Deflator enablers,

Commish would like to take you back to Week 9, 2010.

The Patriots were 6-1, en route to a 14-2 season. The Browns were 2-5, en route to a Browns season. New England traveled to Cleveland to play a football game.

Cleveland was quarterbacked by Colt McCoy, whose ceiling is somewhere around "rookie Cody Kessler" territory. Cleveland was running backed by Peyton Hillis, whose ceiling is somewhere around "Trent Richardson plus." The Browns were coached by Eric Mangini, whose ceiling has been reported missing for seven years.

Cleveland didn't just win this football game. The Browns crushed the Patriots, 34-14. Hillis ran silly, piling up 184 yards on 29 carries. He made the Patriots look like they weren't even trying.

What does all of this have to do with today's Patriots-Browns game? Well, nothing really... other than proof that Brownsacles do happen.

See your friends' picks and comments, as well as the full spreadsheet of picks:

• Title pool
• Second Chance pool

WEEK 5 FAST FACTS

• A ton of assumed New England would be a majority pick. Not even close. The Patriots garnered 39 percent of our picks - still the top pick this week, but not an apocalyptic pool crusher if the Browns don't Browns.
• The biggest reason the Patriots weren't a majority pick is you all liked the Steelers quite a bit, too. Pittsburgh has 31 percent of our picks at home vs. The Interceptions.
• Our top five picks (NE, PIT, MIN, GB, IND) accounted for 91 percent of all title pool picks - continuing the trend of each week getting more concentrated at the top.
• LET'S DO SOME PROBABILITIES, SHALL WE? We picked 17 teams in the title pool, but for the sake of this exercise, I'm gonna look at only teams who garnered more than 3 picks. That number is 11 teams (playing in 11 distinct games) this week.
• In BFIG 2012-14, our unique picked games winning % was 67.3%, 66.4%, and 67.6%. (So, if we picked 100 different games, we'd have picked ~67 winners.) Pretty darn consistent.
• If we carry that 67% win probability to today, then there's a 1.2 percent chance that we win all 11 games. That's far, far higher than the 0.005 percent chance that complete survival catastrophe sends us to a 1,600 person tiebreaker next week.
• The most likely outcome? We go 8-3 (24% likelihood), followed closely by 7-4 (23.7%).
• Anyone interested in building a simulation, using these probabilities, of when BFIG 2016 will end? Reply to this email and let's talk!

Commish Communication Award

Commish loves himself some contrarian thinking. The Hedge of Happiness? FOR LOSERS, says Michael Mahoney (michaelhmahoney) as he picks his favorite team, the Colts:

"The Colts are fundamentally not good at football. You could replace the O-Line with the cast of The Gilmore Girls (what up Lorelai?!) and I bet Andrew Luck would feel safer. That said, I'm from Indy and they are my team. My good friend and former roommate Nick Gaughan let you in on "The Hedge of Happiness" last season. While I understand its merits, I hate the HOH. It is a move made up by little people for little people. You go into the game knowing you'll lose. What kind of strategy is that? I'm a bigger believer in doubling down and for that reason I'm taking my Ponies. Now, did I login on Tuesday morning to pick the Pats? Yes, Hell yes. But at this rate when else am I going to get the Colts at home as 4.5 point favorites? I also got more and more nervous picking a system quarterback like Tom Brady in such a tough road game. With a guy like Tom the system needs to be fool-proof, and if Week 4 taught us anything it's that the system isn't fool-proof. Those two Buffalo jacka... The Ryan brothers solved that Rubik's Cube and put the Pats to bed for the year."

"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award

Commish would never handpick a comment explaining why the Packers are destined to win. Never. Who do you think I am? Take it away, Colin Ringwood (ColonRingworm):

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Patriots-Browns is the trappiest trap game in the history of trap games. No amount of BS narratives can sway me to pick this game ("Brady is angry!" "Bill is a wizard!" "God literally hates Cleveland!"). No. It's Week 5 and the real game has started. It's time to stop picking with my gut and start picking with my noggin. The Giants are a bad team. They have forced a single TO in 4 games. Aaron Rodgers doesn't know how to throw picks (lowest in the league for 2 seasons for qualified passers). NY's best RBs are out and have to rely on some guy from New Orleans (oh, that's his name?). GB has the top run defense so far. Since Rodgers became starter, GB is 49-12-1 as Home Favorites, 3rd in the league over that span. They are 7-3 after a Bye, 6th in the league over that same span. Giants are playing a 2nd road primetime game on a short week. As so, with all that logic behind me, I am picking the greatest team in the world, eventual Super Bowl Champions, the Green Bay Packers. Okay, now I need to crush some BLLs to wash away all those nerd stats."

Next, Mike Cieslak (mcieslak2389) - Steelers calms the fears of all Patriots backers. SIKE. GET SCARED:

"A little work in Excel tells me that of the 1,693 individuals that will bask in BFIG glory for at least one more week, only 48 have used the Patriots. That means Tom Brady, atop his majestic steed, will carry 1,645 people into week 6 of this glorious competition. But let's remember the adages.

• Records matter more than perception - Brady is 1-1 at Cleveland Browns Stadium, now FirstEnergy Stadium. Belichick is 1-2 as a visiting head coach in Cleveland.
• Talking head-embraced reputations die hard - The Cleveland Browns are not the worst team in NFL history. Not even the worst team in the league this year. Pro Football Focus Power Rankings actually have them at 22.
• Don't pick a road team if you don't have to - It is only week 5. Plenty of home teams left on the board.
• History matters for common opponents, even moreso if the matchup includes common coaches. See my comment for records matter. These coaches haven't played one another has head coaches of their current teams. Belichick is 1-0 against Huey as a head coach when he was in Oakland... Maybe this is what proves me wrong?
• The Browns win football games sometimes. (Perhaps the most oft-forgotten adage.) They're going to be the team to take down BFIG this year. They're already clouding everyone's judgment. Look at how many people took the Miami freaking Dolphins in week 2! That team is a hot, steamy pile of pig shit.
• Have some Moxie. Avoiding this does not classify as Moxie, and neither does my pick, but maybe I'll stop at the Moxie world headquarters in Bedford, NH on my way home from work and grab some of the delicious (awful) carbonated beverage.
• Don't anger the survival gods. Last time I looked in the dictionary, all gods like their balls with the proper amount of air in them.

Last Sunday when I was hammered drunk I dropped a fat bet on the Steelers (-3). At the time, I was never so sure of something in my life. I am getting a similar guttural hunch."

Definitely Not Concussed Award

Most of you have probably seen this video. But you can never listen to this play-by-play call enough. And if you haven't seen the video, well, send a fruit basket to Brandon Marcus (brandonmarcus22):

"No words are needed. I leave you with this. UNICORNS! SHOW PONIES! WHERE'S THE BEEF?!"

THIS WEEK AT THE NORWOODS'

Rob Norwood (rnorwood) - Steelers: "New Jersey now lies within the "cone of uncertainty" along the probable track of Hurricane Matthew. If that isn't a microcosm of the New York Jets, what is? Well, maybe "yuge Bennigan's Grease Fire." Many people are saying this. Regardless of hurricane, tropical storm or otherwise, Antonio Brown is probable to take the Jets secondary to his nasty twerkshop. All. Game. Long. Queue the late great Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka: 'You LOSE. Good day sir!'"

Paige Norwood (crashfu14) - Vikings: "Guacamole is one of the best ways to trigger my vomit-center. People absolutely insist on spackling in a thick layer of the Devil's Earwax in their Seven Layer Dip. Not a fan. NOT A FAN. Anywho, speaking of things that are icky, Brock Osweiler is really good at staring down his primary receiver, no matter what Phil (the village idiot) Simms says. Even though Terence Newman is a card-carrying AARP member, I don't think Oz will have time to throw his way. Vikings go to 5-0."

SO YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THE GM IS? HE'S A SHADOW-LURKER? HE HAS A RESPONSE FOR YOU

Casey Reimers (Reimdiggity) - Patriots: "As I was sitting in traffic the other day, I think I finally figured The Commish and the GM out. I feel like the GM is Batman, the Commish is Harvey Dent, and the BFIG is Gothem. Harvey is doing all the public speaking and reassuring Gothem that all will be okay and order is being restored (big thanks to the Browns for being so Brownsy, so many times). Batman is lurking in the shadows, trying not to be seen. He just wants everything to run smooth. We all have so many unanswered questions about the GM, but we may never know anything about him. He's just that mysterious. So The Commish takes the podium and spotlight to keep the people happy. We can't forget though, the GM is the hero BFIG deserves, but not the one it needs right now. Oh, and Pats win. See you in week 6."

Commish says: I asked The GM to respond. He responded in a form so glorious and so fitting that Commish was immediately reduced to weeping and shouts of "It's perfect! Don't ever change!" With no further ado...

MORE PICK COMMENTS

Kay Yaeger (kayyaeger) - Eagles: "WE'RE BAAAACCKKKKKK. Commish, I honestly don't know what happened. Week 1, I was so excited. Like a kid going back to school with fresh kicks and some cool new pencils, I was optimistic about the future and hopeful for the opportunities ahead of me. Then, like a bully on the playground, Human Neckbeard Andrew Luck had to go and LOSE TO THE LIONS after getting my tiny little hopes up that we may be friends this year. But alas, just like the redeeming feeling of attending your high school reunion and seeing that same old bully got fat and bald, I'm back and ready to dominate. Some may say that I'm crazy to pick the Eagles, that there's a chance the Lions could again dash my dreams of becoming the Second Chance Pool Victor. But Carson Wentz is my date to the reunion, and I'm ready to be the belle of the ball. Also I'm losing in all of my fantasy leagues so a little win here would be much appreciated. PS- Commish, have you had Michelob Ultra Lime Cactus? I love me some BLL, but give this a try sometime. It's like when you wanna party with BLL, but you wanna feel fancy. Cheers!"

Commish says: STOP THE TRAIN. Michelob Ultra Lime Cactus? Is the name seriously "Lime Cactus"? Do you gain superpowers when drinking it? Is the can green and orange? I have so many questions.

Cary Batty (carybatty) - Patriots: "Although I view Brady more as a Sith than a Jedi, I thought this was pretty funny."

Kyle Tenney (ktenney12) - Patriots: "I know that one of the golden rules of BFIG is avoid road teams. But this week features the return of Tom Brady in pissed off revenge mode, and the genius that is Belichick coming off a loss and heading into the town that once gave him his walking papers. It's going to take a little more than the Patriots going into hostile territory to scare me away from this pick. Especially when much of the hostility in Browns Stadium is often directed at the Browns. This got me wondering though, what would it take for me to pick against the Pats here? Patriots are forced to play 10 on 11 the whole game? No, Belichick would use his knowledge of spacing to create the perfect zone D, while proving once and for all the RB no longer really matters. Pats are forced to use fan from the stands as QB? No, I'm pretty sure they'd use Edelman in the wildcat for the entire first half, while McDaniels would coach up the fan on the sideline. His experience in Denver should have prepared him well for this, (See: Tebow, Tim). Belichick dies shortly before kickoff (RIP)? No, Belichick, Weekend at Bernie's style, is still probably better than most NFL coaches. Plus his death would surely be a team rallying point. Belichick forced to play with a team of genetically enlarged insects? Not only do I think he would win the game, he and his insect mutants may take over the country. With our upcoming choices of Hillary vs Trump, I for one welcome our new insect overlords! Pats must use team of retired players? Nope, because the Patriots retired players are probably still more talented than this current Browns roster. Jimmy Haslam takes Belichick hostage before pregame? No, Brady would go into American hero mode, hang 50 on the Browns, and rescue his coach at halftime. Browns given 28 point lead to start the game? Ummm...no see most of the games the Browns have played this year. So it seems there is no scenario in which I would predict the Browns to beat the Patriots. I now fully expect to spend Sunday yelling about how Tom Brady should have been studying game film and hitting the gym, instead of sunbathing nude in Italy. "

Commish says: How much would we pay to watch a different handicapped Belichick scenario each week? Imagine there was a poll each week where the public voted on how they wanted to f*** with the Patriots, and then we got to watch if they could still win. You KNOW a huge number of people would pay to participate. In other news, Tenney, you're getting dangerously close to auto-featured comments.

Britt Haugland (TebowPlaysBaseballNow) - Patriots: "Good Friends, welcome back to City Facts with Britt. I bet you didn't realize how much there was to learn about our great country until the Commish sponsored my new TV Show. Week 5, you're easier than the decision to ditch a pregnant Bridget Moynahan for Gisele Bundchen. So, here we go... Between 1659 and 1681, Christmas was banned in Boston. It was against the law because the Pilgrims believed it to be a corrupted holiday. Like, literally illegal to give presents, decorate a tree, and celebrate with your friends and family. I'm gonna be honest - I hate Tom Brady more than anyone on this planet. If I could junk-punch one person, it would be him (which is saying a lot since Phyllis Rivers is still alive and well out there with his 7 spawn in San Diego). I spent several hours today at work (sorry, Boss) googling "Why Do I Hate Tom Brady?", and there were actually several interesting results, including this from BleacherReport with some SWEET TB drawings: Much to my dismay, basically everything says that we are all secretly jealous because he's perfect and that's why we hate him. But now I know why we all hate him: Boston once cancelled Christmas for 22 YEARS. Tom Brady plays in Boston. Therefore, Tom Brady cancelled Christmas. He literally sucks the air, I mean fun, out of everything. You're welcome, everyone. But sh*t, I guess this week, Go Brady."

Commish says: Britt, be straight with me - how much do we need to pay you to fend off The Ringer and ESPN? I know they're calling you. I know it.

Marissa Lyman (mlyman) - Rams: "Happy to be here, excited to be back after I watched Matt Stafford destroy my dreams of an Andrew Luck Colts victory in Week 1 (Pac 12 - you did me wrong). But no matter. The time is now, and onward we go. So first, I looked at the Patriots. I dislike Brady, but he's finally back, and I associate the Browns with defeat and the Pats with winning. But THEN I go do my research and find out that the Browns -- in addition to being home -- lead the overall Browns-Pats match-up history, including when they knocked the Pats out of the playoffs. So nevermind. Then I consider Cam, who brought me to my fantasy football finals last year (thank you for the trade, Commish, and yes, I'm still bitter about the loss). But THEN I see that he's probably going to be out for the game. F'gettaboutit. I won't touch the Colts again, so then I take a look at the Rams. Funny how I think of them as a brand new team, which makes me nervous. So I look at the spread, and I read the analysis. There are pros and cons. With the current Rams streak...BUT WAIT, the Bills have a streak too! And streaks are made to be broken...but the Bills haven't had a good track record on the West Coast -- BUT EVERYONE LOVES A COMEBACK STORY! At this point, my anxiety level is so high, I know I have to put myself out of my misery. Rams it is. **hyerventilatehyperventilatehyperventilate*"

Commish says: Hey, Marissa, you doing OK over there? Marissa. MARISSA. Good god, brb everyone.

Rob Erdman (rerdmanjr) - Packers: "Stay away from the trap... stay away from the trap!!! New England... giving 10.5... on the road... getting Brady back... after being shutout... no brainer, right? Then, I hear The Commish (who, I've never met, but I imagine sounds a lot like James Earl Jones) remind me that the Browns will, at some point, win. Why not at home this week against the most hated team in the league, when the most hated player in the league returns. My mom told me you get in trouble when you break two rules at once... picking a road team against the Browns sounds like trouble... Let's go Pack!!"

Commish says: Rob, I sound *exactly* like James Earl Jones. SZN podcast coming soon.

Rob Lanzer (Rlanzer8) - Patriots: "I'm choosing based on Bud Light NFL can appeal now (sorry BLL maybe you will get some love at the probowl??) and it just so happens every week the Browns can looks the worst"

Riley Tagtmeyer (rileytagtmeyer) - Steelers: "This is my year. My Vikings are 4-0. Trump is going to Make America Great Again. My picture is my 2011 Halloween costume. Full Bud Light Lime in person, the wife (then-girlfriend) is holding limes and wearing full green under the bud light top. My wife hand-stitched this bud light bottle logo. It's probably the reason we're married. "

Commish says: Probably? PROBABLY?! Riley, I've never seen a more obvious reason why two people are married. Your 2011 Halloween costumes should run for president. They'd probably win.

Euno Lee (LeVeonBell420) - Colts: "Scrapped one-liners for the comment box in the Second Chance Pool: "I'm counting on a lot of Luck this week!" ... "I'm going to need a lot of Luck against this Bears defense!" ... "The only way I get knocked out of the second chance pool is some bad Luck!" ... "Good God, the Colts' defense is flaming garbage!" ... I don't know why I picked the Colts, actually."

Nick Ferdon (nferdon) - Packers: "If Bryan Harris wins the survivor pool, do the winnings go to Harambe's family?"

Bryan Harris (bharris315) - Panthers: "What do Adam Zoucha, Georgia Trakinat and Alex Bender have in common? All falsely accusing me of slaying Harambe and all out of BFIG... coincidence? I think not."

Mark Harris (crimsonflash) - Patriots: "As Bryan Harris' father, I must come to his defense over the slanderous #BryanKilledHarambe narrative. There are other suspects. There are reports of a white, slow moving bronco leaving the scene of the crime... has Peyton Manning been questioned? Furthermore, there is clearly a lack of motive. No one loves the simian species more than Bryan. His favorite book growing up was Curious George. He idolized Koko, visiting her in Woodside and speaking in sign language. Jane Goodall is his godmother. There is no way he could have committed this crime. I am going with another falsely accused this week... I am all in with the pride of Junipero Serra HS, Touchdown Tom. #FreeBryanHarris."

Commish says: These were all standard Bryan Harris Harambe comments - I mean, do you really expect Bryan's dad to shame his own son? - until Matt Bouret dropped an absolute bomb...

Matt Bouret (mattbouret) - Steelers: "New development: Bryan Harris started the Killer Clown trend... he is patient zero."

Commish says: EXPLAIN YOURSELF, BRYAN.

David Boland (Sir_Borand) - Vikings: "Have you ever seen How to Train Your Dragon? Those Vikings are badass."

Commish says: Straight from Batman's The GM's mouth: "HTTYD is a better movie than you would ever believe. I legit love it." There you have it, ladies and gentlemen.

Arjun Bedi (SaltyDalty) - Steelers: "If we go back to the days of the Great Depression (and why would you not want to), the mighty Pittsburgh Pirates roamed the great lands of football. Now when I think of a Pirate's life, I think of the tedious days at sea they must experience. They gaze up towards the sky dreaming about being up in the billowing, white clouds far away from the ravenous nature of Poseidon's backyard. But how would they get up there? They Steel some Jets (A pun I can be forever proud of). But does a Pirate know how to work a Jet's controls? Hell no. The Pirates miraculously lift off the ground though and soar in the air for a few minutes before they all take hard crashes back to earth. Many people who see and hear these crashes rush over to help in any way that they can. But there is no help needed. The Pirates are standing triumphantly over what remains of the once majestic Jets. Final Score: Steelers: 16, Jets: -3"

Commish says: For whatever reason, I laughed at "-3" more than any other comment bit this week. WAIT A MINUTE, that's a great addition to the "How do we f*** Belichick?" game - have his team start with negative points.

Thomas Weir (tsweir) - Patriots: "During Week 1 my buddy rnorwood asked the thought-provoking question: "Why do aliens travel all this way just for some ass play?" It's hard to say, but maybe they are fleeing a sexually repressive society, or just maybe, they've evolved beyond gender identity and any port hole in the storm will due. Either way, they are clearly part of the "if it feels good it must be good generation." All I know is the alien probing that happened during Week 1 did not feel good and left me huddled and alone in the corner wondering how this could have happened. So now I'm back for my second chance, and I'm thinking it's better to give than receive. The strategy then is to look for the sure win, even if it buggers me in the future. So, putting our faith in Brady. You know, his balls, they are all perfect!"

Bryan Okerlund (Gettin_Zygi_With_It) - Steelers: "I should've put this $30 in a low-fee Vanguard index fund. Damnit. Does Warren B. do pick 'em leagues? Probably not."

Commish says: Okerlund, how fun are low-fee index funds? HOW FUN ARE THEY? In other news, does anyone know Warren? Can we get Warren Buffett in the pool?

Luke Hvidhyld (Hvidhyld) - Colts: "For those of you who like history of the sport and enjoy all that is Holy about Brett Favre. Here's a little tidbit from Favre's record breaking career. Brett Favre was the first person in NFL history to throw 500 Touchdowns. Who caught his 500th touchdown pass? Answer. Can you imagine what it would have been like if they played a couple seasons together! I mean move over Shaq and Penny. Step aside Jordan and Pippen."

Commish says: Watching that (again) was damaging to my psyche.

Brendon Kimber (brendonkimber6) - Colts: "Watching the Colts play causes me to reminisce on the good 'ol days of 2 on 2 football in the backyard. You know the game: QB stands all alone on the line of scrimmage, one receiver wide while the opposing team has one man on the line ready to rush, one playing man coverage. QB snaps the ball, 3-5 step drop, hoping his receiver makes a nice move to get open. He hears the opposing team "One mississippi, 2 mississippi, 3 mississipi". He knows the rush is coming now. He rolls outside trying to buy a little additional time before throwing at the last second to avoid the sack. This is basically the same script for every play the Colts have this season. The only difference between this nostalgic scenario and the real Colts game is that the defensive lineman is an asshole who doesn't wait 3 Mississippi to start rushing and just charges in immediately. That being said, the Commish told me that I would be wise to start fading the Bears more, so despite the fact that the Colts O-line is literally less interruptive than placing some cones on the ground, I guess I should fade the Bears because the Commish is basically the Yoda of football. Plus, not fading the Browns affords me the opportunity not only the cheer for what would be the upset of the season, but it also allows me to cheer against the Patriots. I think that's probably the most American win-win that can be imagined."

Jared Kahn (Jmkahn) - Colts: "I have lived in Indiana (Bloomington) and I have lived in Chicago (Cubs) so I believe I am at an advantage when it comes to picking between these two teams. I am basing my decision solely on which fans I hate less. The bears look pitiful, thats no surprise, but it has gotten to the point where the fans are already giving up. While recovering from a hangover Sunday morning, fellow BFIG participant and my roommate 'alexmace4' decided to NOT watch his Bears and, instead, opted to stream the qualifying rounds of figure skating for the upcoming international games. Now, I fell asleep for a large portion of the morning games, so this is just an assumption. I went to college at Indiana University, so I know what its like to see drunken Colts fans blindly ride a broken team down a cliff, all the while chanting GO HORSE!!! as they fall deeper into football oblivion. What's better then a drunken crowd rooting in your favor? Hosting the crowd in the closely packed and very loud Lucas Oil Stadium. Both teams are desperate for a win. However, Andrew Luck is too good and chaperoning too many drunken horse fans to let this one slip away from him. (P.S. I hate Chip Kelly. This fact is irrelevant for my pick this week, but very relevant in all other football related facets of my life.)"

Commish says: I have one request, Jared - please take a discreet video of Alex the next time he streams figure skating trials instead of watching a Bears game. Something tells me Bears fans everywhere may latch onto this...

Dan Dreger (trigger125) - Packers: "Making this pick from the golf course, where I'm staring at a brutal, uphill shot - into the wind - onto a tiny green guarded by 5 bunkers I can see, and 3 more that I can't. I'll take a 7-iron. And the Packers."

Commish says: We need video pick comments. We definitely need them.

Melisa Rosadini (dino10mr) - Packers: "Trying to go 3 for 3 on SNF. And because ARodg's face is better than Eli's. And Clay's hair is better than OBJ's."

Commish says: I smell new SZN poll! OBJ vs. Clay Matthews hair off.

Matt Feliksa (mflixx) - Patriots: "Stampede! The Browns coach was quoted referring to playing Tom Brady as, "Not Fun." What could be more fun?"

Jake Boaz (HappyEndings) - Patriots: "Browns browns browns browns browns? Browns browns browns browns browns."

Marco Pezzicara (marcpezzicara) - Patriots: "I have such little moxie that I originally had it spelled moxy. I hate the Pats, and I hate myself for this pick. The Browns will eventually win, but not this week. I need a beer"

Ryan Finkelstein (codered707) - Patriots: "God help the poor souls in Cleveland. Tom Brady is going to make the entire Browns organization regret their existence in the NFL. I can see it now, Brady winning the game, Gronk taking a shit on the 50 yard line, and then Brady alley-oop crushing it, cackling about how stepping on that brown turd was more of a challenge than the team. Meanwhile Gizelle is off somewhere asking for people to pray for her husband or some shit."

Brett Crane (bjcseven) - Raiders: "Just saw a guy carrying a 30 pack of Bud Light Lime down the street... it reminded me that I needed to make my pick. So yeah, go Raiders."

Adam Graves (SassyPuppies) - Steelers: "Commish. We need a weekly outlook for the next "Butt Fumble". When will it surface again? Who will it personify? It's almost mythical at this point."

Commish says: Adam, I nominate you to start the DeuxWatch. Your pick each week should most definitely revolve around probability to produce Butt Fumble Deux.

Dustin Galvin (dustingalvin) - Steelers: "I decided to take a week off from picking against the Browns. Hoping to survive and save pissed off Brady for another day. How many people pick the Titans this week now that we know how bad the Dolphins are? Could you imagine having your fortune riding on the Titans on the road but knowing it's the right pick. Ewwwww!!!"

Nicholas Kostopoulos (npk787) - Colts: "My faith in the Colts to actually look like a good team suggests one of two things... 1) I deserve to be in the second chance pool. 2) I am trying to petition for the third chance pool."

Kyle Wons (kwons03) - Steelers: "*extremely Stephen A. Smith voice* The Jets, to me, are preposterous"

Nikolas Tourdot (tournik) - Vikings: "'Rodgers, Newton and Manning didn't get it done. Surely, Brock Osweiler can't." Famous last words before Vikings realize they play in Minnesota and they lose a classic letdown game in front of a raucous, hungry crowd....to Brock Osweiler."

Bowe Partin (bowepartin) - Packers: "Should I have taken the Pats with the return of Brady against the Browns? Ya, probably. Is it also not advisable to drink a case of BLL on Sunday? Ya, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Gimme ARodg in primetime. Need more OBJ tears to wash down those BLLs."

Commish says: I can feel it. We're getting close...

Sean Kolina (purecpd) - Raiders: "It's time to start the Carr"

Commish says: Getting closer...

Cameron Ford (Beast4life) - Patriots: "After losing by picking the Lions, I have lost my balls. They are gone, I do not know where they are. As evidence of this I am picking the Patriots, with an angry Tom Brady, to beat the Bears. This is terrible because a) Patriots are devil-spawn b) Belichick is the devil himself and c) I really really do not like the Patriots. And yet I'm betting on them to win...I've officially made a deal with the devil. In Belichick I trust, or something, or whatever. I hate football. (P.S. that's a complete lie, I love football and cannot wait for week 6 when the seahawks return and I get to watch them take a dump on their next victims!)"

Commish says: Cameron, you do know the Patriots are playing the Browns (not the Bears), right? GETTING CLOSER...

Evan Wettengal (wettengal) - Steelers: "Colts. Woof. But like you say, the Browns aren't going 0-16, and I haven't faded them all season, so why start now? (Edit: never mind. Any pick other than pats over browns is irresponsible.) (second edit: I said I wasn't going to pick road teams, and you know what happens when you don't follow your rules. Broncos it is!) (edit: broncos QB situation in flux, better make it Pittsburgh) "

Commish says: Annnnd that'll do it for this week!