Friends in football,
We're in the dog days of the NFL regular season.
BFIG is over. FitzMagic Survivor is over. Tom Brady's marriage is over.
THANK GOD THAT LOVIE SMITH'S BEARD LIVES ON.
WEEK 17 PICKS
- WeeWoo Pick'em
- BFIG
- FitzMagic Survivor
- Your group picks (get in a group with friends!)
Remember that everyone gets fresh life in just over a week, when HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em begins.
HasselBracket is like WeeWoo for the playoffs. Just pick the winners before each round. $18K to shell out, including $5K to the champ.
Even if you lose a game or two in the opening round, you're still in it. In most years, the champ has at least one loss. AND later round wins count for more, when people have the same record.
You can also use SZN Groups to run your own Playoffs Pick'em competition with your friends or coworkers. It takes 1 minute to set up:
- Create your Group
- Add a "NFL Playoffs Pick'em" competition
- Send friends the Group referral link
- That's it. Friends DON'T need to be in our main NFL SZN in order to play in your Group.
THAT'S ENOUGH PSAs FOR NOW, COMMISH.
I can't believe the Packers are still playing meaningful football games. Vikings fans should be somewhere between offended and pitchfork-ready that the Packers are favored by both Vegas and WeeWoo.
Commish's New Year's Resolution is for Jordan Love to be the Packers QB in 2023.
What's that? You're saying that's more like a wish than a resolution? I HAVE A GENIE AND HE LOVES BUD LIGHT LIME.
PICK STATS
WeeWoo Pick'em
- For the first time in WeeWoo history, the same team (the Chiefs) is our top pick for the THIRD straight week
- That makes 5 top picks for the Chiefs this year - the most of any team
- KC's WeeWoo ranking (in terms of picked percentage) since Week 9: 2nd, 1st, 4th, 2nd, 10th (at Bengals), 2nd, 1st, 1st, 1st
- The Chiefs are good, but it's their cupcake schedule that's made them such a big pick for us so many times
- They got their own division (AFC West), which is WAY weaker than expected, plus the AFC South (which doesn't feature a single team above .500), and the NFC West (which is also far weaker than expected)
- Might this be a reason to sell on the Chiefs' Super Bowl chances? They lost the two toughest games on their slate - Bengals and Bills. What do we really know about them at this point, given that cake schedule?
- In any case, we're backing them at a 98.5% clip to beat the hapless Broncos
- Next up: Niners (94%, at Raiders), Eagles (93%, vs. Saints), Giants (91%, vs. Colts), and Cowboys (91%, winners vs. Titans)
- We have five matchups in toss-up territory: Bucs-Panthers (67/33), Seahwaks-Jets (60/40), Pats-Dolphins (57/43), Pack-Vikes (57/43), and Bengals-Bills (51/49)
- Fitting that one of the games of the year (on paper, at least) is nearly deadlocked in WeeWoo
- While Commish isn't predicting upsets in any of these games, we are overheated on the Eagles, Giants, and Bucs
- No backup QB starting his second game of the year should garner 93% of picks (Gardner Minshew), no matter how good his team is. For those yelling "What about the Niners?!", their opponent is starting Jarrett Stidham at QB
- And Commish isn't sure the Giants should garner 90%+ of our picks against any team, even the Texans or Colts
- The Panthers have been clearly superior to the Bucs over the past five weeks. In that game, Commish WILL predict an upset
- Our two overall leaders (@pipedog3 and @Pinok611) differ on SIX picks this week. They're opposite on basically every evenly matched game.
WEEKLY AWARDS
Commish Communication Award
Our best weekly comment (or three)
@Pinok611 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "'twas the week after Christmas, having a beer at my table.
Sweating and stressing, may these picks please be stable.
From Bosa to Brady, may their eyes remain clear
for if I keep first place, I can afford much more beer."
Commish says: Our WeeWoo leader speaks! Nay. HE RHYMES! Pinok, all the best with your picks. I just want you to know that you don't need much money to buy Bud Light Lime.
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
Most convincing comment. (When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL.)
@TigersLovePepper (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "I’m torn… Raiders are my team, but Purdy is a Cinderella story and I love Cinderella - and Carl Speckler. (Watch the making of Caddyshack on YouTube if you haven’t already!) Also, is it just me or is anyone else so checked out… and yet, when the weekly email arrives you scroll down thinking… maybe, just maybe, or maybe quite obviously - even though I’ve put no effort into this picks for the last 14 weeks, I’m feeling pretty good that just maybe my @-name will show up in the Commish comments because even though I don’t TRY I’m so awesome that I might just accidentally pick a perfect week? Or is that just me??? The only sure pick this week is the Giants beating the Colts and it’s such a lock that it probably isn’t a lock, so I’m scrolling back up to change it… and now I’ve done and screwed it up completely by putting thought into one of my picks!"
Commish says: Why did you get an award this week, Pepper? Not because your comment was THAT awesome. And certainly not because of your misguided love and commitment to Miller-Coors, which is as foolish as backing Jeff Saturday on a Sunday. You're getting this award because you're a Raiders fan and you need all the joy you can get this year.
Definitely Not Concussed Award
The spiciest/wildest take.
@Lootsdoolb (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Spent my day driving around a friend who just had his leg amputated. Somehow we ended up ripping BLL’s at the local VFW, both making our weekly football picks, me in WeeWoo, him on paper. Next year we’ll be doing WeeWoo together and he may beat me, but I’ll still have more legs than him. Small victories."
Commish says: This comment did NOT go where I thought it was going. Best wishes to your friend on a speedy recovery. I'm sending him this email right now to ensure his fire to beat you in 2023 WeeWoo burns with the fury of 10,000 suns.
MORE COMMENTS
@manonthemoov (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Broncos are the Southwest Airlines of the NFL"
Commish says: Easy EASY... does anyone doubt Southwest will bounce back? Relatedly, when do the Broncos start offering free Ciara concerts to season ticket holders?
@AdamAnt (Swami: Panthers): "Let's go Panthers!!! Darnold Schwarzenegger!"
Commish says: GET TO THA PANTHA CHOPPA!!!
@Teeman0819 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Welcome to the Holiday Doldrums (or is it playoff time?) Playoffs???! I got a better chance of having a good New Years Eve with my mother-in-law than getting my Patriots into the playoffs. Like marriage, the best I can hope for is not to be emasculated. Go Pats!!"
Commish says: I've got an idea for how you can make spending time with your mother-in-law more enjoyable: GET HER IN THE POOL!!!!
@kempsoos (Swami: Chiefs): "Giving them ten points because it’s the holidays and I’m feeling really generous!"
Commish says: Without even seeing who you picked I know you picked against the Broncos
@Crystaal23 (Swami: Lions): "Fields runs for an NFL record 300 yards and loses"
Commish says: This would be the most 2022 Bears thing ever
@YikesVikes (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see, I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy, I just need a SZN win in week 17."
Commish says: You're asking for a SZN win and not a Vikings win? All these Vikings close calls have gone to your head, YikesVikes. STICK TO THE SCRIPT!
@Shaggybrak (QB: Cousins): "You know when you get a really nasty cold - it’s up in your head. You feel like you're underwater and your dreams start to feel like hallucinations. I’ve been battling a really nasty cold. My most recent dream featured my old friend Todd, no relation to Uncle Todd, and I out for a stroll in an abandoned train yard. When an encampment of transients step out to defend their gutted train car my friend Todd sprinted off leaving me alone to face the mob. I darted off to my left only to be nabbed by some undercover cops mistaking me for a squatter. It took forever for them, after some very insinuating questions about my veracity, to let me go. I only woke up after the dream devolved into panic attack about oversleeping and being late to work, which sucks the worst since I’m currently using PTO. But right now while soaking in an epsom salts bath trying to heal up and picking from this list of QB’s I’m not so sure I’ve woken up yet from this nightmare. I’m pretty sure I must be awake though as my ability to create a list of fake QB’s would pale in comparison to reality’s roster."
Commish says: This was a very good payoff - I mean, have you LOOKED at this week's list of starting QBs? - but the bigger question, Shaggy, is how many Todds are there in your life?!
@CoachGib9 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Let my 4-year-old daughter make picks for this week. No chance she does any worse than I would have. Happy '23 friends!"
Commish says: CHALLENGE FOR 2023: Get more creative when outsourcing your picks. We've had plenty of children. I want you to tell me about how you're a teacher who made every class you had that day vote on each matchup. Or how about using a rare animal like an ostrich or defanged scorpion? Print out the matchups and drop a container of TB12-approved vegan yogurt - whichever team gets more fake yogurt residue is your pick. YOU CAN DO THIS, PEOPLE
@Jmkahn (QB: Herbert): "Twas the night before, the night before Christmas Eve. When all through the waiver wire, not a flex was stirring, not even a Minshew. Anyway, you know the story, I went full grinch and stashed Minshew to keep my brother from picking him up and using him against me in fantasy. But something strange happened that night. Call it the Christmas spirit, or the Hanukkah hype, I dropped Minshew and told ekahn it was an early present. No, my heart did not grow 3 times the size that night. However, my fantasy score sure did. Now, on the precipice of FF immortality, I know these things to be true: I'm a great brother, the grinch gets a bad rap, and the great city of Aberdeen will be parading down (whatever their main road is) next week'"
Commish says: BROTHERLY LOVE IN THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE. (Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.)
@rnorwood (QB: Minshew): "Noted philosopher Aubrey Graham once said, "I guess you lose some and win some / Long as the outcome is income..." At this rate I'm pretty much throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping it will stick. Let's ride?"
Commish says: Since when is "Let's ride" a question, Norwood? Have I ever questioned whether to ride with you? I HAVE NOT.
@pciprian (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Is it cheating if I'm sitting at breakfast with @Statczar making these picks?"
Commish says: Nine out of 10 doctors agree, Stat Czar is the best member of Team SZN for picks and pancakes. Tune in next week for our first episode of... Picks and Pancakes!!
@Ultragirlyini (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "My guesses are better than the Commish’s."
Commish says: THE BAR IS THE FLOOR, YINI
@Mr_Rodgers_Neighborhood (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Just make picks based on what will help the Packers playoff chances, because if I wish on it hard enough it'll happen."
Commish says: JOR-DAN LOVE. JOR-DAN LOVE!!
@stefanek22 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Joe Burrow folds my laundry"
Commish says: WHAT CAN THIS MAN NOT DO?
@pquintana (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "I hate the Pats"
Commish says: EVEN ON CHRISTMAS?
@DUERtheCHOSEN1 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Rams gonna finish the year on a win streak and kill the Lions top 10 draft pick. Big sad as a Lions fan"
Commish says: DON'T YOU MEAN BIG NORMAL AS A LIONS FAN?
@GDishes (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Only picked 2 divisional road teams to win… not bad"
Commish says: BRONCOS OVER CHIEFS AMIRITE?
@HonoluluBlue42 (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "Feliz Navidad!"
Commish says: ON TO THE PROSPERO PART!
@MONSTERXXX (Weekly Woodson Pick'em): "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH !!!!"
Commish says: LET US ALL RAISE A GLASS TO MORE WOOOOOOOOOOOOH'S IN 2023!
Yours in football,
The Commish