Friends in football,
On Tuesday, we open picking for our Super Bowl Props competition. It's 20 questions, SZN style. Example: "Will there be a TD drive shorter than the National Anthem performance?"
2 ways to play our Super Bowl Props:
- Join MORE NFL SZN for 50% off. $4K in Super Bowl Props prizes.
- Run your own Props competition using SZN Groups. It's free for everyone.
NOW, let's talk about our picks today and how we are NOT buying what the Chiefs are selling...
CONF CHAMPIONSHIP PICKS
- HasselBracket
- Your group picks (get in a group with friends!)
When Mahomes hurt his ankle in last week's game, it looked bad. The betting public agreed, as the Bengals became slight favorites to win today's AFC title game.
But then Mahomes kept saying he felt good. Coach Andy Reid kept saying Mahomes looked good. And the betting public went back to the "Mahomes is a superhero" narrative, with the Chiefs now 2-point favorites.
Did we buy it? NO WE DID NOT.
As of 11am PT today, here are our pick percentages in HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em:
- SF (41%) at PHI (59%)
- CIN (70%) at KC (30%)
That's right. A whopping 70 PERCENT of us are riding Joe Burrow and the Cincinnati Bengals.
Or is it more like 70% of us are riding @BigDaddy's Super Bowl forecasting abilities? Can the man REALLY cash in huge on the Bengals in back-to-back years?!
Lest you forget, he once chugged an entire Bud Light Lime, outside, in 0-degree weather, in mere seconds. QUESTION HIS PRESCIENCE AT YOUR OWN RISK.
For those of you wondering how our 10-0 HasselBracket leaders picked today's games, scroll on...
PICK STATS
HasselBracket Playoffs Pick'em
- We have 144 perfect 10-0 records heading into today.
- Top 300 cash, and it's still an open question whether it'll take 12-1 or 11-2 to crack the top 300.
- Here's how our 10-0s picked the games:
- SF (33%) at PHI (67%)
- CIN (81%) at KC (19%)
- That's right. Our 10-0s are EVEN MORE slanted toward the Bengals and Eagles.
- If the Niners and Chiefs win (as likely an outcome as any other combo, per Vegas spreads), then we'll have very few 12-0s going into the Super Bowl.
- If the Eagles and Bengals win, it's gonna be a Super Bowl tiebreakers PARTY in the HasselBracket house.
- For anyone riding the Niners or Chiefs, you have to feel really good about the leverage on those picks. You're in a clear minority here on The SZN, but Vegas thinks those picks are just as good as the other teams.
WEEKLY AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
Boldest pick. You can't win a SZN competition without a little Moxie!
@Strong (49ers, Bengals): "History is about to repeat itself in the coming years. The Bengals will be the Buffalo Bills of the early 90s, going to the Super Bowl multiple times in a row but not winning it. Except where the Bills went 4 times and lost to the current NFC East, the Bengals will go 5 times and lose to the NFC West every time: Rams once, 49ers twice and Seahawks twice (while I would like to see the Cardinals that I root for there, they are the Cardinals unfortunately). Because of the domination in the AFC by the Bengals, Mahomes ends up in Seattle to vanquish his foe and help the Seahawks win it all against them twice"
Commish says: There's calling your shot and then there's CALLING THE NEXT 4 SUPER BOWLS. Tell us more. Will Purdy be the QB for both 49ers wins? What happens to Geno? IS JOE STILL COOL AFTER FIVE STRAIGHT L'S?!
Commish Communication Award
Our best weekly comment (or three)
@LAhomer88 (Eagles, Bengals): "So my Giants pick last week wasn’t great. Maybe Hurts wasn’t quite as hurt as he made out to be… kinda like how Doc Holiday convinced Wyatt he was dying so he’d get the deputy star before killing Johnny Ringo. Coincidentally, Daniel Jones played the perfect “guy who got shot between the eyes” role. I won’t make the same error this week. Separately, how spectacular would it be to have Joe Burrow's life right now? Superstar QB with boyish good looks and a chance to become a cultural legend… too bad he plays in Cincinnati. I would have to try very hard to not be corrupted beyond all normal human standards. Despite both my picks, I will truly be happy with any of these four teams in the Super Bowl. Only 3 games left :-("
Commish says: Joe Burrow would be the perfect Old West sheriff, right? DOC HOLIDAY. JOE COOL. TIME TO CLEAN UP THE TOWN, BOYS.
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
Most convincing comment. (When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL.)
@mahatma19 (Eagles, Bengals): "A friend of mine tried to talk shit by saying the Bengals might lose back-to-back Super Bowls. Imagine telling a Bengals fan that going to back-to-back Super Bowls would be a thing to make fun of. The Bengals. As an insult. I mean, *maybe* you can tell a Pats fan that Mac Jones will lose a Super Bowl and they'll try and fight you (especially if they're a Mass-hole). But a Bengals fan, legitimately thinking about *another* Super Bowl. Whew! Big smiles..."
Commish says: This is literally how you sell Bengals tickets. Is this the year this Award comes full circle? NOBODY DOES HISTORY LIKE THE SZN!
Definitely Not Concussed Award
The spiciest/wildest take.
@MagicDreams (Eagles, Bengals): "Hey Commish, the email you just sent me sez I hafta get my picks in by 12pm on SATURDAY. The website sez 12pm on SUNDAY. I don’t like feeling this pressure. Did Commish pound too many BLL’s and decide to mess with the HassleBracket on purpose? Is this some kind of test to see who will get tricked into making their picks today? Explain yourself, Commish. Don’t mess with our minds like this. You’re just going to have to get used to the idea of the Packers post Rodgers and the start of the Love era in Green Bay. Don’t take your insecurities out on the rest of us!"
Commish says: Yes, it was a mistake (picks lock at kickoff). Yes, I pounded 4.7 BLLs yesterday (the perfect amount for the most mild and serene buzz). BUT YOU HAVE ERRED. Commish cannot WAIT for the start of the Jordan Love era. I am not insecure. I AM READY FOR 5-12 AND AN EMBARRASSING HEAPING OF BAD LOVE PUNS, BABY!
MORE COMMENTS
@Arcy007 (Eagles, Bengals): "Animals over men... A suitcase and a trunk... Birds and Cats by ten... Or I will be on a drunk..."
Commish says: What is "on a drunk"? Is it like being on a bender? Or is it like you're piggybacking a drunk person? Both are very dangerous PLEASE BE SAFE.
@ekahn93 (Eagles, Chiefs): "Everyone is saying the Bengals have beaten the Chiefs 3 times in a row. How many times have the announcers mentioned a trend or stat only for the opposite to happen on the next play. The bengals going 4-0 is now tainted not only by the fact that it’s been discussed openly, but now the public is betting on it. Trends in the NFL are like quantum mechanics. Once you measure them they give you different results. You also need a quantum computer to measure the amount of money that I have lost betting against trends"
Commish says: If you hadn't lost all that money, you could have your own quantum computer, Kahn. What happened?
@Moondogs (Eagles, Bengals): "Thanks for ruining EVERYTHING, Dak!!!"
Commish says: “I’m sorry I ruined your lives and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR. With love and regrets, Dak Prescott"
@Inkbeard11 (Eagles, Chiefs): "2023 Kelce Bowl"
Commish says: "Annnnnd we have the Kelce bros mic'd up. This was an... interesting exchange. Let's listen in." ... "I'M MOM'S FAVORITE CHILD." "F*** YOU I'M HER FAV."
@Lude8282 (Eagles, Chiefs): "If I win this money and end up divorcing… my wife will then approve of my gambling activities… she loves taking half of my soul away as it is…"
Commish says: What do you mean? They play Week 3, 2023 on Thursday Night Football. Never has there been more anticipation. Never has there been a more Titanic matchup!!
@FreddyGoBlue (Eagles, Bengals): "What happened to the Giants V Jags???"
Commish says: THE PREDICTION ENERGY IS STRONG THIS WEEK!
@bjsmith888 (Eagles, Bengals): "I’m the prophetic words sung by Ann Margaret “Bye Bye Purdy”"
Commish says: Gonna have to have Stat Czar research to verify, but pretty confident that this is our first Ann Margaret reference in SZN comment history
@StatCzar (Eagles, Chiefs): "Don't have a comment about the Conference Championship games because I just found out that the Mac in Mac Jones is short for McCorkle and can't think about anything else."
Commish says: UNLEASH THE MCCORKLE!!
@Wild_Child2324 (49ers, Chiefs): "69ers vs the chickens and the sunburned zebras vs the tattooed fish. Hopefully they don’t disappoint"
Commish says: It is sufficiently clear that Animal Planet missed out on the century's biggest TV opportunity. Why isn't the NFL broadcast on Animal Planet? Who loses? NO ONE LOSES!
@saradymond (Eagles, Bengals): "Most people hate us and that’s okay cuz we hate most people. It’s just a Philly thing… Go Birds!!!!
."
Commish says: OK fine but can we not boo Santa Claus? What the hell, Sara? THERE ARE KIDS WATCHING.
@RhodeTeam (Eagles, Bengals): "Fly like an Eagle let my Bengals set me free"
Commish says: MOAR VERSES. MOAR.
@Budz (Eagles, Bengals): "Oh, the Places the Super Bowl will Go! See Pat Fall. Fall Pat Fall. Watch Joe Win Win Joe Win. Let Jalen Cook. Cook Jalen Cook. Take Brock Out. Out Brock Out."
Commish says: WHICH NURSERY RHYME IS THIS ARE YOU HIGH
@LeviLeo (49ers, Bengals): "Purdy is the new Brady. He WILL win the Superbowl. It's the illuminati's way of telling Brady they're done with him"
Commish says: GET THE ILLUMINATI IN THE POOL!!!
@NostraSamus (Eagles, Bengals): "I love turtles"
Commish says: I LOVE ELECTRIC GREEN PONIES
@sunderlove (Eagles, Bengals): ""Bungle in the jungle""
Commish says: WE GOT FUN AND GAMES. GOOD LUCK, EVERYONE!
Yours in football,
The Commish