Friends in Football - He is unmatched. Inimitable. Immortal?

He is OG SZN member, @BigDaddy - who also happens to be Commish's dad - and no human on Planet Earth has a better track record of predicting absurd shit and then having it come true.

In August 2021, my dad predicted the Bengals - picked by Vegas to be the NFL's 4th worst team - would win the AFC. AND HE BET ON IT.

This is our annual interview, where he predicts that Jared Goff will be in the MVP race, and the NFL's most pained fanbase will FINALLY get its Super Bowl win...

BigDaddy: Commish, the Super Bowl is in Paradise, Nevada this year. Where the f*** is that?

Commish: The NFL wanted the Super Bowl in your backyard, Dad, but you hung up on Goodell.

BD: SZN YEAR 15 BABY. I can't wait.

C: When we started this all back in 2009, did you have a feeling that "extremely ambitious predictions that would get you laughed off the stage... but that miraculously come true" would become your personal brand?

BD: Well, I'm a risk taker. Throw a bunch of crap and some of it will stick, you know?

C: You seem to have stickier crap than most.

BD: [Laughs] Well, I've always felt strongly about the universe and fiction over fate.

C: It's "fact over fiction", Dad.

BD: SAYS WHO

C: Alright, let's start with how you did last year.

BD: It wasn't my best year.

C: Sure, but not every year can be a "Bengals are gonna win the AFC" type of year.

BD: You know what was the best part about that bet, which we placed together in Vegas? You didn't stop me from doing it.

C: My job is not to discourage you. My job is to encourage you. I've seen enough of these bold predictions come true that I'm just like, "I don't know where the hell you came up with that, but pull the trigger, Dad. Go ahead."

BD: I was right about Dan Campbell last year.

C: Yes you were. You got 3 of your 2022 predictions correct: The Dolphins would be Super Bowl contenders (this was true until Tua got hurt), Dan Campbell would get Coach of the Year consideration, and Russ would NOT cook.

BD: Man. I predicted Russ would be underperform but whoazers.

C: Do you think any teenagers say "whoazers" anymore?

BD: I'm not here for style points. I'm here FOR THE PEOPLE. And to support Jim 'The Choo Choo" Caldwell.

C: You are nothing if not for the people, Dad. You also got 3 wrong last year: Mike McCarthy didn't get fired midseason, a kicker did not make a 70-yarder, and an AFC East team did not win the Super Bowl.

BD: Jerry Jones would be wise to move on from Mike McCarthy.

C: I think you said the exact same thing in last year's interview.

BD: WORK ON THAT WISDOM, JERRUH.

C: I'm ready for the 2023 predictions. The people are ready. Are you ready?

BD: BOOYAH

C: Give 'em to me one by one. I want the joy of reacting to the absurdity that I know is about to come my way. So, without further ado...

BD: 2023 PREDICTION 1: I'm big on the Detroit Lions. Jared Goff is gonna get MVP votes.

C: Jared Goff! Jared Goff?!

BD: I'M NOT DONE

C: There's more to this prediction?

BD: Jared Goff finishes top 5 in MVP voting... and Aiden Hutchinson wins the MVP.

C: NO. Dad. You've lost the plot.

BD: Have you seen that guy play?!

C: Yes. He seems very good. But Dad, I mean, if you walked up to a Vegas sportsbook and were like "I want Aiden Hutchinson for MVP and I'm gonna set my own odds. I'll bet $50 and you pay me $50,000 if he wins," I'm pretty sure every sportsbook is gonna take that bet.

BD: So you're telling me to back off?

C: Jared Goff finishing top 5 is bold enough! That's already incredibly bold.

BD: OK fine. BUT LOOK OUT FOR THE LIONS!

C: Alright, let's keep going.

BD: 2023 PREDICTION 2: Jimmy G and the Paradise, Nevada Raiders will finish a very close 2nd in the AFC West.

C: Oh damn. Predicted win totals have the Raiders a clear 4th place in that division. So I presume you have the Chiefs winning the division and the Raiders closely behind?

BD: Yessir. Vegas has their own team wrong.

C: Vegas would rate this as a VERY bold prediction.

BD: 2023 PREDICTION 3: The Texans and Jags will battle for the AFC South title.

C: Half of that prediction is very bold.

BD: Isn't The GM a Texans fan?

C: The GM would describe himself as a tortured Houston Texans fan, yes. He's gonna call you and just laugh at you for making this prediction.

BD: Shout-out to The GM, and he's got a new baby!

C: Yes! Congrats to @TheGM and @TheGMs_Wife! And you're saying, Dad, that their baby is not going to know Houston Texans misery. He'll only know Houston Texans competency.

BD: Hey, it's gotta happen to somebody. Why not baby GM.

C: I mean, if you're gonna predict a worst to first, might as well look to the AFC South.

BD: 2023 PREDICTION 4: Geno Smith will have more passing yards than Russell Wilson, Deshaun Watson, and Justin Herbert.

C: Whoa. I mean, I can hear Russ and Deshaun... but Herbert? That'd be quite the Geno Rising.

BD: I'd rather be a Houston Texans fan right now than a Chargers fan.

C: ... why?

BD: Nothing excites me about the Chargers. There's no downside with the Texans.

C: Why do I feel a Texans Super Bowl bet coming... it'll pay even better than your Bengals bet.

BD: 2023 PREDICTION 5: The New England Patriots will not finish last in the AFC East.

C: It's hard to craft a narrative right now that the Pats are anything other than the worst team in that division.

BD: Low expectations. Fledgling quarterback.

C: I mean, yeah, it might be the Bailey Zappe show here soon.

BD: Nope. Things will go better for them on the QB side. Mac Jones will establish himself as a solid starter.

C: That'd be good for Pats fans, because just looking at names alone - nothing about football acumen or track record - would there be a bigger name dropoff in NFL history than Tom Brady to Bailey Zappe?

BD: [Laughs] I'm sure someone could create an ice cream brand or another Boston lager

C: What? What are you gonna do, create a Zappe Lager? Absolutely not.

BD: ZAPPE SHANTY!

C: He would be the early frontrunner for most non-NFL name to ever be an NFL quarterback

BD: GET BAILEY ZAPPE IN THE POOL!!!

C: We're here, Bailey, if the QB thing doesn't work out for you.

BD: 2023 PREDICTION 6: Frank Reich will develop a case of toe fungus, and the recently hired Jim "The Choo Choo" Caldwell will lead the Panthers to an NFC South title.

C: I don't even know where to begin.

BD: IT'S VERY HARD TO FUNCTION WITH TOE FUNGUS.

C: You believe The Choo Choo is the greatest coach in NFL history - is that correct?

BD: FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF IOWA

C: Is that it?

BD: TWO MORE BABY. 2023 PREDICTION 7: The NFC South will go from worst to first in total victories for an NFC division

C: What do you like there? I don't see much of anything in any of those teams.

BD: Schedule. They get the AFC South and the NFC North. Look at the predicted win totals for those two divisions.

C: The Falcons. The Panthers, The Bucs, and the Saints. I mean... sure?

BD: The NFC East plays a tough schedule this year.

C: Is this prediction reliant on The Choo Choo ascending the ranks to head coach?

BD: Nope. This will happen regardless. But Jerry Jones should definitely replace Mike McCarthy with The Choo Choo.

C: Alright, so one more?

BD: YOU READY, COMMISH?

C: I'm not sure I'm ready. But let's do it.

BD: What are the Minnesota Vikings known for?

C: C'mon. Don't do this to me.

BD: What are they known for?

C: I'm from Minnesota. We've got a ton of Minnesota people in The SZN ranks. But if you're gonna ask me what the Vikings are known for, nationally? Choking.

BD: And they've got such a tremendous fanbase.

C: They do.

BD: 2023 PREDICTION 8: The Vikings will trade for Jonathan Taylor, and they'll win the Super Bowl.

C: [Spits out water]

BD: Who wouldn't want Jonathan Taylor?

C: Sure but the Vikings JUST let Dalvin Cook walk.

BD: Dalvin Cook had a fumbling problem, especially in key situations.

C: OK, so they're going to trade for Jonathan Taylor, and the Minnesota Vikings - the long-tortured, four-Super-Bowl-appearance team that plays in the state with, by a MILE, the longest American pro sports championship drought (by major sport seasons played) - led by Kirky Cousins are going to hoist the Lombardi Trophy.

BD: Yup.

C: Wow. I mean, what would happen in Minnesota if they won the Super Bowl?

BD: Boy. A LOT of people would be emotional. People would come out of their graves.

C: You're saying we're gonna have the world's first-ever case of jubilant zombies.

BD: [Laughs] Yessir.

C: Let's make THAT your prediction. BigDaddy predicts that, all across the state of Minnesota, there will be zombie jubilation in February 2024.

BD: A lot of those really really really, unfortunately dead, but just over-the-top fans, were buried in Vikings gear.

C: Just graveyard parties all across the state of Minnesota in February. People will come running out of their houses. Running out of their frozen lake motorhomes. Joining the jubilant zombies in the graveyards of Minnesota, to throw an absolute rager in celebration of the Minnesota Vikings, Kirky Cousins, Jonathan Taylor, and their Super Bowl.

BD: They need a running game, Commish.

C: They do. Wow. That's a phenomenal set of predictions. Any parting words?

BD: SZN 15. Started with 46 people. Amazing. This is really good value, folks. Support the Commish, support The GM, and GO PACK GO.

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