BFIG Nation,
As most of you know, Commish is a dyed-in-the-wool Packers fan. As many of you probably don't know, Commish was born and raised in Minnesota.
The Tuesday following the Randy Moss Game (the first one) was one of my childhood's darkest days. But I showed up to school.
Showing up became part of my MO. Part of my identity. I was THE Packers fan in a purple-soaked school. I dished my fair share, knowing that I had to receive it (from 20 times more people) when Favre threw four-too-many picks on Sunday.
63 percent of BFIG is on the Vikings today, monstrous 16.5-point favorites over the TableSlammers at home. 63 percent of BFIG today knows the Vikings are a far-superior team.
63 percent of BFIG today is hoping the Vikings show up.
Given my childhood, I admittely relished in many instances of the Vikings *not* showing up - be it for a full game or simply the most important moment.
And Brett Favre - this pool's namesake and Commish's childhood hero - doing what he did in the Vikings' second-most important moment of the past 30 years is one of the greater sports ironies of Commish's life.
Go Vikings. I said it. Commish puts BFIG fam over everything else.
WEEK 3 PICKS AND FAST FACTS
Every damn pick (spreadsheet view) >>
Group pages show picks for just your group
FAST FACTS:
- The Vikings (63% of picks) are far and away our largest pick so far this year.
- That also makes the Vikings this year's first majority pick.
- Majority picks (>50% of the pool in weeks where at least 20 people are left) have an incredible record over BFIG's 10 seasons, losing only four times.
- Two of those losses: The Thurlow game, and the Elipocalypse that gave birth to the ELIFACE.
- In short, majority picks either win as expected or produce a loss so memorable that the game gets a name and place in BFIG lore.
- Chicago (9%), Jacksonville (6%), and the Chiefs (6%) round out our top four, which again account for 84% of all picks (Week 1: 83%; Week 2: 85%)
- 76 brave souls (3%) picked the Browns on Thursday.
- Commish is saving some juicy stats for this week's Update email, but through BFIG's first 9+ seasons, the Browns had accumulated SIX total wins when picked - less than half of the next worst team.
- Cheers to you, Browns backers. Please send reports of BLL consumed from Thursday through Sunday.
WEEK 3 AWARDS
"You've Got Moxie, Kid" Award
The SZN's third most prestigious award, behind the BFIG Title Belt and the Haynesworth Hustle Award. You can't win BFIG without showing a little Moxie!
@axb613 (Cardinals): "My prof caught me making my pick this week while in class. I hope you feel special Commish"
Commish says: Was picking the Cardinals your punishment? What type of class is this, exactly? Are you OK? Also, does your prof like football? GET THEM IN THE POOL!!!
Commish Communication Award
Quite simply, this is BFIG's best weekly comment (or three)
@ColonRingworm (Patriots): "Everyone talks about how smart Matt Patricia is because he's some brainy engineer, but no one talks about how he has a pencil in his hat while carrying a LAMINATED PLAYSHEET! HOW ARE YOU WRITING WITH A PENCIL, MATT? DOESN'T SEEM SO SMART TO ME! Anyway, Belichick ain't losing to this guy."
Commish says: THIS IS VALID VERY VALID!
"I Could Sell You Bengals Tickets" Award
When BFIG began in 2009, the Bengals were AWFUL. Can you convince anyone that your pick is the right pick? Then I bet you could sell Bengals tickets, too!
In a week where half the pick comments were "When your guys are quitting at halftime..." or "Bills suck", we lacked for true Bengals Tickets award candidates. COMMISH EXPECTS BETTER NEXT WEEK.
Definitely Not Concussed Award
Can you teach us something new? No, there are no rules. Just teach us something. Anything. Please?
@BobboBalloons (Dolphins): "I read something interesting the other day. The average human breathes over 24,000 times a day. Unrelated, but still interesting, no? Anyways, I can't believe I'm putting trust in a FL football team. They are all combined for an undefeated season though..."
Commish says: If you survive this, then survive on the Jags, I expect a username change: Bobbo Balloons Breathes Big Bobby Bottles Bubbles Bro
THIS WEEK AT THE NORWOODS'
Long the First Family of BFIG Commenting, Rob and Paige have never met a laughably absurd and questionably relevant analogy they didn't love.
@crashfu14 (Patriots): "I'd like to know what happened to @TebowPlaysBaseballNow, or more specifically to her now potentially late husband Danny. He of the Week 1, "you need to switch your pick from the Ravens to the Saints or I'll divorce you" bit. What better way to ruin a honeymoon in Malaysia? It turns out that British Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin mic-dropped Danny over 100 years ago when he said, "I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason." *thump*"
Commish says: *Clap* *Clap* *CLAP* *CLAP* CLAP!!!* I would also like a report. A post-mortem? An obituary? I'll stop.
Paige's partner in commenting crime, Rob, lost in the Week 1 Saints massacre. He'll be back in Week 5, when BFIG Second Chance kicks off. (Get in if you haven't already!)
MORE PICK COMMENTS
@aphawkin (Browns): "This year, I said I was in it to win it. As Bruce Arians so elegantly stated, you got to risk it for the biscuit! It makes me happy to know that all of Cleveland will celebrate me moving on to week 4 by getting smashed on fridges of free Bud Light. "
Commish says: This week's t-shirt!! Front: BROWNS in BFIG ... Back: GOTTA RISK IT FOR THE BISCUIT!!! #BLLME
@dgsaites (Vikings): "How is Clay Matthews supposed to stop himself. mid-air. He set that asshole Kirk Cousins down like a mother sets a baby in a crib. Haiku. “Tired of these bullshit calls. Rather watch curling. Go f***ing pack go.” Anyway I picked the Vikings. "
Commish says: Any haiku that ends in "Go f***ing Pack Go" earns automatic entry into the Haiku Hall of Fame. You're damn right I'm the curator.
@StickItUpYourVassar (Vikings): "Today's text message with my husband (@kissmyvassar) - Me: Are the Bills that bad? Him: I think so. Me: So Minnesota at home is a decent pick? Him: Against who. Bills? Me: Yes Him: Hell yea. (I didn't really need him to tell me the Bills are THAT bad and that Minnesota is a solid pick. I just wanted him to still feel a part of the group after he picked Washington in Week 2)."
Commish says: Do you have a kid, and are they in BFIG? Is their username @Vassarhats? Do you have another kid, and are they in BFIG? Is their username @KobeHowsMyVassarTaste?
@KyleCorto (Vikings): "If the Vikings lose, I'll jump through a table...."
Commish says: BFIG rule #3: If Commish prints it, it must happen. Who's friends with Corto? I need a witness.
@jrcame12 (Vikings): "retiring at halftime is just the most bills thing ever"
Commish says: Almost. We'd need footage of him table slamming in the parking lot during the second half for this to be THE most Bills thing ever.
@bigzoo24 (Vikings): "How easy? BFIG is never easy, beware "
Commish says: This man has seen the survivor gods. This man knows the survivor gods.
@dmagrude (Vikings): "Now is NOT the time to get cute... When Vegas hands you a 16.5 point favorite in week 3, you take the 16.5 point favorite in week 3. When BFIG hands you a team who's player retired at halftime, you pick against the team who's player retired at halftime. When Kirk hands you a BLL, you drink that BLL."
Commish says: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT YOU DRINK IT
@jasonslutzky (Vikings): "For the past two weeks I've found the matchup where a heavy home favorite was shutout at halftime only to score an extra point enough to win by one at the end of the game. I clearly suck at this and am due to get eliminated. 6800 person pool but naturally its all about me. If my luck has run out then... I hate the Vikings. I Hate Kirk (pause) Cousins even more. I'd be totally happy if Dan Bailey missed 4 kicks and Kirk (mocking pause) Cousins actually got roughed through the ground or gets his hand stepped on this week and I take my talents to the 2nd chance pool. Go Bills! PS having your kid's first name end in the same consonant sound as the start of your last name is pure stupidity. That pause you get between the kirk and the cousins is not respect it is mocking his stupid parents. "
Commish says: Every year, we get a new villain that someone in this pool absolutely hates and the rest of us don't quite get why. Welcome, Jason and Kirk Cousins, everyone!!
@robbobobbo (Bears): "My wife is a lifelong Bears fan - it isn't easy having a Bears/Bills household. Typically one team is thoroughly mediocre while the other one is regularly featured in Simmons Poop-fecta. One of us gets to hope for a longshot wildcard pick while the other one sobs into their 10am beer. After enduring some truly terrible Bears seasons, Theresa's Bears have finally picked up the the Mantle of Mediocrity! They're playing to their ancestral strengths - a really good defense paired with a bearly passable offense, and they looked good last week. She hasn't been this excited for football since their receivers were so incredible that they made Josh McCown look like a starting QB. What I'm trying to say is that under no circumstances is Theresa to be made aware that I'm betting on Chicago, condemning them to a loss against Sammy Bradford this week and condemning me to cry into my beer alone next week."
Commish says: We need "last 10 years X/Y rankings" -- who's gonna do it? Bears/Bills is up there. Browns/Bengals is up there. Let's see some submissions!
@TheGMs_Fiancee (Bears): "Commish - I wanted to pick the browns I really did, but boy o boy that kicker... now all my faith has to go to the bears. rrrRRRaaaWWRrrr!"
Commish says: Hey, @TheGMs_SoonToBeWife, why don't you grow some Moxie?
@jharlan628 (Bears): "I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT THAN EVERYONE WHO PICKS THE VIKINGS"
Commish says: YOU DID IT I LOVE YOU
@Bukjuan (Vikings): "First of all, there's nothing that would ruin my season more than having my beloved Vikings eliminate me from the BFIG pool and force me into drinking Bud Light Limes for the rest of my life. I've already declared the Bills as this year's Browns, so I'm going to ride the Bills Mafia to $50,000. Seriously Commish, how crazy was that Vikings-Packers game??"
Commish says: It was crazy? How so? I mean, there were no ridiculous roughing the passer penalties or anything, and the Packers held on after a milquetoast comeback attempt by Kirk.
@SassyPuppies (Vikings): "Mike McCarthy left the 29-29 tie last week sad, emotional, even a bit angry. But most importantly, hungry! The extra 10 min of game time, really cut into his post game slob and glob at Golden Corral. You could see from the sidelines, he was already thinking about that thick cut ham off the bone. Coach knows you gotta get to GC before the line is too long. In the end, Big Mike got his fix. But, stayed a little longer than normal in order to fill up. That made his film review time, a big long nap. "
Commish says: I'd just like to report that, every week, @Sassypuppies' pick comment is about how much Mike McCarthy eats. You might think I don't notice, Puppies. I do. And I told the survivor gods.
@Lubyland (Vikings): "In Norse mythology, the number 3 has profound importance. Odin and his two brothers, Vili and Ve, were the THREE sons of Borr who created the world and gave life to the first human beings. Odin spent THREE nights with the giantess Gunnlod in order to obtain the mead of poetry. She then allowed him to take THREE drinks of the mead, one from each of THREE vessels. Based on that research, it is painfully obvious that I have to pick the Vikings in week THREE. Now I'm off to find THREE vessels of mead before kickoff......"
Commish says: In Norse mythology, where is Lubyland?
@quicksilver87 (Bears): "I am a huge fan of continuous improvement. I hate losing more than I like winning and feel that if I'm not getting better, I'm getting worse. Here in week 3, I find myself reflecting on all that happened in 2017 to draw inspiration to improve my weekly survivor pick selections. Mugabe was ousted from Zimbabwe. A new POTUS entered the office, whose skin tone can be used to teach children what happens when you mix red and yellow together. Marijuana lit up (sort of) legally in CA. The stock market heated up. So did the globe. North Korea did some crazy stuff. China's President Xi Jinping said some great stuff. Change is clearly upon us, some for better and some for worse. Then Sir McCartney's lyrics enter my brain: "When you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say 'live and let live' - But if this ever-changing world in which we’re living makes you give in and cry, say live and let die." In this ever-changing NFL climate, McCartney's sage-like lyrics remind us to cast-out our naivete, summon our killer instinct, and do our best for our own benefit, regardless if our opponents suffer. And that's my game plan. This NFL season is already insane. The world is a crazy place rife with change. But one universal constant remains: soaking oneself in a sensory deprivation tank filled with BLL is the optimal environment to select survivor picks. Enter tank -> exit tank -> pick GB -> Rodgers saves me week 1. Enter tank -> exit tank -> pick DEN -> Denver scares the crap out of me week 2 but I come away with a 'W'. Week 3: repeat process. Let's go back to the midwest, where the "farmers' daughters make you feel alright" and the Bears have a nice spread against a Cardinals' team with a -52 point differential. God bless this thing we do each week."
Commish says: We have our weekly t-shirt, and I think we also have our weekly "Giant cursive in blank ink on papyrus" - best either hung across your garage or wrapped around your dining room chandelier. "Soaking oneself in a sensory deprivation tank filled with BLL is the optimal environment to select survivor picks"
@Whackamole (Bears): "Replay of Bears/Cards 2006. "They are who we thought they were" defense outscores offense in a "damn shame what they did to Bradford" game. "
Commish says: Bold. BOLD. Let's all pour out a BLL for Denny Green.
@misterfurnace (Browns): "I CANNOT believe that I am picking the Browns to WIN! If I make it through to week 4, spread the word that I'm gunning for the grand prize."
Commish says: What on Earth were you doing for the first three weeks?
@Jasinators (Bears): "Continuing the momentum, since last year I lost with no comment and this year I've made 2 comments and won 2 weeks so it must be a thing. How are you doing commish? Tell me about your life outside of being commish. What is your plan for the weekend? How was your summer? Do you think I'll make it to week 4?"
Commish says: My puppy bit my hand twice today, then lunged at my crotch. Thanks for asking about my life!
@chulse22 (Browns): "Gotta risk it for the biscuit - LFG BROWNS!!!!"
Commish says: Is LFG really a thing? Actually, I take that back. Doesn't matter. LFGFGG!!!!!!!
@YesThereIsAnS (Browns): "what do you get when you cross a brand new place kicker with the youngest starting qb's first primetime game? The first Lake Erie victory since two Christmases ago. Yea that's right I'm throwin this down. Go big or go home, baby! Or to the 2nd chance pool. wtvskis."
Commish says: What's worse? Your usage of "wtvskis" while picking the Browns, or that I knew what "wtvskis" was?
@spicymilk (Jaguars): "Please note, I let @OJ4MVP write this comment for me in exchange for alcohol. @aweb35 this pick is for you. That being said... @spicymilk and @OJ4MVP power couple! @purplepanda and @aweb35 not so much!"
Commish says: What do you call your entire crew? What do you call the traveling trophy for who makes it farthest in BFIG? I need answers.
@Chelseyyy3 (Jaguars): "I have no idea what I’m doing here. My boyfriend and all of his friends are out and somehow I am still in ♀"
Commish says: Whatever you say, Chelsey. See you in Week 17.
@xytgeist (Browns): "Oh no. What am I doing?!"
Commish says: STRIVING FOR THE BELT ON THE WINGS OF 10,000 BROWNS
@nickymattz (Vikings): "Why don’t Vikings eat cereal? Every time they get close to a bowl, they choke. "
Commish says: OH NO HE DIDN'T!
@Cupcake95 (Eagles): "FLY MY PRETTY FLY FLY!"
Commish says: Yup, we're getting close.
@NotoriousBOG (Vikings): "I never really looked closely at the Bills logo and now that I did, like any self respecting gentleman with a smartphone and too much time on the throne, I decided it makes no goddam sense!"
Commish says: Getting closer...
@aross13 (Jaguars): "Come on big Blakey make me a winner!!! Me love me some hot Blakey B!"
Commish says: Annnnnd that'll do it for this week. Good luck, everyone!