Legends of the Hidden Title Belt,

More than half of us are riding an 0-2 team today. Our season's first majority pick is a winless team prone to internal combustion whose last playoff victory was 16 years ago.

Nothing to see here! Let's move on! Bro, did you know I can dance?

Commish is fairly concerned. Do I think the 0-2 Dolphins will beat the 0-2 Browns? Yeah, I do. But do I feel good about more than half the title pool riding a game that has amazingly high Jim Mora "Playoffs?!" potential if the favorite loses? No, I do not.

Cody Kessler - the Browns third-string quarterback and latest failed hopeful former USC signal caller - is likely terrible, yes. But Jake Locker once beat the Dolphins 37-3 in Miami. Thad Lewis once beat the Dolphins, as did Geno Smith. EJ Manuel beat the Dolphins. MY GOD I'M HEARING TEBOWSTEPS!

Commish loves you. Always remember that. But a little survival fear never hurt anybody...

See your friends' picks and comments, as well as the full spreadsheet of picks, on the BFIG main page:

WEEK 3 FAST FACTS

• 24 teams in play - our lowest total of the season... but still higher than any week prior to 2015.
• The Miami Dolphins are our first majority pick (>=50% of the title pool picking that game). Commish needs to get the official updated statistic, but majority picks are something like 25-5 all-time in BFIG.
• Miami is 10-8 all-time when picked in BFIG - firmly mediocre, in line with every team its fielded for the past 20 years.
• 78 percent of our picks went to our top three selections - Miami, Dallas (15%), and Green Bay (10%). That's the highest such figure this year. Ditto for our top 5 picks accounting for 88% of all picking.
• Miami is one of nine teams FiveThirtyEight gives between a 60 and 70 percent chance of winning.
• They give Seattle a 78 percent chance of beating the Niners at home, yet the Seahawks accounted for just four percent of our picks.
• Win probabilities coming soon. Almost enough data on this young season to go Stathead Commish on you.

Commish Communication Award

First, we have James Taylor (JETaylor21) showing us our 2031 BFIG future and a possibly groundbreaking new theory:

"The reasons for my Dolphins pick are obvious. I shouldn't need to say much more than Cody Kessler is starting for the Browns. But let's pretend for a moment Sunday turns into an episode of the twilight zone, where the Browns D remembers they are suppose to stop the other team, Tannehill gets hit in the head in the 1st and forgets how to throw a pass, Kessler breaks his leg on the first Browns drive and Whitehurst gets a concussion early in the second quarter, forcing none other than Tyrelle Pryor to go for 382 total yards and 4 TD's to lead the Browns to an improbable road victory and torpedoing hundreds of dreams. This seems so unlikely that if it does happen, I feel it proves my Theory of The Unintentional Slow-play, which if correct, means a miraculous Browns win may not be so bad. This is year 3 of BFIG for me. Year 1, I lost week 1. Year 2, I lost week 2. And here we are, year 3, week 3. The Browns are going to torpedo a lot of dreams one week this year. If it is this week, I'm okay with that. I've made my peace with it because if this pattern would continue, in 15 years, when the pool is over 25,000 deep and the grand prize is... more, and in week 16 it's down to me and two others, I'll like my chances of moving on. (In fact, if the Browns win this week, I promise that in week 16, 2031, I will pick the Browns). In a more realistic world, where the Browns do Browns things, it can only mean the best sports year of my life* will end with me winning 40k. *I live an hour or so away from Cleveland. At a young age my father told me it's okay to root for other teams as Cleveland teams only cause heartbreak. Baseball, I ended up liking the Cubs. Football, the Jets (my initials are JET). Great choices. I've never experienced a championship until the Cavs came back 3-1. Now, in the same year, the possibility the Cubs and Indians play in the World Series is still very real (I have a double billed hat...one side Cubs...one Indians...that my great grandmother made for me 20 years ago) The only way this gets better is when the Jets win the Super Bowl..."

Second, we have Peter Larson (lars2809), for explaining the Ladder of Suck that one must run through in order to confidently (maybe) arrive at your Dolphins pick:

"We really don't know whether the Dolphins suck or not. After they SHOULD'VE beat Seattle on the road, we all thought "hey maybe these Dolphins don't suck". After they spotted New England 24 points through 1.5 quarters last week, we thought "well...it looks like they actually do suck after all." Then we saw Seattle struggling (and eventually losing) to an LA Rams team that was shutout by a San Francisco 49ers team we were all sure sucked. So maybe Miami REALLY sucked, since Seattle might suck too. Then San Francisco put on a heroic display in Carolina, so maybe they don't suck as much as we thought they sucked? Then Miami formed a miraculous comeback in the 2nd half, eventually only losing by 7. So maybe Miami doesn't suck as much as we thought they might suck, either? I don't think anyone knows whether Miami sucks or not at this point. One thing that has held consistent through this whole vacillation of reasoning is the anchor to our emotional well-being that the Cleveland Browns always suck."

"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award

There's a lot of worry about the Dolphins (not just Commish; see below), but one man is not worried. His name is James Cattrysse (jamescattrysse5), and he could sell you Bengals tickets:

"Let's just discuss some Cody Kessler facts:

1. His NFL draft profile was compared to Aaron Murray who has yet to start a game in the NFL. Here are the weaknesses the same profile listed: "Below average move accuracy as a passer. Ability to hit targets with catchable throws falls off the table when forced to scramble. Doesn't show poise or arm strength for deep routes needing additional time to develop. Footwork unsettled by perceived pocket pressure. Tends to hesitate over anticipating and trusting his arm. Low-risk, low-reward approach. Rarely makes the "wow" throws with velocity or touch. Feet look jittery when moving from read to read." --- And now Suh and Wake and others are going to be living in the backfield???
2. The browns don't have their best receiver (suspended Josh Gordon, warrant out for arrest for failing to show up to provide a DNA sample for a paternity test by the way....this guy is some kind of not smart)... plus, they don't have their other best rookie receiver now that he broke his hand in practice, Corey Coleman.... Kessler has Terrelle Pryor, Gary Barnidge and who to throw to?
3. Played the preseason this year and was 19-28 passing for 92 yards and 1 TD (not even 5 yards per completion against zero first stringers and most 3rd/4th stringers, YIKES)
4. Of 35 total dropbacks, Kessler took a sack on 7 occasions with 1 of those being a play in which he RAN OUT OF THE ENDZONE... no, seriously he did.This is Dan-Orlovsky-against-the-Vikings bad - watch it. While we're at it, my favorite part of Dan Orlovsky is Jared Allen's reaction.
5. All that to get here: I think I provided enough evidence to show you that Cody Kessler IS Dan Orlovsky. It's the real-life version of Finkle is Einhorn - THE LACES WERE IN, DAN!!! ... How perfect that the Dolphins are at least involved in this game. Kessler is Orlovsky!! Orlovsky is 2-10 as a starter in the NFL with a 58% completion rate, 15 TDs vs. 13 INTs... Orlovsky's first career start was in the aforementioned Vikings game in which he ran out of the endzone for the first score of the game... Want to know what the final score of that game was?? 12-10 Vikings. Dan Orlovsky, Orlovsky'd the Lions. Orlovsky only lost by his clown show 2 points which is a lot better than I initially expected upon looking up said information... BUT 50%+ of remaining BFIGers are going to pick the Dolphins this week against Kessler and the hapless Browns, and you know what, we will be ecstatic with a 2 point win."

Definitely Not Concussed Award

Randy Moss is a prolific Dairy Queen owner. Let me repeat: Randy Moss is a PROLIFIC Dairy Queen owner. Tell 'em, Jason McLellan (OneNaturalOne):

"While watching an ESPN 30 for 30, titled "Rand University", My wife asked if the main character in the story turned out ok. Was he living on the streets? Could he afford food? Did he have a job? How is his family doing now? You see, she's pregnant with our second child and having children has caused her to worry about those things more. Not just for our family, for all families. After she asked her questions, I paused. I then assured her that the main character in the story was indeed doing well. "He owns more Dairy Queens than anyone in the world babe, he's doing fine", I said. (she also loves Dairy Queen) "Really?", she asked. And I assured her again that Randy Moss was doing just fine for himself. Dairy Queens make people happy, Happy people win football games. There are no Dairy Queens in LA, I checked. So unless google is as full of shit as I am, LA has no chance against Tampa where they have 5 Dairy Queens."

Bart Fleming (DahnWitDHByeahYinzKnowMe) teaches us that while Carson is a great quarterback name and Dan is a mixed bag, Cody is... well:

"I couldn't think of any famous Codys, so I Googled "famous Codys." Here's the list that popped up: Cody Simpson, Cody Longo, Cody Rhodes, Cody Linley, Cody Horn, Cody Cameron, Cody Kasch, Cody Klop, Cody Lundin. I don't know about you, but I've never heard of a goddamned one of 'em. And since Cody Kessler couldn't even make that sorry list, he sure as shit ain't good enough to win his NFL debut with the Browns."

Kevin McAvoy (mcavoy21) teaches us the hilarious origins of Miami's team name:

"I never really thought about football team names until BFIG. Growing up an Eagles fan, you just knew that the Philadelphia Eagles were "the Birds" and you rolled with it. But here I am picking the Dolphins - The Effing Dolphins - and their team name left me wondering. Ravens, Eagles, Falcons (okay I get it, this is a pattern of birds). Chiefs, Cowboys, Redskins (cool makes sense). Broncos, Bears, Jaguars, Lions (same thing). But Dolphins... WHY?! The Cam Newton-gum-colored jersey wearing DOLPHINS!? I guess my comment is really more of a question to the 4 fans out there who get paid to watch the Miami Dolphins... How drunk were they on BLL's when they chose the name "Dolphins"? (Clearly summer day drinking.) I get it... Florida... Dolphins... but I couldn't let it go. And not surprisingly I still don't understand their rationale. In 1965, the "Dolphins" was submitted by 622 entrants in a contest which attracted 19,843 entries and more than a thousand different names. A dozen finalists were delivered to a seven-member screening committee of local media (who as mentioned were clearly crushing Bud Light Limes) Yeah probably not chronologically correct, but still correct. Joe Robbie said in announcing the team name on October 8, 1965. "Dolphins can attack and kill a shark or a whale. Sailors say bad luck will come to anyone who harms one of them." So that is your rationale to call an NFL Team the Dolphins? You are Day Drunk, good Sir - go home. Mrs. Robert Swanson of West Miami won two lifetime passes to Dolphins games with her nickname entry, Dolphins. The tiebreaker was picking the winner and score of the 1965 game between the University of Miami and Notre Dame. It ended in a scoreless tie. ND still finds a way to disappoint me even on a Sunday. What other names in the dozen did the "Dolphins" beat? Good question - Mariners, Marauders, Mustangs, Missiles, Moons, Sharks, Suns, Stingrays, and Panthers. Now you know why the Dolphins name was created. And who do we have to thank? The passive aggressive tie-breaker from a college football game that settled in a 0-0 tie."

And lastly, Marco Pezzicara (marcpezzicara) teaches us that Carson Wentz may have the most epic YouTube legacy of any starting quarterback in NFL history:

"Before the season started, as an avid Eagles fan, I was optimistic that we'd start 2-0. I looked at week 3 and saw we were playing against the cross state rival Steelers, and knew we had no chance with Sammy Sleeves running the show. But wait! Mere days before the season started, Howie "f*** you Chip Kelly" Roseman pulled off a fleecing of the Vikings, getting not only a 4th round pick for Mr. Sleeves, but a 1st rounder!!! Surely, nothing could be better, and by the end of the season we'd all be aboard the Wentz Wagon. After two convincing wins against terrible opponents, Carson "Can't Miss" Wentz has put on an absolute show. Now most of American is aboard the Wentz Wagon after MNF when John Gruden practically blew his load on air talking about him. I mean, how can you not support this guy, founder of GarbShotz?? With Carson leading the Eagles into the Battle of Wentzlyvania, the most hyped television event since Jon Snow somehow didn't get crushed and then essentially killed Ramsey Bolton (spoiler alert), this game is no longer a lock. Why did I write all this? Mainly for GarbShotz, but also because I watched the, dare I say, full strength Browns team play. And somehow they've gotten better (hi Josh McCown), and then much worse since then (bye RG3, bye Josh McCown, bye Corey Coleman, etc.). So Miami can't screw this up, can they?"

THIS WEEK AT THE NORWOODS'

Rob Norwood (rnorwood) - Cowboys: "Last week did Cam Newton steal Dick Van Dyke's hat from Mary Poppins? To keep things poppin', I'm turning my fate over to Dallas this week. Did you know that the first touchdown pass ever thrown by Cowboy quarterback Danny White in 1976 was a 15-yard strike to Preston Pearson against (you guessed it) the Chicago Bears. That's some fine-ass AARP mojo up in here. Lukewarm soup and Ensure for everyone! The experts now seem to expect great things from Dak Prescott. I only need him for one week, so I'm going to be a douche and spoil it for you: Dak will eventually serve as the tailgunner on Luke Skywalker's snowspeeder during the Battle of Hoth, where he will perish from heavy Imperial fire. Boom. You can fact check me all you like on this stuff."

(Rob's companion in BFIG absurdity, Paige, was Garoppolo'd out of the title pool in Week 1. We eagerly await her Week 5 return in the Second Chance Pool.)

BRYAN HARRIS, HARAMBE KILLER, SPEAKS

The heat was piling on. Week after week, Bryan's "friends" beat the #BryanKilledHarambe drum. Finally, the man in question has offered a response (but not until his friends piled on first):

Adam Zoucha (bigzoo24) - Dolphins: "Is Bryan Harris' girlfriend in BFIG again this year? At this point she's practically like that good Samaritan woman who visits inmates and then ends up falling in love and marrying said inmate. Is Bryan Harris in jail yet? He should be an inmate. #AnimalLivesMatter #RIP #SnowflakeGoFins"

Nick Ferdon (nferdon) - Dolphins: "$40,000 won't change the fact that Bryan Harris killed Harambe. But it could help."

Matt Bouret (mattbouret) - Dolphins: "Being a huge USC fan I've had to watch Cody 'check-down Kessler' for the last 4 years. If he couldn't win with USC, he definitely can't win with the Browns. Side note: Wouldn't be surprised if Bryan Harris went with Denver this week... he clearly hates all things in Cincinnati... #BryanTheHarambeKiller"

ALAS, THE MAN SPEAKS:

Bryan Harris (bharris315) - Seahawks: "A few facts about Harambe:

1. Harambe was 17 years old when he died. You know who else has an affinity for 17 year olds? Alex Bender.
2. Harambe kneels during the National Anthem to protest his own death.
3. Harambe is a popular name in the state of Mississippi.
4. The NFL officially said you may now honor Harambe without restrictions.
5. A new suspect in the mix - The Browns.

#RIPinPeace my friend. Also, I need a lawyer."

MORE PICK COMMENTS

Scott Fluhler (FluManChu) - Buccaneers: "I'm Scott Fluhler and here's what I believe. I believe that Bill Simmons' best quality is his dedication to MTV's The Challenge. I believe his only other good idea was playing Wheel of Fortune slots as a group and turning it into a spectator sport. I believe Top Golf should become a public service that is required in every major US city. I believe in the emotionally transformative power of Yankee candles. I believe that sweat-wicking fabric is a gift from God. I believe Tom Hanks is America's greatest treasure, export and citizen. I believe that yard games should have their own Olympics-style event, so I could win it. I believe Doug Gottlieb knows nothing about anything, always. I believe in the impending Week 3 Pick-pocalypse. I believe that my Bears have only one real shocker in us this season and it's coming this week. I believe that Cody Kessler is just crazy enough to work. I believe that something weird is going to happen in that Cardinals/Bills game and I want no part of it. I believe that the Chiefs are teetering on the edge of disaster until Charles returns. I believe that I have no idea what to believe about the Chargers and Colts. I believe in the Raiders offense, I do not believe in the Raiders defense...yet. I believe in the Jaguars every week...and that's a problem. I believe that the LA Rams are a joke of a franchise. And finally, I believe in the power of crab legs. Go get 'em Jameis!"

Commish says: Scott, if this comes true and you win BFIG 2016 in Week 4, your one and only duty is to get Bill Simmons in the pool. Deal? Deal.

Evan Young (ejy524) - Buccaneers: "Want to know a team that will torpedo your survivor pool dreams? The St. Louis Rams. In fact, they just torpedoed an entire city's dreams. Hopefully their soul crushing survivor mojo stayed in St. Louis instead of traveling with them to Los Angeles. I first got into playing in NFL survivor pools 3 years ago. It was week 6: Rams at Texans. Looking back at it, I don't exactly understand why I picked the Texans that week. Matt Schaub was in the midst of 4 consecutive weeks in which he threw a pick-6. It was a massacre right from the start. The Rams scored a kick-6 (recovering a fumbled kickoff return in mid-air and returning it for a touchdown). Sam Bradford (yes, Sammy Sleeves) had 3 passing TDs for the Rams. Matt Schaub finally didn't throw a pick-6, but he got injured and then TJ Yates came in and threw a 98-yard pick-6. Crushing. The next year, it was week 2: Rams at Buccaneers. The Rams had just been blown out week 1 at home against the Vikings, so naturally Austin Davis and Zac Stacy led the rams into Tampa Bay and upset the Buccaneers 19-17 on a last-minute, 70-yard game-winning FG drive. That year the Rams also randomly beat the Broncos and Seahawks (though beating the Seahawks doesn't seem so random for them anymore). I avoided picking against the Rams in 2015 out of principle. The Rams also beat the Buccaneers last year in a Thursday night game. So that's 2 consecutive wins over the Bucs. I'm counting on the third time being the charm, skinny Jameis, and Charles Sims catching a routine screen pass, breaking 15 tackles and rumbling into the endzone. And if my BFIG dreams are torpedoed, well I really have no one else to blame but myself. Though I'll secretly blame Jeff Fisher's mustache."

Samantha Creasey (gym_now_wine_later) - Buccaneers: "I watched Hard Knocks this season and felt that I was part of the team. Hayes almost had me convinced that mermaids are real and dinosaurs are fake. And like the Rams, I've made the move from Missouri to California. It's a glorious move. But alas, I must base my pick on survival... Not mermaids. Here's to hoping I chose well."

Alex Mace (alexmace4) - Cowboys: "Bought a fake Mike Ditka Jersey for $10 off one of those sketchy Chinese websites before the season started. The Bears are now 0-2 when I wear it... and you can bet your ass I'm wearing it again on Sunday. You're welcome Cowboys."

Britt Haugland (TebowPlaysBaseballNow) - Cowboys: "And on this week's episode of Useless City Facts with Britt: Did you know that the first animal purchased for the Lincoln Park Zoo was a bear cub? It was bought for $10 in 1874. This cub was always throwing little bear bitch fits, so after 133 years, the Lincoln Park Zoo decided to sell him to the Denver Broncos. The Denver Broncos were like "WTF, why did we just buy this little bear bitch?" and sent him back to the Zoo. The Zoo was like "WTF, we don't want him back", so the Chicago Bears were like "Fine, he's one of our own. We'll take him in." And that's the story of how Jay Cutler came to be a $127 million QB in the NFL. (The part about buying the bear cub for $10 is actually true)."

Commish says: What are the odds Cutler hears this story and says, "Yeah, that's pretty much what happened," before lighting a cig and shrugging his shoulder?

Jared Crittenden (jaredcrittenden) - Cowboys: "I hate the Cowboys. I hate Jerry Jones, I hate Jimmy Johnson and I hate Troy Aikman and his giant mitts. As a young pup growing up in Western New York, my innocence was not lost learning that Santa wasn't really sliding his jolly fat ass down the chimney, nor when Vickie Valancourt showed me her boobies. No, my innocence was taken by the Cocaine Cowboys. I took the Super Bowl losses to the Giants and Skins in stride, confidently strutting back into Kindergarten knowing deep in my yet to descend plums that the Bills would be back next year and they'd win the whole damn thing. Then Dallas happened and I knew the world was a cold dead place. I hate Dallas. I also hate my friend Larry (his real name, and he's not really my friend). Larry is one of those real special types of front running assholes. Grows up in Western New York but somehow has die hard allegiances to the Lakers, Braves and Cowboys. He is also an expert troll, he manages to dance on the Bills grave despite the fact that dem Cowboys haven't done anything of note since those Super Bowl years other than gift us pictures of drunk Jerruh getting hand jibbers and routinely putting Tony Romo in back braces. I don't begrudge native DFW people from rooting for their team, but I despise Larrys. I hope to please the Survival Gods by putting all of this hatred aside and picking the Cowboys this week."

Commish says: Larrys are the WORST. Growing up in Minnesota, people take special heat for not joining in the misery that is Minnesota professional sports. I thank my parents every day that they made me a Packers fan. (Though I'm Minnesota everything... and that's still rough.)

Ronnie Rapp (shanamae10) - Cowboys: "I picked this team because Bears don't shit in the woods, they shit on a football field in Chicago. "

Commish says: BAM!

Justin Frederick (justin0) - Cowboys: "No love for the sole Vikes pick last week?! C'mon man! "

Commish says: Not sure how I missed that! Quite the gutsy pick, Justin. Knowing you're a Vikes fan, that was some triple happiness shit. BFIG, the Vikes (in general), and the Vikes over the Packers. Did you crush 47 BLLs over the next 12 hours and feel a mild buzz?

Jesse Tow (jessetow) - Cowboys: "We are the 5%, Commish. We are the ones who endured 18pt comebacks in BOTH of our games so far and woe to anyone around us these past two Sundays. We rode the rails picking Kansas City, then Baltimore. Yet we the 5% survive! For that reason I am a bloordider for Imperator Dak Prescott this week and hope many of my 5% join me. FOR WE WILL ARRIVE AT THE GATES OF VALHALLA SHINY AND CHROME"

Commish says: Several of your "massive comeback" brethren commented on this today. My money is on one of you to win.

Ian Horkley (ianhorkley) - Dolphins: "Think about that first game in Friday Night Lights where Matt Saracen comes in, doesn't know any plays, hits his lineman in the back with his first pass, and is generally scared s***less. He was QB2. QB3 is the guy who wasn't good enough to even beat him out (disregard the subsequent gutsy state championship run that proves Saracen should have been QB1 all along if it wasn't for the probable future pro starting in front of him). Add in the fact that the Browns' QB3 is probably any other team's QB7 and things are looking good for a 13-7 Tannehill-Kessler throwdown."

David Mendivil (JulioJonesBBQandFootMassage) - Dolphins: "Did you know: The last name "Kessler" is from German, Dutch, and Jewish origin meaning "an occupational name for a maker of copper cooking vessels". That being said, I think Cody Kessler has a far better chance to release his own line of fancy copper kettles at Bed, Bath, and Beyond than leading the Cleveland Browns to an NFL win. Maybe his tag line can be "Say 'Yes Sir' to a Kessler!" You're welcome, Cody."

John Yi (johnsyi19) - Dolphins: "After the Monday night game and seeing Cutler go down with ANOTHER injury, I heavily considered taking the Bears to lose on Sunday night against my Cowboys (quit your laughing, it's been a rough 20 years). But then I had Brian Hoyer staring me in the face and the relief I saw in my Bears fan friends' faces (is that the right grammatical choice? who cares, this is BFIG) worried me. And then, my moment of epiphany. Brian Hoyer, former Cleveland Browns starting quarterback along with this illustrious list of players, showed me the direction. Cleveland Browns? Cody Kessler? On the road? I'll take two please. PS - Tim Couch, Ty Detmer, Doug Pederson, Spergon Wynn, Kelly Holcomb, Jeff Garcia, Luke McCown, Charlie Frye, Trent Dilfer, Derek Anderson, Brady Quinn, Ken Dorsey, Bruce Gradkowski, Colt McCoy, Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, Brandon Weeden, Thad Lewis, Jason Campbell, Brian Hoyer, Johnny Manziel, Connor Shaw, Josh McCown, Austin Davis, Robert Griffin III, CODY KESSLER."

Commish says: BRIAN AXEL HOYER!!! Also, oof, that Browns QB list just keeps getting worse, doesn't it?

James Zackler (Zackler) - Dolphins: "This morning after my alarm went off and prior to receiving The Commish's email in my inbox, I opened Instagram as is my custom in trying to fully rouse myself from my slumber. Looking past the clip of a kid breaking his grandma's ankles with a killer crossover, I clicked on the Explore button at the bottom of the app to be greeted by the usual lineup. Of the nine tiles displayed before me, 6 were of bikini clad young women in various poses, 2 were of football highlights, and the last was a picture of two random people that were undoubtedly present on the screen because they are the cousins of my friend's hot friend whose Instagram I went full Doc Brown on a couple days ago -- traveling over 2 years back in time through her pictures before recognizing how thirsty I was and shutting off the app. I click one of the pictures (not the football highlight) and now see a description for why the subject of the photo has her back to me looking coyly over her shoulder...and upon closer inspection has her tongue out. An emoticon of a dog followed by a cartoon smiling sun followed by an explosion emoticon. ...What? ...What does that mean? I go full Sam Spade from the Maltese Falcon trying to figure out this clue. Today is the day that I can submit my pick for BFIG. Is it a sign? It must mean something! I look up at the location...Miami. Hmmmmmmm...Miami...Dog...Sunshine...explosion? YES! That's it! The Cleveland Dawg Pound will explode in the Miami sunshine. How did I not see it before? Despite the best efforts of the Commish to lead me astray hinting at a possible win for the Browns, I take the more sound advice of this fortune telling vixen in the setting Miami sunset and shall again choose against Cleveland."

Brad Anderson (bwanderson14) - Dolphins: "After reading the Commish email, I couldn't go with Miami. As much as I wanted to. The Browns knocked me out two years ago. I'll be damned if they do it again. ------ and now I've changed my pick. I swear to god Browns. Dont you do it. "

Commish says: I see at least 10 of these every week. The classic "My god I can't live with myself. What have I done?" pick changes.

Jun Chun (JamarcusLamar) - Dolphins: "The first time I witnessed a Jamarucs was in 2007 when, as a young doey-eyed Notre Dame fan, Jamarcus Jamarcus'ed us before he was even Jamarcus when Jamarcus poured some sugar, in a non-dreamy, non-sensual non-Maroon 5 way, all over Brady Quinn and oversized man-baby, Charlie Weis. Last year, I got Jamarcus'ed by BortleMania. This year, my goal was simple. Make it farther than last year. Upgrade from one-and-done to two-pump-chump. I have now accomplished that goal, so I have set my sights higher: twerk it to week 5 a la Antonio Brown BootyMania. Now an Ohio resident, I have enjoyed the blessings 2016 has brought to Cleveland overall (King James brought it home for the Cavs, the Indians are looking to clinch the AL Central for the first time in 9 years, the RNC didn't end in flames, Harambe has been immortalized as was his due) but still, nothing is going to force me to swim through the pool of feces that is the Cleveland Browns and place my hopes on an ex-USC QB. So I would rather test the Survival Gods and once again place my faith in Ryan Tannehill even though he failed me last year. I implore thee! Please don't fuck up! Sadly he'll never read this cuz you need to put three w's together to get on the internet."

Commish says: That last joke is amazing. Did you come up with that yourself, Jun? Please tell me you did.

Kevin Yarows (kyarows) - Packers: "In Michigan, SOL is a known acronym for Same Old Lions. Everywhere else, it means Shit Outta Luck. So, basically the same thing."

Jerry Connolly (gconnolly) - Steelers: "So I woke up 3 hours late for work today in a pool of my own blood, sweat and tears, and climbed into a Puerto Rican shower of Axe Body Spray and Old Spice After Shave, not having shaved...I blended some days old coffee, a rotten banana, a couple 5 hour energy drinks and a few vicatin into a lovely cocktail and started my day. I left my apartment and was pissed on by a local beggar for only giving him the spare change in my pocket. I hopped into a taxi and was held up by the cabbie who drove me to an abandoned warehouse where a gang of transvestite hookers had there way with me...I finally made it in to work and proceeded to see that I made it past week 2 in the BFIG...That could only mean that the apocalypse is upon us. As the skies turned black and began raining blood I sat back and thought...nice. Steelers 27 - 14."

Jonathon French (Sleuth) - Buccaneers: "I looked at picking Miami, but the fish can't seem to stop anyone this year. Sure, the browns are on their 3rd qb, but they have running game and some receivers that can stretch the field. The fish should win, but if the game is close, I can see the Browns pulling the upset. The rams still haven't scored a touchdown this year because they have the worst quarterback in the league, and yes I'm including the Browns 3rd string qb. Tampa can score the football, and if they get up by 2 scores, the game is over."

Commish says: Dolphins fear, part 1...

Michael Trezza (michaeljtrezza) - Buccaneers: "Cowboys will be this week's Raiders. Cross off 8% when foolish people like my wife believe in their close road win from the week prior only to get "upset" when they aren't even good. Also, is Miami good or did they play a garbage SeaCocks team and pick up garbage time stats against a 3rd string QB? They've traveled 9,600 miles already and return to the place Weather.com called the "Worst Place to Live in America." Take the 10 points and let's rejoice when Cody "Keebler Elf" Kessler knocks out 30% of the league."

Commish says: Dolphins fear, part 2!

Nick Granuzzo (ngranuz1) - Buccaneers: "Miami is such an obviously bad, obvious bet. I do not plan on putting my BFIG survivor odds on an 0-2 team that has lost to: 1) A team who lost to the LA Rams (after the Rams were obliterated by Blaine Gabbert and the 49ers), and 2) A team who started their backup QB, and played more than half the game with their 3rd stringer. That just screams bad idea, right? Perceptions mean less than records, right? I know most the pool will be swimming with the Dolphins, and I am writing this mostly to convince myself to stay on dry land. Wow, I am really bad at metaphors, especially relative to the rest of the BFIG faithful. I won’t do that again, I promise. Anyways, where was I? Oh right, I am taking Famous Jameis and the Buccaneers at home! Wait, what? Let me let this one sit for a bit, there's always time to change my pick. Be back in a few..."

Commish says: PART 3!!

Tim Petrie (mnwildfan79) - Dolphins: "I f***ing love traps."

Commish says: !!!!!!!

Chuck Geiger (chuck) - Dolphins: "Home opener. New stadium upgrades. I'm good friends with the CEO. Therefore, I can't escape this season without picking the Dolphins once. All reasons probably wrong, against thousands of critical thinkers and NFL strategist. But alas, there is always 2nd pool..."

Commish says: Chuck, you know what I'm gonna say, right? You've been doing this for years. GET HIM IN THE POOL!

Fred Lichtenstein (Ferd1462) - Texans: "As a lifelong Yankees fan and a Wisconsin alum, Fuck Boston and go Badgers. JJ watt dunked on me playing recreational basketball. My claim to fame."

Commish says: Wait for it... wait for it... GET HIM IN THE POOL, FRED!!

David Luby (Lubyland) - Cowboys: "Oh boy! As a fan of the dumpster fire, does this pick anger the survivor gods? In Dak we trust..."

Commish says: Lots of hompage paid to the survival gods this week. Love everyone's deference and respect. In this case, David, you're good. The gods do not frown upon picking against your team, so long as you acknowledge it pains you deeply.

Ben Flora (cyprus8787) - Cowboys: "As a seasoned vet of BFIG I know one thing ... the commish is always right. So this week I took your week 3 email to heart. Lets start by taking a trip to Vegas, where the modern day oracles live (wrinkly sunburnt gamblers look remarkably like the oracles of delphi right?). These modern day oracles have selected 5 teams to win by a touchdown or more: Seattle, Green Bay, Maimi, Carolina, and Dallas. Lets look at each: 1)Seattle - Playing a division rival; 2) Green Bay - Playing a division rival; 3) Miami - records matter don't ever pick a 0-2 team; 4) Carolina - records matter don't ever pick against a 2-0 team; 5) This leaves me with Dallas. They are at home (where they always play terribly), They have a better record (although just barely), and they aren't playing a divisional game. Commish you have left me with no choice but to pick a team I have no faith in to appease the survivor gods."

Commish says: The survival gods radiate beams of light onto your soul, Ben.

Brian Lewis (YungFruitbar) - Dolphins: "Survivor gods have saved me two weeks in a row with the Chiefs and Ravens so at this point it doesn't matter who I pick. "

Matt Tindale (mrtindale) - Dolphins: "So I get booted from last year's pool in week 2 when NO as a team unleashed the pressure of a decades old pinched asshole and an array of feces exploded like dynamite throughout the entire Superdome. Neat ! Now that I have surpassed week 2, I am now ready and willing to throw it all away again on the likes of the 0-2 Miami Dolphins. That's right, Ryan Tannehill and "Glass" Foster are really the light at the end of the tunnel. Which leads me to ask the question - what the hell kind of tunnel am I in anyway? If I somehow don't make it through to week 4, who do I blame ? Do I blame myself for putting a potential $40k on the 0-2 Dolphins, or do I blame any team on the face of the earth, pee-wee included, that cannot beat the Cleveland Browns and 3rd string QB Cody Kessler at home? This week determines if the BFIG gods kicked me in the ball's last year in week 2 in order to break me down and build me back up to championship caliber level this year, or if the BFIG gods really do despise my existence and are sending a clear message that survivor pools are not my Forte..."

Commish says: Rule #1 about the survival gods: They love when you talk about them. They love when you acknowledge their existence. They love when you admit they've kicked you in the balls before.

Timothy Thrush (TMoney) - Dolphins: "Because Cleveland changes Quarterbacks more often than I change my underwear in the winter. Skol, Vikings!"

Adam O'Brien (adambobrien) - Dolphins: "The Cleveland Browns are starting their 5th QB in the last five games. I haven't changed my underwear 5 times in the last 5 games. Well, maybe I have. But I'm certain Connor O'Brien hasn't."

Commish says: Seems BFIG's "average underwear changes during winter" rating is worringly low. Gonna keep tabs on this...

Michael Conoscenti (Listen2zyetti) - Cardinals: "I would rather pick for a USC QB to win than to bet on a USC QB to suck it (which Kessler undoubtedly will). Still dreaming of what Carson could have been without that injury, but glad to see there is still one USC alumn dishing dimes, as opposed to setting the record on ESPN's "Not Top Ten" for consecutive weeks at Number 1. FTFO!"

Commish says: FTFO! (Now can we win a few games?)

Brad Hanovich (bradleyhanovich) - Cardinals: "Because I watched the Arizona Cardinals documentary on Amazon Prime on my flight and Bruce Arians has me the fired the F*** UP!"

Cody Allen (codem0n) - Cowboys: "If Skip Bayless can make $20 mil by overreacting then maybe I can make $40k the same way! Dak Prescott for Pres! Lets deport Jay Cutler! Nothing can possibly change from week to week in the NFL! On to week 4 we go!"

Christopher Welch (welchiz) - Cowboys: "My pick line thus far: Eagles->Giants->Cowboys. A sign from the survival gods? Blind pick Dumpster Fire in week 4? Have I gone mad?"

Commish says: If you do this, please email me to emphasize what you've done. I will start a massive slow clap.

Gary Pett (garypett) - Cowboys: "The Bears are a garbage team. I am a Bears fan. They are garbage. My friend's insight into being a fan of Chicago sports: no more than two teams make the playoffs in the same year. Just as the Cubs got good, the Bulls start to suck. As the Blackhawks start winning, the Bears make the worst swap in the history of sports by losing Urlacher and getting Jay Cutler. The decision is obvious to me, Dallas."

Jade O'Brien (jademobrien) - Cowboys: "I'm picking the cowboys but I wanted to say something positive about Cleveland: the New York Post listed Cleveland the 15th best city to live in the US. There it is, POSITIVITY! I'm guessing the the author was drunk on Bud light Limes. They like limes there. They prevent scurvy. "

Kevin Meagher (BklynKevin) - Dolphins: "I thought the sanctions were over. Why was Cody sent to Cleveland?"

Tyler Jackson (dropoutfilms) - Dolphins: "This is farthest than I've ever made it in the BFIG and my comment finally made the commish's email, so really I'm playing with house money at this point. That's why this week it's Tannehill time!! Let's keep the dream alive and prove ol' Miko Grimes wrong. "

Commish says: I hope this is a SZN-wide sentiment. MY COMMENT MADE IT, LEMME GO HOP ABOARD THE GRAVY TRAIN.

Steve Travis (Greyhound) - Dolphins: "Can't believe week 3 is lending itself to a 10 point spread between two winless teams. Reaching deep into the bag for this one, but since the Browns are trotting out 3rd stringer (USCs very own and fellow Centennial HS Golden Hawk) Cody Kessler, I can't help but think of how very average he was during his years at the LA Coliseum. But maybe when Sark is asleep at the wheel (via DUI) it's tough to churn out more than 8 wins. Cutty Sark is a whiskey, but it's also a sailboat. Miami has a lot of sailboats. Tannehil's wife is hot. Go Dolphins."

Paul Laubach (Wedge1011) - Dolphins: "So, I almost picked the Bucs. But here's the deal: I just watched Dirk Koetter let Jameis get completely crushed by Arizona AFTER THE GAME WAS COMPLETELY OVER! When asked why, ole Dirk's response was essentially: "Because he didn't want to." For a guy who's name is derived from a sword, that's a dull response. Picking Miami because I didn't want to pick against Cleveland at home. And I'm a Hugh Hewitt referral. Sorry bud. We agree on politics, but you're a Browns fan and I'm from Colorado. We like our teams with winners. Except the Rockies. And the Nuggets. And the Avalanche after the late 90's. Yeah. Miami."

Jake Weinrich (TeenageMutantNinjaBortles) - Dolphins: "Well Commish, it looks like The Factor of Sadness will be starting its third quarterback of the season. For a second, I thought, "Wait, wasn't Cody Kessler pretty good in college?" Then I saw Kessler's self-imposed safety and remembered, the instant poor Cody got off Interstate 80 (assuming he drove to Cleveland), his soul was exorcised from his body and his football career was doomed. Picks aside, Commish, I'd like to make a motion for the league to permit photo and video embedding into the comments section. Sometimes I get really nervous copy/pasting my web browsing history, particularly today when I caught a quick glimpse of the the word "hub" in the (Kessler safety) URL. All in favor, say "Aye"!"

Commish says: Would love to have this. It's on our list! (But more for entertainment reasons, less saving yourself from the 'hub reasons.) Also, amazing username!

Adam Vukovic (aavukovic) - Dolphins: "Mr. Lauren Tannehill at home over Matt Barkley-lite all day."

Michelle Single (ChargerGirl23) - Dolphins: "Commish, Commish, Commish....we've all been wondering...how the F do you do this AND have a real job?? Because we do our research, watch the odds, listen to commentary and read your fantastic emails instead of doing our jobs and my boss says Thanks Commish! Although it sounded more like 'Tuck You Commish''. Boss also picks the Dolphins, which means I have to pick the Dolphins."

Commish says: I take pride in torpedoing office productivity. But HOLD UP. Happier employees = higher output. Isn't that the 21st century mantra? COMMISH DRIVES PROFITS.

Bobby Fuertes (bobbyfuertes) - Dolphins: "I watched every game Cody Kessler played in college. This one's a lock."

J Sevs (jseverson20) - Dolphins: "Frankly we all deserve to lose for putting our trust in Miami. It's like being surprised after being roofied by some south beach club promoter who said he could hook you up with cheaper bottle service at LIV. Like...how did you think this would end any other way?!?!?"

Mary Sorrick (Pancakes) - Dolphins: "I read a blog that said Cody Kessler has never played football in a humid place like Miami, and therefore the Browns are doomed. This is rock-solid analysis and I am willing to wager my survival on it."

Georgia Trakinat (georgiatrakinat) - Dolphins: "This is the first time I've thought "strategically", not picked a surefire bet and I'm nearly positive that it will not work in my favor. But, this pick goes to my Aunt B who live is the middle of buttf*** nowhere and owns Miami Dolphins Crocs that she wears religiously on game days."

Commish says: Hi, Aunt B! Love your Crocs.

Alex Dehn (Thecanadianhero) - Dolphins: "How can anyone expect to play football in 85 degree weather with 90% humidity? Its just not human. I believe the Dolphins have a minor competitive advantage due to the fact that they live down there and haven't killed themselves yet. Also, it's the Browns. "

Colin Ringwood (ColonRingworm) - Dolphins: "Honestly, I've already won this week. Maybe not in the Survivor Pool, but I've won in life. The Commish likes my username. A name that's been a curse for a long time is finally paying off. There's a moment in every friendship I've ever had. The timing of it varies based on the wit of each individual, but it happens roughly 3-12 months after I meet someone and decide to hang out with them on a semi-regular basis. In the course of hanging out, the new friend will attempt to call me by my last name, but will mispronounce it. Ringwood becomes Ringworm. It's only 2 letters different. I get it. No big deal. But once the light goes on for my friend, he will be hit with a revelation. "Haha! Your name could be Ringworm! And your first name sounds like Colon. Those are both disgusting things! Eww! Colon Ringworm!" To him, he has just made the joke of the century. It's hilarious! It's incredible! He's definitely the first person to ever put that together. Suddenly, he has to tell everyone. He shouts it to the entire group. Each member of the group remembers the moment they came up with that nickname, completely on their own. They all laugh. It doesn't matter that everyone has come up with that joke since I started going to public school. It doesn't faze them that they have the same humor as the 6-year-olds who eat paste. This is the peak of comedy. And it happens with every single person I know, without fail. Classic Colon Ringworm. But now I've embraced it. And in doing so, The Commish has smiled his approval on me. And my life is complete. Colon Ringworm will survive. Oh and I pick the Dolphins. Isn't everyone?"

Commish says: I stand in solidarity with you, Colin.

Stuart Montgomery (Bigstu121) - Giants: "Well commish, as the old saying goes, "it's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys". As a logical person, I figure the opposite must also be true. I expect Eli (turkey) to soar like as eagle, he is surrounded by some high calibre players in OBJ, Cruz and also the new guy Shepard. Having said all this, one of my biggest concerns is that I will be flicking through the Sunday games and I will see this. ...what was I saying about being a logical person? All I know is that there is no such thing as logic in this crazy game of survival."

Philip Ciprian (pciprian) - Packers: "As a non-biased observer (read: Browns fan), I'm roughly 97% sure the ref who flagged Terrelle Pryor is in this league and had the Ravens last week."

Matthew Loeper (mwloeper) - Packers: "I still don't understand the logistics of this league and the relationship with the Commish, GM, Watch With Friends, The SZN.com and BFIG Survivor Pool. I originally imagined this mythical group of college friends that many moons ago started a survivor pool and have evolved it over the years to what you see now. But then seeing the love for Bud Light Lime, I ask myself... are they still in college? Then I think back to myself in college and what I was doing and realize no college kids could pull this off weekly. So I conclude that Commish is just really talented in his writing and website creating abilities. But alas, I recently forgot my password and when trying to reset it (half expecting Commish to comment on my week's pick, thank me for being in the pool and walking me through it himself) I got a legit canned response instantly on how to reset it.. ya know, like a real website. Again, stumped. I know he (if "he" is a real person) loves the Packers. I also know he has no chance of winning but I think this is his real job? I also know there's an ex Bachelorette contestant in this pool and I'm far more excited about that than I should be. I do know I have a better chance of figuring out the logistics of this thing on my own than actually winning. But what I don't know is what I am actually a part of here, other than weekly awesomeness. If you (whoever you are) could be so kind as to provide a little history lesson, I will tip a Bud Light Lime to you fine sir, sirs, or LLC. In closing, this is why I am picking the Packers this year, in honor of all that I don't know about this league I am so happy to be a part of."

Commish says: Your initial idea is actually spot on, Matthew! I started this thing right after I graduated college. A handful of friends were like, "Sure I'll play," and BFIG was born. Then it started to get big. I was like, "Oh shit, I can't do this in Excel anymore" (a website was born). Then I was like, "Oh shit, this is a ton of fun and people seem to love it and it's getting really big" (The SZN was born; The GM, my buddy Kyle, joined me). Watch With Friends was my choice for our corporate name (yes, we're official) because that's my vision for what this thing should/will be - the de facto way to have (way) more fun watching things (mainly sports, but um, yes, Bachelorette) with friends. This isn't technically Kyle's and my job yet, but that'd be awesome if it becomes our job. I DO, however, spend a ton of time on it. It's always been among the most fun things in my life. Hope that answers your questions!

Cara Bushemi (cbushemi) - Packers: "I'm still salty that Aaron didn't show up on this season of the Bachelorette, but I'm confident that he'll show up on Sunday."

Commish says: Have I mentioned we SO want to do Bachelor/Bachelorette competitions on The SZN?

Daniel Rignack (drignack2798) - Panthers: "Applying for college is a pain. It takes time and effort that I would rather put towards females. I mean college is worth going the extra mile but does egg really have to be a sushi dish? An intelligent person once told me to believe in yourself. That person was me. And I believe. I believe in the Panthers."

Cameron Lochte (cameronlochte) - Seahawks: "I live in San Francisco, and everyone around here is getting a liiiiittle too excited about the "surprising" 1-1 Niners (who just lost by 19 and didn't cover). As the immortal Winston Wolfe told us, "Let's not start sucking each other's [matcha green tea flavored popsicles] just yet." (not sure if BFIG has an 18+ age limit, so quote has been edited for children and/or sensitive SF residents)"

Commish says: For quotes originating in SF, pretty sure the match green tea flavored popsicles would be the actual original quote.

Cy Fleming (Professor_Krugman) - Titans: "Not safe enough to be a smart choice but not ballsy enough to show moxie. And still I can't help myself. We need an official name for this type of pick."

Commish says: INTRIGUING. Open to ideas. Anyone?

Kristopher Kingston (kris) - Broncos: "I love Horsey's"

Commish says: I can feel it. We're getting close...

Mike Hastings (Hast) - Cardinals: "F*** Rex Ryan's Lapband"

Commish says: Getting closer...

Chris McLey (mcley) - Cowboys: "I don't know what I'm doing. This pick is synonymous with my life, questionable decisions with no real reasoning behind them."

Commish says: Closer...

Peter Menchini (pmenchini) - Dolphins: "I'm making my pick in the middle of an internal conference meeting right now pretending to be paying attention."

Commish says: Annnnd that'll do it for this week.