Survivor swashbucklers,

Before we get to the Browns Brownsing, Commish seriously upped his highlight video game this week. Every link will instantly play a video - no ads beforehand. Boom.

Now, the Browns. Oh, the Browns. Commish was totally right in his PICKS email - the Dolphins should absolutely not have been a majority pick. But in the end, the Browns Brownsed in one of the Brownsiest ways possible.

Cody Parkey, who sounds like a Browns kicker, has a chance to win the game, misses his THIRD field goal of the day (more on this later), and what does he do?

HE SMILES. Because of course he smiles. He's Cody Parkey, and these are your Cleveland Browns. (The strip sack; the missed kick.)

In 2015, NFL kickers missed 123 unblocked field goals. That amounts to 0.48 misses per game, or 0.24 misses per team per game. Cody Parkey missed 12 times that many kicks Sunday, and thus, the Browns lost yet another game they deserved to win.

And get this: Last year, how many unblocked field goals do you think the Browns missed? Zero. The Browns had four kicks blocked (because Browns), but Travis Coons made all 28 kicks he had full control over. Then the Browns cut Coons - because Browns? - and, well, that went swimmingly for them.

At some point, the Browns are gonna blow up the pool, if only because we pick against them in such large numbers. But for now, BFIG looks healthier in Week 4 than it has in years in large part thanks to a world viewed through Browns-colored lenses.

BFIG HEALTH CHECK: CATASTROPHE AVERTED

• Damage done: 2,716 started the week; 12 picked teams lost, knocking out 462 people; 2,254 of us are moving on to Week 4.
• Could it have been worse? Lol. Last week in this space, we talked about the Browns blowing a 20-0 lead. This week, the Browns could (should) have knocked out more than half the pool.
• Closest call: Dolphins over Browns. Out of our nine top picks, eight were either comfortable wins or losses. Miami's win was the only en masse survival exhale this week.
• Easiest win: Cowboys over Bears. At this point, it's abundantly clear that the Bears have NOT been getting enough BFIG love this year. They've pretty clearly been football's worst team through three weeks.
• Toughest loss: Dumpster Fire over Giants. Since Romo is out for the year, perhaps we should temporarily rename the Romocoaster. The Giants' three games so far: Win via game-ending kick, win via game-ending kick, lose via kick inside two minutes. ALL ABOARD THE ELICOASTER!
• Team SZN record: 0-1. Commish can't even. For the love of John Kuhn, can I just follow my own rules? I stated them in the damn email last week! If you can, pick a home team with a record better than its opponent in a non-divisional game without an opposing coaching history. Those games don't always exist, but when they do (*cough* Cowboys over Bears)... DON'T PICK THEM, APPARENTLY. Commish is beside himself. Thanks, Carson Palmer. You're supposed to be the guiding light of USC's dark years. Now all we have is Cody Kessler.

WEEK 3 HIGHLIGHTS, PART I: BOFFO INTERCEPTIONS AND NOT-BOFFO KICKING NET COLLISIONS

When Baltimore linebacker C.J. Mosley did this, it was likely the interception of the year so far...

But no more than 10 minutes later, the artist formerly known as Patrick Peterson did this. Commish reserves "boffo" for special occasions, but those were both pretty boffo.

On the other side of the spectrum, in what'll almost certainly be one of 2016's top 10 most-played highlights, I present to you: OBJ versus kicking net. Round 1 goes to the kicking net.

I would also like to present to you: Matt Ryan's desire to block a lineman vs. air. Round 1 goes to air!

In the category of whiffed blocks, can someone please help Dwayne Harris stop seeing ghosts?

This might be the worst best fake punt I've ever seen. And it went a long way toward deciding that game.

This is definitely the best rule book exploitation I've seen this year. The commentators definitely needed some truck dude yelling, "YO, so there's this rule..." into their ears to know what was going on.

And raise your hand if you had the Teddy-less, AP-less Vikings winning at Carolina to move their record to 3-0. No, stop, put your hand down.

WEEK 3 HIGHLIGHTS, PART II: THE WORST HALF OF THE YEAR ALSO PRODUCED COMMISH'S FAVORITE PLAY OF THE YEAR

Ravens-Jaguars was a terrible, awful, no good, very bad game. With the outcome hanging in the balance for the entire second half, the teams produced this:

But - and there's a HUGE but - amid that three-minute stretch where these juggernauts went pick-pick-pick-blocked field goal, Commish's favorite play of the year happened.

The interception is whatever, but watch Jalen Ramsey - No. 20 on the Jags - go into full pinball mode on the return. I've watched this 10 times and laugh every time.

More pinball mode, please. Way more.

YOUR BEST TAKES: THERE'S ONE BIG POSITIVE FROM THE BROWNS LETDOWN

Clif Cotton (ClifCotton): "Are we sure the Browns kicker is not part of the pool? He kicked like a guy that picked the Dolphins."

Commish says: Well, Clif, I'm glad you asked. To Commish's knowledge, Cody is not in the pool. However, that leaves us with only one conclusion... and I didn't even have to say it:

David Mendivil (JulioJonesBBQandFootMassage): "GET CODY PARKEY IN THE POOL! He sure as hell won't be playing football much longer..."

All together now! GET HIM IN THE POOL!!! But, for real now, if you don't think Commish is serious about getting all these people in the pool, you've never been drunk on Bud Light Lime. First, go drink somewhere between nine and 21 Bud Light Limes (safely, people), then go think about the one possibly (or definitely) famous person you kinda sorta know and figure out how to GET THEM IN THE POOL!

NFL GAMES ARE CLOSER THAN EVER, SO THIS STAT IS RIDICULOUSLY REVEALING

Seemingly 80 percent of games this season are coming down to the fourth quarter. One mistake here, one great play there, and you have a winner.

While diving into Cody Parkey futility stats, Commish found this gem: Through three games, the NFL's bottom 12 teams in field goal conversion percentage are a combined 10-26. That makes the top 20 teams in FG% 38-22. Check out the list.

Perhaps I need to add "Don't pick teams with a shitty field goal kicker" to the list of survival truisms.

HOUSEKEEPING

• Text message reminders have saved a ton of people already. If you haven't entered your phone number so we can send you reminders (that's ALL we use it for), then do so now.
• Picks lock at 5:20pm (PST) every week. No exceptions.
• Kyle (The GM) and I play along with everyone, but of course we can't win any money. It's written into our official Terms of Service. We lol at basically every DraftKings article that comes out.
• Any friends who become SZN members get all the competitions we offer from the day they join through one year from that date. So yes, that includes BFIG 2017. Get them in so they can play in these upcoming NFL competitions! We'll be doing NBA survivor, too.
• DOUBLE CHECK YOUR PICK! Seriously, you don't want to be the person who thinks they're on Carolina but actually picked the Panthers' opponent. (It happens at least once every year.)
• The Green Bay Packers will win the Super Bowl.
• Commish loves you.