This photo sums up the NFL (and thus, SZN competitions) at this moment in time.
Judging by the photo alone, no one has any idea what the f*** is going on. Seriously. It's hilarious.
At the same time, this was an immeasurably exciting game, and this overtime kick (it went in, hard off the upright) was an immeasurably important kick for Kansas City in delivering the Chiefs an upset win over their division rivals.
Everything is exciting. Everything is intense. And yet, nothing makes sense.
For us, BFIG looks like it's careening toward some absurd result like 200 people going 17-0. The reason? No upsets are happening. BFIG picking has been like a minefield where the only mines are cotton candy puffs shooting up from the ground and the field is full of prancing rainbow Ochocinco unicorns drunk on Bud Light Lime.
For the NFL, it means favorites keep winning every week but we still don't know who's good. Let's assume, for a moment, that New England and Dallas get upset in the playoffs. Would this become the most wide open NFL season of our lifetimes?
But amid the mediocrity, the reason for our success is clear: BORTLEMANIA!!! is the worst show in town, the Niners haven't won since Week 1, the Bears haven't beaten a non-division opponent, and the Browns haven't beaten anyone. The bottom tier is the worst it's been in years, and as the bottom tier goes, so goes survivor pools.
A Barnwellian reversion to the mean is almost certainly in order. Upsets don't just disappear forever. But until then, enjoy the success, SZN fam, and remember it when the survival gods resume wrecking our football worlds in 2017.
WE HAD OUR FIRST-EVER 10-0 WINNER OF TWO-WEEK SURVIVOR
Has Commish told you yet he loves winners? I mean, yes, I love the people, but I really love a sole, undisputed champion. And even better when it's crystal clear who won and why.
@SimoneBiles, who may or may not be Simone Biles (does anyone know Simone? GET HER IN THE POOL!!), finished 2016's first Two-Week Survivor a perfect 10-0. She capped her title run by picking both the Chiefs and Packers upsets on Sunday and Monday night.
Last year, no one could muster better than an 8-2 finish. Now we know 10-0 is possible, and that Simone Biles is good at absolutely everything.
We also have our first woman champion of a SZN competition (hell yeah!) after myriad runner-up finishes in seasons past (hi, Mom!).
Hey, Simone, Aaron heard he helped you win something. He wants to deliver a message:
Simone nets $300 for her win. Four 9-1 finishers tied for second by virtue of their only loss coming last (Philly). @mschermerhorn406, @therealsimonebiles, @wingnut79, and @ZOD each take home $47.50. Our final two prize-winners - @nferdon and @mfeldman, T6 - needed their score prediction tiebreaker to earn them $30.
HOUSEKEEPING: WANT TO RUN YOUR OWN COMPETITION WITH FRIENDS? LET ME KNOW
- Want to run a survivor-style competition with just your friends? NBA Survivor, NFL playoffs survivor, Bachelor survivor (coming soon, ya'll!)? Reply and let me know what type of competition you're hoping to run.
- Signups for NBA Survivor II and our first-ever Bachelor competition are coming soon. Check the website and/or these emails!
- Text message pick reminders have saved hundreds of people. No lie. If you haven't entered your phone number so we can send you reminders (that's ALL we use it for), then do so now.
- Football picks lock at 5:20pm (PST) every week. Basketball picks lock Friday at 3:00pm (PST). No exceptions.
- Kyle (The GM) and I play along with everyone, but of course we can't win any money. It's written into our official Terms of Service. We lol at basically every DraftKings article that comes out.
- The Green Bay Packers should fire Mike McCarthy.
- Commish still loves the Packers. A lot.
- And Commish loves you.