Friends in football,

Will this year's playoffs be like Weeks 1-8, or Weeks 9-18?

In other words, will total chaos once again reign - the chaos that ended so many of our Survivor runs painfully early - or will the late season return to predictability continue?

Predictability likely means a 13-0 HasselBracket champ for the second straight year. Chaos means 12-1 or even 11-2 will get the job done.

 

Wildcard PICKS

• HasselBracket
  • Summary | Weekly Standings
• Your group picks (get in a group with friends!)

 

Let's look at our Wildcard Round performance in previous HasselBracket years:

• 2021: 76.5% win rate. 1,246 went 6-0. (Champ ended 13-0).
• 2019: 40.1% win rate. 29 went 4-0. (Champ ended 10-1).
• 2018: 42.6% win rate. 308 went 4-0. (Champ ended 10-1).
• 2017: 48.8% win rate. 36 went 4-0. (Champ ended 9-2).
• 2016: 77.9% win rate. 536 went 4-0. (Champ ended 11-0).

The range is WIDE.

And as you can see, our Wildcard performance has a very strong bearing on what it takes to win the competition.

Big upsets this weekend? You can still win with 1 or even 2 losses. Chalk this weekend? You either need perfection or a bevy of upsets in the Divisional Round.

Can Skylar Thompson do the unthinkable?

Will Lamar Jackson and the Ravens magically come to terms on a long-term contract MINUTES before kickoff?

Can Geno punch the Niners in the face?! (Sorry. I made it SO far this year without making that joke.)

Full pick stats and some GEM comments below. It's finally playoffs time, y'all.

 

PICK STATS

 

HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em

• Let's start by running down our pick percentages in each game...
  
  • BILLS (98%) vs. Dolphins (2%)
  • BENGALS (95%) vs. Ravens (5%)
  • NINERS (94%) vs. Seahawks (6%)
  • VIKINGS (62%) vs. Giants (38%)
  • CHARGERS (54%) at Jags (46%)
  • COWBOYS (53%) at Bucs (47%)
• And now, what does this mean...
• To win this year's HasselBracket, you MUST get at least two of the three tightly matched games correct. Even better if you get all three.
• And if you're one of the brave souls in the single digits on any of the big underdogs, you get that right and you have MASSIVE leverage.
• The Bills' 98.4% pick rate is the single biggest pick in HasselBracket history.
• The biggest loss in HasselBracket history is easily the Saints' Wildcard round loss to the Vikings in the 2019-20 season. (NOT the "Minneapolis Miracle" game, just the other crushing Saints loss to the Vikes.) 93% of us were on the Saints.
• The Cowboys were also part of the most evenly picked game last year. Their Wildcard matchup with the Niners was exactly 50/50, and SF prevailed.

 

WeeWoo Championship Pickoff

• In case you missed it, @jsballa32442 and @holycontejas tied atop WeeWoo's overall standings.
• Then we learned they did the statistically unthinkable... they tied on ALL tiebreakers.
• Season-long Margin of Victory? Tied. W/L record in Packers games? Tied.
• We honestly didn't think that was possible. The odds are almost infinitesimally small.
• And SO, they'll split 1st and 2nd prizes but have agreed to do a Wildcard Round pickoff for the ceremonial glory.
• THEIR PICKOFF PICKS:
  
  • @holycontejas: 1-BUF, 2-SF, 3-CIN, 4-DAL, 5-MIN, 6-JAX
  • @jsballa32442: 1-BUF, 2-SF, 3-CIN, 4-NYG, 5-TB, 6-JAX
• If you've already jumped to the punchline, yes, they can tie exactly. Again.
• The tie occurs if the split their two differences: Giants at Vikings, and Cowboys at Bucs. They'll both have the same record, and then both have the same order of confidence rank losses.
• If the Cowboys and Vikings win - or if they both lose - we'll have a ceremonial WeeWoo champ. If not, we run it back next week!

 

WEEKLY AWARDS

 

"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
Boldest pick. You can't win a SZN competition without a little Moxie!

@xolp (Dolphins, Ravens, 49ers, Jaguars, Vikings, Cowboys): "To quote Hillary Duff (famously) "Why not take a crazy chance?""
Commish says: Ravens! Dolphins!! Overflowing Moxie!!! GET HILLARY DUFF IN THE POOL!!!!

 

Commish Communication Award
Our best weekly comment (or three)

@ProfessorX (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” ~ Joe Theismann"
Commish says: We sure Mike McCarthy didn't say this?

 

"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
Most convincing comment. (When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL.)

@BigFurryWookiee (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Ah, playoffs. A clean slate. New life for all. And, indeed, as a species, wookiees certainly skew to the large and hairy side of the spectrum. A small, hairless wookiee would be as shocking and unpleasant to us as the visual currently being conjured in your head might suggest. But please understand that the descriptors "big" and "furry" are used here in context of the wookiee definition of those words; even among fellow wookiees I stand out as large and exceptionally scruffy. More importantly, Kirk Cousins doesn't know how to play a full football game, and even this flavored-seltzer version of Tom Brady is easily going to send the Cowboys to their usual early vacation. Go Niners!"
Commish says: I shall never make a pick again that isn't informed by the biggest, furriest wookiees of them all. NEVER.

 

Definitely Not Concussed Award
The spiciest/wildest take.

@Rhino33 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "I wonder what game all the Packers will be watching"
Commish says: I almost didn't recover from this savagery

 

 

MORE COMMENTS

@lionsgonnawinitall (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "seahawks the team of destiny. geno is on the warpath"
Commish says: THE USERNAME. THE PREDICTION! Where have you been all my life?!?

 

@ForkEm31 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "If Geno doesn't write back this weekend then I'll be a very sad man."
Commish says: Word has it that GENO DIDN'T EVEN BRING A PENCIL TO THE STADIUM.

 

@JoshAllenLooksGoodInShorts (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "The NFL's hottest new club is the 2023 playoffs. This playoffs has everything - Mr. Irrelevant being super relevant, 3 NFC East teams (get fucked Dan Snyder!), a 45-year-old who funded and endorsed the world's largest crypto scam leading a home underdog, proof that when you break up with your shitty, abusive ex you can live your best life (get fucked Urban Meyer!), a potential neutral-site AFC championship game, Geno Smith with the Pete Carroll upgrade package, and playoff starts for Skylar and Snoop."
Commish says: BUT HOW DO JOSH ALLEN'S SHORTS FACTOR INTO THIS CLUB?

 

@rnorwood (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "I'm hoping that beeping isn't too distracting. It's the Brinks truck backing up to offload my winnings."
Commish says: The truck is actually offloading waffles. Millions of waffles. Norwood, what the hell is going on over there?

 

@manonthemoov (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Stetson Bennett is older than 5 starting QBs in the Playoffs…and possibly 6 counting Brady"
Commish says: Oh damn that is a STAT!

 

@jko (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Seems too easy to take only the home teams but I believe Brady can beat McCarthy in a chess match and then Jags are hot. The others seem like no brainers but as a Vikings fan, I feel doomed by this pick."
Commish says: I did NOT see this turning into a candidate for Most Vikings Fan Comment of the Week!

 

@bparkin1 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Brady getting #8"
Commish says: If the Super Bowl features this definitely-not-good Bucs team, I actually don't know if I can watch.

 

@cguzek (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "From here forward, Tom Brady is no longer Tom Brady. I will now only refer to him as Brett Favre, Part 2. Let's be real - As the dust settles on this FTX scandal, it's clear that he's only a couple years away from scamming some charity."
Commish says: It's just Tom and Brett. Two old guys tossing a football, yukking it up, and defrauding hoards of adoring fans.

 

@Lootsdoolb (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Cowboys. Cowboys… (harmonica notes)… I’ll bet you hear them Bucs a-scoring as you roll into Tampa. They’ll be spanking your overrated asses like a drunken grandpa! Ok, Ok, my improvised lyrics are as terrible as my late-90’s Kid Rock impression. But my picks are solid gold!"
Commish says: You realize you just told the world you do a late-90's Kid Rock impression, right? VIDEO OR YOU'RE BANNED FOREVER. (Luv you 4evr thx.)

 

@ChiefKarl (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "I was cowering in a corner, in the fetal position because of my horrid picks this year when I remembered Hasselbracket. Redemption baby!! This is where I turn it around. Stand back in shock and awe as I breeze through the playoffs."
Commish says: YOU WANT THE BALL AND YOU'RE GONNA SCORE!

 

@The8ofHarts (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "If Dallas shits the bed, my pick is wrong..... BUT, I get to shit on my girlfriends parade because she is a Dallas fan. The old catch 22....."
Commish says: I kept looking for your girlfriend's comment, "If my Cowboys win (and they will), I get to shit on my boyfriend" and I couldn't find it. Where is it? GET HER IN THE POOL!!!

 

@DUERtheCHOSEN1 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "I hate the Giants but they can make a run to the NFC title game"
Commish says:  Now that is some SPICE!

 

@Merf (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Something weird is going to happen this weekend. I say the Niners choke as favorites with a rookie QB on a sloppy field against the free-wheeling, nothing-to-lose Seahawks. NOBODY beats Seattle three times in the same season."
Commish says: Homer. HOMERRRRRRR.

 

@ekahn93 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "I live in a nice apartment building. A couple weeks ago I heard scratching coming from inside the wall of the kitchen. I had a sinking feeling it was a mouse but I didn't want to believe it. A few days later I was using the bathroom with the door open, because it's my apartment and I can, and I see this mouse scurry across my family room. Let's just say I'm happy I was sitting. I immediately went down to the doorman and asked for an exterminator. He said they won't come for a few days. A solid roster of an apartment is now sullied by a vermin who has no business being here. Just runs around scared and makes poor decisions like intercepting crumbs of food. Obviously, I named the mouse Dak. Dak has no business being here but he's just lingering around. This is not a joke. The exterminator is coming today but i was told it may take a week to get rid of Dak. So I really hope the exterminators name is Tom."
Commish says: The exterminator could also be named McCarthy right? IT STILL WORKS!

 

@texken79 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "“Dem Boyz” have to try and make it out of revenge game (dating all the way back to week 1) when Tom Brady and Mike Evans FINALLY found a connection again. Sorry, but I don’t think it’s gonna happen this time. Cowboys… one and done!"
Commish says: Let me tell from a truckload of past experience... nothing cures a missing connection like playing a Mike McCarthy-coached team in the playoffs!

 

@EST87_49 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Purdy is writing a Disney movie!"
Commish says: But actually

 

@Lude8282 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Don’t be like Rasul Douglas and just grab someone else balls when you’re not supposed to. Don’t be like Quay Walker and push the one thing that saved a life in an NFL game. Take a chance…be like Aaron Rodgers. You just need to say F’It!!! I’m throwing it…and it will probably be picked off but I’m throwing it…” -Steve (Packers fan and OWNER)'"
Commish says: NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE GOOD THINGS!!

 

@4ThNInches (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Old guys want to grow up to be a cowboy!"
Commish says:  And @BigDaddy wants to be a hot dog. This is a true story.

 

@RainGames (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "I had pre-season bets on Jags and Giants to win the Super Bowl. Do I ride with my bets or do the smart thing?"
Commish says: You ride one more week! THEN you do the smart thing. (Related: Don't listen to me.)

 

@FreddyGoBlue (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Giants V Jags in the Supe? Why not??? Just ask the BLL's."
Commish says:  RELATED: LISTEN TO THIS GUY!

 

@Lubyland (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Absolutely, positively, unequivocally, undeniably, unconditionally, indisputably, unqualifiedly, indubitably, and unquestionably NO chance all 6 home teams win."
Commish says:  YOU MISSED IRREFUTABLY AND JACKEDUPONBUDLIGHTLIMESLY

 

@MJ (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Famous last words-easiest week ever. (That said I do feel like the Dolphins could upset the Bills if Tua plays.)"
Commish says:  The Survivor Gods (who despise overconfidence) care about pick'ems, too, @MJ. WHAT IS YOU DOING

 

@Jeurseth (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Tom Brady Pout-a-potamus"
Commish says:  OK I CHUCKLED

 

@Wild_Child2324 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "Will talking about the SZN in public improve my Rizz?"
Commish says:  BY AT LEAST 300%

 

@bwrede2 (HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em): "The Giants shock the Cousin loving weirdos in Minnesota!"
Commish says:  BRB MAKING "COUSIN(S) LOVING WEIRDOS" T-SHIRTS

 

 

Yours in football,
The Commish