trail!!!"
Commish says: What was the window for Oregon Trail immersion? I LOVED that shit. But kids today don't still play it, right? So what was the window? 1992 through 2000? Even narrower? These are life's crucial question.
@BigFurryWookiee (Packers, Chiefs): "I'm sorry, Commish. I'm embarrassed by these picks. No moxie at all. The fear of the first two-pick week has gotten the best of me. I promise I'll do better next time. I mean, I'll have to, I'll be out of "safe" picks. Have I sealed my doom...?"
Commish says: Don't apologize to me. Apologize to the survivor gods. They're watching. And they're furious as hell.
@Nick_Stavro (Bears, Buccaneers): "Losing my mind on the whole strategy piece and even more shocked I lasted this long. As REO said “Roll with the changes!!!” In the Bearded Harvard Tampa Gangsta we trust "
Commish says: This week's winner of the "Comment we'd send in the time capsule to the aliens" award.
@JGrrr (Chiefs, 49ers): "Do I think this is a good pick? I’m a little nervous about the 49ers but otherwise Damn straight I think this is a good pick. "
Commish says: This week's winner of the "What you literally said to yourself while making picks" award.
@TebowPlaysBaseballNow (Packers, Eagles): "Can't believe I'm still here. Another double dosage of Useless City Facts is here! Green Bay: Green Bay has long been known as the "toilet paper capital of the world" because the first splinter-free toilet paper was produced here. The paper industry is still one of the area's largest employers. Even with all the great progress in toilet paper, Clay Matthews still prefers to use the "splinter-full" type. Philadelphia: Move over, Buffalo. Back in 1993 (when it was evident the Eagles wouldn't make the Super Bowl anytime soon), a radio host hosted the first annual "Wing Bowl" in Philadelphia. The phenomenon has gained popularity every since, with Molly Schuyler winning 2018's Wing Bowl XXVI by consuming 501 wings in 30 minutes. Just let that sink in. She won $5,000, a 2018 Hyundai Sonata, a ring, and a medal. Sadly, that was the final year of the Wing Bowl, as the Eagles finally won their Super Bowl. Wing Bowl was officially cancelled on October 30, 2018 after 26 years. "
Commish says: I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm also not sure if I remember what the toilet paper is like in Green Bay. Probably because I typically can't feel any part of my body after a few quarters at Lambeau FIeld.
@jeremy (Packers, Chargers): "I heard Gruden tried to trade the offensive line for a ham sandwich"
Commish says: How's the sandwich's arm strength?
@CRLAKE584 (Falcons, Chargers): "Farve can't make picks, he is retired. Me? I am still alive ! Love you, Commish ."
Commish says: But he CAN. Who knows Brett? Someone has to know Brett? GET HIM IN THE POOL!!!
@Lubyland (Jets, Eagles): "Goin green! Eagles and Jets. Good for the environment. Good for your body. Good for SZN. Of course, green is the color of infectious mucus, exorcist-esque puke, and boogers. So maybe not so good. Not persuasive enough. I’m still picking green. Eagles and Jets are my boogers and I’m going to “eat” them no matter what."
Commish says: Nothing to see here. Let's move on...
@B1Zambrano (Falcons, Chargers): "This hurts me every week "
Commish says: STAY STRONG.
@sprinkler17 (Chiefs, Jets): "i dont know what im doing "
Commish says: I LOST IN WEEK 3.
@Seand8 (Jets, Eagles): "Following my heart"
Commish says: HOPE YOUR HEART DOESN'T HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR MATT BARKLEY
@Deflatriots (Jets, Eagles): "I play the Bachelorette Fantasy app every season."
Commish says: DAMN RIGHT YOU DO. (And that'll do it for this week. Good luck, everyone!)