Friends in football,

You want drama at the bitter end of a long NFL Survivor season?

How about 4 people left in the race for the FitzMagic Survivor title, and SEVEN different teams picked among them? Does that qualify?

Welcome to the most spread-out picking week in SZN NFL Survivor history.

 

WEEK 16 PICKS

• WeeWoo Pick'em
  • Summary | Weekly Standings
• FitzMagic Survivor
  • Summary | Weekly Standings | Golden Spreadsheet
• BFIG
  • Ended in Week 14
• Your group picks (get in a group with friends!)

 

So who did these Week 16 survivors pick? Let's run it down:

• Two on the 6-8 Bucs (at Cards)
• One on EACH SIDE of the 4-10 Broncos at the 4-10 Rams
• One on the 7-7 Jets (now 7-8 after losing to the Jags; RIP)
• One on the 6-8 Steelers (vs. Raiders)
• One on the 7-7 Lions (at Panthers)
• One on the 8-6 Chargers (at Colts)

Add this to the extremely long list of why Commish loves NFL Survivor.

At the bitter end, we have two of our final four combatants on either side of the most hilarious/improbable trash game of the 2022 schedule - 4-10 Broncos at 4-10 Rams.

And we have someone bragging to their friends about how they're on the red-hot Detroit Lions and everyone else settled for lesser teams.

If Brady and the Bucs lose (again) - they're already in the running for Worst Survival Team of 2022 - then that Lions picker, @DinsyTheGreek, has the fast track to a SZN Title. If the Bucs win, we'll likely see Week 17.

Happy Holidays to all who celebrate. Commish hopes you're surrounded by loved ones. And if for any reason you're not, just reply to this email and we'll shower you with some love. Because Commish loves you, and I'm stoked you let us be a small part of your life.

 

PICK STATS

 

WeeWoo Pick'em

• The Chiefs are (again) our top pick, with 96.3% of us picking them to handle the Genos at home
• We've been HEAVY on the Chiefs for weeks. This is their WeeWoo ranking (in terms of picked percentage) since Week 9: 2nd, 1st, 4th, 2nd, 10th (at Bengals), 2nd, 1st, 1st
• Next week, the Chiefs host the woeful Broncos. Commish is pretty sure we've never seen a team be the #1 WeeWoo team for THREE straight weeks. It might happen
• Naturally, KC is now our most picked WeeWoo team of the year, having passed Philly a few weeks ago
• We've picked the Chiefs 121,365 times, and heading into this week, they've posted a W for 76% of those picks
• That win rate is third best, behind the Vikings (82%) and Eagles (93%)
• Speaking of the Eagles, 63% of us picked them to lose to the Cowboys this week
• Commish accepts the Cowboys good and Philly's star QB, Jalen Hurts, is not playing... but Gardner Minshew is one of the league's better backups and the entire Eagles team is very good
• Value for the 37% Eagles pickers!
• The rest of our top picks: Bills (96%, at Bears), Niners (91%, vs. Commanders), Ravens (87%, vs. Falcons), Bengals (86.5%, at Pats), Bucs (86.5%, at Cards)
• Did we really pick the woeful Bucs at an 86.5% clip?!
• If for no other reason, isn't there huge value in picking the Cards so you can root for Trace McSorley to beat Tom Brady?
• Should Brady be forced to retire on the spot if he loses to McSorley?
• Should Commish drink Bud Light Lime on Christmas Day?!?

 

FitzMagic Survivor

• Commish laid out the picks in the main section
• @Steventhelegs sadly lost on the Jets on Thursday night BUT that doesn't mean they're out of it
• It's certainly possible nobody goes 2-0, in which case everyone who went 1-1 goes to a Week 17 pickoff for the title
• If only ONE person goes 1-1 while everyone else goes 0-2 (also possible!), that person is the champ

 

WEEKLY AWARDS

 

Commish Communication Award
Our best weekly comment (or three)

@Shaggybrak (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "My first thought this week was how awful must it be to be Texans fan (Uncle Todd I'm looking at you)... but then I saw that the Broncos are playing the Rams in what should have been, on paper, at the start of the season a highlighted game between two Super Bowl QB Veterans, but now is reduced to a complete fiasco. I just looked up fiasco to be sure I'm using it correctly. Fiasco: noun; a thing that is a complete failure, especially in a ludicrous or humiliating way. "The contract they gave Russell Wilson is a complete fiasco." Straight from the dictionary."
Commish says: My first thought is that Uncle Todd and The GM should probably start some type of Texans support group. My second thought: How many fiascos have there been this year, and is it an unusually large number of NFL fiascos? Certainly multiple QB fiascos. Certainly several weeks of SZN picking fiascos. What might very well be a Christmas Eve cold weather fiasco today. Commish was at a bar in Brooklyn on Thursday and the patrons were getting legitimately hopeful about Chris Streveler at QB. IS THAT A FIASCO?!?

 

"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
Most convincing comment. (When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL.)

@Deacon (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Very tempting to go with the full slate of away teams this week, just for laughs, but consensus seems to be that this has never happened in the modern era - the best has evidently been a 12-2 record for away teams in week 1 of the 1983 season. Key upsets for this week will be Seahawks over Chiefs at an unseasonably chilly Arrowhead, Texans over Titans, and Commanders over 49ers. Also, Eagles over Cowboys, just to spite the little "g" gods, which, I hate to break it to everyone, are not gods but demons. That doesn't mean they can't hurt you, to be clear, but let's not give them more credit than they're due."
Commish says: I was doing just fine today and now I am terrified of these demons. I want to know both everything and nothing about them. Also, are you a Demon Deacon and why has it never occurred to me that the state of North Carolina (Duke, Wake Forest) REALLY likes evil things?

 

Definitely Not Concussed Award
The spiciest/wildest take.

@ekahn93 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "In week 14 of the 2017 season, the still-liked Eagles MVP candidate Carson Wentz tears his ACL making a dive for the endzone and getting denied at the goal line. NFL Grand Maesters look back on that play as an unnecessary run for a QB made out of balsa wood and scotch tape, but absolutely pivotal in the history of the league. Jump to week 15 of the 2022 season where the very much-liked Eagles MVP candidate Jalen Hurts takes an unnecessary tackle landing on his shoulder and may miss multiple games. A couple days later Nick Foles is named the starter for the remainder of the season for the Colts. The parallels of these events are enough to cause grown men to put out their cigars in their glass of Scotch and weep. I hope. Nay. I pray the football gods look down kindly on us plebeians."
Commish says: Kahn, have you thought how you're going to explain to your grandchildren that Nick Foles beat Brady and Belichick in a Super Bowl? Have you also realized that, due to the added 17th game, both Wentz and Hurts got hurt with 3 weeks to go? And that we're about to start the year 2023, which ends with a 3? And that before the 3 is a 2 and this would be Philly's second Super Bowl win? And before the 2 and 3 is 20, which is the number of BLL egg nogs Commish has had while typing up this reply? THE STARS ARE ALIGNING FLY EAGLES FLY!!

 

 

MORE COMMENTS

@Nawlinssaints (Loser: Cowboys, Packers): "These picks have a reasonably high chance of being revised; FFS, there’s still only two of us left. I will not be providing any further updates."
Commish says: I am here to report NO CHANGES. Is the reasonably high chance of revisions now replaced with the reasonably high chance of a Stat Padford (Loser) Survivor inaugural title?!?

 

@DSchill (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "I love Christmas, but I HATE, HATE, HATE winter and snow. They are both full of discomfort and risk. AND, I can't drink beer outside! Yeah, I live in Illinois. It ain't hell, but you can see it from here. I need to fly to St. Somewhere!!! Gimme, gimme, gimme some Wee-Woo lovin!"
Commish says: What is this about not being able to drink beer outside in the winter? @BigDaddy chugged an entire Bud Light Lime in 0-degree weather outside Lambeau last year. This sort of attitude is why the best the Bears have had since the 90s is Jay Cutler. Drink that beer outdoors and hope the Bears find Justin Fields an o-line!

 

@YesThereIsAnS (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Can't believe we didn't get an "on to Cincinnati" from Belichick last week... so I think Burrow's gonna catch a pass from Jakobi Meyers to put the Pats to shame AGAIN."
Commish says: Do we think Dan Orlovsky is happy or upset that he's no longer going to be associated with the label of, "Man Who Committed The Most Foolish Play in NFL History"????

 

@batkins (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Maybe Mac Jones can start at linebacker this week"
Commish says: Jakobi Meyers really said out loud that he thought he saw Mac Jones open. That's something a man admitted to the public. You gotta take that to the grave.

 

@rnorwood (QB: Geno): "True story. A company I worked for had a tradition of providing a frozen turkey to each employee at Christmas. This came in form of a glittery voucher that one had to present at the grocery store. (Think of it as a very poorly executed Willy Wonka Golden Ticket.) The purchase transaction at the check stand always seemed to generate great confusion, usually required manager intervention, several phone calls, and even in the best of times backed up the line to Timbuktu. There were several problems with the core concept, beyond the voucher bit. Key managers tried to gently nudge senior executives to understand the breadth of issues. One, a large percentage of our employees didn’t celebrate Christmas. “Fine,” they said. “It’s now a HOLIDAY turkey. Satisfied?” An even larger percentage of our employees were vegetarian. “Fine, they said. “We’ll change the voucher to include HAM. Satisfied yet?” You can’t fix everything I guess, not even my recent Brocket Launcher debacle. Whatever. Happy Festivus everyone."
Commish says: HAM IS VEGETARIAN AND JUSTIN FIELDS WILL THROW FOR 350 THIS WEEK

 

@Gammon88 (QB: Jones): "Changing my pick after submitting for the first time this season. Was set to roll with Derek Carr, but the 5 degree forecast made me change my pick. Hope it's for the better"
Commish says: Our Brocket Launcher leader speaks! You see this, all our other competition leaders? BE LIKE GAMMON.

 

@mahatma19 (QB: Mahomes): "I wish there were something here where your name sparkled in this competition when you select Pat Mahomes for the week"
Commish says: DEAR GM, please build more sparkles, some glitter ponies, and the ability to pick ties in NFL games. It's all the people want for Christmas.

 

@Bayouzombio (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Poll: Should I stay on as the pick CEO? Yes No."
Commish says: WAS THIS AN ATTEMPTED COUP AND AM I STILL COMMISH?

 

@Mrduck850 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Happy holiday season 'Merry football'"
Commish says: To all families who get angry at their kin watching basketball on Christmas, don't worry, this year will be different! There's football too!

 

@Jp2099 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Houston oilers!!! Gonna get one"
Commish says: Houston Oilers: Just as likely to win a Super Bowl in the next decade as the Houston Texans!!!!

 

@bowser48 (Steelers): "A tribute to Franco Harris and his 1972 “immaculate catch”, Steelers 13-7 over the Raiders . R.I.P. Franco Harris"
Commish says: I like this but how about the Raiders first go up 17-0 and then the game ends 23-17?

 

@hikee44 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Tanking this week, because it can't get worse than last..."
Commish says:  TRYING TO GET THE FIRST OVERALL PICK IN WEEK 17! SMART.

 

@Mc89 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Minshew a rama"
Commish says: Minshew is WELL on his way to having a SZN competition named after him one day.

 

@Rednmeth (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "I would pick the Jets but I’m going to the game and I know better"
Commish says: Does anyone know @Rednmeth? Can someone please go check on @Rednmeth? They attended that Jets game as a Jets fan. COMMISH IS CONCERNED.

 

@InDaGameQB69 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "It will be a Christmas miracle, but welcome back to the NFC BEST. Who needs Kyler, Stafford, Jimmy G, or Russ? A new regime is born with the best in the West still on top. Mine for that gold, faithful. Bang bang Niner gang!"
Commish says: HOW DOES TRACE MCSORLEY FIT INTO THIS PICTURE

 

@ToddFather808 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Pauly want a cracker?"
Commish says: SUGAR COOKIES ONLY. MAKE A BETTER OFFER.

 

@IceUpSon (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "GPG bb"
Commish says: GO PACK GO BB! And wait, do you drink Smirnoff Ice? Can I introduce you to Bud Light Lime? Are you ready for the REVOLUTION?

 

@NostraSamus (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Aiyaaaaa"
Commish says:  aaaaOOOOOHHHH!

 

@jscollins24 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "why do i continue to do this......"
Commish says: BECAUSE YOU LOVE FUN. AND PICKING BRONCOS-RAMS WINNERS.

 

 

Yours in football,
The Commish