Bortlemania Garbage Time Guzzlers,

On this Halloween Eve, Commish believes we're staring at the scariest survival sight in BFIG history.

Eight years, 100 weeks, 324 Eli Faces, and never a slate quite as imposing as this.

Only 13 games - the minimum. Only three games feature home teams with a better record, and all three are divisional rivalries with both teams on the same side of .500. A full 10 games with spreads under 3.5 points, and exactly zero games with a spread larger than 6.

Our two biggest favorites are on the road (survival strike 1), playing divisional rivals (strike 2), and in one case facing a coach who knows them as well as any (we're out).

We responded, somewhat predictably, with the most distributed picking so far this year. One view says spread-out picks minimizes our downside. Another view says a few concentrated "safe" picks still beats a distributed set of risky picks.

Commish isn't saying you played it too risky. He's saying you had no choice. *Deep bow to the survival gods*

See your friends' picks and comments, as well as the full spreadsheet of picks:

• Title pool
• Second Chance pool

WEEK 8 FAST FACTS: COMMISH IS GETTING SERIOUS NOW

• We knew this week's Jets at Browns game would test the anti-Browns train, and indeed, the train no longer has any first-class passengers. The only man who went inverse Brownsy for the season's first seven weeks hopped off this week. @jeffhatchman explained: "Thanks Commish for the recognition of going Anti-Browns every week. You have really put me on the spot to continue, but there is no way I can go with the Rumbling, Bumbling, Butt-Fumbling Jets and Ryan "Pick Six" Fitz. Instead, I am choosing to go with a team that has never won a Super Bowl despite 28 visits to the playoffs, has a QB that somehow has a worse career TD-INT ratio (Sam Bradford - 1.0625 TDs to INT) than Fitzmagic (1.6326 TDs to INT), in a road division game. Already hate myself and this pick.
• Those divisional road Vikings (playing at Chicago) are our top pick, garnering 41 percent of title pool selections.
• In what has to be a BFIG record, our top five picks are all playing divisional games. Vikes over Bears, Broncos over Chargers, Titans over Jags, Pats over Bills, and Cowboys over Eagles.
• Three brave souls picked Jacksonville, which lost Thursday night. That leaves the Jags with six all-time BFIG wins. Think about that. We've done this thing for eight years, and the the football team from Jacksonville has six total wins.
• For context, New England is going for its 41st BFIG win today.
• And no, the Jags aren't the least winningest team in BFIG history. Commish will give you one guess. Though, this could change today (oh, do keep reading)...
• Quinn (@qvollmert) did a sweet analysis of pick strength, looking at how many .667 or better teams each title pool survivor has picked. There are nine such teams, with records of 4-2 or better at this juncture. Through seven weeks, eight title poolers had made it through without picking a single one of them: @billynickell, @cbdionne, @jeanel73, @tja2k1, @Wild6800, @dcrlo3, @billitosupreme, and @pmostek.
• The median among all title poolers was having six of those nine teams still available. Not bad! (Quinn, if you'd like to update the data and pen a post this week, let me know.)
• Last week, I referenced @billynickell's pick line of beauty: SF-CAR-MIA-WAS-IND-TEN-CIN. This week, Haiming (@Hmchu) verified that, if you rank everyone by total wins of their picked teams, @billynickell comes out on top. His pick line's 18 aggregate wins were a full three wins clear of second place (21, shared by nine people). That's ridiculous in a pool where 800+ people are left. Nice work, Billy.
• Haiming also ranked everyone by the aggregate ESPN power rankings of their picks. @billynickell was once again on top (158), followed by @cbdionne (144) and @tja2k1 (143) - two other people listed in Quinn's analysis above.
• So who did the nine people featured in Quinn's analysis pick today? They were all over the place, naturally: MIN (2), NE (2), DEN, TEN, NYJ, OAK. That leaves @cbdionne (Jets) and @pmostek (Titans) as the only two people who haven't picked a single .667 or above team thus far.

Commish Communication Award

With his Broncos pick, Chris Walker (@Cjwalk) submitted a perfect summation of what everyone had to deal with this week:

"I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, the Chargers just beat Denver a couple weeks ago, San Diego could and probably should be closer to a perfect record than a losing one, that the Broncos just played on Monday night and that they're banged up. You're probably also thinking, 'only a damn idiot with no other better options would risk everything on this matchup!' - WELL YOU GOT SOME ATTITUDE MISTER!"

"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award

This might be my favorite escalation comment in BFIG history. David Mick (@mick) tried to pick the Bears last week. His wife literally made him change the pick. The Bears lost. David is back at it this week, exhibiting several classic escalation signs: Oscillating between "them," "we," "the Bears," and "us"... employing questionably logical reasoning to defend his team... and ending with a Super Bowl lock prediction. But he still didn't pick the Bears (he picked the Chiefs), because as of this writing, he's still married:

"I'm banking on a Browns and Bears win!!! Seriously I might actually win the pool this week. I dont think anyone has taken the Jets yet and that means anyone not on the Vikes are on the jets. So this is my stand... this is where I win the league. Here is how it goes down. KC wins easy, then the Browns win. Why is that?!?!? well because the momentum of the Indian and Cavs help them and give them the extra will power to get some of that Believeland. They beat the Jets who are not very good either and have Fitz at the helm who throws more INT's than Cutler. This then leads to the Bears upset. Lets be honest the bears are not that bad. We really are not. They have great offensive weapons and had they actually been able to finish in the redzone they are above 500. Da Bears have been in every game this year even when we spotted the Cowboys 17. Our defense also isn't that bad either. We've had a lot of injuries but they are starting to mesh and actually held GB out of the endzone for a half. Minnesota isnt the GB offense. Cutler gives us enough spark to and only one INT to propel Da Bears to a 14-10 win! There it is! Your heard it here first. One may ask why am I not on the Bears... Well like last week the wife probably wouldnt allow and seriously just in case there are a few people left I need the bears as my lock pick against the Bucs in Week 10 the day after my birthday to finish out the league (if necessary). Side note this week starts the bears win streak. They finish the year 10-6 and go on to win the superbowl. Ya'll might as well lock in your +75000 odds for the Bears to win the Super Bowl."

Definitely Not Concussed Award

COMMISH IS NOT BIASED TOWARD BLL COMMENTS. He's just not. He IS biased toward facts, though. AND THIS IS CLEARLY A FACT. Right, Douglas French (@Frenchie16) - Broncos...?

"After riding the Brown, brown, sit all around train, it is time to hop out of the outhouse. Cleveland gets its first win this week. So why don't I pick the Outhouse? Because I am not f***ing insane. Might need them later. Besides after much research, I have discovered that BLL poured at altitude yields 26% more beverage as the BLL bubbles expand in the frosted mug. Go Denver."

THIS WEEK AT THE NORWOODS'

Rob Norwood (rnorwood) - Vikings: "Dead Pool = Anti-Survival Pool Deadpool = Wade Wilson Minnesota Vikings QB, 1981-1991 = Wade Wilson Minnesota Vikings = BFIG Survivor Pool Selection. If that doesn’t leave you farting rainbows for its simplicity and sublime creativity, I don’t know what will."

Paige Norwood (crashfu14) - Chiefs: "Drew Brees has a birthmark that is an exact topographical reproduction of the great State of Delaware. Delaware Bay, Cape Henlopen and Bethany Beach are captured with remarkable accuracy. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (Oprah) tried to wipe it off years ago. Despite her ham-handed miscue, I’d liken his birthmark to shaving off all your hair and finding a mole-map that leads to the lost treasure of Shangri-La. Kind of like Gorbachev’s, but less birdshit splattery looking... In truth, the only reason I’m being polite about any of this is that deep down I hope Mr. Brees, his State birthmark and the entire Saints team float a major air biscuit and Seattle cruises to a win. Seahawks. (OK, I freaked out about Russell Wilson's pec injury and switched to the Chiefs. OMG, the stress of it all.)"

MORE PICK COMMENTS

Jim Tormey (jamesmtormey) - Jets: "I'm a die-hard Jets fan, so this is of course the one week the Browns are going to win. I've had to change my Fantasy team name from "Did Geno I Broke My Jaw?" to "Did Geno I Tore My ACL?". What a disaster. Hopefully we can find some Fitzmagic this weekend; otherwise, here's to going down in flames with my team..."

Commish says: Jim, can you name your fantasy team some derivation of this every year? What's next year gonna be? "Did Geno I Butt Fumble Deux"?

Chuck Thiry (ChuckThiry) - Vikings: "Does it matter that the two worst football teams are in the same two cities as the two World Series teams? How will it effect them? Could they be inspired by their bat wielding neighbors? Is it possible that the lowly Bears could feed off of the incredible Cubs? No chance. I'll take the Vikes over the Bears, The Cubs over the Indians and the Browns to finally win one! My prediction: The Cubs win the World Series and the Bears disappear for 108 years! The Indians lose the Series but the lowly Browns finally win a game against the lowlier Jets!"

Commish says: DEEP THOUGHTS. What does it all mean? Cleveland could win the World Series today... and that absolutely means... SOMETHING about the Browns game. Time will tell.

Chad Lalonde (chadlalonde) - Vikings: "To me, BFIG weekly picks are similar to my favorite game in the world, Beeriokart. Now for those of you who don't know Beeriokart is a game of Mariokart N64 where you must finish a beer before you finish the race. The only catch is, you can only drink when your not pressing the throttle. Now, like BFIG, there are many different strategies to winning. Some people like to chug all their beer at the start and work from the back. Other racers chose to get a lead and chug at the end hoping to hold on. Then there is my strategy where you take your shots and chose key moments when to chug down that refreshing BLL. My Beeriokart style is a direct reflection of my BFIG style. It's strategic and methodical. It's risk vs reward with a splash of excellent timing. It's as smooth as the Fonz yet as Heroic as Thor. I continue to ride that style as I board the Viking ships and lock into Minnesota this week. So blow your Viking Horns and know one thing Minnesota- this weekends Beeriokart Championship Win is for you!!!"

Commish says: This is amazing. Can we get a Beeriokart video, Chad? We might need a weekly Beeriokart video. Pretty sure this must happen.

Britt Haugland (TebowPlaysBaseballNow) - Vikings: "Oh Week 8 - you sure are a little b*tch, just like Tom Brady on a cold day wearing his Uggs. On this week's episode of Useless City Facts with Britt, we are going to explore the medical world... oooo how exciting for everyone! Did you know that on September 2, 1952, a 5 year old girl was the first patient to under go a heart operation in which the deep freezing technique was employed? Her body temperature, except for her head, was reduced to 79 degrees Fahrenheit. Dr. Floyd Lewis at the Medical School of the University of Minnesota performed the operation. Dr. Lewis later performed the operation on Jay Cutler, but was unable to bring the temperature of his heart back up. To this day, good ole' Jay's heart sits at an uncomfortable 79 degrees. This explains a lot - like how he could possibly marry Kristin Cavallari. And also why he suffers from Resting Pout Face. Skol Vikings!"

Commish says: Britt, may Commish humbly add a City Fact about your pick this week? In 1987, a mere 35 years after Dr. Lewis' landmark surgery, COMMISH WAS BORN. Also, shout-out to Momma and Poppa Survival, holding it down a few blocks from the Vikings' US Bank Stadium!

Merriman Blum (mtblum23) - Vikings: "Maybe blatant panda-ring will get my comment featured this week. I'm picking the Vikings this week because I ran into a ship full of Nordic fisherman this week drinking a case full of bud light limes a piece. Except they weren't Nordic Fisherman at all it was actually just Gronk's Party ship. Apparently they dropped Gronk off for the season and kept on partying. So I jumped over the hedge of happiness and dodged a falling dumpster fire that randomly fell off of the ship to join the party. Once on the ship I immediately made friends with Gronk's bros and talked about how I'm eventually going to pick New Orleans this year, and they will undoubtedly crush my BFIG dreams again. Oh and Bears still suck, Packers are going to win the Super Bowl."

Commish says: This is not pandering, Merriman. No. It's simply genius. Keep doing God's work.

David Luby (Lubyland) - Bengals: "One time, when I was young, I went searching my house for my dad's nudy magazine stash. I looked in his dresser, closet and bathroom cabinets. I looked in every place that my friends told me they found their dad's stash. Then I had a crazy idea, check the bottom desk drawer in the study down the hall... and EUREKA! And that's why I'm choosing the Bengals in London. They're the nudy magazine stash down the hall."

Ricky wiget (RyanRitzcrackers) - Cowboys: "Every year has a "week of death" and experts (me and my mom) believe this is the week. All conventional rules are out the window so be prepared to take a prime time game, a rookie qb, or a tough division match up. Guess what? Im doing all three AND awarding MYSELF this week's Moxie trophy for going out on a limb and taking the Dallas strawberry dakaris."

Bobby Fuertes (bobbyfuertes) - Raiders: "4-0 on the road, staying in Florida the week between games to minimize the East Coast travel impact, and an inside source revealed to me that Khalil Mack has been stockpiling crab legs for his sack celebrations. Raiders are dogs in this one but that feels like a mistake for Vegas. The Chargers fan in me is revolting, but Minny and the Jets (who I assume most of the pool will be picking) feel like major trap games."

Jesse Tow (jessetow) - Seahawks: "I've been reading "The Inner Game of Tennis," a book on reaching zen-like effortless concentration by controlling your self-judgment. Excellent read, just 4 hours on audible. Anyway, Pete Carroll wrote the preface/forward on this audible edition, in which he credits this mindset for helping his 2004 team decimate Oklahoma during the Orange Bowl. Granted, I don't know how much of an inner game was needed when they went up 38-10 by the half, but I sure hope the Seahawks' fare better at the inner game this week than last week (and better than USC did in the 2005 Rose Bowl)."

Commish says: Whenever a pick comment starts with "I've been reading 'The Inner Game of Tennis,'" I am RIVETED.

Michael McCoy (mcmccoydx) - Titans: "Hot take: this week will be a bloodbath. Less than half of the remaining BFIGers survive. Hopefully I'm one of them."

Jared Kahn (Jmkahn) - Titans: "It has been a rather odd week. In a very limited good-home-team-option week, I found myself very seriously considering choosing the Browns. I found myself watching the Cubs play and win a World Series Game. I saw myself choose an apple as a healthy alternative to my afternoon snack (Yes, I always wash my apples). I saw that dream team out West lose by a total of their backcourt ego's, which happens to add up to 29. Yet, perhaps strangest of all, I am choosing a freaking AFC South divisional matchup because I thought that was my best chance of survival. Stranger still, that Tennessee team is led by a Chip Kelly product that actually doesn't suck. If you've known me for more than 5-good-minutes, you probably know how much I hate that furry footed hobbit that calls plays out West, and what he did to my Eagles. However, just for one, very odd week, I am finding my hatred overcome by my love of BFIG survival. Is this sudden change of heart going to impact my feelings toward the Chip? Is he going to receive the second half of my BFF bracelet? I can safely say, "not a f***ing chance." Though, if everything turns out well, maybe he'll get a nice holiday greeting card with that picture of me when I met Lesean McCoy. So, here's to you Mariota. Let's keep this week weird."

Evan Wettengal (wettengal) - Vikings: "I've come in here to change this pick like 5 times and each time I come dangerously close to picking the Browns. Then I think about the Titans. Then I wonder if I should move to Canada and join a CFL survivor league. Then I go check if any surprise presidential candidates have thrown their hat in the ring. Then I REALLY consider moving to Canada. Then I come back and worry about division games and road games and bye weeks. Then I remember that the Bears are not an NFL team and I pick them to lose."

David Mendivil (JulioJonesBBQandFootMassage) - Vikings: "It's a Halloween game and rumor has it that Jay Cutler is planning on dressing up as a pouty, atrocious quarterback with the most punch-able face in the history of mankind!"

Commish says: At some point people have to start liking Cutler, right? Or will dude set the record for "most consecutive years hated when he didn't really do anything bad"?

Melisa Rosadini (dino10mr) - Vikings: "Almost took the Browns because they have to win at some point, right?! RIGHT?! But after realizing I had drank as many BLLs as the Browns absolute value point difference, I thought to myself: the Browns can't win THIS week because the Indians are in the World Series. The Indians' success is due to the sacrifice of the Browns, right? So using the same logic (and even though I cringe at picking a division game) the Bears will lose because the Cubs are in the World Series. It just makes sense. Oh, and because Jay Cutler sucks. (Go Pack!) "

Commish says: Melisa Rosadini, our weekly BLL champ!

Samantha Creasey (gym_now_wine_later) - Broncos: "Last weekend I went for a run (read: leisurely walk) at my high school track. Fun Fact: did you know Nicholas Sparks was a track star in high school? Shout out to America's most romantic novelist for giving back to his alma mater and donating the good ol' Sparks Track. But, I digress. My run had me feeling nostalgic. My high school mascot? A bronco. Team I'm choosing this week, the Broncos! "

Commish says: Wait for it... wait for it... GET HIM IN THE POOL, SAMANTHA! We really need Nicholas Sparks in the pool.

Rishi Khanna (riskhanna) - Broncos: "If I make it through this week, I might as well start picking teams blindfolded. I have no plan."

Commish says: Video or it doesn't count, Rishi. (We're getting close...)

Greg Lagueux (Gleggo) - Titans: "Whew... Through week 7 and in the final 22.2%. Holy Crap, it's time to switch from the "who's got the prettiest helmet and uniforms" strategy, to "lets really look at the numbers and the intangibles". Vikings over Bears!! Hmm.. No! Divisional game, & Bears are at Home. Bears!! Hmmm...No! Bears Suck. But they're at home.. But they Suck! Vikings turned the ball over 78 times last game, and their offense really kinda' sucks. Hell, Cleveland has outscored the Vikings offense. EUREKA!!!! Enough said, screw this game. Cowboys at home!! Romo has been pretty quiet this year so it's about time for him to...Hmm, NO! Wait a minute.... DAK? Who dat, Dak? Crap! Ok, so Dak's got some pretty good stats, but that Eagles Defense is a turnover machine. No! Wait, they turned the ball over 78 times last week, and they're on the road this week. Hmmm, Enough said, screw this game. Panthers at Home? Saints at Home? Falcons at Home? (like that mattered in week 7),Colts at Home? Nope, don't trust any of them even at home, and can't pick against them... screw these games. PATS over Bills!!! Crap, I've used my Pats pick already. Next?? The Washington...."Peau Rouge" (?).... Hey, speaking of rouge, the game I really want is the Calgary Stampeders 15-1-1 over the Montreal Alouettes 5-11-0, but for some reason, I can't pick that game,... the Alouettes do have the pretty helmet choice this week... a little of the "Flyin' Elvis" Pats logo, but with an Angry Bird look. (not "Angry Bird" (trademark), just an angry bird... Sorry, I digress! So, with the Chief Wahoo's going to the World Series is the Washington nickname really still a PC issue??? Doesn't matter. I don't trust Kurt's Cousin (What is that QB's real name, and why do they instead of always calling him Kurt Warner's Cousin? After five years, ya think we'd know his real name by now!!! Anyway... this one's too confusing for me. Next? BROWNS over Jets! Forty fifth QB of year for the Browns will be LeBron! He'll draw 39 roughing the passer calls and block 7 field goal attempt. Browns win 3-0. No! Trust Browns? & No, No JETS. Next?? Chargers over Broncos! If only this game could be picked as "Whoever is leading by more than 15 points with only four minutes to play in the game", I'd absolutely pick the Chargers in this one. But, it's not. It's in Denver, and it IS the Chargers. Can't trust em! Next? Gut Call!!!! Titans over Jags!! But do I really want a Divisional game with sub .500 teams??? Crap. Next?? Lions at Houston. To me, the Lions will always be the Lions and haven't picked them since Barry Sanders & they sucked then too!!! Without Barry, No Lions picks! Houston? Nope! Another BROCK fumble (at least the "Butt Fumble" involved contact)! I'm out of games. I'm Screwed!"

Commish says: So wait, did you even pick a team, Greg? (Annnnd that'll do it for this week, everyone!)

Good luck, everyone!