Moxie-lacking Mariota Marauders,
Let's rewind to Week 1. You ready for Commish to go NFL Miss Cleo on you?
In Week 7, our top two picks will be .500 or worse teams on the road. Case Keenum will be our third pick's QB. Our fourth pick will be playing AT Lambeau Field, and our fifth pick will be another road team... playing a divisional foe."
Your response? Probably something like, "Commish, can you hold on a sec? ... *Dials 911 in the other room*"
I mean, Jay Cutler just erased a 17-0 lead in the NFC champs' home building. Only ONE team is 5-1 and none are undefeated. We just lost more than half of BFIG in back-to-back weeks for just the second time in our nine years doing this.
My name is Commish. I do football good and I love lamp. FOLLOW ME TO FREEDOM.
WEEK 7 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
Your group pages show you picks for just that group
FAST FACTS:
- The Titans (41% BFIG; 29% Second Chance) are our top pick in both pools. Actually, let me rephrase: The team playing the Browns is our top pick in both pools.
- That 12 percent gap, though - Second Chancers still have more teams to choose from - should be cause for some concern. That's a lot of "I guess this has to be my pick" inflation for title poolers.
- Next up in BFIG are the Cowboys (23%, at the Niners), Vikings (15%, home to the Ravens), Saints (4%, at the Packers), and Chiefs (4%, lost at Oakland on Thursday).
- Given Tennessee is also on the road, that means Minnesota is the only top pick that meets all the survivor adages.
- Those adages? Avoid road teams. Avoid divisional matchups. Records matter more than perception. Avoid reputation picks. Avoid Eli Manning.
- Granted, the whole "road team" thing has kind of gone out the window of late. Road teams' record, Weeks 4 thru 6: 26-18.
- Green Bay is the second-most picked team in BFIG history. This has to be the most BFIG picks ever placed against the Packers.
- Despite having just 436 people alive heading in to Week 7, our overall pick success percentage is currently ahead of 2015, 2012, and 2011's final percentage.
- We're at 75 percent right now (16,811 wins and 5,604 losses). 2015 (the Week 2 survivorpocalypse) ended at 52 percent, and our best year (2009) ended at 86 percent.
- Commish and BigDaddy already predicted Thursday's result. Check out our first-ever VIDEO power rankings (more like a hilariously low tech football studio show) to see how we feel today's games will shake out.
WEEK 7 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
@gvb3 (Dolphins): "Last week, I said when in doubt, go against the Browns. This week, I am very much in doubt, and I am not going against the Browns. Instead, I am going with Jay Cutler and the Dolphins. To sum up: I am going against my trusted and proven theory in favor of Jay Cutler. That's a head scratcher. I am thinking the Browns may be gearing up for this game as one of the few they can win this season, and they actually have a very good run defense which could negate the Titans strong running game. And there's no way the Jets can beat Miami twice in the same season. Right? Go Fish. Laces out!"
Commish says: YOU PICKED JAY CUTLER IN A SURVIVOR POOL. ALL THE MOXIE TO YOU AND YOUR FOUR FRIENDS!
Commish Communication Award
@bbroeker6 (Titans): "The BFIG is probably the worst thing to happen to my life. This is now the 7th week I've spent deliberating over my pick instead of focusing on finding a girlfriend which brings my current streak to 43 weeks and 2 days without a date (depending on your definition of date that may or may not be the actual duration and pay no attention to those other 36 weeks). Additionally, the incessant hollering from my mother upstairs about not yet being married and supplying her with a brood of grandchildren is making me unhinged so I may as well go big, and pick against the Browns again, or go back to the basement. Although the last girl I went on a "date" with did text me last weekend and said she thought about me but after further consideration it's probably only because word on the street has gotten out about my prowess in NFL survivor pools and she's probably just looking to take half of my potential winnings along with half of the rest of my shit in route to becoming my first ex-wife. So please let me revise my earlier statement, BFIG is most definitely the worst thing to happen to my life. Mad props to Sean for introducing me to this fresh new hell."
Commish says: If you win, you're downloading EVERY dating app ever made and putting "BFIG CHAMP. I WON BFIG. THE WHOLE THING. LOVE ME. LOVE ME!!!" Then we're reporting the results next year. Cool? Cool.
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
@trentbhouse (Saints): "I listened to a Minnesota sports show on podcast this week to get an insider advantage (I live in KC). Not only do they have me believing the Vikings will win this game, but I think that Case Keenum is on his way to the Hall of Fame. UPDATE: Switching to the Saints because I have no faith in anything I just wrote above."
Commish says: One of my favorite types of comments. And it's not Case Keenum. It's Case BEER-KEG-NUM.
Definitely Not Concussed Award
@stursiegel (Cowboys): "@BigDaddy summed it up well in the Week 4 Power Rankings - Simply put Dakbud aka Dakman aka Dakbrah aka Dakcle aka SunDak aka Dakker aka Dakscott leads the prolific DAK ATTACK offense. "
Commish says: Yes! Yes!!! For those who don't know, @BigDaddy revealed THE biggest determinant in a quarterback's ultimate success: Whether he's a two-syllable QB. Aa-ron Rod-gers. Pey-ton Mann-ing. Joe-mon Ta-na. And the greatest quarterback to ever play the game, Bri-an Ax-el Hoy-er. (From our Week 1 power rankings)
MICK IS OUT. THE NORWOODS ARE OUT. C'MONNNN THIRD CHANCE!
BRANDO!!! (Third Chance) Survivor starts in Week 11. It's free for you - your NFL SZN payment covers everything we do through the Super Bowl. $5K to the champ. JOIN HERE >>
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@kcrihn (Titans): "Maybe this will help the Browns win. I'm starting to lose faith in my Browns."
Commish says: Starting? Starting?!?!
@Twert23 (Titans): "I feel like I'm going to a high school dance, and I've already paid the money for the ticket, committed to a group of friends to go in on a fancy dinner/limo cheesy package, and now must choose from a group of dates, of whom I am attracted to none! Oh, Tennessee you make my skin crawl the least, I'll take you! And that's why doing high school again would suck!"
Commish says: The limo cheesy package! I want the limo cheesy package!!!
@JDollar32 (Titans): "I'm making this pick with one minute left until the deadline, always going to pick against the browns."
Commish says: Fixed it for you: "I'm making this pick witht one minute left until the deadline, so... CHARGERS. YAHTZEE!!!"
@wettengal (Vikings, Second Chance): "As a Packer fan, I'm dead inside. This season is meaningless. This pick is meaningless. BLLs are meaningless."
Commish says: NO THEY ARE NO... WHAT IS THIS? WHO ARE YOU?
@pfitzgerald74 (Titans, Second Chance): "How the f*** do you pick this week?"
Commish says: You click the button. Thanks for contacting SZN customer service! Love you!!
@Theonlymaltbie (Cowboys): "I’m a 49ers fan, so this pick pains me, but we’re god awful. Also, Zeke is playing soooo...stick a fork in ‘em. Unfortunately for me, I'm writing this comment from the Alameda County jury duty waiting room, a place that is about as fun as being a 49ers fan for the last few years. Here are a few updates from my stay here so far: Update 1: Guy waiting in line in front of me has "who let the dogs out" as his ringtone and it just went off really loud, I was the only one who laughed. Update 2: Baja Man just noticed he has a friend here. They squeal in joy and embrace for a brief hug. Baja Man's friend, we'll call her Baja Woman, is now pacing back and forth behind me, saying "Yaaaasssss Kweeeeennnn," over and over at a very high volume. Update 3: Man to my left is dead asleep and snoring. Man straight in front of me uses bubble wrap as his iPad case, not cuz it is brand new, just pure convenience I believe. Update 4: Guy on the microphone in the jury room thinks he is a comedian. Many trial/court/jury jokes. Very bad. Asking us to talk to our neighbors n shi*. Making everyone respond in unison...everyone say good morning to Janel, "Good Morning Janell." Update 5: They are showing us a video about how great and fun being on a jury is. Reminds me a lot of like late 80s early 90s classroom videos your science teacher would show you. Update 6: Getting summoned in, wish me luck. Both for the Cowboys to win and this version of hell to soon end for me. FML. "
Commish says: "We'll call her Baja Woman" is one of the best lines of the year so far. I'd like a full postmortem next week... presuming your Cowboys win.
@sommerszg (Cowboys): "I'm playing this week under official protest due to the fact that I am STILL not being allowed to pick Jacoby to win again. The Poops are going to get their first win this week, so that rules out the Sunbathing Neckgarments. So I might as well use the Bovine Lads while the Prophet remains unsuspended. JACOBY"
Commish says: I'd... like to know more... about the Tennessee Sunbathing Neckgarments...
@toddejones (Chiefs): "I grew up in the East Bay watching the Raiders. In 2002 I watched our MVP Rich Gannon and top ranked offense with two HOF receivers go to the Superbowl to take on our former coach and get crushed harder than Matt Leinart's glass body of a career. I then continued to watch (at least only until halftime, because of course we already lost by then) every Sunday for another decade plus as our team would try and commit 20 penalties a game. As if that was how you scored points!! Now finally with a decent QB and fresh off our first playoffs since that Superbowl reaming, to quote Waterboy, "Oh No! We suck again!" And you know what.......GOOD! Screw you Raiders! You are a terrible organization built on the leadership of lazy egotistical morons! I'm glad you are going to Las Vegas because they flip institutions like hamburgers and the second your there you'll be an afterthought, with no real home because you treated the only town that truly loved you like shit! Alex Smith is trying to "Shock the World" this year and get an MVP. Good luck guarding Hill and Hunt and Kelce. The Chiefs defense is solid and I don't see them losing two straight after that hiccup against a just a good Pittsburgh team. Not to mention the Raiders are on a 4 game slide with no signs of stopping and look pretty inept all-around. Looks like that Marshawn Lynch Dance was the Raiders death throes! Go Chiefs!"
Commish says: Todd, I don't know you, but I want to tell you I'm here for you, man. This has to be one of the toughest... inverse? Hedge of Happiness losses ever.
@TheGMs_Fiancee (Saints): "Breaks my heart to bet against the Commish's team, but with Aaron Roger's collar bone I gotta go with the odds..."
Commish says: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS.
@KHiles (Titans): "I live in Nashville. I love the Titans. I sat on the 2nd row for MNF this week to watch them beat the Colts. The Browns are horrible. But, if I know my Titans, they will be the team to somehow lose to the Browns, and ruin my chances. Mariota, please save me this week."
Commish says: I feel like roughly half of NFL teams' fans think this way. "My team's the one to f*** it up." I want to know more about this psychology. Is it that the sting of a terrible loss takes 3 or 4 (or 10) years to wash away... and thus you get huge numbers of fans who associate terrible losses with their team? Someone explain this to Commish!
@SkoalDaddy (Cowboys): "With only 436 people left I have to get selected as a pick comment right???? This is the week I definitely lose... 1) Cowboys are so deep inside their own heads with a judge ruling every single day on whether Zeke can play that they're better off just sitting him and taking the inevitable suspension instead of fighting it at every turn. 2) The Niners may not be as bad as everyone thinks. If they start Beathard against the Redskins they probably win that game and Beathhard is definitely starting this week. 3) As a diehard Redskins fan, I have no business picking the Cowboys ever and will be punished accordingly "
Commish says: Another "My team would be the one to f*** it up comment" - see?! And you don't *have* to get featured... but the farther you get, the more you'll like your odds!
@b3neficial (Chiefs): "[] Usually as soon as survivor picks open every week I lock in an initial idea of a pick and then go back Thursday and see if i like it! I got an email this week from theszn.com that said something like "Just so you know you have the Vikings locked in as your BFIG pick." I immediately moved this email to the SPAM folder!! LIKE...EW, LOL, -- AS IF!!! Flacco is an ELITE QB! I like really like to watch the games in which "my" survivor pick is playing! I do it every single week!!! I have a lot of homework to do Sunday. I'm obviously going to watch the GB game for sure; and so, I have decided to just...pick the Thursday night game!!! I already picked Oakland so I guess KC is the only option!!! Dilly dilly! [] "
Commish says: There's entirely too much going on here. You also forgot the #23 rule of survival: Move a Commish email to spam and IMMEDIATELY get smited by the survivor gods.
@Tbos22 (Vikings): "I got nothing funny but if Flacco beats me on the road versus that defense then I deserve to be knocked out. "
Commish says: I feel like there should be a verb for something like this. If Joe Flacco wasn't an actual NFL quarterback, we'd mumble a bunch, contort our jaws, and come up with "You got Joflacco'd." We'd then raucously cheer to our collective genius.
@JAF (Titans): "Hate to ever see a person get hurt. That said, Aaron Rodgers is hardly a person..."
Commish says: Most people are probably like, "Yeah. He's a robot." I'm like, "Of course he's a person. He's MY president."
@ktracy34 (Panthers): "This is when the nerves start to set in, right? Because the nerves are very much set in. "
Commish says: HI. YUP. HEY.
@James_hunter (Chiefs, Second Chance): "It saddens me that I ran out of magic fairy dust last week. To cheer myself up, this week I'm making a personal pick. Some might even call it a revenge pick. I'd say it's more vengeance than revenge, but what's the difference anyways. Take yourself back to the magical 2014 season, which is the only year I've finished in the money. In week 14 I picked the 7-5 San Francisco 49ers over the 1 win Oakland Raiders. The 9ers were only 2 seasons removed from a Super Bowl appearance and were still helmed by Harbaugh and the (then) golden boy Kaepy. I watched in horror the entire game (much like last week) as the 9ers just didn't show up to play, and Kaepy torpedoed my BFIG dreams. As far as I know, I haven't picked against the Raiders since. Today that changes. Today I get my revenge. Today, Alex "Call me Ishmael" Smith, and Andy "Ahab" Reid take down my white whale."
Commish says: Of course you picked this game. Can you write a book about your 2017 BFIG season? Even better: Can you tell us a few weeks in advance which three teams you are picking in Week 11 of the BRANDO!!! (Third Chance) Survivor so that we can pre-write the Hollywood storylines about to unfold?
@ngranuz1 (Titans, Second Chance): "Call me a bandwagoner for hopping on the anti Browns train, but when you see some of your closest friends and family go down every week while the browns continue to lose, you realize it’s time to make a change. "
Commish says: "I saw the light... and it was brown... and it was good."
@TheLumberjack (Jaguars, Second Chance): "So, I have a friend who has a theory about the Jags and so far this year it has held true. Here it goes. Its as simple as the Jags win every other week. Which means, this week they win. Simple as that. Plus Andrew Luck still sucks, aka is still hurt. JAGS WIN! JAGS WIN! JAGS WIN!!! BOORRRTTLLEEEEMMA AANNIIIAAAAAA!!!!
Commish says: I like this enthusiasm. I'm into it. YEAH! MORE!!!
@RotoJeff (Bills, Second Chance): ""What the hell, let's take Team X" is working better than actually trying to analyze the picks. There, I just wrote a Malcolm Gladwell thesis."
Commish says: (FOOTBALL) OUTLIERS: Coming to a bookstore shelf near you!
@richellerenae (Seahawks, Second Chance): "Eli surely can’t pull that off again... right? Right??? RIGHT?!?!?! I’m nervous about this. "
Commish says: Have you read anything I've written... ever? You have not. You must.
@kyleejvz (Cowboys, Second Chance): "OMG I'm picking the Cowboys. I should know better. JK It took me exactly 10 seconds to change my pick, but knowing the 'Boys, they'll make me regret whatever decision I make that involves them. JK Zeke is playing, I'm picking the 'Boys, I should know better. Do you see what this pool is doing to me?"
Commish says: Yes, yes I do. And it is glorious.
@austenmontero (Cowboys): "My ex lives in San Francisco. I don't have anything against her these days. We ended unceremoniously and pretty anti-climactic. Much like our sex life."
Commish says: I read this three times looking for the joke. Or the football reference. Or the... Austen help me out here.
@A_BAUM (Chiefs): "Kc will bounce back"
Commish says: You didn't listen to BigDaddy!
@rw8791 (Chiefs): "Hail to the Cheifs"
Commish says: You didn't listen to BigDaddy!!!
@La_Flama_Blanca (Titans, Second Chance): "Fade the Browns, rinse, and repeat (again)"
Commish says: Featuring this for your username!
@Punk_in_Drublic (Cowboys): "F***ing cowboys"
Commish says: Featuring this for your username!!
@Eliot25 (Cowboys): "I’m gonna Reegret this "
Commish says: Your keyboard already does BAM! (And that'll do it for this week. Good luck, everyone!)