Friends in football,
Hope you're ready for the 2035 AFC Championship Game, between 38-year-old Pat Mahomes' Kansas City Chiefs and the Munich Marauders, played at a neutral site in Shanghai, China.
You think Commish is joking but I'm not.
European expansion feels inevitable, and after the NFL made SUCH a big deal out of fast-selling tickets to the potential Bills-Chiefs AFC Championship game before we even know if that game will happen, neutral site Conference Championships now feel inevitable, too.
Also inevitable: Nathan Peterman, worst QB and best locker room guy in NFL history, will be the 3rd string QB for the Munich Marauders in that Super Bowl, cementing his place in the Clipboard Hall of Fame.
Divisional PICKS
- HasselBracket
- Your group picks (get in a group with friends!)
NOW, if you thought that all of our 6-0 leaders in HasselBracket would roll with the home favorites... you were sorely mistaken.
As of this afternoon, the 6-0s' picks looked like this:
- CIN (39%) at BUF (61%)
- JAX (6%) at KC (94%)
- NYG (27%) at PHI (73%)
- DAL (29%) at SF (71%)
That's a LOT of underdog picks from our perfect leaders thus far.
And just 200 of the 806 leaders have gone full chalk (BUF, KC, PHI, SF) as of this writing. That means 75% of our 6-0 leaders have gone against the Vegas line in some way.
Commish LOVES the moxie that flows through the SZN faithful.
Those 75% are like "GIVE ME THE CONTRARIAN PATH AND GIVE ME THE GLORY".
Brb, I need a tissue.
PICK STATS
HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em
- Overall pick percentages for each game:
- CHIEFS (89%) vs. Jags (11%)
- NINERS (70%) vs. Cowboys (30%)
- EAGLES (70%) vs. Giants (30%)
- BILLS (58%) vs. Bengals (42%)
- Our overall %s aren't THAT different from how our 6-0s picked, which qualifies as a mild surprise.
- Our 6-0s are slightly heavier on the biggest favorite (Chiefs), and everything else is just slightly higher or lower than how we picked the favorites overall.
- So (say it with Commish), it's still anyone's game!
WeeWoo Championship Pickoff
- In case you missed it, @jsballa32442 and @holycontejas tied atop WeeWoo's overall standings.
- Then we learned they did the statistically unthinkable... they tied on ALL tiebreakers.
- Then they tied in their Wildcard Round pickoff.
- So, we're still going.
- THEIR PICKOFF PICKS:
- @holycontejas: 1-KC, 2-PHI, 3-SF, 4-CIN
- @jsballa32442: 1-KC, 2-CIN, 3-NYG, 4-DAL
- Can we tie again? YES WE CAN.
- If the Bengals, Eagles, and Cowboys all win (plausible!); OR if the Bills, Giants, and Niners all win (also plausible!), they will both finish with the same record, with the same order of confidence losses.
- Are those now the likeliest outcomes of this round's games? GO PLACE THOSE PARLAYS NOW.
WEEKLY AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
Boldest pick. You can't win a SZN competition without a little Moxie!
@LAhomer88 (Chiefs, Giants, Bengals, 49ers): "Giants over Eagles! Daniel Jones will earn himself a ridiculous paycheck by knocking out a hated rival and the #1 seed? I can’t decide if I’m jealous or excited that he has the opportunity to make himself around $100M richer in his lifetime for 3 hrs of work. Very few other professionals can point to specific moments in time where their net worth increases that drastically. I also love seeing upsets, and would love seeing an old school Giants/Niners NFC Championship game. 7 more NFL games this year… may they all be glorious!"
Commish says: My list of jobs with this type of leverage: Gold panner, oil tycoon, lotto "investor", being Daniel Jones RIGHT NOW, and whoever invented Bud Light Lime and DOES NOT GET THE CREDIT THEY DESERVE.
Commish Communication Award
Our best weekly comment (or three)
@ekahn93 (Chiefs, Eagles, Bills, 49ers): "My friend's girlfriend organized a surprise birthday for him. She sent out the invites 2 months ago for January 21st (tonight) at 9pm. It's not her fault, who could have known the NFL would hate me enough to put the Giants/Eagles game that night? I texted her Sunday night telling her when the game got scheduled, and that she better figure out how to get the game playing there or no one will show, including the birthday boy who's a big Giants. I got an email this morning to all those invited saying she rented a TV just for us to watch the game. That's right, I saved this party, I'm a hero. But more importantly, that is true love. She is dedicated. She's ring chasing harder than a Cowboys fan born after 1996."
Commish says: We demand the follow-up report. What was the vibe? Do NFC East "house divided" relationships have a chance? Did you drink Bud Light Lime? HOW GOOD WAS THE CAKE?
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
Most convincing comment. (When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL.)
@zachewing (Chiefs, Eagles, Bills, 49ers): "OK, chalk is no way to catch up in a contest like this. But everybody — and I mean EVERYBODY — seems to think there’s gonna be an upset this week. But … what if there isn’t? Maybe all chalk is the new moxie?? Makes you think."
Commish says: *Checks notes* Annnnnnd the BFIG Champ (and WeeWoo top 5 finisher) is right. Again. I wouldn't call it Moxie, but going full chalk was far less common than I would have guessed. It's @zachewing's world, we're all just living it.
Definitely Not Concussed Award
The spiciest/wildest take.
@fozlofski (Chiefs, Eagles, Bills, 49ers): "F*** this year, something has to play out like normal at some point right? Sean Payton and THE GOAT will square off in the AFC title game next year. I'll go ahead and pick THE GOAT and the Jets over the Broncos now."
Commish says: Jets-Broncos?! NOSTRADAMUS HAS NOTHING ON FOZLOFSKI!
MORE COMMENTS
@Jacksoncparr (Jaguars, Eagles, Bills, 49ers): "Just another second year quarterback going to the AFC chip, nothing new."
Commish says: NEXT YEAR: Kenny Pickett? Malik Willis? Bailey Zappe? JOE FLACCO?!?
@kbanaian (Chiefs, Giants, Bills, 49ers): "Pisarcik's Revenge follows Son of 41-Donut."
Commish says: Is Son of 41-Donut a play in the Andy Reid playbook?
@YesThereIsAnS (Chiefs, Giants, Bills, 49ers): "As a kid growing up in NYC with an uncle in the Bay Area, I'd hear my father on the phone with his brother sometimes. They didn't see eye to eye on a lot, but they both loved their Football Teams. -- "My Giants are doing pretty good, huh, Harvey?" "Not as good as my Niners, Bobby!" Well in the unlikeliest of ways both these teams have made it to the DR. And I fully expect the spirit of my uncle to guide The Purdiest team in history to victory over a Cowgirls team that got lulled into a false sense of security by the worst team in the playoffs (GOAT or NO GOAT). Meanwhile, there've been too many Miracles at the Meadowlands.... it's time for the LONGSHOT AT THE LINC ! LET'S GO BLUE #LongshotAtTheLinc !"
Commish says: "My Giants are doing pretty good, huh, Harvey?" "Not as good as my Niners, Bobby!" is the epitome of dude talk. If they were born a generation later, 100% they'd have a podcast named "BOBBY HARVEY DUDE TIME".
@edudeus (Chiefs, Giants, Bills, Cowboys): "Don't fly Spirit! and Don't fly with the Eagles!"
Commish says: EDUDEUS DO YOU WANT TO DO A PODCAST WITH HARVEY AND BOBBY?
@Shaggy1 (Chiefs, Giants, Bills, 49ers): "Spin the f***ing wheel. Bounce ball. All my dough on GREEN OO USING my picks ? Send $5 to PO Box 888"
Commish says: SHAGGY THAT'S NOT HOW ADDRESSES WORK
@michelemammen (Chiefs, Eagles, Bills, 49ers): "Even though the Cowboys are great on both sides of the ball, the Niners will win by 7 points on a spectacular Brandon Aiyuk play."
Commish says: THE PREDICTION ENERGY IS STRONG THIS WEEK!
@BB (Chiefs, Eagles, Bengals, 49ers): "i pick by logos"
Commish says: Is the Bengals logo cute or scary or regal or...
@Mr_Rodgers_Neighborhood (Chiefs, Eagles, Bills, 49ers): "All home teams? Well, there's a reason they're all home teams, because they're better."
Commish says: If only the other Rodgers was this intelligent
@rnorwood (Chiefs, Giants, Bills, Cowboys): "The older I get, the more I understand why roosters scream repeatedly to start the day."
Commish says: How about the wolves moon howling thing, Norwood? HOW ABOUT IT?
@StatCzar (Chiefs, Eagles, Bengals, Cowboys): "How am I handling the Vikings loss you might ask? Oh just fine, I'm coping by taking up new hobbies, such as bungee jumping into rattlesnake pits. Alaskan deep sea fishing. Wrestling with live grizzly bears. Participating in desert triathlons. Teaching Ben Simmons how to shoot jumpers. Next month after football season wraps up, I have my first hike scheduled, up the K2, with no help, should go fine I expect, right? Anyway, I'm definitely handling Kirk Cousins checking down and a defensive scheme designed to give up yardage, perfectly fine. In fact I couldn't be more chipper, now if you excuse me my neighbor has gotten something stuck in his woodchipper that won't turn off and I've offered to reach in and try and grab it as he said if I do I can toss any items destroyed during the game in there."
Commish says: Can someone please go check on Stat Czar? THIS IS URGENT.
@gfears805 (Chiefs, Eagles, Bills, 49ers): "Aarrgh. One piece of advice follow with your gut and not your heart. If I had done that I would have probably won all games!!"
Commish says: BUT MY HEART LOVES BUD LIGHT LIME TOO
@Janice (Chiefs, Eagles, Bills, 49ers): ""F*** Urban Meyer! These picks are the Bomb!!!"
Commish says: THANK YOU JANICE MEYER, GIVE OUR REGARDS TO YOUR UNCLE
@xolp (Chiefs, Eagles, Bengals, Cowboys): "Less Hillary Duff, more Lizzie McGuire."
Commish says: LIZZIE ALREADY HAS A TV SERIES AND MOVIE. HILLARY DUFF NEEDS THIS POOL. GET HER IN THE POOL!!!
@ProfessorX (Chiefs, Eagles, Bills, 49ers): "I farted while making these picks."
Commish says: ARE WE CLOSE TO THE END?
@mtroncone (Chiefs, Giants, Bengals, 49ers): "Do the Sexy Dexy"
Commish says: WE'VE MADE IT TO THE END
Yours in football,
The Commish